A/N: Thank you everyone for your continued interest and support. I love to see how you all enjoy and speculate on what will happen next. I'm a little demon who feeds off reviews.
Special thanks to ItsHardIKnow.
Chapter 12
Tobias
I could feel the noose loosen around my neck the moment my blood hit the coals. I was finally able to breathe for the first time in my life. I didn't even pick up the bandage. I just looked at my father and saw the shocked look on his face. He was so sure I would choose Abnegation. I briefly look at Beatrice who looks so excited I think she might even jump out of her skin. She then remembers to look shocked. She brings her hands to her face, covering it. She pretends to cry, but I know she is laughing. I can hear the commotion among the Abnegation. Some say "poor girl" while others lament Marcus. As I sit down, and Max tries to calm down the crowd, I hear heavy footsteps, and I know Beatrice is stomping away, running out of the room, pretending to be so distraught about the fact that her husband just left her. I watch her run out of the room, disappearing into the hallway. I chance looking toward my father. He still looks stunned, but then he glares at me when our eyes lock. I don't care what he does, as long as he doesn't stand up and runs after Beatrice. She will have enough time to get down to the car where Vanessa awaits her. But I'd rather he stays here, so that she can get away safely.
The ceremony continues, but I don't pay much attention. One by one, each dependent is called forward, until Max calls Caleb Prior. As he descends, he glances my way and gives me a death glare. He must think the worst of me, just as Beatrice's parents. But it doesn't matter. I am free and once I am a member of Dauntless, I can finally be with my Beatrice. We will be free. I watch Caleb pick up the knife, and cut himself. I fully expect him to drop his blood over the stones, but instead it stains the water. Caleb chose Erudite. Well, I didn't see that coming.
Thankfully, my father is just as predictable as Beatrice thought him to be. She must be in Candor by now, safe and sound, but until I can see her again, I won't rest easily. The moment the ceremony is over, I walk away with the other Dauntless initiates, and we head downstairs. Most of them take the elevator, and I fight with myself to take the stairs, not because of my Abnegation upbringing, but because I have a fear of confinement, due to Marcus locking me into the closet as a form of punishment. He repeated this several times a week when I was little, and even later on, but not since Beatrice came to live with us. I get over it, push it down, and get inside the small metal box that will take me down into the lobby. It's faster, and honestly, I don't know what I am supposed to do next. Beatrice told me to do everything the Dauntless did, ensuring my safe entry into their compound. Thinking of her, I feel a tug at my heart, but decide to let her image make me strong and brave, just like she always does.
She was so brave to go to Candor, find a lawyer, find an escape for the both of us. My girl is amazing. I don't deserve her. But for some bullshit reason she loves me, and I love her, and for as long as I live I will protect her, cherish, love her, and make her happy, so that she'll never regret she put her faith in me.
I follow the Dauntless toward the tracks, and silently pray I will make it on the train. I know I am fast, and strong enough to pull myself onto it. I wait for it to turn the corner before I follow the other initiates. We all start running, and with each passing minute of this new found freedom, I realize this was the best decision I have ever made. And it's all thanks to my Beatrice.
I hop into the cart, and realize I am the only transfer inside. I must have run faster than the others, because I could have sworn there were a few Candors and at least one Erudite behind me.
"Look at that, a Stiff," a tall dark-skinned man with dreadlocks says to a young girl with shoulder long green hair, and a nose piercing. I narrow my eyes at him, but he laughs.
"Relax, kid. I'm actually impressed. Not many transfers manage to jump into the car with their instructor," he adds, and comes closer to me. He extends his hand, and I look down at it skeptically.
"Come on, I won't bite," he urges. I shake his hand and then retract mine quickly. "My name is Amar and this is Lauren. We are both instructors." I nod my head, and Lauren watches me suspiciously.
"He seems shy. Handsome, but shy. I bet he'll be quite the heartbreaker," she comments, laughing. What's that supposed to mean?
"What's your name, kid?" Amar asks me. I consider telling him my name, but then decide to leave Tobias behind.
"Just call me Stiff," I respond quietly, and turn my back to them. I remain close to the door and watch the scenery pass before me.
"That's an awful name for such a handsome boy," Lauren tuts, coming closer to me, "by the way, we know who you are, but now that you've chosen Dauntless you can pick a new name for yourself." I stare at her in surprise. I didn't think they would have noticed me. I mean, their leader did call my name, but he called about fifty more people after me.
"So, who was the girl that stormed out?" Amar asks softly.
"My wife," I answer immediately, a smile forming on my face. Silence falls, but I welcome it. Unfortunately, it doesn't last long.
"Seriously?" I don't answer.
"Man, that must be tough. I assume she is younger than you, and that's why she didn't choose today," he continues, and I nod. They don't say anything else after that, and it is only after about half an hour that they finally tell me to get ready to jump.
I look outside, and see that the tracks are high up, at least seven stories high. Are they insane? Of course, they are. They are Dauntless. Why wouldn't the entrance into Dauntless be anything other than reckless and dangerous? I watch as Lauren takes a few steps back, and then jumps out, landing perfectly on the roof. I copy her actions, pushing my body hard, and at the edge of the car, I push my body forward with all the strength I can muster.
For a moment I levitate mid-air, and I marvel at the sensation. I don't really like it, but what I like even less is when my body hits the hard surface of the rooftop. I fall on my knees and hands, and for a moment I feel nothing. Then, my body remembers that it's supposed to feel some sort of pain, and surely a second later I feel a combination of tingling and a pain that can only be described as angry. It's like the pain from the impact just spread out through my limbs, making sure that it hurt just enough to not make me wail, but enough to make me stop breathing for a moment. However, living with Marcus all these years made me almost immune to regular pain. I actually welcome it. It's a nice distraction from what I was used to.
All the initiates gather around a middle-aged man. He is tall, bulky, and his skin is tanned. Not too much, not like Max's, but just a little darker than the rest. His hair is short, and dark, and his eyes are a soft brown. He has tattoos on his forearms, and a piercing in his nose, but other than that he looks like a regular guy.
He introduces himself as Harrison, one of the Dauntless leaders. He gives us a speech about bravery, and what the faction stands for. He doesn't keep us in much suspense, because a moment later he tells us that to enter Dauntless we needed to jump off the roof. What? Is he serious? I look around, and see that even the Dauntless-born are surprised by this. Are they trying to kill us? An Erudite boy asks if Harrison is joking or if this is some insane Dauntless trick. The boy is about my height, although I think I am a little taller. He is, however, bulkier. His blonde hair is neatly combed back, and his light blue eyes are piercing. Yeah, he is definitely an Erudite with that arrogant attitude of his. I turn my gaze to Harrison, who narrowed his eyes, and steps closer.
"I guess, you'll have to find out," Harrison sneers, and I see the Erudite boy gulp audibly.
Soon, the first person jumps, and I inwardly ask myself how they are doing it. How come they are not afraid of what is down there? I wish Beatrice was here. She would give me strength like she always does. I still can't wrap my head around how such a fragile little body like hers, holds such a strong spirit. But if this is the way into this faction, I need to take it. I have survived worse, and Beatrice is counting on me.
But I am a bigger coward than I thought, because I watch everyone of the other initiates jump, until it's only me left. I step closer to the ledge, and look down. No. Definitely not. This is insane. I am going to die if I jump.
"You coming, boy?" Harrison asks a little annoyed. I look at him, and he checks his watch. I don't have time to think about anything, because Beatrice's face appears in my mind, and I know what I have to do. This is for her. For us. For a life together away from Marcus. I can do it. I will do it. For her. Always for her.
I can't believe I'm doing this. One final step and I go down. Beatrice trusts me, and I won't fail her. So, I take the final step off the ledge, and fall to the ground. I close my eyes, silently praying I didn't just make a mistake. A moment later my back hits something, and makes my whole body jump. I open my eyes, and stare up toward where I came from. A net. At the bottom of that insane jump, a net awaited me. How could I have been so stupid? Why would Dauntless leadership kill a whole batch of initiates? I inwardly slap myself for my cowardice. Beatrice wouldn't be proud if she knew about this.
The two Dauntless, I have met on the train, explain how things work. They divide us into two groups: Dauntless-born, who will be trained by Lauren, and transfers who will be trained by Amar. Since the Dauntless-born know their way around the compound, Amar tells us he will give us a tour, so that we get familiar with the place. He also informs us that this year leadership wanted to try something out. He doesn't elaborate for the time being, but I am not looking forward to whatever experiment they will try on us.
Amar explains how there will be three stages of training. The first will be physical. They will train us in combat, as well as handling guns and knives. The second stage is mental. We will be put through simulations that will tap into our fears. We will have to learn to get out of the simulations by either slowing our heart rate or conquering our fear. The third and final stage of training will also be the final test, which is called the fear landscape. We will be put under a similar simulation like the ones during phase two, but all our fears will appear in succession, until we manage to go through all of them. I cringe at the thought of having to live through my worst nightmares. I can bet on anything that Marcus will have a special place in there.
Lauren tells us that as a little experiment, they will put all of us through our fear landscape today, so that leadership sees how many fears we have. Hearing that, all I want is to run away, and hide under a rock. They seriously want us to face our worst fears? I always thought the Dauntless are a little crazy, but they are also sadistic. Who comes up with this crap?
Unable to do anything about it, I follow Amar, and the other initiates through the narrow hallways. I look around, trying to take as much in as possible, but Amar assures us he will show us around on our way to the dorm room. I try to focus on Beatrice, because she is really the only light in my life, and wonder how she is doing. Is she with Vanessa? Or maybe alone? Is she thinking of me the way I am about her?
My thoughts are interrupted when Amar asks me to enter the room. In the middle of it is a recliner, just like in the room where I took my aptitude test. To my right, Amar stands at a computer and types a sequence of numbers in. He instructs me to sit down, and unlike for the aptitude test, the serum he gives me is injected into my neck. I lean back, and wait for something to happen.
My eyelids are heavy, and I close them. I am surrounded by darkness. I wonder what is happening, when suddenly an image appears. I am high above the ground, standing on an improvised bridge between two tall buildings. As I look down, I feel myself getting dizzy. What is happening? How did I get here? I try to think of a reason why I would be here, when I remember, this is just a simulation. I am in what they call my fear landscape. Fear of heights. I was never really put in many situations to be particularly afraid of heights, but I knew the fear was there. What should I do? Lauren had explained while we waited for our turn, that we had to either conquer our fear or slow down our heart rate. Looking at the ground below me, I start to panic. But this isn't real. If I jump, I won't die. I've already jumped today from a real building, and I didn't die. So, that's what I do. I close my eyes, however, and step off the bridge. I feel myself falling, and brace myself for the impact. It never comes.
I am surrounded by blackness for a moment, until I find myself trapped in a metal box. Damn! This is worse than heights. Fear of confinement. I have Marcus to thank for that. He would leave me in that goddamned closet for hours. I guess he never did that after Beatrice moved in, figuring she would have probably let me out anyway. I try to repeat what I did before with the heights, but I can't think of anything. The more time passes, the more the walls shrink around me, trapping me inside. I start to panic. I can't think of a solution. My breaths come in ragged. My heart is pounding against my chest, threatening to jump out of my body. My heart. Right. I need to calm down. I think of Beatrice again, and how she always gives me the courage to do the impossible. I close my eyes, and try to calm down. It's tedious, but I manage to lower my heart rate enough for the image to fade, and soon to be replaced by another.
Beatrice. I smile widely when I see her, and run toward her, but I can't reach her. I stretch out my arms to grab onto her, but I can't.
"Beatrice, take my hand," I plead with her.
"Why would I?" she asks, her voice uncharacteristically cold.
"Beatrice, please, I love you," I tell her. She starts laughing. Not the melodic, joyful laughter that she only reserved for me, but a malicious one.
"You really think I would love some damaged little boy like you. Someone who cowers away from his daddy?" she spits venomously.
"Beatrice, please, I beg you," I plead again, falling to my knees. I can't believe this. Everything I did, I did for her. Why would she have deceived me like that?
"I need a man, Tobias, not a boy," she snarls, and a faceless man appears next to her, guiding her away from me.
I start crying. I've lost her. All I ever wanted was to be with her. And she left me. She is right. I am damaged. Broken. Useless.
"I love you enough to let you go, my love," I whisper, and I am surrounded by darkness once again.
When a new image appears, I am in Abnegation, in my father's house. Is this real? Did I just dream everything else?
I hear footsteps coming from upstairs. I look up, and I see Marcus. But this one has black, soulless beads instead of eyes, and a gaping foul hole instead of a mouth. It's the simulation. I am still in it. As Simulation Marcus reaches the end of the stairs, he multiplies himself, until I am surrounded by half a dozen versions of him. Each of them are holding a belt and each of them are closing in on me. I cower down, like so many times before, and await the first hit.
When I open my eyes, I am in the simulation room again. I am bent forward on the chair, my breathing erratic and my hands shaking. I feel shivers run down my spine and sweat trickling down my face. That was the most horrifying thing I've ever experienced.
Amar hands me a glass of water, holding onto my shoulder. I am grateful, but I am too stunned to even mutter anything, let alone form coherent sentences. It takes me several minutes to calm down, but my instructor is patient. He asks me to meet him outside the dorm room around ten p.m. I nod, before I get up, and head to the door.
"Impressive," Amar speaks up just as soon as I reach the door.
"What is?" I ask confused.
"You have only four fears," he clarifies with a wide smile, "people usually have between ten and fifteen fears. Four is unheard of." I watch him, stunned and speechless. I didn't expect that.
"I think I found you a name. It's better than Stiff anyway." I give him a curious look, and he just smirks at me.
A/N: What did you think of this chapter? Don't forget to feed this lil' demon :)