Chapter 35 Notes - Jess thinks about Mallory and Jeremy takes another shot at a difficult conversation. I hope you all had a fun and safe New Year's Eve, and I wish you all a happy 2019! Thanks for all the great comments and feedback on the last chapter. Your reviews always give me lots to think about and they are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess was feeling good. It was a beautiful morning. He listened to the birds chirping and the sound of his own sneakered feet pounding against the pavement as he ran through town. He felt grateful for the spring weather after being cooped up in the gym for most of the winter. The gym had its place in his workout routine, it would have to in New England winters after all, but while Jess felt that he could get a decent cardio workout on the treadmill, nothing beat running outdoors to clear his head and give him a real runner's high. Something about the forward motion always seemed to help him work through a troubled mind in a way that nothing else could. Not that he was troubled this morning, not exactly. This morning his thoughts were focused on Mallory Howard.

Jess was thinking about having her in his car two nights ago. How well things had gone between them. The conversation flowing easily the entire way to Hartford, the forty-five minute drive infused with what Jess could only describe as playful first date energy. Mallory was funny and charming, but also thoughtful and compassionate. Jess had started off, as promised, with the story of how he had ended up back in Stars Hollow. He had downplayed the tragedy of his job loss and the fire and played up the comedic aspects of being back in one of his childhood homes with a son of his own and spending more time than any adult should with his family. Being Liz's kid hadn't been easy, still wasn't really, but she had certainly given him fodder for endless stories of family wackiness that could be lightened and played for a laugh in a pinch. Mallory had listened attentively, smiling and laughing in all the right places, then followed up with a level of serious empathy that had taken Jess by surprise even as he appreciated the genuineness of the sentiment.

He had prompted her for her story then, egging her on when she was hesitant, saying he'd shown her his, it was only fair. She had laughed, saying there wasn't much to tell. Her family was boringly normal, but loving and supportive. Pediatrician mom, veterinarian dad, accountant older brother. And she wanted to have a boringly normal, but loving family of her own someday. What had struck Jess the most was how educated her family was. Jess had been glad that he had instinctively held back the details of his own education. Glossing over the reason for losing his job at Truncheon and describing himself as having been downsized due to a corporate merger. She had talked about her job, how much she loved working with this age group and helping teenagers transition into adulthood and plan their futures, how she found adolescence to be the most hopeful age when anything still felt possible and she felt grateful to get to be a part of helping the students she counseled work toward achieving their dreams. She had talked about how weird it was to be back at their old school as an adult and an authority figure. How she felt that some of the teachers who had been there when she was a student still didn't take her seriously even after being there for ten years.

They had reminisced about having had Coach O'Neill, the sixty-something year old football coach who couldn't seem to talk without yelling, as their own guidance counselor back in high school. They had almost been at their destination when Jess had quipped how jealous he was of his son, that if Jess had had a guidance counselor like her in high school he might have actually made an attempt to get his shit together, that Jeremy didn't know how good he had it. The mention of Jeremy's name hadn't exactly brought the conversation to a crashing halt, but it had created an awkward pause as the reality of the situation had hit Jess, causing him to reflect on the reason he couldn't pursue anything with this woman, at least not at the moment. He assumed it had hit Mallory too, as he watched her smile dim, her straight white teeth no longer visible, the corners of her mouth still curved up, but lacking the previous playful demeanor. Jess had been desperate not to let the conversation end on such an awkward note, as if someone had thrown cold water over the previous forty-five minutes of his life, extinguishing the sparks he had felt between them. His eyes had landed on the flyers laying in the console between the seats, for the author reading night at the bookstore, and he told her about the event, handing her a flyer after he had pulled up in front of the Capital Grille, telling her that if she didn't already have plans for Thursday night she might want to come check it out. She had smirked and come back with a remark about Stars Hollow being so fortunate to have a city boy like Jess bringing culture into their small backward town. He had laughed, saying, hey, he was doing what he could, fulfilling his moral obligation to the good folks of Mayberry. Maybe he'd see her there. Maybe, she had smiled as she thanked him and stepped out of the car.

The parting hadn't been as awkward as the moments leading up to it, but they hadn't returned to the same energy as the first forty minutes of the ride, either. He had thought at the time that inviting her to the reading had been fine, since the bookstore was a public place and there would be, Jess hoped, lots of people there. But, now he was starting to question if even that was something that he should have checked with Jeremy about first. He couldn't imagine how he would have reacted if Luke had shown any interest in one of his teachers or counselors when he'd been in high school. But, Jeremy was a very different and more mature kid than he had been. He had spent his last two years of high school serving as an impediment to the relationship he knew Luke had wanted with Lorelai. He couldn't imagine Jeremy doing the same to him. Jeremy was a more thoughtful and generous kid than he had been and he would want to see Jess happy. Jess hadn't mentioned the encounter with Mallory when he had come home that night, having been too distracted by his son sitting on the floor with tears on his face, but he decided he would bring it up to Jeremy to give him a fair warning that his guidance counselor might show up at the reading. It would also be a good opportunity to gauge Jeremy's reaction to him showing an interest in Mallory.

Jess knew he had to put Jeremy first and that nothing could happen while the boy was still a student at Mallory's school. Just as Jess started to comfort himself with the thought that graduation was only a few short months away, he was hit with the uneasy thought that he was dating for two now. That Jeremy's feelings had a place in his romantic life, and that depending on how much the boy had opened up to Mallory as his counselor, Jeremy might not be ok with Jess dating her even after he graduated. Jess had never done anything more than grunt in response to anything a guidance counselor had said to him when he was a teenager, but he knew that Jeremy had already confided in Mallory about the adoption. He wondered what else the boy had told her and if he had said anything that would leave him feeling uncomfortable around her socially even after he was done with high school. If Jeremy had revealed too many personal details to Mallory, Jess could end up in a situation akin to dating his kid's therapist and that seemed all kinds of wrong, far worse than dating his teacher. Fuck.

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Jeremy was trying to follow the instructor on the youtube video he was playing on his laptop, but he felt awkward and uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how long he could maintain his downward dog, or whether he was even doing it right to begin with. The fabric of the neckline of the loose long-sleeve tee-shirt he had worn to baseball practice was hanging in his face, bothering him, and his shoulders and hamstrings ached.

"If you're feeling tight, focus on relaxing your neck and shoulders." Jeremy tried to block out the discomfort of the pose and listen to the instructor's calm, soothing voice. "This is a good time to listen to your breathing and try to quiet your mind."

Jeremy heard Winston trot over to the door, followed by a key in the lock and Jess's soft laughter, as if the man wasn't sure if he was allowed to mock Jeremy for this. "Hey, boy!" Jess greeted Winston first, but Jeremy could hear distinct amusement in his voice. "How's my good pup? Huh? Who's my good boy?" Jeremy heard the sound of Winston's toenails tapping excitedly on the wood floor by the door. "C'mon, Winston. Let's go see what your brother is up to."

Jeremy felt Jess standing over him, heard Winston's nails tapping close to his head. "Whatcha doin'?"

Jeremy huffed in frustrating. "Painting a fence. What's it look like?"

The instructor spoke again. "Listen to what your inner self is telling you. Release the clutter in your mind. Just be."

Jess chuckled. "What exactly is your inner self telling you, Jeremy?"

Jeremy laughed. "Right now, it's telling me to ignore your mocking. Hey, do I look like her?" Jeremy tilted his upside down head in the direction of the laptop. He felt goofy and self-conscious having Jess catch him at this, but he figured Jess might be useful for letting him know if he was doing it right.

"Hmm…." Jeremy could hear the phony consideration in his father's voice and knew that whatever followed would be nonsense. "I can't say I see a resemblance to you, but she does kind of remind me of Charlize Theron. A serene to the point of possibly being doped up Charlize Theron."

"Come down through plank position, and move into cobra. Open your heart and roll your shoulders down."

Jeremy grunted as he followed the instructor into cobra. "I meant, does my form look like hers."

"Oh, that's an easy one! Nope."

Jeremy laughed and gave into his discomfort over practicing in front of his new audience. He pushed himself off the ground and into a kneeling position, sitting back on his heels, missing the next few poses as he looked up at Jess. "Coach Forrester says that we should have a regular stretching routine to do at home after practice, to help loosen tight muscles. And he says yoga is perfect because it helps with relaxation and mental health along with building physical strength and increasing flexibility."

Jeremy watched as Jess got the same weird, annoyed looking expression on his face that he always got whenever Jeremy mentioned Coach Forrester. Jeremy thought about what Luke had told him about parents taking an interest in what their kids were interested in, and how it didn't seem to always hold true for him and Jess. He wanted to ask what Jess had against his coach, but he didn't want to annoy Jess further.

"Well, if Coach Forrester says it…" Jess trailed off.

"He knows lot about yoga. His wife teaches it for her job. He recommended this youtube video." Jeremy tilted his head toward the laptop a few feet away from him on the floor. "That's his wife."

"Seriously?" Jess seemed interested then and crouched down in front of the laptop to check out the woman who was now demonstrating the warrior one pose. Jeremy thought she was pretty, long and lean, with a body sculpted to perfection from years of yoga, blond hair in a loose bun piled on top of her head, and a peaceful expression on her face even as she held the difficult poses. "Huh." Jess's mouth was set in a firm line, and he looked even more aggravated at the revelation.

Jeremy couldn't keep the smirk from his face as Jess turned toward him, one hand on the floor in front of him for balance. He tried to hold in a giggle, but failed. "You're so full of shit!" Jess grinned while he admonished Jeremy.

Jeremy laughed out loud. "I couldn't help it! His wife is pretty, though. I met her at the diner. But, I have no idea what she does for a job. Why does that guy bother you so much, anyway?"

"He doesn't bother me." Jess said, his tone indicating how ridiculous he found the question. "Why would you even think that?"

"Um, because you get visibly annoyed every time I bring him up."

"I do not." Jess huffed indignantly. "You're so dramatic."

"I'm not dramatic." Jeremy shrugged nonchalantly. "I just notice stuff. When I first met him in the diner, he said that you guys went to high school together. Did you not like him back then, either?"

"I liked him just fine. I barely even knew the guy in high school."

"It doesn't sound like you liked him just fine." Jeremy smirked. "Was Coach Forrester your arch nemesis?"

"My arch nemesis? Really?" Jess scoffed. "No. He wasn't my arch nemesis, mostly because we weren't Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner."

Jeremy laughed. "Ok. Hey, I was just interested in your life. He's a nice guy now."

"I'm sure he is." Jess stood back up, and Jeremy could tell he wanted to end the conversation. "Winston and I are going to let you finish your video. It looks like you're missing some serious cat cow action right now."

Jeremy looked back at his laptop and saw that Jess was right. He got on all fours and copied the instructor's cow pose. "You know about yoga?" He asked Jess.

"I know about all kinds of stuff." Jeremy heard Jess start to walk away, Winston trotting next to him, then the footsteps stopped and he felt a startling but muted smack across the seat of his sweatpants, followed by Jess's quiet chuckling.

"Hey!" Jeremy turned his head to give Jess a dirty look, his eyes narrowed with playful annoyance, as he watched the man toss the throw pillow he had hit him with back onto the couch.

"Sorry, guess I couldn't help it either." Jess laughed. "Stop giving me a dirty look and pay attention to your video."

Jeremy smiled as he rounded his back into cat pose and listened to Jess's chuckling taper off as the man walked across the apartment and closed his bedroom door behind him to change out of his work clothes.

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Later that evening, Jess and Jeremy were sitting down to dinner. Jess had fried some eggs and veggie sausage and sauteed some spinach. Jeremy cooked about the same amount that Jess did, but this meal was becoming a staple when it was Jess's turn to cook. Jeremy knew Jess liked it because it was quick and only involved cleaning one frying pan afterward. And, it's not that Jeremy minded the meal in and of itself, but it's appearance at the dinner table was usually an indication that Jess was too tired to bother with anything more than eggs and that made Jeremy feel badly. Between the bookstore, Uber, and the diner, Jess had been working a lot of hours. Jeremy was glad that the author event at the bookstore would be over this week, so that at least one thing would be off Jess's plate.

"And…...Tapatio." Jess got up to retrieve the hot sauce from the cabinet and sat back down. "You good?"

"Yep." Jeremy nodded and broke off a piece of egg with his fork. "Thanks for making dinner."

Jess huffed out a laugh. "You're welcome, but I think you might be the only kid who thanks their parent for cooking them dinner. I'm not saying I don't appreciate your appreciation, but you really don't need to thank me."

Jeremy shrugged. "You always thank me when I cook."

Jess smiled. "I suppose I do."

"So, uh." Jeremy wanted to bring up college again. He had received two more emails offering him admittance into two more Pennsylvania state schools, and he knew he needed to talk to Jess, but he was feeling nervous and didn't want to rush into it. "Are things all set for your thing at the bookstore?"

An oddly guilty looked flashed across Jess's face for an instant. "Things are good to go for Thursday. You're still coming by, right?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'm going to bring some people, too."

"You are? Who?"

"Well, I guess I'm technically only bringing Cassidy, but she's bringing like two or three other people."

"Great, thanks for doing that." Jeremy felt good that he had people to bring, that he would be able to contribute something to an event Jess had been working so hard on.

"And, I overheard two girls in my physics lab talking about it today, too."

"Oh, yeah?" Jess raised one eyebrow in question.

"Yeah, they were making plans to go. They said it sounded like something different to do rather than just going to the movies or bowling like usual."

"Good. I'm hoping for a decent turnout. And, uh…"

Jeremy looked up at Jess, who now looked nervous as well as guilty. "What?"

"Nothing. I just ran into Mallory Howard, or Ms. Howard, I guess I should say, the other night. You're, uh, guidance counselor."

Jeremy frowned, more at how strange Jess was acting than at the content of what he was saying. "Yeah, I know who Ms. Howard is, Dad."

Jess chuckled. "Of course, you do. So, anyway, I picked her up the other night. For Uber. And, I drove her to Hartford and we were talking and I mentioned the event and she said she might come by and check it out. I just wanted to give you a heads up." Jess paused and took a sip of water. "So, is that ok? That's not something that would be weird for you, is it?"

"If Ms. Howard goes to your thing at the bookstore? No, why would that be weird for me?"

"I don't know." Jess shrugged. "I used to get annoyed when my teachers came into the diner while I was working. Sometimes it's weird to see someone outside the context of how you usually see them."

"Well, I'll be with Cassidy and her friends. And, I'm guessing Ms. Howard will bring someone, too. I'm not thinking she's going to want to hang out with me all night or anything. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I'm sure you're right! I just wanted to let you know." Jeremy could tell from the increased cheerfulness in Jess's demeanor that he was being fake. It brought Jeremy back to the early days of living with Jess, when the man had tried too hard to be pleasant and happy all the time.

"Jess, you're being really weird. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, of course! Everything's fine, Jeremy. I think I might be a little nervous about Thursday, that's all. This is the first author reading I've planned here, and these things went over well in Philly, but I'm not really sure what to expect here in terms of turnout and interest. I don't know. If I'm acting weird, I think it's just nerves."

Jeremy nodded. He could relate to that. He got nervous about pretty much everything, himself.

"Hey, Jeremy?"

Jeremy looked up from his plate, chewing his spinach as he looked at Jess. He covered his mouth with one hand, not wanting to miss a chance to give Jess the same response the man usually gave him. "Hey, Jess." He felt like his inflection was off.

Jess smiled, but Jeremy noted that it didn't reach his eyes and wondered if it was genuine. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I did when you were doing yoga."

Jeremy still had his mouth full, but furrowed his brow in confusion, unsure what Jess was referring to.

"When I hit you with the pillow like that. In retrospect, it probably wasn't an ok thing to do."

Jeremy swallowed and put down his fork. "Jess, what's going on? You're still being weird. Why are you apologizing for hitting me with a pillow? It didn't hurt. You know that, right?"

"I know it didn't hurt, but I was just thinking about it while I was cooking, and it would have pissed me off at your age if one of Liz's boyfriends or husbands had done that to me, violated my personal space, hit me on the ass like that. I know things can be embarrassing, sometimes, even if they don't hurt. I was playing around with you and I got carried away and went too far and I'm sorry."

Jeremy could feel that he was staring at Jess in surprise, but he felt too shocked to school his expression into something normal. He thought carefully about how to respond. He knew Jess had been hit for real when he was a kid, and probably purposefully humiliated as well, and while Jeremy didn't consider Jess hitting him with a pillow to be a big deal, he didn't want to be dismissive of something that clearly mattered to his father. "It's ok, Dad. It didn't upset me. It maybe surprised me a little, I guess, because you don't usually do stuff like that." Jeremy paused. "But, it's fine. I wasn't hurt or embarrassed or anything. And, I'm not mad. Ok?"

Jess nodded. "Ok. Thank you."

Jeremy nodded back at him. "And, I don't think I like you comparing yourself to Liz's boyfriends like that. I think it would have pissed me off, too, if one of Liz's boyfriends, or even TJ, hit me on the ass with a pillow. But, this wasn't like that. You weren't comfortable with those guys. You hated some of them. Do you really believe that I ever think about you the way you thought about Liz's boyfriends when you were a kid?"

"I hope not." "I don't know. It was the point of reference that popped into my head while I was cooking."

"Well, it's not a good one." Jeremy spoke slowly, as if explaining something to a small child. "You're my dad and my forever person. I love you, and I know that you love me. I'm guessing you never felt that way about any of Liz's boyfriends."

"I can't say that I did." Jess still looked sad and guilty. It reminded Jeremy of Winston that one time shortly after they had brought him home from the shelter when they had both slept in and the dog had wet the floor of the apartment in Philadelphia. Winston's forlorn expression had broken Jeremy's heart then, too.

"I don't want you to feel bad about this, Jess. It wasn't a big deal. At all. It was you being annoying for about two seconds." Jeremy smirked. "And, that's nothing. Usually when you're annoying, it lasts much longer than that."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh. "Oh, wow. Kick a guy when he's down, huh?"

Jeremy grinned. "If it will make you feel better, I can sneak up on you like a ninja and smack you in the face with a pillow when you least expect it. Then, we'll be even."

Jess chuckled.

Jeremy's expression turned serious. "We're fine, though, ok? I need to know that you know that."

Jess nodded. "I got it. Thanks."

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"Hey, nephew. How was practice?" Luke greeted Jeremy as he walked into the diner. Unless, Jeremy had Winston with him, he always entered and exited the apartment through the diner so that he got to say hi to Luke.

"It was good."

"Yeah? Did Coach Forrester have you guys practice turning a double play again? You don't want a repeat of what happened at the last game." Luke finished clearing the dirty dishes from a table by the door, wiped down the table top and carried the bus tray toward the counter. Jeremy trailed behind him. Sometimes Jeremy still felt overwhelmed by the fact that he now had people in his life who cared about the small, insignificant details of his days, who went to his games and asked relevant questions about things that were important to him.

"Yeah, we ran through it a bunch of times. He was pretty nice about what happened last time, though. He doesn't really get mad about stuff. He says every time we mess up, it's just an opportunity to learn how to do something better. That's cool, right? Most coaches like to yell about stuff like that."

Luke set the bus tray on the shelf under the counter. "That does sound pretty cool. And, probably more productive than yelling."

Jeremy looked around then and didn't see another server. He figured that was why Luke was bussing tables himself. "Are you short-handed tonight? Want me to go change and come help you out?"

Luke smiled at Jeremy. "That depends. Have you talked to Jess about college yet, about you not wanting to go away for school?"

Jeremy looked down at the counter between them. "Not yet…...but, I will."

"You've got into what, three schools now?"

Jeremy nodded, looking back up at Luke. "Yeah. Three."

"You need to talk to him, Jeremy. Putting it off like this is only going to make it harder."

Jeremy nodded, feeling his face warm with embarrassment. Luke was right. He was being a coward. "I know…"

"Jess isn't driving tonight, right?"

Jess nodded. "No, he's not. He should be home soon."

"Then thank you for your offer, but I can handle things down here by myself. I'm thinking your evening would be better spent talking to Jess about what's on your mind. I think you'll feel better after. What do you think?"

Jeremy sighed. "I think you're right."

"So, you'll talk to him? Tonight?"

Jeremy hadn't planned on bringing it up to Jess tonight, but he knew once he told Luke he would that he would follow through. He didn't want Luke to think he couldn't be trusted. "Yeah. Ok. I'll talk to him tonight."

"Good man." Luke patted Jeremy on the shoulder just as Cesar rang the bell to signal a ready order. "I'll be looking forward to hearing how it went tomorrow. But, I think Jess is going to surprise you. He loves you so much, Jeremy. He's going to be open to what you have to tell him. I know it."

Jeremy nodded and watched Luke walk toward the kitchen to pick up the plates of food. In a way, he was relieved that Luke had called him out on his delay in talking to Jess and made him commit to a deadline. He didn't want it hanging over his head any longer, but he knew he had needed that push.

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Jeremy had changed out of his practice clothes and was sitting at the table reading a novel beside two takeout containers from the diner, two glasses of water, and a stack of napkins when Jess walked in. Jeremy turned to watch his father greet Winston. "Hey Dad, I brought up veggie burgers and fries from downstairs. Is that ok for dinner?"

"That sounds great." Jess walked over to the table with Winston trotting along at his side and dropped a kiss on Jeremy's head. "Thank you."

"Sure. So, I was thinking….."

"You were, huh?" Jess pulled off his hoodie and tossed it onto the armchair before taking a seat at the table across from Jeremy with a smile.

Jeremy laughed a little nervously. "Yeah, and you don't have to work tonight, right?"

"That's correct." Jess pulled one of the styrofoam containers toward him, along with a water glass and a napkin, and Jeremy did the same.

"And neither do I."

Jess was looking at Jeremy suspiciously. "I figured that's why you're here instead of downstairs. I'm pretty smart like that."

Jeremy smiled. "And, I finished all my homework at school today during my free period."

"Aren't you a smarty-pants." Jess opened his takeout container, picked up a fry and popped it in his mouth.

"And, I got takeout because I thought it would be quick, no prep and no cleanup, right?"

"That's usually how it goes with takeout, yes." Jess confirmed, still looking at Jeremy oddly.

"So, I was thinking, since we have all this free time tonight, and there's still another hour or so of daylight, that maybe…...well, would you want to go outside and play catch with me after dinner?" Jeremy had thought about his promise to Luke and decided that talking to Jess while they tossed a baseball around might be the easiest way to go.

"Me?" Jess looked confused and a little skeptical. "Isn't that your thing with Luke?"

"It is, but it could be our thing, too. I don't get the impression that Uncle Luke is the jealous type." Jeremy smiled at Jess.

"I would love to Jeremy, but I don't even have a glove." Jeremy felt a small tug in his chest at how genuinely disappointed Jess looked at missing out on this opportunity to play with him.

"That's ok. Uncle Luke said you can borrow his. He keeps it in the diner for when me and him play."

Jess smiled, eager, but uncertain. "It won't be like playing with Luke, though, just so you know. I probably won't be as good as you two are. I haven't even worn a glove since I was a little kid."

"I don't care about that." Jeremy smiled encouragingly. "I've always wanted to play catch with my dad, from the time I was little and first joined Little League. I don't care how good you are at it. I just want to do it with you."

Jess smiled warmly at him, and Jeremy's heart felt full. As he looked at his father, he didn't know what he had been worried about. This was a man who had looked crestfallen a moment ago at the idea of not getting to play catch with him and who had apologized for hitting him with a pillow the other day. This wasn't a man who was going to be a hardass and not listen to how Jeremy felt. This conversation was going to go so much better than Jeremy had been anticipating. He was sure of that now. He could feel it.

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Thwack! Jess was enjoying himself a lot more than he expected. He tried to remember the last time he had had a baseball glove on his hand. He knew he had owned one at some point during his childhood, could remember one of Liz's husband's putting him on a team when he had been eight or nine maybe, but Jess's baseball career had ended before the season had, cut short when Liz had walked out on the guy. He didn't know if he had ever played again after that, and he couldn't even remember if he had taken the glove with him when they had moved out of the man's apartment. He knew that Jeremy had started off throwing pretty light to him, as he had gotten the hang of it again, but they had soon fallen into a steady rhythm. He could understand why people did this. He liked all of it. The fond and proud look he had received from Luke when he had borrowed his uncle's glove, the warm, cozy feeling of being outside with his son in the slowly fading evening light, the easy and unhurried flow of conversation, and the sound of the ball smacking into his glove with grounding regularity.

"So, I have something to tell you." Jeremy said.

Jess had already listened to Jeremy tell him about his day at school and baseball practice and he wondered what was on Jeremy's mind that needed this kind of lead in. Thwack! "I'm all ears."

"I got into college." Jeremy said it almost shyly. His voice lowering for the announcement.

Jess almost forgot to lift his glove for the ball rushing toward him. Thwack! "Jeremy, Congratulations! That's great! I'm so proud of you!" Jess's first instinct was hurt at not having been told immediately when Jeremy had found out, and Jess tried to rein that emotion in. He hated it when someone's first reaction to news was 'why didn't you tell me' even as they were being told. He didn't want to be the kind of parent who met something like this with criticism and made it about him. If Jeremy hadn't told him right away, he must have had his reasons, maybe he had been waiting for an idyllic moment like this one to make his announcement. Jess bit down on the question he wanted to ask, about when Jeremy had heard. "Which school?"

"Three of the Penn States. Abington. University Park. And, Scranton."

Thwack! Jess got emotional watching his son glowing with pride at his achievement. He was proud of Jeremy, so proud of the kid's ability to stick out school and do well at it even though he hadn't had the easiest life, but he also felt a sharp and immediate sense of loss, as though the boy had told him that he was getting on a bus and leaving for school the next day. "Three of them. Wow, that's amazing, Jeremy! I'm so proud of you." Jess wanted to hug his son, to kiss him on the head and hold him tightly. But, he recognized that if Jeremy had chosen to tell him now, mid-catch, a hug must not be the reaction the boy was looking for, at least not at the moment.

"Thanks."

Thwack! "So, uh, which one is it going to be?" Jess asked, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. His kid got into college. This was a good thing. This was fucking amazing.

"I don't know yet. I kind of want to talk to you about that." Jess watched the boy's expression change, take on a hint of nervousness. "I've been thinking that maybe it would be better if I stayed local for school…"

Thwack! "I thought you only applied to schools in Pennsylvania."

"I did." Jeremy nodded. "But, I was thinking that if I want to stay in Connecticut, I could always take a semester off and work, or go to a local community college and then transfer to a Connecticut state school for my sophomore year. I would qualify for instate tuition by then so it would be cheaper, too. There's lots of options."

Thwack! This again. Jess hated to see his kid feeling like he had to sacrifice something as important as college because he thought they couldn't afford it. Jess sighed. "Jeremy, we talked about this. You're going to a real college in the fall. You don't need to worry about money like this." Thwack! "I'm not saying it's going to be easy to swing, but I know how hard you've worked for this. We can handle this. We'll make it work."

"But, I'm ok with community college for a semester, or a year. And, I think maybe that's what I want to do. I kind of want to stay around here. Lots of people do it and then transfer to a four year state school."

Thwack! Jess knew he was doing something wrong, because Jeremy looked like he was getting more stressed instead of less. "I know they do. And, if I was going back to school, that's what I would do. But, listen to me. Are you listening?"

Jeremy nodded, his expression tight. "Yeah. I'm listening."

Thwack! "You've worked your ass off to do well at school, Jeremy. I've seen it this last year and I know how hard it must have been to get the kind of grades you get when you had to switch schools as many times as you've had to, and when things weren't good at your placements. I respect how seriously you've taken your education." Thwack! "I couldn't graduate high school even when I lived with Luke for my junior and senior years, in a stable and loving home. I have so much respect for what you've been able to accomplish, mostly on your own, with no one to push you to study or care if you did your homework." Thwack! "You deserve college, Jeremy. A real one, with challenging classes and good professors. I want you to have the whole experience and get to live in a dorm and eat shitty cafeteria food and pass college girls in pajamas in the hall on your way to the showers at night." Thwack! "I want you to have everything I was too stupid and stubborn to know I should have wanted. You're not a burden, Jeremy." Jess felt himself getting emotional, but he believed in the rightness, the absolute sincerity, of what he was saying, and he hoped his words were sinking in with his son. "You are my one child. You are my one purpose. And, I don't care if I need to live in Luke's apartment and work three jobs for the next four years, I'm going to give you this. Ok?"

Thwack! Jess could see Jeremy's eyes shining with tears in the near dark. He knew his own emotions weren't that far from surfacing either, but it didn't matter because he felt like he had really gotten through to his son. The boy wiped at one eye with the sleeve of his tee-shirt before he threw the ball. Thwack! As the baseball left Jess's hand on its way back to Jeremy, two things happened. Kirk screamed out from their left for Petal, and Jess watched his son's eyes cut toward the sound for a moment, while the pig shot out from the other direction in the dark and collided with Jeremy's leg just as he was stepping in to make the catch. Jess watched as if in slow motion as the boy stumbled a step, unable to right himself and bring his glove up in time as the ball flew toward his face.

The next thing Jess knew he was running toward Jeremy, then on the ground, reaching out to his kneeling son. Jeremy had both hands pressed over his left eye, head down, chest hunched forward protectively, crying without sound, and breaking Jess's heart.