Chapter 34 Notes: Every time I think I'm ready to head into the wrap-up, I think of more things for Jess and Jeremy to do and more small moments that I want to see played out. Not a ton here to move the plot. One character is back by popular demand in this chapter. One conversation has a very preliminary start. And, lots of bonding ensues! Thanks to everyone who is still reading, following and especially to those who are kind and generous enough to leave me reviews and feedback. I appreciate all of it! :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

"Do I really have to wear that?" Jeremy was looking at Jess nervously.

"C'mon, Jeremy." The bike helmet was dangling from Jess's hand by the chin strap as he held it out to his son. "It's for your own safety."

"But, it's not like I'm going to be going that fast. I mean, not at first, right?" Jess could tell that Jeremy's resistance to the helmet came from wanting confirmation that he wasn't about to do something dangerous.

"You won't be going that fast, but you could still wipe out. Better to be safe." Jess instantly regretted his phrasing as Jeremy looked increasingly nervous. "Ok, think of my safety then, because I'm pretty sure Luke will kill me if I let you ride that thing without a helmet." Jess shrugged to downplay his own concern. "You know how that guy is. Always wanting his loved ones to avoid cracking their skulls open and scrambling their brains. Crazy, I know."

Jeremy accepted the helmet and put it on his head. The chin strap was too loose when he fastened it and Jess reached up to adjust the straps for him.

Jeremy frowned, but tolerated Jess's action. "I could have done that myself, you know. Just because I don't know how to ride a bike doesn't mean you need to treat me like a little kid."

Jess could tell that Jeremy's defensiveness stemmed from embarrassment, and he thought back to the youtube video he'd watched about safeguarding the self-esteem of a teenager while you taught them something that most children knew how to do. He debated telling Jeremy that he didn't know how to ride a bike either, but he thought the lesson might go more smoothly if Jeremy didn't learn that little fact until later, possibly in the car on the ride home. "You're right. I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. It's not everyday I get to teach my only child how to ride a bike. I got a little over excited. Does that feel all right now?" Jess gestured to the boy's helmet, and Jeremy reached up to adjust it slightly on his head.

"Yeah, I think it's good."

"Perfect!" Jess smacked Jeremy lightly on the top of his helmet. "You look like Lance Armstrong already!" A very nervous, possibly terrified version of Lance Armstrong, maybe. Jess really wanted this to go well. He couldn't tell if it was just Jeremy's obvious nerves rubbing off on him, but now that they were out here in the empty parking lot of an AutoZone in Woodbury that had closed down years ago, Jess was feeling a little more nervous and a little less qualified than he had expected. His philosophy was normally that if you could read and watch tutorials, you could learn to do anything. That's how he had taught himself to cook, speak sign language and swing a golf club. But, he had never put his philosophy to the test at something that could potentially cause physical harm to someone he loved.

"All right, lets have you stand over the bike to make sure it's the right height."

Jeremy obediently straddled the bike.

"Ok. So, to start we want to make sure you can sit on the seat and still comfortably rest your feet on the ground. If not, we'll need to adjust the height of the seat."

Jeremy rested on the bike seat with his feet still firmly on the ground. "Like this? This is good, right?"

"Yeah, that looks good. This might feel a little awkward, but it's just to get you started. Once you get the balancing and pedaling down, we'll raise the seat. But, knowing you can touch the ground now will make you feel safer while you're learning. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded. He observed seriously as Jess pointed out the handbrakes and had him practice squeezing the levers. He listened as Jess explained that at first, the boy just needed to focus on balancing on the bike as he coasted down a slight, very slight, Jess made sure to emphasize, incline. They would add in the pedaling once Jeremy was comfortable balancing on the bike while it was moving. And, Jess would be there for him, holding onto the seat and helping him steady it as he got going. Everything was going to be fine, Jess assured him with what he considered his most trustworthy and reassuring smile. He watched Jeremy smile back weakly.

"Do you have questions before we get started?"

Jeremy was twisted at the waist to face Jess who was standing to the side of the bike. He glanced away for a minute. "Just….what if I fall?"

Jeremy looked back at Jess, and Jess saw the apprehension in his son's eyes. He reached out a hand and cupped the back of Jeremy's neck beneath his helmet in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "I'm thinking two things will happen if you fall. One is that we'll talk about what went wrong and how to fix it, and you'll try again. And, the other is that I'll still love you and think I have an amazing kid. And, you'll still love me and think you have a halfway decent dad." Jess shrugged and gave Jeremy's neck a gentle squeeze. "And, now that I'm saying it out loud, only the second thing feels that important."

Jeremy's mouth quirked into a small, mocking smile. "Why do I feel like you prepared that speech in advance?"

Jess laughed and smacked Jeremy's helmet again before taking his hand back. "All right, smartass, how about more riding and less talking?" He was glad to see Jeremy looking a little less nervous even if the kid's amusement had been at his expense.

Jess spent the next hour basking in the experience of teaching his kid to ride a bike. He held on to the bottom of the bike seat to keep Jeremy steady and upright as the boy got his bearings on the bike, and when Jeremy was ready to try moving, Jess gave him a gentle push to get him started. Jess watched the initially short-lived rides grow longer as Jeremy built up confidence and was able to balance for longer stretches of time before teetering to one side and needing to put his feet down to avoid falling. Jess was calm and encouraging every step of the way, the loving parental cheerleader that Jess himself had never had but always wanted on the sidelines of his own childhood struggles and triumphs. Jess caught himself holding his breath as he watched Jeremy take off pedaling for the first time. And he found himself giddy with happiness during the last ride of the day when Jeremy made it the entire length of the parking lot without losing his balance. The boy braked and put his feet down, coming to a less than smooth stop. He walked the bike back toward Jess, all smiles. Jess jogged out to meet him, pulling him into a hug, telling him how impressive that was, how proud of him he was. Jeremy had ducked his head at the praise, a smile on his lips, then met Jess's eye to ask if they could come out again next week and work on how to turn. Jess unclasped Jeremy's chin strap and lifted his helmet off, kissing the boy's sweaty head and assuring him that they could. Jess made a mental note to google how to turn a bicycle before the following weekend as he helped Jeremy load his bike into the car.

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They had stopped at the large chain grocery store in Woodbury on their way home, and Jeremy was following Jess slowly through the aisles, feeling his father's happiness vibes from the parking lot turn to mild stress vibes in the store. He knew that Jess thought he was good at hiding his financial stress from Jeremy, but he wasn't really. Jeremy knew money was always on Jess's mind. He watched his father referring to the list on his phone, checking prices and selecting items that were on sale. Even though Jeremy did a lot of the cooking, he didn't usually accompany Jess to the store and he hadn't realized quite how much comparison pricing went into shopping for their groceries.

"What do you want for lunches this week, Jeremy?" Jess asked as he dug through a pyramid of organic red peppers looking for an unflawed one.

"I'm fine with anything."

"How about lettuce wraps?" Jess asked as he picked up a head of butter lettuce and looked it over.

"Yeah, sure. That sounds good."

Jess put the lettuce in the basket he was carrying. "Ok, we have rice at home. Let's remember to get the tempeh when we get to the other end of the store." Jess grabbed a few more vegetables and put them in his basket.

Jeremy followed Jess to the back of the store and watched Jess look through the refrigerated section at the packages of chicken breast. Jeremy looked without touching, the wall of packaged meat making him feel a little nauseous. Jeremy looked at the prices and realized this was easily the most expensive item on their list, and nothing seemed to be on sale. "You know what, kid? I think I'm going to be a vegetarian this week, too."

Jeremy followed as Jess walked away from the chicken display. "Because the chicken is too expensive?"

"What?" Jess huffed out a laugh and looked back at his son. "Um, no. Because I was reading an article the other day about the smaller carbon footprint of being a vegetarian and it got me inspired. When I was looking at that meat-"

"The dead little chicken bodies." Jeremy supplied with a small smile.

Jess laughed. "Yeah, when I was looking at the dead little chicken bodies just now, it all felt like such a waste, thinking about all the water and grain that goes into raising one chicken. I'm going to cut out the middleman, or middle chicken." Jess smiled at his own phrasing. "And just eat the veg diet myself. For this week, at least. I'll see how it goes."

Jess was looking at Jeremy quizzically. "C'mon, kid. I thought you'd be proud of me for joining you on Team Veg."

"I am. Definitely." Jeremy smiled, unsure if he believed the reasons behind Jess's declaration, but appreciating the outcome just the same. "I think that's really cool, Dad."

Jess smirked. "Well, I am a really cool, Dad. Thanks for noticing." Jeremy watched Jess examine the contents of his basket. "Ok. I think we just need beans, eggs and the tempeh and we'll be good to go."

"Hey, Jess?" They were in the otherwise empty section at the far end of the store, looking at the items in the refrigerator section whose signs proclaimed its contents to be 'natural' and 'vegetarian.' Jess was looking at the tempeh selection.

"Hey, Jeremy." Jess responded without turning to face his son, but Jeremy could hear the smile in his voice.

Jeremy huffed out a quiet laugh. "So, I was just thinking. Maybe it would be better if I went to community college in the fall instead of a four year school. I could go locally, and commute from the apartment. Like, to save money and stuff."

"What?" Jess turned to look at him now with a small frown, the tempeh in his hand, halfway between the refrigerator shelf and the shopping basket. "What are you talking about, Jeremy?"

"I was just thinking. I mean, community college is like half the price, and I know we need to save money-"

"Jeremy, stop." Jess looked annoyed now. "You're not going to community college. What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's just an option I was thinking about. It's nothing definite-."

"Yeah, it is definite, Jeremy! You're going to a four year college, like we've always talked about. Did you even apply to any community colleges?"

"No, but it's not too late. I was just thinking-"

"Is this because I didn't buy the chicken?"

"What?" Jeremy had forgotten about the chicken.

"Do you think we're too poor for you to go to a four year school because I didn't buy chicken this week? Are you serious right now?" Jeremy could feel Jess getting angry and defensive. He hadn't meant for his offer to piss his father off. He had seen an opportunity to reframe his concerns about going away to college as he had watched Jess nickel and dime his way through their shopping list. He had thought he might be able to convince Jess that he should go to school locally without sounding like a loser. It had felt easier telling Luke how he felt. Luke had lost his parents young, too, and he had spent his entire life in the town he was born in, even though it seemed to drive him crazy most days, because it was safe and familiar. Luke got it. Jess had run away on his own at eighteen, heading to the other side of the country, completely alone, without the structure of college or the support of his family. Jess would think he was weak and pathetic.

"No, I didn't mean-"

"I've been working my ass off for this, Jeremy." Jess's voice rose slightly before he sighed and lowered it again. "We both have. You're going to college. A real one, ok?" Jess smiled at Jeremy, but Jeremy could tell it was forced and that Jess was still aggravated with him and that made him feel lousy.

"Ok." Jess nodded, feeling stupid for bringing this up, especially the way he had, and at the grocery store of all places, when Jess was distracted. He felt ashamed and ungrateful for ruining a good day after Jess had spent his morning with him, teaching him to ride a bike. "Yeah, sorry. It was just an idea."

Jess sighed as he put the package of tempeh in his basket. "Jeremy, I know you expected to start hearing back from schools this month. And, you're probably worried that you haven't gotten any acceptance letters yet." Jess reached out a hand to grasp Jeremy's shoulder, gently kneading the muscle as he spoke. "I know waiting sucks and it must be nerve-wracking for you right now, but it's going to happen. Your grades are too good for you to not get in. Ok? I know it's hard to wait for something you really want like this, but you're going to get into college, Jeremy. I really believe that. Everything is going to be fine." Jess gave Jeremy's shoulder a soft squeeze before pulling his arm back.

Jeremy nodded, thinking about the one acceptance email he had received so far. "Yeah, you're right, Jess." Jeremy forced a small smile onto his face. "Everything is going to be fine."

"That's my boy." Jess smiled warmly and lightly touched his open hand to Jeremy's cheek. "All right, c'mon kid, beans and eggs and we're out of here."

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Thwack! Jeremy felt the ball hit his glove. "So, there's something I want to tell you." He retrieved the ball with his other hand and threw it back to Luke. Luke had started bringing his baseball glove to work and slipping out with Jeremy to play some mid-afternoon catch in the town square when things got slow. At first, Jeremy had felt guilty pulling Luke away from the diner, but he had soon realized that Luke enjoyed it as much as he did. His uncle always seemed especially calm and content when they were out tossing the ball around. Jeremy had always wanted to have a dad to play catch with and talk about baseball with. And, while it turned out an uncle was good enough, he did sometimes wonder if Jess would ever be up for this.

Luke caught the ball. "What's on your mind, nephew?" Jeremy liked that, that Luke called him nephew, instead of great-nephew or anything else. He liked having the same pet name that Jess did.

Thwack! Jeremy caught the ball. "Now that it's getting nicer out and you haven't seen me on my bike. I just, uh." Jeremy threw the ball back. "I didn't want you to think that I don't like it, or that I'm not grateful to have it. Because I am." Thwack!

Luke smiled warmly. "I wasn't thinking that, Jeremy."

"So, I just wanted to let you know that I took it out this morning for the first time."

"You did? That's great." Jeremy watched Luke pause, as if carefully considering what to say next. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun." Thwack! "But, uh, you might not see me riding it around anytime soon. I've never had a bike before and I'm kind of still learning how to ride it. But, I like it a lot. I loved riding it today, once I got to the point where I could kind of actually ride it." Jeremy laughed.

"That's great, Jeremy. I'm glad you're enjoying it." Luke was smiling and it made Jeremy smile back.

"Yeah, it's really cool." Thwack! "I just wanted to let you know, so that you knew why I wasn't riding it to practice yet and stuff. I'm not steady enough on it yet to ride in the street or anything."

"You'll get there. Learning something new always takes time and patience, but you'll get the hang of it."

"I hope so. I should have said something on my birthday when you gave it to me….but it's pretty embarrassing to not know how to ride a bike at my age…...and everyone was there and everything." Thwack!

"I don't think there's anything to be embarrassed about, Jeremy. It's not like you could have learned if you never had a bike to learn on before. But, thanks for telling me this."

Thwack! "Sure. I figured it was better to be upfront about it. I mean, it's embarrassing, but I didn't want to end up lying to you if you started asking me about it now that it's spring. I felt like it was better to be honest."

"Good man. I appreciate that."

Jeremy felt the same warm happiness that he always felt when Luke praised him. Thwack! "Could you maybe not mention it to anyone else, though, like unless they ask or something?"

"No problem, Jeremy. It will be our little secret." Luke paused as he reached for a wide throw and snapped his glove around the ball. "You know, I didn't know how to swim until I was in my forties."

Thwack! "Seriously?"

"I kid you not. And, I probably never would have learned at all if April hadn't been on the swim team in junior high. She was really into swimming, and I was embarrassed that I had to tell her that I had never really learned how. I mean, I could doggie paddle to stay afloat, but that was about it."

Thwack! "Did April teach you?"

"No, I actually took a class for adults that her swim coach taught. And, it was embarrassing at first, but once I learned how to do it, I enjoyed it. And it was nice to have an idea of what April was talking about when she talked about the butterfly and the breaststroke and all that stuff."

Thwack! "That's so cool that you did that."

"That's how it is when you have kids. You get interested in what your kids are interested in. I couldn't just sit there hoping April would ditch swimming for softball. I would have missed out on the sport she did care about."

Thwack! "I guess so. I kind of always pictured in families that the kids got interested in what their parents were interested in, not the other way around."

"No way, my friend. The kids have all the power. Parents want to spend time with you guys so badly that we'll get into whatever you guys are into." Luke smiled. "I used to wear a turquoise bracelet because April bought it for me right after she moved to New Mexico."

Thwack! Jeremy huffed out a quiet laugh. "I can't picture you wearing a bracelet."

Luke chuckled. "Yeah, it was weird, but when you have kids, you'll do anything to bond with them and make them happy. After about a year, April told me I should stop wearing it because it didn't really go with my wardrobe. I think she just took pity on me."

Jeremy laughed. Thwack! "Uncle Luke, do you think Jess would be up for playing catch with me sometimes? I mean, I know he's not into baseball or anything…"

Luke nodded. "He's not into baseball, but he's into you. I'm sure he'd come out here and throw the ball around with you if you asked him to. I doubt he has a glove, but he can use mine. You can come grab it from the diner whenever you want."

Thwack! Jeremy smiled, liking the idea of playing catch with Jess. He knew that teaching him to ride a bike had been a big deal for Jess. The guy had been grinning like he'd lost his mind the whole time they'd been out there this morning. It seemed like it was one of the most significant of the quintessential father son moments for Jess, and if Jess had gotten to have that, it only seemed fair that Jeremy should get the father son moment that was most important to him, too.

Thwack! Jeremy loved the rhythm of throwing the ball back and forth while they talked. "Thanks. Did you guys ever play catch when Jess was my age?"

Luke laughed as he caught the ball. "Oh, you're serious?" Luke chuckled again at his own reaction. "No, we did not. Jess was not the kind of teenager who wanted to play catch with his uncle."

Thwack! "Huh. He really missed out."

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On Thursday evening after his shift at the bookstore, Jess sat in his car, staring at his phone, or more precisely at the name of his first passenger of the night, wondering if it was ridiculous to wonder if this could be the same woman. It was a small town. Jess pulled up in front of an apartment building several blocks away from the town square. He smiled as he saw Jeremy's guidance counselor standing at the curb, in a long red coat, revealing shapely bare legs from the knee down and low black heels, shielding her eyes from the glare of the setting sun with one hand as she checked his license plate and aimed a small wave at his car. Jess felt a rush of not unwelcome nerves as the woman opened the back door and climbed inside the car. "Mallory?" He asked casually, his standard inquiry to verify his passenger's identity.

"Jess?" Mallory pulled the car door closed behind her and clicked her seatbelt in place.

"Hey, it's nice to see you again."

"You too!" Jess could hear the surprised smile in the woman's voice, and he made sure to keep facing straight ahead until he could control the idiot grin on his face.

"So, let's see." Jess scrolled down his phone to view his passenger's destination. "Tonight, you're heading to…...the Capital Grille in Hartford?"

"That's right." Jess quickly took in Mallory's appearance in the rearview mirror. She was wearing her hair pinned up on top of her head, a few tendrils of black hair spilling out and framing her face, her red lipstick shining as she smiled, and a black cocktail dress was visible through the open front of her coat. She looked good. Between the destination and the way she was dressed, Jess knew she was going on a date, and he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Swanky place." Jess acknowledged appreciably. He had instinctively started blocking out the memory of the one time he had been to the Capital Grille in Philadelphia, to celebrate his two year anniversary with Charisse, before he realized that the memory no longer hurt. That somewhere along the line, those memories had lost their ability to bring him to his knees, and his time with Charisse had become something from his past that he could look back on with gratitude for having had, instead of something that still needed to be mourned in the present. He aimed for casual conversation with Mallory, knowing he couldn't come right out and ask her if she was going on a date no matter how much he wanted to. "Are you celebrating something special tonight?"

"You could say that." She laughed. "My brother is in Hartford for work this week. I'm meeting him at the Capital Grille to help him celebrate his expense account."

Jess chuckled, trying not to grin like an idiot at the lack of mention of a boyfriend. "Ah, that sounds like as good a reason as any."

"He's an accountant up in Boston. He has one client in Hartford that he comes out to meet with once a year. He always takes me out somewhere fancy when he's in the city."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh.

"What's so funny?" Mallory asked, her tone playful, and Jess was relieved that he hadn't offended her.

"Oh, sorry. I just moved back to Stars Hollow and I'm still not used to hearing people refer to Hartford as 'the city'."

"Ah, a big city snob, huh?" Her tone was teasing.

"Well, I am a New Yorker, so I guess I'm a little biased. It's hard for me to think of an area with a population of fewer than 150,000 people as 'the city'. If that makes me a big city snob." Jess shrugged, infusing a generous dose of charm into his voice. "Well, hey, I've been called worse."

"Huh….And, yet you ended up back in our little corner of the world." Her voice was warm and engaged, and it gave Jess a thrill to hear it directed at him. "I wouldn't expect a city boy like you to think our little town would have much to offer."

Jess purposely made eye contact in the rearview mirror, going for directness and sincerity. "Oh, I think Stars Hollow has a lot to offer." He watched the smile slowly spread across her face.

"So, if I may ask, what brought you back to our humble hamlet?" He could feel the genuine interest beneath the teasing tone.

"Do you really want me to bore you with that story?"

"I really do. I'm a counselor. I love hearing other people's stories." Jess kept his eyes on the road, but he could hear the smile in Mallory's voice and he felt a small flutter in his belly.

"I warn you, it's a long one."

"Well, how perfect is that when we've got a long ride ahead of us?"

"And, I assure you, it lacks a riveting plot twist and possibly any real character development."

She laughed and it made Jess smile. He pulled to a stop at the stop sign in the wooded outskirts of Stars Hollow. "Hold that thought!" Jess heard the back door open and turned around to see the back of her coat as she exited his car. Before he had time to wonder if he had taken the jokes about the quality of his story too far, Mallory was opening the passenger door and getting in the front seat next to him. It made him think of Jeremy doing the opposite the day they had left Philly and were arguing about Winston not wearing a safety harness, and he found the similarity endearing. "Ok, that's better." She grinned at Jess. "It's weird to have a real conversation with someone from the backseat, especially when you actually know the driver." She pulled the seatbelt across her body, clicked it into place, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she smiled at him. "Ok. Hit me with it."

Jess moved the car forward past the stop sign, loving everything about this moment. This time he didn't bother trying to hide his idiot grin.

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Jeremy was home by himself. Baseball practice had ended at five, he didn't have a shift at the diner, and Jess was off driving for Uber. Jeremy was sitting on the floor, petting Winston, and thinking about his life. Particularly about Melissa. He missed her. He missed having a girlfriend that he was special to, someone who wanted to spend as much time with him as she could. He had made some friendly acquaintances at school, but no real friends. There were a few guys on the baseball team that he was friendly with, but he doubted there was time for them to get much closer before the season and high school ended. The closest to a real friend he had was Cassidy. She was the only person he had done anything with one on one since he got here, and that had only been one movie. He wondered if she would be willing to go to the prom with him. It was early still, but people were already talking about it. It wouldn't be a date, he knew that. She wasn't into him like that. She was into Andy Reynolds. She was pretty obvious about it. But, Andy had apparently been dating Charlotte Horvath since sophomore year. And, Jeremy couldn't say he was really into Cassidy as more than a friend either. But, still, it might be nice to have a member of the opposite sex to go to the prom with, even just as friends.

He didn't regret moving to Stars Hollow. He knew he had gained far more than he'd lost in leaving Philadelphia. Melissa was really the only person from his life there that he missed. And, he knew she didn't miss him nearly as much. He could still remember how sad he had felt when he had gotten his phone back after being grounded and seen that he didn't have any messages from Melissa. He had told her about his punishment before he left Philadelphia because he hadn't wanted her to think he was blowing her off. But, he had still hoped to find a few texts from her. Maybe a merry christmas, or a happy birthday, or, better yet, an I miss you. But, there had been none. And, the few times he had reached out since had been disappointing. Long messages on his end had been met with short, but not unkind responses, then a longer one telling him that she had to go because she was meeting a friend, or stepping into a movie, or heading off on a date. He thought back to their last conversation in front of the school the day he and Jess had left Philly. How she had told him that she believed they had come into each other's lives for a reason and that he would always be a good memory to her and that she wished him an amazing life, before she kissed him one last time and walked away. It had been a goodbye if he ever heard one. Melissa had always known exactly what she wanted and wasn't shy about making it known. The way she knew her own mind had been one of the things that had made Jeremy gravitate toward her from the beginning.

Jeremy had loved her. She had been the most significant person in his life other than Jess or his mom or Luke. She had been his first girlfriend and he had never had any really close friends, just a roommate or two at various placements over the years that he had clicked with on some level, or teammates that he had been buddies with for a season, but none of those situations ever progressed into real friendship. Melissa had been the first person in years that he had told real stuff to and shared how he felt. He knew, had known even then, that he hadn't been as important to her as she had been to him. She had dated guys before him and she had friends she'd known for years, some her whole life. It was different for her. He was just a guy she had dated for a couple of months, a nice memory, but nothing that she needed to hold onto.

Jeremy reflected on how many people had come through his life over the years. All the classmates at all the different schools he'd been to. The multitude of other children he had lived with, other foster kids and the biological children of his foster parents. All the foster parents themselves, and group home workers, teachers and social workers. All the short term relationships that had ended and left him alone and bereft. All the missing and crying and wanting he had done in his early years before he had really understood how things went for him, that being alone was his norm. Jeremy wondered if he would ever get to the point where a current hurt or rejection didn't send him tumbling back into all the pain of his childhood, making him feel the unwantedness he had lived with for so long all over again. Jeremy petted Winston's curled up little body next to him and didn't fight back the tears that had started. He needed to cry sometimes, and now, with Jess gone, was as good a time as any. He wasn't sure how long they sat together like that before he heard a key in the door, and Jess walked into the apartment, a happy smile on his face. Winston raised his head to look at Jess, but stayed by Jeremy's side, and Jeremy thought about how lucky he was to have Winston and Jess in his life.

Jeremy felt a moment of guilt as Jess's smile faded upon seeing his tear stained face. "Hey, Jeremy, are you ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "I'm ok." It was the truth. He was ok. Some nights were just harder than others, and they might always be. But, he really was ok. He could be grateful for what he had and still grieve for the lonely child he had been at the same time. Both those things would always be a part of him.

Jess walked over to his son and crouched down on the other side of Winston, absently putting one hand on the dog's head as he kept his eyes on Jeremy. Winston's tail beat a steady rhythm against the floor as he wagged it for Jess's return. "What's the matter, Jeremy? Did something happen?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Nothing happened. I was just thinking about stuff…"

Jeremy could see the concern on his father's face. "What kind of stuff?"

"Nothing in particular. Just life stuff, I guess." Jeremy wiped slowly at his face, not really embarrassed, but not wanting to make Jess worry.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jess asked.

Jeremy shook his head. "I don't think so." He huffed out a laugh at the small frown on Jess's face. "I know you don't like hearing this." He said gently. "But, there are some things you can't fix." Jeremy shrugged again. "Some days are just…..hard."

Jess nodded seriously. "Ok. I hear that. Is it ok if I hang out here with you and Winston? I haven't seen my boys all day." Jess sat down on the other side of Winston, his back against the front of the couch, the same as Jeremy's, and his legs stretched out in front of him.

Jeremy smiled. "You don't have to do that. I'm ok. Really."

Jess reached out a hand and ran it through Jeremy's hair as he looked at his son. "You want me to go somewhere else?"

"No. But it feels pretty silly that we're all sitting on the floor." Jeremy smiled again. "With all this furniture going to waste."

"I don't mind." Jess said solemnly.

"I haven't eaten yet. Do you want to go sit at the table and have something to eat with me?" Jeremy hadn't eaten, that was true. He couldn't honestly say he was hungry, but he knew Jess always came home famished on the nights he worked both jobs.

"Ok. If that's what you want to do. But, I'm good sitting right here."

Jeremy smiled. "Thanks. But, I think we should get up now."

Jess stood up and Jeremy accepted the hand Jess reached down to him, letting him pull him to his feet. He really was ok.