A few weeks later, the inevitable happened. We ran into Jock as we stepped out of a restaurant. I was talking about the show we'd just seen when you suddenly stopped. I turned and saw Jock standing, staring at us, looking shocked. Obviously, he saw us walking together, so close, with my arm around your waist, there was no point in denying it.
"Hey Jock," I started tentatively.
"Hi," you said flatly as you cast your eyes downward.
Jock stood stunned for a few seconds before his eyes turned dark. "Well, isn't this a pretty picture. My wife and my best friend. I guess I should have known."
"Jock, it wasn't like that," I tried to explain, "Mary was feeling down...and well...we just felt like going out," I stopped.
I couldn't lie. In spite of Jock's hurt look, I wasn't sorry. You're feelings for me changed after the breakup, but not mine. You were always what I wanted. And every time Jock hurt you, I wanted to scream at him, "can't you see how lucky you are." In the end, when he started to figure it out, I was happy it was too late. At least, I thought it was too late.
When I turned to look at you, I couldn't tell what you were thinking. You looked surprised and uncomfortable. I was hoping it wasn't about me.
"Jock, this wasn't an affair. We just started seeing each other. And anyway, I don't have to explain myself to you anymore," your voice steadied, "we're getting a divorce."
Jock turned to me and sneered, "And I'll bet you were just sitting there waiting for it."
And while that was true, I countered, "you know I was always there for you Jock, anytime you needed me. If you want to turn me into a villain now fine. I told you, you were going to lose her if you kept it up, but you wouldn't listen."
He looked furious, "my so-called friend. You've been in love with her the whole time haven't you. And I'll bet offering her some friendly advice behind my back." He took a step in our direction.
I stepped in front of you and kept going, "you arrogant fool, I tried to convince her to stay with you. Now I don't even know why. Do you know how much I wanted to smash your face every time you hurt her. Every time I had to watch her cry over you. You didn't deserve her."
Our escalating voices had gotten the attention of a cop standing on the corner and just as we lunged at towards other, he stepped in between, shoved us apart and threatened to run us both in, if we didn't leave. As much as we wanted to take a swing at the other, Jock and I both angrily turned and walked away. I took your hand and continued to the car.
I turned to you after we gotten in, you hadn't spoke since the beginning of it all, so I spoke first. "I'm sorry, Mary. I didn't mean for it to happen like that."
"Yes...that was quite a scene," you started slowly. "I guess I figured it would go something like that," looking down at your hands.
"You're not angry with me are you?" I was worried I'd overplayed my hand and assumed too much, assuming that you were already mine.
"I never wanted to hurt him," you kept looking down, "but I knew seeing me with his best friend...would."
"Do you still love him?" I asked anxiously, even though I was afraid of the answer.
You looked up, saw my worried face and smiled. "On some level I do, but not like that, not anymore." You reached over and put your hand on mine. I held onto it and breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh my dear Bill, I was just thinking about your brief." I looked up and you were still smiling, "How did you hold back all these feelings for so long?"
I turned shy all of a sudden and stammered, "I knew you loved him Mary...and he was my best friend. I wanted to keep you in my life in some way. If I had told the truth, being close to you all those years wouldn't have been possible.You would have kept your distance, just as you did when I...finally did tell you."
You looked at me thoughtfully for a moment and reached over to touch the side of my face. "I'm sorry I pushed you away. I think I was tempted, you know. You were always there when he wasn't. I think I told you about Sloan first because I enjoyed someone being jealous over me. Jock certainly wasn't. Not until now. I guess, I always knew you had feelings for me. I always knew you cared. I just didn't know...it was love."
I looked up, flooded with emotion. You finally understood. I reached up and kissed your hand on my cheek. I pulled you close to me and kissed you passionately. So lost in you I was, until the cop started tapping on the window, waving for us to move along.