Chapter 26 Notes: Christmas in Stars Hollow. Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. :) And, thank you for your suggestion, Pineapple Moon. I actually have something similar to what you described planned, but it might not show up for a few more chapters. I hope everyone had a lovely thanksgiving and thank you for sticking with my little story! :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.
Jess woke up on Christmas morning to the sound of banging. He couldn't place it, and he didn't want to. He just wanted it to go away. He pulled his pillow over his head and tried to block out the noise and return to sleep, but the sound was incessant. He finally gave up and got out of bed to investigate. He left his room just as Jeremy was coming out of his, Winston trailing behind him, both moving slowly and looking sleepy. "What is that?" Jeremy asked.
"I don't know. I think it's outside." Jess walked over to the window and looked down to the sidewalk in front of the diner below, where a tall thin man was methodically knocking the side of his mittened fist against the diner door in the just fading dark of the early morning. "Fucking Kirk!"
Jeremy walked over to join Jess at the window and peered out. "What do you think he wants? Can't he tell the diner's closed?"
Jess sighed. "He doesn't have a very good grasp of the obvious." Jess rapped sharply on the window with his knuckles and Kirk stopped knocking and looked up. Kirk acknowledged Jess with a wave, his expression blank, and then refocused on the door and went back to knocking.
"Is he…..special?" Jeremy asked.
"That's one way to describe him." Jess sighed again. "I'm going to go down there. You guys go back to bed. I'll get rid of him." Jess cupped the back of Jeremy's neck with a palm and dropped a kiss on the kid's head. "Merry Christmas!"
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A few minutes later, clad in jeans, a sweatshirt and sneakers, Jess unlocked the diner door and pulled it open, Kirk's fist pausing in the air mid-knock.
"What the hell do you want Kirk? It's six a.m. on Christmas morning! The diner's closed today. Did you really need me to come downstairs and read the sign to you?" Jess was trying to keep his temper in check, because it was Kirk, and Jeremy's assessment about Kirk being special hadn't been that far off.
"My car needs a jump."
"So? What are you telling me for?" Jess was annoyed that Kirk thought his car needing a jump was emergency enough to rouse him from his warm bed so early in the morning.
Kirk frowned. "Because you're the one who answered the door. Who else would I tell?" Kirk shook his head slowly, brow furrowed. "And, Luke always said you were smart. I'm starting to think he was just being kind."
"Jeez, Kirk." Jess ran a hand across his face. "It's too early for this shit."
"I was looking for Luke." Kirk was craning his neck to look around Jess into the diner.
"Why?"
"Because he always helps me with my problems." Kirk stated it matter of factly, as if Jess should have known as much.
Jess was getting cold in front of the open door. He considered telling Kirk to come inside so he could close it, but he worried that would prolong the conversation.
"It's Christmas, Kirk. Luke is home with his family."
"Then maybe you could help me instead." Kirk stared at Jess, his face expressionless, and Jess could hear Matthew's voice in his head, asking how the blank-faced town simpleton was doing whenever Jess had returned to Philly after a visit to Stars Hollow. He snorted out an unexpected laugh.
Kirk expression shifted ever so slightly toward hurt and Jess instantly felt guilty. "Why is that funny?"
"It's not. I was just thinking of something else for a second." An idea hit Jess and he smiled broadly at Kirk, pulling the door open wider. "Of course, I can jump your car, Kirk. Come in for a minute while I grab my coat and my car keys." Kirk followed Jess into the diner. "I'm thinking maybe we can work out a little trade. I help you with this, and you do a favor for me in return. What do you think?"
"I'm not sure. It depends on what you have in mind." Jess heard the suspicion in Kirk's voice and it only made the situation more amusing for him. "Luke never makes me do anything for him when he helps me with my problems. And, I find that system works quite well."
"Well, we've already established that I'm not Luke." Jess tried not to laugh at the mental picture playing in his head of the payoff he'd get later in the day. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to run up and grab my stuff."
Jess turned and headed to the stairs. He heard Kirk's footsteps following closely behind him. "Wait down here, Kirk." He snapped over his shoulder at the other man, wondering how Luke had put up with this guy day in day out for so many years.
"Luke is much more of a morning person than you are."
"Thanks for the feedback." Jess responded as he pushed through the curtain and started up the stairs.
"And bring a shovel." Kirk called after him. "You're going to need it. Did I mention the snow bank?"
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A full forty-five minutes later, Jess returned to the apartment after helping Kirk jump his battery and shovel out his car. He let himself in the back way, leaving the shovel leaning against the outside wall on the top landing of the staircase and placing the wrapped package that he had bartered from Kirk for his services on the coffee table. He could already picture Luke's expression when he opened the copy of Taylor's book later that day. His uncle's outrage would make it worth almost a full hour spent with Kirk. Jess pulled off his outerwear, hanging his jacket and shoving his hat and gloves in the pockets, watching Jeremy move around at the stove as he made breakfast.
"Hey, I thought I told you two to go back to bed."
The boy turned from the stove with a smile. "You did."
"And, I thought I was in charge around here." Jess smiled warmly as he walked over to Jeremy, wanting to hug the boy but knowing his hands would still be cold from his time outdoors.
"You are. Mostly." Jess raised an eyebrow and Jeremy laughed. "But, Winston thought we were up for real, so he wanted to eat and go outside. And after being out in the cold, I was too awake to go back to bed. And, I figured you were still out in the cold and you would probably be hungry when you got back, so I thought I should make breakfast."
Jess felt a wave of parenting inadequacy smack him in the face. He had envisioned his first Christmas morning with Jeremy differently, with the boy waking up to an elaborate vegetarian brunch spread and a heap of sparkly wrapped presents. Even after everything that had happened, he had at least still wanted to make Jeremy breakfast, even if the 'heap of presents' in Jess's mind had been reduced to one $100 visa gift card. "I was going to do this for you, you know. I was planning on waking you up with the smell of veggie bacon and pancakes." Jess thought a minute. "Does veggie bacon even have an appetizing smell?" He had never used it before, but he had found some in the well-stocked fridge when they had moved in.
"I'm not sure. It probably smells like something, but I doubt it's a very bacon-like smell." Jeremy smiled at Jess. "It's ok that I made breakfast, though, right?" Jeremy's smile faltered a little.
"Yes, Jeremy. Of course, it's ok. It was very thoughtful of you." Some days Jeremy seemed more comfortable with Jess and some days Jess felt like the boy still needed constant reassurance that he was wanted and that he hadn't done anything wrong. He remembered Jeremy crying on Luke's shoulder in the diner kitchen on Thanksgiving, and he realized that Christmas would probably be a tough day, too. "And, I will never complain about anyone making me breakfast. Unless maybe it's Lorelai. I've only stayed at her house once, because the furnace broke in the diner and the apartment was freezing, and she woke me up by throwing a Poptart at me and yelling Bon Appetit."
Jeremy laughed. "Did you at least eat it to not be rude?"
Jess pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and washed his hands at the sink, using mostly hot water to warm them up. "If I recall correctly, Luke slapped my hand and took it away from me before I could even unwrap it."
Jeremy laughed. "I don't really have much in the way of a present for you, so I wanted to do something nice instead."
"You don't need to get me anything, Jeremy. Your money is for school. We've been through this."
"I know. And, I didn't spend any of it." Jeremy moved the spatula in the pan, keeping the scrambled eggs from sticking. "But, that's why I wanted to do this, too. There are pancakes and veggie sausage staying warm in the oven. I didn't start the eggs until I saw you walking up to the diner from the window."
"Sounds good. Anything I can do to help?"
"Uh, you can set the table if you want."
Jess nodded, wiping off his hands on a dish towel. "I can do that. But, I need to do this first." He gently pulled the boy away from the stove and and wrapped him in a hug against his chest, kissing the side of his son's head. "Merry Christmas, kid. I'm so glad you're here with me today."
Jeremy pulled back with a shy smile. "I'm glad I'm here with you, too. Merry Christmas." Jeremy turned back to the eggs on the stove.
Cognizant of the role reversal, Jess started on his assigned task and retrieved plates from the cabinet, resigning himself to eating a meal prepared by his kid with food paid for by his uncle. Sometimes it was hard to still feel like a productive adult.
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Jeremy watched Jess sitting on the couch, staring down at the piece of paper he held in both hands, gently, like it was something valuable. Jeremy was unsure what to make of Jess's silence. The whole thing had felt like a joke the first time around, something done casually and spontaneously. He wasn't sure if it was pathetic to pass it off as an actual gift. But, Jess had pretty much forbidden him from spending any of his money on Christmas, and that hadn't left him with a lot of options. But, he had been nervous as he had presented his artwork to Jess now, placed in the gift box he had received his shirt in from Rory, carefully re-wrapped with the same paper. He had found the construction paper and colored markers lying around in a drawer, probably left over from April or Doula. So, he hadn't spent a penny, just as he had promised Jess.
"I know it's pretty stupid….but, I thought since you lost the other one in the fire…..and you seemed to kind of like it…." Jeremy started worrying about the ridiculousness of his offering. Maybe Jess had been ok with hanging the last family portrait on the fridge in Philadelphia as a joke because it had just been the two of them there. Maybe he would be embarrassed to hang it up here, where Luke or April or someone could see it. Maybe Jeremy himself should have been embarrassed at that idea. The longer Jess sat in silence, looking at the stick figures representing him and Jess and the fat brown blob representing Winston, the more anxious Jeremy became. Just because something was funny or charming once, didn't mean it would be a second time. He had reversed the captions Jess had added to his drawing the last time, writing 'best dad ever' by the drawing of Jess and 'luckiest kid ever' above the picture of himself. Not wanting to leave Winston out, he had added 'best dog ever' near Winston's head.
"It's not stupid." Jess's voice was thick with emotion, and when he turned toward Jeremy, his eyes were shining. "I love this, Jeremy. I love this so much. I love you, and I love that I have this back." Jess gently placed the drawing on the coffee table in front of them and pulled the boy next to him into a hug. "Thank you."
Jeremy let himself relax a little as Jess held him, realizing his gift had gone over well after all. It was funny to him, how he could please Jess so much with so little.
Jess released Jeremy and pulled back from the hug, training his eyes on the drawing on the table. "But, something's wrong here." Jess's voice was low and hoarse. "I think you got the descriptions backwards, here and here." Jeremy watched Jess point to the words 'best' and 'luckiest.'
Jeremy shook his head, smiling. "Art is all about perspective. We learned that in my art history class. You can't say something's wrong just because the artist's perspective is different from yours."
Jess nodded solemnly. "Well, if you heard that at school, it must be true." Jeremy got the feeling that Jess was going for sarcasm, but it felt flat because his delivery was so choked up.
Jeremy watched Jess gently flip the paper upside down and grab a pencil off the coffee table and start to right on the bottom left corner, behind the rectangle of the building representing the diner and apartment, where his writing wouldn't show through on the front. When he was finished, he handed the paper back to Jeremy, his eyes damp, and his expression constrained, as if he were holding back real tears. Jeremy saw the day's date followed by the message: the first time my son called me dad - 'best present ever.'
Jeremy felt Jess pull his neck gently toward him and kiss the top of his head. Jeremy looked up at Jess, feeling emotional himself. He heard Jess sniffle once, and watched him get up from the couch, avoiding eye contact as he patted Winston's head where the dog lay on the floor and then paused to pat Eeyore's fuzzy blue head as he passed Luke's armchair, the stuffed donkey's home since they had returned from the mall the previous day, before disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Jeremy smiled at the gesture, knowing Jess's hasty retreat wasn't a rejection. That the man was just scared of not being able to hold it together in front of Jeremy. And, Jeremy got it. He'd been there lots of times, but usually with sad tears instead of happy ones. He smiled down at Jess's writing, thinking about how good it felt to have a real parent, one who loved him so much that he could be moved to tears by a thoughtful gift from him, like the parents he saw on television shows.
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Jess couldn't stand the sight of himself in the bathroom mirror, with tears welling pathetically in his eyes. He couldn't deal with what a wuss he was. He couldn't believe that his reaction to Jeremy calling him dad for the first time, even just in a drawing, had been to run crying from the room. Who did that? He thought back to all his own subtle references to being Jeremy's dad, calling himself the 'world's luckiest dad' in Jeremy's first drawing as signing his note to Jeremy with 'dad' when he had left the peacoat out for the boy, introducing himself as the boy's dad to the girls he had met in town, and the birthday card, that the good people at Hallmark had addressed to Jeremy as son on his behalf and that he had signed as 'dad'. He could think of several instances when he had used the term 'dad' in conversation with Jeremy, as in telling the boy that he wanted to be his dad, or already thought of himself as his dad, or that something he was doing came with the job description of being Jeremy's dad. But, never as a name that he wanted Jeremy to call him. He probably should have been more direct a long time ago, but he hadn't known how, and, if he was being honest with himself, he had been too scared of Jeremy's reaction to broach the subject with the boy. And, now Jeremy had thrown his own tactic back at him, throwing him for an emotional loop, and he had run out of the room like a skittish cat. He felt embarrassed and even more inadequate as a parent than usual. They needed to talk about this, as in have a real conversation. He needed to be the grown up here. And he needed to do it without embarrassingly puffy and red eyes. Jess sighed at his reflection, and turned away from the mirror to strip down for a shower. That would help.
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"So, uh…..I think we should talk." Jeremy looked up at Jess in response. They were sitting across from each other, at the table, wrapping presents before heading over to Luke and Lorelai's. Jeremy had been expecting Jess to start a conversation since the man had gotten out of the shower half an hour ago. He was ready for it.
"Ok. Can I go first?" Jeremy asked as he ripped off a piece of tape to seal the gift wrap on Rory's book.
Jess looked at him, the surprise clear on his face. Jeremy wasn't usually so direct, but after witnessing Jess's reaction to his drawing, he no longer had any reservations. He wanted to make this official. "Yeah, sure, Jeremy. Go ahead."
"I think I want to start calling you dad, if that's ok." It was the first time Jeremy could remember not feeling fearful of ridicule or rejection over anything this big. Even though it still sometimes felt surreal to Jeremy that he had a dad, a whole family, and that he was about to be adopted, this request somehow felt very normal and right.
When Jeremy looked up from the package he was wrapping, Jess was smiling warmly at him. "That's ok with me. It's more than ok. I would really love that."
"But, uh….." Jeremy hesitated a little. "Is it ok if we don't start today? Or if maybe, I don't do it at Luke and Lorelai's today?"
Jeremy watched Jess's smile dim momentarily and he felt like an asshole. Jess was giving him something that he had always dreamed of and he didn't want to mess it up, but he felt nervous about doing it in front of Jess's, or their, whole family. "You can do whatever you're comfortable with, Jeremy. Always." Jess smiled, but Jeremy could see the unsureness there and felt a rush of guilt.
"It's not like I don't want to." Jeremy explained. "Cause, I do. More than anything. I've always wanted someone who really wanted to be my parent and that I could call mom or dad. And, I really want to call you that and take your last name, the whole thing. I just kind of want to get used to it, just us, before I do it in front of everyone else, I guess, if that's ok. Like, I think if I bust out calling you dad at Luke and Lorelai's today, with everyone around, they're all going to notice and I'm going to feel self-conscious, so as much as I want to do it, I want to start off during times when it's just me and you. Does that sound stupid? Like I'm making too big a deal of it?" Jeremy was looking down, fiddling with a bow on Lorelai's gift.
"I don't think it's stupid at all. I get it. It is a big deal. If you don't want to call me dad today, you don't have to. You can keep calling me Jess." Jeremy smiled and looked up at Jess, grateful for how understanding and kind Jess always was to him. "If you need to roll it out slowly and go back and forth between the two, that's fine, too. If there are times you prefer to call me one over the other, I'll answer to either." Jess paused, his expression serious. "I'm going to say this one more time, and I want you to take it at face value, ok, because I really mean it. Whatever you're comfortable with Jeremy. Always."
Jeremy nodded. "Thanks. You're a really good dad, Dad." Jeremy could feel his cheeks warming slightly. He knew he had to be turning pink and the thought made him blush even more.
"I try." Jess smirked. "You're a really good son, Son."
Jeremy looked back down at the bow in his hands, using the blade of the scissors to curl the ribbon, needing to be busy with something and knowing he had made the right decision to let Jess know he needed to ease into this. He knew it would be emotional, but he had underestimated exactly how overwhelming it would feel.
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"Aren't we waiting for Emily?" April asked.
"My mother just texted me that her flight from Nantucket was delayed due to the wind. She might not get off the island until later tonight. So, I say we do presents now!"
Rory smiled, shifting Leelee in her arms. "I still can't get over the idea of Grandma texting. Every time I talk to her these days, she's doing something so not Grandma. It's weird, but kind of awesome at the same time."
"Your grandmother is so cool and glamorous." April said. "When I'm old, I want to be just like Emily."
Rory smiled at her step-sister. "I never would have thought that when I was younger, but yeah, now I kind of do, too."
"All right, less chatting, more gifting!" Lorelai said. Jess watched her dig around under the Christmas tree, batting at the pompom on her santa hat that kept bouncing against her face. She had already started on the spiked eggnog, by herself since Rory was breastfeeding and Luke was Luke, by the time Jess and Jeremy had arrived. Normally, Jess would be mentally judging her for being tipsy by early afternoon, but today he was feeling goodwill toward all, and mentally patting himself on the back for his maturity. He had even accepted a glass, when Lorelai claimed she shouldn't have to drink alone on a holiday, but it was strong stuff just as April had warned him, and he had abandoned it on the table after one sip, not wanting to get tipsy in front of Jeremy.
Lorelai resurfaced with a large flat box that she handed to Jeremy and a small, featherlight box that she handed to Jess. "Merry Christmas from me and Luke!"
Jeremy thanked Lorelai and carefully unwrapped his gift. "Thank you guys so much, but I actually already have a laptop." Jeremy looked pained, as if he feared the admission would make him look ungrateful.
"We know." Luke said. "But, we heard you guys have been sharing just the one, so we wanted you to each have your own. You'll need one for school that Jess isn't hogging, right?"
Jess leaned over Jeremy's shoulder and read the description on the box. "I'd say you got an upgrade there, Jeremy."
"Thank you very much." Jeremy said. "I really appreciate this."
"You're welcome, hon." Lorelai said.
Jess opened his present to find an annual membership to the only gym in Stars Hollow. "Aww, thank you guys. I could really use this. I was starting to go a little crazy without working out. This is perfect." Then Jess spotted the very generous Visa gift card still nestled in the tissue paper, good for around four times as much as Luke normally spent on him, and he felt a little overwhelmed.
"You're welcome, Nephew. And, I know the gift card is pretty boring, but we figured you needed some new clothes and there was probably still random stuff you guys needed to replace. We thought it would be useful."
Jess nodded, a little taken aback by Luke's generosity when the man was already doing so much for him and Jeremy. "It definitely will. It will be very useful. Thank you. Really."
"You're welcome!" Lorelai cut in. "Luke wanted to pick out new clothes for you instead, but I talked him into a gift card, so yeah, you're welcome."
Everyone laughed as Luke tried to defend himself. "I was just going to pick up some warm stuff, shirts and sweatshirts and stuff. How wrong could I have really gone with that?"
"You guys could have had matching uncle-nephew flannel outfits!" April cracked up at her own joke. "Lorelai, you totally should have let that happen!"
"Like I said." Lorelai repeated. "You're welcome."
Jess made a point of making eye contact with Lorelai and then Luke. "Thank you both, this was very generous of you."
After that, the gift exchange moved quickly. Rory and Jess exchanged slim, flat wrapped packages. "Oh, look!" Lorelai exclaimed as they opened them. "The two book nerds bought each other books! So cute!"
"I was going to get this!" Rory said after she'd unwrapped hers. "I was reading a review of it the other day and thought it looked great."
"I think you'll like it. I'm glad you don't already have it." Jess unwrapped his package and saw a familiar cover staring back at him and he felt himself getting a little choked up.
"I hated the idea of you losing your copy in the fire." Rory said. "You wrote a book, you should definitely own a copy of it."
"This is great, Rory. This was really thoughtful. Thanks."
"You wrote a book?" Jeremy asked. "Can I read it?"
Jess tossed the paperback onto Jeremy's lap. "Knock yourself out, but if you think it's garbage, blame Rory, not me. She's the one that bought it."
"It's not garbage." April assured Jeremy. "I've read it. it's actually halfway decent."
"All right." Jess started handing out the rest of the gifts from him and Jeremy. "More gifting, less book reviewing."
Lorelai liked her yarn and engraved knitting needles, and Jess liked the warm, pleased smile he got from Luke after watching her open her gift.
Luke and April were instantly confused by their gifts. April was staring at her bobble-head with a small frown. "Uh, thanks, I guess."
"That's only a placeholder for your real presents, which are currently unavailable." Luke and April stared blankly bank at him.
"I told you it was weird." Jeremy whispered.
"It's not weird. C'mon, can't you tell?" Jess waited for someone to guess, but no one did. "Jeremy and I are taking you guys to see the Red Sox!"
"Cool!" April said. "Thanks."
"Nephew, if you think Tom Brady has anything to do with the Red Sox….well, I really don't know where I went wrong with you."
Jess laughed. "You try finding baseball stuff in December."
"Jess, I wanted us to all go to Fenway, but I was planning on buying the tickets. You don't need to do that." Luke sounded worried and it made Jess feel both annoyed and loved.
"We want to. The tickets are on me and Jeremy. It's a present, Luke. You're supposed to accept it graciously, not tell the giver they shouldn't have bought it."
Luke smiled, then. "Ok. You're right. Thank you guys. I'll be looking forward to this."
"You're very welcome. Oh, we have one more thing for you!" Jess passed Luke's other present to Lorelai, who smiled mischievously before handing it off to Luke. Rory was grinning, too, as she paced behind Luke's chair, bouncing Leelee in her arms.
Luke hefted the package, as if testing the weight. He felt around the edges of the wrapping. "Jess, if this is what I think it is, I'm going to beat you with it. Just giving you fair warning, so you can get a headstart." Everyone laughed and Jess smiled.
Luke pulled open the wrapping paper and looked up at his nephew, a look of playful disgust on his face. "Seriously, Jess, are you trying to kill me?"
Jess feigned innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about. We just thought you might want to get a little more educated about one of Stars Hollow's most esteemed leaders."
"Now, I've got a collection." Luke said, smiling despite his annoyance.
"Everyone had the same idea. Great minds and all that. See?" Rory helpfully lifted up another copy of Taylor's book from the table against the stairs, holding it out for everyone to see with the hand that wasn't cradling the baby, before putting it back down and doing the same with a second copy.
April laughed. "Yeah, but Jess is the only one who got threatened with violence!"
"I can't believe you already have it. Did I miss the rant when you opened the first copy?"
Lorelai giggled. "You did! And, it was a good one, too!"
"My entire family is trying to kill me. Can you put this with the rest of my Taylor Doose library?" Luke started to hand the book to Rory.
"Wait, I want to see it." April said, taking the book Luke handed her and skimming through it. "Can I borrow this?"
"You actually want to read that, April?" Luke asked.
"Are you kidding? Taylor is such an interesting character! I get that he's a crazy little dictator and everything, but c'mon, you know this is going to be entertaining. I mean, obviously, I'll be reading it as satire, even though he clearly didn't intend it that way, but that's part of the fun. The only thing that could possibly be better would be if Kirk wrote a memoir." April laughed to herself. "Oh, man, that would be so good! The world according to Kirk! Now, I'm not going to be able to get that thought out of my head. Maybe if I gave him the idea….."
Jess is a little disappointed that Lorelai and Rory had stolen his thunder. He consoled himself with the idea that at least he hadn't spent money on his copy like they had.
Jeremy got up and picked up another copy off the table. "Could I borrow one, too?"
"Of course, you can, Jeremy." Luke said. "But, I would highly recommend skipping the book and just banging your head against a brick wall instead."
Jeremy laughed. "April's right, Taylor's a riot. Without meaning to be, but that's the best kind. He was so funny at the tree lighting ceremony last night."
"Yeah, he was killing me!" April agreed. "Only Taylor could incorporate a speech on the civic responsibility of using rock salt on your sidewalks into the nativity story."
Jeremy laughed. "Yeah, that was great. I mean, his level of earnestness alone makes him fascinating."
"Wow." Rory said, shaking her head sadly. "This younger generation has no literary taste whatsoever."
Jess smirked and held up the copy of The Subsect that Jeremy had set down on the coffee table when he stood up. "Um, you spent good money on this piece of self-indulgent fluff, so I wouldn't throw stones if I were you."
Jess could hear everyone laughing, but his eyes were on Rory as they shared a smile. In it Jess saw her copy of Howl with the margins filled with his handwriting, lazy days spent reading on the bridge, their feet dangling over the water, and one memorable day of reading on a bench in Washington Square Park and being surprised by the most unlikely of truants. He knew none of that was his anymore, and it never would be again, but the memory could still feel nice from time to time. When he looked away, he caught Jeremy watching him.
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Jess was sitting on the porch steps, under the guise of bringing Winston, who was currently curled up next to him, outside to relieve himself, even though the outing had been as much about Jess needing a break. Liz had arrived with her family a couple of hours ago and Lorelai was no longer drinking alone. Liz and TJ had been a little past tipsy when Jess had come out to catch a breath. They had both loved TJ's socks. Jess heard the door open and assumed it was Jeremy or Luke or April coming to check on him. He was surprised when Rory, bundled up in her winter coat and hat sat down on the other side of Winston.
She smiled at him. "Is it ok that I'm sitting here?"
"Hey, they're your stairs." Jess smiled. "I think Winston and I should be the ones asking you that."
"Hmm….I guess they're my mom and Luke's stairs now." She wrinkled her nose in slight displeasure. "It's a little weird living here again and kind of being the one who doesn't belong this time around."
"What are you talking about? Your mom and Luke are crazy about you. If you're worried about Luke feeling like you're cramping his style, don't be. He loves having you and Leelee here. I can already see how heartbroken he's going to be when you and Leelee actually do leave Stars Hollow." Jess paused, looking out into the yard. "This might be the happiest I've ever seen Luke. He loves this stuff."
"What stuff?"
"Having every kid he's ever even remotely parented a rock's throw away from him. The only thing that could make him happier would be if April's career crashes and burns and you two end up sharing bunk beds in your room."
Rory laughed softly. "I hope you're right, that he doesn't mind. I know it's not what he signed up for when he married my mom."
Jess was shaking his head before Rory was even done talking. "He doesn't mind. Trust me. To him, it's better than what he signed up for."
"I love being here. I never pictured myself being one of those people who move back home as adults. But, it's been so nice…... It's so safe and they've been so good to me, taking care of me and Leelee. They stayed up with me so many nights when I was pregnant and couldn't sleep, watching tv with me and making me snacks. And, now, helping me with Leelee, and never complaining about there being a crying baby in their house in the middle of the night. They've been amazing. But, I don't want to be in their way either. Sometimes I feel like Luke doesn't have a lot of room or a lot of say in stuff, and I worry about it not being fair to him, and him feeling like it's two against one."
Jess scoffed. "C'mon, even if you didn't live here, do you really think luke would have any say with lorelai?"
Rory smiled.
"No offense." Jess held up the hand that wasn't petting Winston, palm out. "She's just the alpha in their relationship. Someone's gotta be. The only way I see Luke's situation changing if you didn't live here, is that he would miss you and his granddaughter."
"Maybe you're right." They sat side by side for a moment, both staring into the dark, lost in their own thoughts.
"It's nice how well you and my mom have been getting along lately." Rory said.
"What do you expect?" Jess smirked even as he said it. "We're both nice people."
Rory smiled. "I found you both to be nice people fifteen years ago, too, but you guys couldn't stand to be in the same room back then."
Jess shrugged. "That was forever ago. People change." Jess waited a beat. "Yep, Lorelai has really grown up."
Rory barked out a laugh. "Well, I like it. I like this whole comfy little family vibe we have going on here." She shot a quick glance at Jess before looking away, back out to the yard. "I think we both really need family right now, more than anything. Don't you think?"
Jess felt the not so subtle hint like a slap across the face, immediately insulted that she thought his intentions were otherwise. That she thought he needed to be warned off pursuing her when he had no interest in doing so. She was the one who had come out here to sit with him. He had been mostly treating her like a polite acquaintance since he had learned how she misled him about the blond dick being Leelee's dad. Did she really think he was being nice to Lorelai for her benefit since that had been such a major sticking point for her when they had dated back in high school? He made sure to get his rising anger under control before responding.
"Yep, I sure do." Jess wanted to say something cutting, to ask about logan. Hey, speaking of family, where's Leelee's dad today? Oh, right, he's with his real family in London. He wanted to say something mean, something that would hurt her like she had just hurt him, but he didn't. He wondered if this was what being part of a functional family meant. Eating your anger for the sake of getting along. He let his mind wander down their long history of hurting each other without meaning to, remembering how she had kissed him only to ignore him all summer while she was in Washington and pick right back up with Dean when she returned in the fall, seeing himself arriving at her dorm at Yale late one night to find her there with Dean, or the end of the open house at Truncheon, Rory trying to use him to get back at the blond dick, and himself, admittedly not blameless, lying to her even as he had already boarded a bus to California and tracking her down in the street to tell her he loved her before running away a second time.
Rory's expression was serious now. "I really am glad you're home, Jess. I don't want you to think I'm not."
"Thanks." Jess's voice was flat now, their rapport of a few minutes ago gone.
"Well, it's getting cold out here."
Jess nodded. "It sure is."
Rory threw in a shiver for effect before standing up and going back inside. As she opened the door, Jess heard luke yelling. "Dammit, TJ, get your feet off my coffee table. Who's idea were those stupid socks anyway?" Jess smiled as he picked out Jeremy's voice from the collective peel of laughter that rose up only to be abruptly cut off by the closing door. If this was what he had to put up with for Jeremy to be part of a family that all got along, he could suck it up. There were worse things.
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Jess sat outside for a few more minutes, knowing that the length of his absence was bordering on rude and that he needed to go back in soon. He was about to stand up when a shiny black BMW pulled into the driveway. Jess watched the car doors open, and Lorelai's mother step out of the backseat before the driver could reach her door. When the man opened the trunk and started to pull out a suitcase, Jess looped Winston's leash around a rail in the banister and stood up, walking over to offer his assistance.
"Hi Mrs. Gilmore. I'm Luke's nephew." Jess said, unsure if she would remember him. He accepted the suitcase from the driver and Emily smiled and thanked the man as he got back into the driver's seat.
"Yes, I know who you are, Jess. I'm not completely senile yet. I can still name every member of my extended family as well as identity them by sight. I like to think I still have a few good years left in me." The words were the same type that Jess remembered from her, crisp, direct and suffering no fools, but her attitude was something he hadn't seen before in the handful of times they had encountered each other over the years. The bright smile on her face seemed genuine and her tone was playful, her energy relaxed. He didn't feel the same urge he normally felt around her to respond to whatever she said with some version of 'yes, ma'am'.
Jess laughed softly. "I don't doubt that you do."
Jess watched Emily wave at the driver as the car backed out of the drive. They started to walk through the snowy grass toward the house. Emily slid a step on an icy patch and Jess reached out to steady her, then offered her his free arm. Emily smiled and took it. "My, aren't you a polite young man."
Jess huffed out a laugh. "Thanks, I try."
"I hear there are two new members of the family this year. I'm very much looking forward to meeting my great-granddaughter."
"As someone who's already had the pleasure, I can attest that she's pretty great."
"I hear that your son is quite charming as well."
"Thanks. I like to think so." Jess wasn't sure how a parent was supposed to respond to something like that. 'Thanks' felt inaccurate in retrospect since Jess hadn't had much to do with how charming Jeremy was or wasn't.
"I have something for him. It's a rather large check. I'm telling you now because I don't want you to give me any problems or try to turn it down in front of your young man. Also, my daughter was incapable of providing me with Jeremy's last name for the check, so I need you to tell me what it is."
"Oh, Mrs. Gilmore-" Jess started.
"Please call me Emily. I'm not sure what it is with you and your uncle that causes you both to continue calling me Mrs. Gilmore after over a decade of us knowing each other. April calls me Emily. I like that girl." Emily smiled at the thought of April.
"She likes you, too. And, it's really generous of you to offer, but you don't have to give Jeremy anything."
"I don't? Why is that?" Emily feigned serious curiosity. "You have college already taken care of? You have the money sitting in a big pile somewhere ready to take to the bursar's office on the boy's first day of school?" Her tone and easy smile kept her words from coming across as harsh as they could have.
Jess laughed. "Well, no, not exactly. But, we'll figure it out."
"I'm sure you will. And part of how you'll figure it out is by letting family add to his college fund. And you my dear boy are a part of my family." She patted his arm with her free hand. "It's just something to get him started."
"Thank you. Really. That's very nice of you." Jess didn't know what to say.
"It's a very nice thing you've done as well, Jess."
"Oh, I uh-" Now he really didn't know what to say.
"Don't be modest, young man. It is. Adoption is a big deal, especially as a single parent. I should know. I was adopted."
Jess turned to look at her, not sure if she was pulling his leg. He racked his memory for any knowledge of this, but found none. "Huh. I don't think I knew that."
Emily nodded, her expression pleasant. "I was. Right after I was born. My mother, my birth mother I believe they would call her these days, was an unwed young woman from a poor family who put me up for adoption. My parents were the ones who took me home from the hospital. They were lovely people. Then didn't tell me I was adopted until I was in my twenties, but I believe that's how things were typically done back then, if the child was told at all. I loved my parents very much, but sometimes I look at my daughter and granddaughter and I wonder if my life would have been so bad had I been raised by a young, single mother. But, things were different back then. It would have been much more difficult for my mother than it was for my daughter. I can understand why my mother chose to give me up, and I very much appreciate that my parents were there to adopt me, as I am sure Jeremy appreciates you."
"Huh. I didn't know any of that."
"Yes, well, once you marry a Gilmore, no one has much interest in hearing about your family." Even this was said without resentment and Jess marveled at the change in Emily's energy and how authentically happy she seemed.
When they got to the porch, Winston stood to greet them, tail wagging, and Emily stopped on the first stair, letting go of Jess's arm and reaching down to pet Winston. "Who's this cute little fellow?"
"That's Winston. He belongs to me and Jeremy."
"Well, he's a cute little thing. Aren't you boy? Yes you are." Jess smiled as he listened to Emily baby talking Winston. She looked up at Jess as he untied Winston's leash from the porch rail. "Jess, you never told me his last name?"
Jess smirked. "I never really thought about Winston having a last name. I suppose it's Mariano."
Emily laughed loudly. "That's cute." She turned to Winston. "Your daddy's a funny man, isn't he?" Then back to Jess. "I was talking about Jeremy."
Jess smiled. It was a weird sensation, but he felt like he was actually having a good time with Emily. "It's Cooper. Soon to be Mariano. He wants to get it changed. But right now, it's still Cooper." Jess wondered why he told her about Jeremy's impending name change. He hadn't even told Luke about that yet.
Emily smiled at him. "Lovely. Thank you." She tilted her head toward the suitcase. "And thank you for your help with this."
"It was my pleasure." Jess opened the door and stood back with the suitcase and dog, letting Emily enter first.