Chapter 21 Notes: Thanks so much to all the readers and the incredibly kind and generous reviewers who are still following this story. I didn't expect A Hard Knock Life to go on as long as it has, and I'm very flattered that people are still with me. :) I have a few more story ideas to cover in Stars Hollow, too, so I'm not sure how long it will end up. The boys are heading off to Stars Hollow in this chapter and the next one will start off there.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls
Jess surveyed the motel room with mixed feelings. He was glad that they'd be out of this dump in a few hours. He hated making Jeremy live in a motel room, in an unsafe neighborhood, without any real privacy or home cooked meals. The whole experience gave him unwelcome flashbacks to the few times in his childhood that he and Liz had been 'between apartments' and resorted to long term stays in motel. He was grateful that they would be in Luke's apartment by the end of the day. In a real home, where he could cook dinner for Jeremy and do the laundry whenever he wanted, without having to spend two hours in a sketchy laundromat. But, at the same time, he recognized that this room, as pathetic as it was, might be the last place he would live on his own dime, supporting himself like an adult, possibly for a long while. And as sad as their situation was right now, Jess wasn't dependent on anyone else. Jess knew that being able to live rent-free at Luke's was a gift he should grateful for, and he was, knowing that not everyone had the luxury to fall back on family like he did. Thinking about how alone Jeremy would be right now if he and Jess hadn't found each other impressed that upon him everyday. But, it still felt like he had failed at life and was crawling back home to try to put his life back together again. The motel room was bleak and terrible in its own way, but it had felt like a temporary way station. Moving back to Stars Hollow felt more like defeat.
After Jess had dropped Jeremy off at school for a short day to take his last two exams, Jess had come back to the motel and packed their things. It had taken about five minutes. He had kept the brown paper bags from his last couple of trips to the grocery store and filled two with the few pieces of clothes they owned that they weren't currently wearing. Another bag held Winston's food, treats and poop bags along with other things that Jess didn't want to waste, like the half full package of napkins, the leftover plastic utensils, the unfinished jar of peanut butter, and a couple of cans of chili that they never got to. The fourth bag contained their toiletries and the one replacement phone charger that they were currently sharing. And that was it. All their worldly possessions in the form of four shopping bags and one dog bed that Jess would carry out to the car and lay in the backseat for Winston. Jeremy had his laptop and backpack with him at school and Jess had been wearing the watch Luke gave him since the day it had been recovered from the apartment, feeling anxiety at the idea of taking it off and leaving it lying around. Jess thought about how Jeremy had arrived at his apartment all those months ago. He remembered being sad at the idea that everything Jeremy owned had fit into one half-full grey trash bag. And it horrified him to think that the boy owned even less now.
Jess was ready to hit the road, but he still had three hours to kill before he could pick up Jeremy from his exams. He didn't want to load the car before they were ready to leave. He didn't trust this neighborhood. They didn't have much, but he knew it would really send him over the edge if someone broke into his car and stole the little they had left. He crouched down in front of Winston, running his hand down the dog's back. "What do you think, little guy? You ready to get out of this place?" The dog cocked his head to one side at Jess's voice. "You think you're going to like living in Stars Hollow? You can hang out with your cousin, Paul Anka. Won't that be fun?" Jess's phone buzzed on the table, and he gave Winston one last pat. "Excuse me for a minute, boy." He got up quickly and grabbed for his phone, hoping it was Jeremy's social worker, or former social worker now that he was eighteen he supposed, returning his call from Monday. He looked at the screen and sighed. Luke.
"Hey, Luke." Jess put on a cheerful voice for his uncle, so the man wouldn't worry about him. "How's it going? You ready to have two free-loading moochers moving in? Three if you count the little furball."
Luke laughed, and Jess knew his uncle didn't need to fake his good mood. Even when things were shitty, Jess liked knowing how happy Luke always was to talk to him. It was no small thing to have someone who loved him and always made him feel wanted. He hoped he made Jeremy feel like this. "I'm definitely ready! I'm excited for you guys to get here."
"Well, that makes one of us!" Jess said with exaggerated enthusiasm.
Luke chuckled. "I know you don't want to be moving back here, Jess. I do realize that. And, I'm sorry for everything that's happened to get you to this point. But, I'm still looking forward to having you guys here. I think it will be good for Jeremy to get to spend some time around the rest of his family before he heads off to college in the fall. I think it will be good for all of us." Jess felt the frenetic thrumming in his mind pushing itself to the forefront of his attention at the mention of college, knowing his life would only get emptier when he lost Jeremy and that as of right now, he had no way to pay for college. "I'm really looking forward to getting to spend more time with my great-nephew. I know Stars Hollow might seem boring to him once he gets settled in because he's used to the city and everything, but I've been making a list of all these things we can do together as a family. Did you know they opened a bowling alley in Woodbury a couple of years ago? Everyone likes bowling, right? Then there's the tree lighting ceremony in the town square, and the winter carnival in January. And, Rory is already talking about wanting to take Leelee to some of the art museums in Hartford in the next few months. She's been reading all this stuff online about how babies need to start looking at art early to help their brains form and make them smarter or something, I don't know, she can explain it better. But, she thought Jeremy might like to do that with us. Oh, and you have to let me know what he wants for Christmas-"
"Luke."
"I already got him a birthday present, but now I'm out of ideas, so I'm going to need your help for Christmas-."
"Luke!" Jess cut in more firmly, knowing it could be difficult to stop Luke when he got fixated on something.
"What? What's the matter?"
"Jeremy isn't going to be able to do those things. At least not for the first month that he's in Stars Hollow, anyway. After that, you can drag him all over Connecticut if he wants to go."
"What are you talking about? Is he ok? Is he sick?" Jess could hear the concern in Luke's voice and it felt comforting and exhausting at the same time.
"He's fine. He's grounded for a month, starting today. But, otherwise he's fine." Jess was starting to feel self-conscious about Jeremy's punishment. The boy's month sentence felt longer now that he'd told someone else. He didn't want Luke, who had never actually punished him for any of his own teenage transgressions, to think he was being too hard on Jeremy. He tried to remind himself that it had been Jeremy's choice.
"Grounded? What do you mean?" Luke sounded genuinely confused. "Jeremy's such a good kid. Why would you ground him?"
Jess felt himself getting defensive that Luke was taking Jeremy's side without knowing any of the facts. "Oh, gee, I don't know. Maybe because he went to New York with his girlfriend without telling me last Monday and didn't come home until three a.m. And, in case you're wondering, no, three a.m. is not his curfew."
Luke was quiet for a moment. "Oh, wow. He went to New York without telling you? Why would he do a thing like that?"
"Well, his official reason was because he thought I would say no if he asked me."
"I meant, why did he go to New York?"
"He went to New York with Melissa to see her sister's band play. Then when he got home at three a.m., have I mentioned the three a.m. part yet, he had the nerve to tell me he had been at her house all night. He claimed they fell asleep watching a movie, which I knew was a load of shit because I'd gone over there to pick him up at ten, his actual curfew, and no one was home."
"Oh, jeez. I can't believe he lied on top of everything." Luke sounded so disappointed that Jess was starting to feel bad for giving him the details.
"Yeah. It sucked." Jess considered telling Luke about their confrontation in the motel room when Jeremy had come home, but he was too ashamed of his behavior to feel comfortable sharing that. He knew that Luke's disappointment would be redirected at him if he knew how Jess had yelled at Jeremy and gotten up in his face like he had, and he wasn't sure he could take that right now. He already felt so stressed today. He didn't need guilt piled on top of that. "And, I wasn't going to ground him for that long, but he asked if we could postpone his punishment until we left Philly so that he could spend his last few days here with Melissa, so I gave him the choice, two weeks starting last week or a month starting today, when we get to Connecticut. And, he chose the month in Connecticut."
"Hmm. Well, that was very generous and understanding of you."
"What can I say? I'm a generous and understanding guy."
"That you are, nephew. How is Jeremy taking being grounded?"
"I don't know. He seems fine with it now. He didn't fight me on the idea of it, but it hasn't started yet. He might be less cooperative once he's stuck cooped up in your apartment for a month."
"Huh. That's a good point. So, what about his birthday dinner on Friday night? Are you guys still coming over for that?" "And, Christmas! He's allowed out for Christmas, right?" Jess heard the concern in Luke's voice and it made him feel bad that Luke believed he could be cruel enough to not let Jeremy celebrate his birthday or Christmas.
Jess sighed. "Yeah, I already told him that you were planning something for his birthday and that he was allowed out of the apartment for that. And, of course, he can still have Christmas. I'm not that much of an asshole. But, nothing else for a month. I'm serious about that, Luke."
"And maybe Christmas Eve, since we usually do a family dinner then, and bake Christmas cookies and stuff?"
"We'll see, but, yeah, probably. I don't want him to miss out on family stuff since it's his first holiday with us. But, that's it."
"Ok. Ok."
"I mean it. I don't need you undermining me with Jeremy because you feel sorry for him. I don't care how cute and sad he might look. He brought this on himself."
"You're being dramatic, nephew. I'm not going to undermine anything. What do you think I'm going to do, sneak him out of the apartment when you're not looking and fly him to Vegas for the weekend?"
"I'm being serious here."
"I get it. I'm not going do anything."
"And, he's probably going to be embarrassed about it, so maybe don't say anything to him, either."
"So, I should cross 'taunting my great-nephew' off my to do list, too? Jess, you're worrying too much about this."
"And, can you please tell Lorelai and Rory not to say anything to him either."
"Oh, c'mon, Jess. They aren't going to tease him about it. Lorelai is a lot more mature than you give her credit for."
"You know how she is, Luke. Lorelai has no filter, and she thinks everything she says is funny and charming. I don't want her making Jeremy uncomfortable."
"I will let them know not to mock Jeremy, too."
"Thank you. I appreciate that."
"So, can Jeremy come down to the diner, or is he not allowed to eat while he's grounded?"
"Luke…..." Jess sighed like a parent dealing with an exasperating child.
There were both silent for a minute and then Jess heard Luke chuckling quietly.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. It's just…..." Jess could hear the teasing in Luke's voice. "You've turned into this mature and responsible adult. And, now you're a single parent. By choice. It's just not anything I would have seen coming when you were younger."
"Yep, that's me. A mature and responsible adult with no home, no job and about three thousand dollars to my name."
"Hey." Luke's voice was softer now. "That stuff's not everything. What you're doing with Jeremy, taking care of him, giving him a family. That matters, too. I know this has been a really rough year for you, Jess, but I've never been prouder of you than I have been these past few months."
Jess huffed out a laugh and instantly deflected. "You should really work on those low standards of yours, Luke. They can get you into all sorts of trouble."
Luke chuckled. "All right. I get it. You don't want to hear it." Luke paused. "Oh, hey, I have news that you will want to hear. I have a surprise for you guys-"
Jess's phone buzzed and he looked at the screen and saw 'Garcia.' "Luke, I need to go, that's Jeremy's social worker and I need to talk to her about something. See you in a few hours, ok?"
"Ok, Jess. Drive safe."
"I will. Bye."
Jess ended the call with Luke and picked up with the social worker, hoping she would be able to help him.
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A couple of hours later, Jess was sitting in his car across the street from the high school waiting for Jeremy to come out. He had loaded the bags into the trunk, checked out of the motel and settled Winston in the backseat in his dog bed. He felt irritated and stressed about the move. It's not that he had been in denial exactly about moving home. He'd obviously known it was coming. But the reality of the situation was smacking him in the face especially hard right about now. He was moving back to Stars Hollow at thirty-three years old to freeload off his uncle while he got his shit together. He had been in stress mode for weeks now, but as much as he was grateful to be moving into Luke's apartment and relieving some of the financial stress that he was currently drowning in, he was already getting worried about becoming complacent there. Rory had 'temporarily' moved back in with Luke and Lorelai over a year ago and as far as he knew, she had no plans to move out anytime soon. Rory, who had considerable family money along with her baby's father being straight-up one percenter rich, had gotten comfortable in Stars Hollow, writing for the local paper, and letting Lorelai and Luke take care of her. She at least had a new baby to blame her life choices on and a book to work on. He didn't want to fall into the same trap. He tried, unsuccessfully, to quiet his mind as he waited.
Jess saw Jeremy walking behind a throng of other kids, holding hands with a pretty, dark haired girl that had to be Melissa. The couple stopped off to the side, a few feet outside the school gate, and turned toward each other. Melissa reached out for Jeremy's other hand, and standing on the tips of her toes, she leaned in for a kiss. Even with the other kids milling around them, Jess felt as if he was spying on a private moment. But, he didn't look away. He watched their lips moving as the spoke, saw the sad expression on Jeremy's face, and the small encouraging smile on Melissa's. They hugged for a few moments. Melissa pulled back first with a sad smile. She rested one gloved hand on the side of Jeremy's face, and leaned in for a quick kiss before she turned and walked away.
Jess watched his son stare after her for a moment before getting his bearings and looking around. The boy spotted Jess's car and started walking over, his head hanging slightly. Jess felt bad for Jeremy that they couldn't stay. He knew how intense puppy love could be. He could still remember how he felt leaving Rory's dorm room at Yale, broken hearted and hopeless, after a failed attempt to get her to run off to New York with him for the summer because he had honestly believed he would never be able to feel good again without her. He figured this would be a long drive to Connecticut.
Jeremy pulled open the door and lowered himself into the passenger seat.
"Hey, Jeremy. How did your last two exams go?"
"They were fine." The boy gave Jess a small smile and then turned to Winston, who was standing up in the backseat, wagging his tail and yelping in his excitement to see Jeremy. "Hey, boy. How're you doing? You got your little bed back there and everything, huh-"
Jess started to pull away from the curb, when he Jeremy stopped speaking. The boy turned and leaned further into the backseat, his body lifting off the front seat cushion. "Jeremy, sit back down and put your seat belt on, please."
"Jess, Winston isn't wearing a safety harness."
"What?" Jess was distracted as he navigated the car past the high school, stopping for teenage pedestrians milling in the street. "Jeremy sit down."
"A safety harness." Jeremy repeated slowly, his upper body still wedged between the front seats as he searched around the backseat. "Don't we have one?"
"Uh, no. I guess I never bought a new one. We'll pick one up when we get to Stars Hollow."
Jeremy turned around and sat back down in his seat, the annoyance clear on his face as he looked at Jess. "When we get to Stars Hollow? That's like four hours away? Winston can't ride in the car all that time without a safety harness!"
Jess sighed, surprised at how irritated he felt. "Jeremy-"
"We need to stop at Petco and get one."
"It's not really on the way to the highway." Jess was feeling stressed and he really just wanted to get on the highway and get this drive over with. "And, he's in the backseat. That's the safest place for babies and dogs, right?"
"Are you serious? Being safer than he'd be in the front seat doesn't mean he's actually safe!"
Jess was getting annoyed that the traffic wasn't moving. He could feel his stress building, the familiar frenetic pulsing in his head playing accompaniment. He felt distracted. "Uh, didn't dogs ride in cars for decades before safety harnesses were invented? I'm sure he'll be fine."
"That isn't safe." Jeremy insisted. "Dogs also used to be tied up outside in the cold and fed leftover table scraps. Should we just do that, too, if it's more convenient for you, Jess?" There was a nasty emphasis on the last sentence that Jess really didn't appreciate. The way Jeremy had said his name had reminded him of the way his teenage self used to say 'Liz,' loading the word with disdain and condescension, and it immediately rubbed him the wrong way.
Jess knew he was in the wrong. He should have thought of the safety harness this morning, when he was done packing and had had a few hours to kill before they left. He knew if something happened, if they got into an accident and Winston was hurt or killed in the collision, the fact that Petco wasn't on the way to the highway was not going to feel like a defensible reason for not having Winston in a safety harness. But, Jeremy's attitude was getting on his nerves. And Jess chose to make that the issue and deflect from his own failure to safeguard his most vulnerable family member.
"You need to watch your attitude, Jeremy. Do you hear me? I'm really not in the mood for this right now."
Jess glanced over at Jeremy, who was looking at him with hurt and surprise on his face. This wasn't how they spoke to each other. "What's your problem?" The boy asked. "Why are you being like this?"
Jess was stopped at a red light at the far end of the high school campus, and he used the opportunity to look at Jeremy. He took a deep breath and kept his voice calm. "Jeremy, I know you're upset about leaving Melissa, but that doesn't mean I'm going to put up with your shit-"
"Put up with my shit?" Jeremy's voice was high with incredulity and righteous angry. "You're the one who's refusing to get a safety harness for Winston! Do you seriously not care if anything happens to him?"
"Of course, I do!" Jess's voice was raising in volume, getting deeper as he got angrier in contrast to Jeremy's. "You're making a big deal about nothing! Winston's going to be fine." Jess didn't know why he was digging in his heels like this. Logically, he knew that Jeremy was right, and that there was no guarantee that Winston would be fine. He usually hated the inherently flawed and sentimental logic of someone saying something was going to be fine, without any real proof. But, somehow winning this argument felt more important than making sense. "You need to calm the fuck down and put your own seat belt on. Right now." Even as he listened to his own words, Jess recognized that he was the one who needed to calm down.
Jess watched as Jeremy's eyes got damp. Shit, he really didn't want to deal with Jeremy crying right now. How had this situation gotten so out of control in the five minutes it had taken them to sit in traffic for two city blocks? Jess took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but before he could speak, Jeremy had opened the passenger door and gotten out of the car.
Fuck. "Jeremy!" Jess yelled, but the only response he got was the slamming of the car door. "Jeremy, get the fuck back in here!" Before Jess could free himself from his own seat belt and go after him, to do what exactly he wasn't sure, he heard the door to the backseat open and turned to watch the boy get back in the car next to Winston. He didn't realize the light had changed until he heard angry honking behind him. He drove through the intersection, fuming. "Don't you ever do that again, Jeremy! Do you hear me? Don't you ever get out of a car in traffic, like that. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?" He tried to make eye contact in the rear-view mirror, but the boy wouldn't look up.
"Probably not as dangerous as Winston being in the car for four hours without a seat belt." Jeremy's voice was lower now, more hurt than angry.
"Jeremy-"
"If you won't stop and get one, I'm going to ride back here so that I can hold him in case we get in an accident." The boy paused. "Is that ok?"
Jess heard the question for the concession it was. He listened to the boy sniffle in the backseat. He wasn't crying, but he was visibly upset. Jess thought about the emotional day Jeremy was already having, leaving his familiar school and his first real girlfriend. Jess felt a wave of shame at having not met Jeremy's attitude over Winston's safety with more self-control and compassion.
Jess sighed. "That's fine. You're right. Winston should be wearing a seat belt, too. We'll stop at Petco."
"Thank you." Jeremy's voice was so soft it was barely audible.
"I'm sorry I yelled." Jess breathed deeply, trying to make himself relax, or at least unclench. "I've been feeling pretty stressed today about the move, and everything else, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
Jess watched Jeremy in the rear-view mirror, his head leaning against the top of the seat back, his face angled up toward the ceiling, one hand petting Winston's back. He watched the boy nod slowly, looking wiped out.
"It's ok. I'm sorry, too." Jeremy sniffled again, then was quiet for a moment. "I know it's stupid because it probably wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway, but I'm really going to miss Melissa. I already do."
Jess put on his blinker and turned left toward Petco instead of right toward the highway. "It's not stupid. Do you want to talk about it?"
Jess sighed as he watched the boy shake his head wordlessly in the rear-view mirror. He got it. He wouldn't want to talk to him right now either if he were Jeremy.
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Half an hour later, they were walking out of Petco with a new safety harness and a silence that felt less tense than the one they had driven over with. Jess ripped the plastic tags off the harness as Jeremy got Winston back in the car, the boy leaning into the backseat to help the dog get situated. Jess handed the harness to Jeremy when the boy stood back up, and he moved to walk around the car to the driver's side before Jeremy's voice stopped him.
"Hey, Jess." It sounded hesitant, but hopeful. And adorably young and vulnerable.
"Yeah?" Jess tried his best to sound on the friendly side of neutral, wanting to meet Jeremy where he was now and let go of their earlier conflict in the car.
"If you want to wait a few minutes to start driving, I can get Winston harnessed into the backseat and then come sit up front. I mean, if you want me up there with you…."
Jess smiled warmly at his son. "Of course, I want you with me. I always want that. I was starting to feel like an Uber driver on the way here." Jess patted the shoulder of Jeremy's peacoat as he walked by on his way around the car, turning to call over the roof to Jeremy, who was still standing there, holding the harness, with a smile on his face. "But, if you get out of the car like that again, I'm going to make you ride in the trunk."
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Jeremy watched the Welcome to Connecticut sign get bigger and closer, until they passed it. He snuck a glance at his foster father to see if he had any reaction to it. Jess was staring out the windshield, one hand on the top of the steering wheel, looking closer to relaxed than Jeremy had seen him during the whole ride.
"We're officially in Connecticut." Jeremy said.
"Yes, we are."
"So, I guess I'm grounded now, huh?" Jeremy tried to sound nonchalant, as if he were unphased by the prospect of spending the next month trapped in the apartment over the diner instead of secretly hoping that once Jess had had time to think it over, he would have taken pity on him and relented.
"That was the deal." Jess acknowledged, not unkindly.
Jeremy frowned, disappointed. It they were actually going to go through with this, he at least wanted to talk to Jess about it first to try to minimize the embarrassment as much as possible. "We don't need to mention it to Luke and everybody, do we? I mean, would it be all right if we just kept it between us?"
Jeremy felt Jess glance at him, but he kept his eyes straight ahead on the highway beyond the car, knowing this conversation would be embarrassing enough without eye contact.
"Don't you think they should know?" Jess asked. "I know Luke's really excited to spend time with you. If you don't want to see him, but he doesn't know why, he'll think you're blowing him off."
"I guess. But, it's just so….embarrassing."
"Hey. It's not that big a deal." Jess was frowning with concern.
"It feels like a big deal. They're going to think I'm a jerk when they know what I did." Jeremy felt more embarrassment at the prospect of Luke and everyone else knowing that Jess was disciplining him like a little kid than he did about them knowing what he had done to earn the punishment, but he saw playing up his guilt over his own actions as a possibly more effective way to soften Jess.
"No, they won't. They already know that you're not a jerk. They care about you too much to ever think that." Jess's voice was full of warm reassurance and it made Jeremy feel a little guilty for trying to manipulate him. "They'll think you're human and that you made a mistake and you're being punished for it."
"They'll think I'm selfish and ungrateful for lying to you and making you worry about me after everything you've done for me."
Jess scoffed. "I think you might be being a little dramatic."
"I'm serious. I'm pretty sure I'll shrivel up and die of embarrassment if they know."
Jess laughed. "Ok, now, you're really being dramatic! Sometimes kids make bad decisions and get grounded. They understand that."
"Yeah, but I'm eighteen. It's humiliating to be grounded at eighteen."
"Oh, c'mon! Is being grounded really that embarrassing? It's not like I spanked you."
"Jeez!" Jeremy felt his face warming and knew he must be blushing. He could see Jess grinning at him out of the corner of his eye as he kept focused straight ahead, bringing one hand up over his eyes for protection. He heard Jess laugh. "That's so not funny."
"It's a little funny." Jess chuckled. "And, my point stands. It could be worse."
"Fine. You're right." Jeremy's hand was cupped around the side of his left eye and forehead, providing what he hoped was a casual looking protective barrier between himself and his foster father. Jeremy listened to Jess's quiet chuckling. He felt Jess's hand on the skin of his exposed wrist, just past his coat sleeve, gently tugging his hand away from his face, before releasing him.
"Jeremy, I'm going to drop a little life wisdom on you right now." Jeremy heard the amusement in Jess's voice and he knew he was in for more teasing. He knew he needed to learn to take it better. Jeremy forced down his right hand that had automatically gravitated up to his face when Jess had pulled at his left, but he still didn't look at Jess. "If you don't want to be messed with, you should try to be less fun to mess with."
Jeremy knew he was blushing again, but he didn't reach up to block his face. He knew Jess was joking around, but he knew there was truth in that statement, too. He thought about all the people in his past, from kids at school to the bullies at the group home, who had known the same thing that Jess did. That Jeremy was fun to mess with. He had always worn his hurt and embarrassment on his sleeve. And paid for it. The reminder hit Jeremy hard, but he wanted to act like a normal person about Jess's teasing and not let him know how much it had affected him. He didn't want to end up with Jess as one more person who saw him as weak and pathetic.
Jeremy forced his expression into what he hoped looked like a sarcastic smirk and kept his tone light. "Yeah, sure. Pick on the poor little foster kid with low self-esteem. That's real nice, Jess." Jeremy knew he hadn't played it off successfully, that he had instead shown his hand.
"Hey." Jess's voice was gentler now, almost coddling, the opposite of how Jeremy had wanted to make Jess act toward him. But, he had said the wrong thing, again, and now Jess felt like he had to comfort him like he would a pathetic little kid. "If that's how I saw you, I wouldn't mess with you at all. I only tease people I love who I think are tough enough to take it."
Jeremy didn't say anything, as old memories of being picked on and bullied ran through his mind, leaving him feeling subdued and deflated.
After a moment, Jess spoke. "To get back to your original question, Luke already knows that you're grounded and he's not going to say anything about it to make you feel uncomfortable. I warned him that you might be feeling…..sensitive about it."
The word sensitive got stuck in Jeremy's mind, and he felt even more embarrassed at the idea of Luke thinking he was such a loser that he needed to be treated with kid gloves to protect his feelings. It was bad enough that Jeremy had broken down and cried in front of him at the diner on Thanksgiving. Jeremy had started over so many times in his life, each with the hope that things would be different and better, that he'd be more accepted and not picked on. But, every time, things were the same. Because he was the same. He had convinced himself that everything had changed when he had been placed with Jess and found a forever family to love him. In the end though, he knew he was still stuck with who he had always been. A weak, pathetic person. Now, he was just a weak, pathetic person with a family. He wanted to be someone Jess could be proud of, not someone whose feelings he felt like he needed to walk on eggshells around.
"So, you have nothing to worry about. Ok?" Jess's question pulled Jeremy out of his thoughts. He looked out the window, trying to hide his feelings, not wanting to look ungrateful for the care Jess was showing him, even if it wasn't what he wanted.
"Yeah. Ok. Thanks."