Chapter 37 Notes: Here's Jess's event at the bookstore. I took a bit of a liberty with Andrew's backstory. Thanks for much for all the thoughtful comments and feedback on the last chapter. :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls
The bookstore was filling up with people. Jess was walking through the crowd, greeting his guests, smiling and shaking hands and thanking people for coming. This aspect of an event, interacting with guests like this, had usually fallen to Chris and Matthew at Truncheon, while Jess had worked behind the scenes, helping the authors get set up. He had never considered this to be within his wheelhouse, but he was enjoying himself tonight. Andrew was working his own way through the crowd, talking to people and smiling. Jess knew this wasn't a big deal for him, that his boss was indulging him in this, so he was relieved to see that Andrew seemed to be relaxed and having a good time. As he often did when he watched Andrew from a distance, Jess felt an aching sadness for the man's loss, even as he was amazed by how well he seemed to cope.
Jess spotted Luke and Rory talking by the coffee and snack table and his mind went back to the first open house at Truncheon, when they had both showed up separately, Luke with April in tow, and Jess's own joke about the 'this is your life, Jess Mariano' vibe that night. He tried to steer his mind from thoughts of how that night had ended after the event, when it had just been him and Rory.
"Hey, guys, thanks for coming." Jess had already spoken to Luke several times since his uncle had arrived with refreshments, but he didn't want to make too big a deal of just greeting Rory.
"Hey, Jess." Rory said. "This is very cool. I'm impressed with the turnout."
"Thanks. I'm pretty happy with it." Jess smiled engagingly, working hard to not let the interaction feel weird. "Who knew Stars Hollow cared about reading this much?"
"Well, some of us have always known." Rory's tone was playful, as if nothing ugly had ever passed between them and Jess was happy to go along with that. No drama here, just extended family supporting each other. "My mom wanted to come, too, but someone had to stay home with Leelee, and I haven't gotten a chance to leave the house on my own in so long and she knows how much I like coming to the bookstore, so she volunteered."
Jess smiled without feeling weird. "Hey, I'm glad I could provide the opportunity to get you out of the house."
"You might end up wishing you stayed home once Taylor gets started." Luke said to Rory before turning toward Jess. "I still can't believe you have him talking at this thing." Luke jerked a thumb toward the large poster taped to the end of the nearest bookshelf, a headshot of Taylor in front of an American flag, with the title of his book written below. "I wish you'd told me earlier. I would have brought eggs or rotten tomatoes."
Jess smiled. "I, of course, can't take credit for the poster. As you can imagine, that was all Taylor. And, you can say what you want about the man, Luke, but Stars Hollow always turns out for that guy. He's my headliner tonight. Remember how fascinated Jeremy and April were by his book at Christmas?"
"Yes, it made me lose all hope in the younger generation." Rory said.
"Don't remind me." Luke said. "It's still upsetting to think about."
Jess chuckled. "Well, I've spoken to several other teenagers and college kids already tonight who feel the same way. Kids are freaking fascinated by the guy. So, who am I to not give the people what they want?" Jess shrugged. "I think my other two writers will make up for Taylor, talent-wise. Rory, I think you'll really enjoy the reading by the novelist from Massachusetts. I think her stuff is right up your alley."
"Great, I'm looking forward to it." Rory smiled.
"And, you." Jess turned to Luke with a small frown. "You won't like any of it, but keep your rotten tomatoes to yourself and we won't have a problem. I would hate to be forced to have my own uncle removed by security."
"Security?" Rory smirked at the absurdity of the idea as Luke scoffed.
"Yeah, those guys." Jess angled his head in the direction of Kirk and Joe, who were standing on each side of the stage, expressions serious as they surveyed the crowd, Kirk fiddling with one of the earpieces Taylor had insisted they each wear for appearances, even though they were standing about six feet apart. "That's Taylor's personal secret service. Apparently, he brings them to all his public engagements now." They watched part of Kirk's earpiece break in his hand and fall to floor, and Kirk crouch down with a panicked look on his face to search for it, bumping heads with Joe who was bending down trying to help.
"Well." Rory said. "I, for one, feel safer already."
Jess feigned a stern expression. "Let this be a warning to you two that we won't tolerate any anarchy or tomfoolery in this fine establishment tonight."
Luke laughed. "I'll do my best, nephew, but I make no promises where Taylor is concerned."
Rory smiled playfully. "Jess Mariano, in league with Taylor Doose and squashing anarchy before it starts…..who'd have seen this coming?"
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Jess spotted his son across the room with a girl he recognized by sight as Jeremy's friend, Cassidy, along with another boy and girl. Jess made his way over to say hello.
"Hey, guys." Jess greeted the group in general before turning to his son and gently guiding the kid's head forward with a hand on the back of his neck, and dropping his usual kiss on top in greeting. "Hey, Jeremy."
Jess didn't realize his mistake until the girl who wasn't Cassidy giggled and he saw a mocking smirk on the boy's face that made Jess want to punch him. It hit Jess how mortified he would have been at Jeremy's age to have been greeted that way in public by Liz, and he hated that in his eagerness to show his child affection, he had let himself become a thoughtlessly embarrassing parent. Just another adult who couldn't seem to keep from humiliating their kid in front of his friends. He turned to his son, ready with a self-deprecating apology, expecting to see the boy turning pink with embarrassment, but to his surprise the kid seemed unperturbed, all bruises and smiles.
"Hey, Dad! You remember Cassidy, right?"
"Of course, I do. Hi Cassidy."
The girl gave him a little wave. "Hi, Mr. Mariano."
"And, this is Charlotte. And, Andy."
"Hi, guys. It's great to meet you." Jess shook their hands. It made him feel surprisingly good to see Jeremy out with friends at a town event, like a normal teenager, something he couldn't have imagined doing himself at that age. If he had attended something like this as a teenager, he would have come alone and sat off in the back, warding off conversation with one of his favorite teenage defense mechanisms, his nose in a book, or a go fuck yourself look on his face. If Jeremy had been like he was, he would have sat him down and explained that cutting yourself off from the world because you feel too cool or too smart for everyone around you only feeds your own anger, creates barriers to connecting with other people and ultimately leaves you all alone. But, Jeremy was different, much braver and more open than Jess had been. It made him happy to see how much better things were for Jeremy, how much better Jeremy himself was. He liked thinking it was evidence that Jeremy would go on to live a happy and well-adjusted life. "Thanks for coming out tonight."
The kids were smiling enthusiastically as Andy spoke. "We wanted to check out Taylor's talk. That guy is hysterical."
Cassidy and Charlotte nodded their agreement. "Yeah." Charlotte said. "He should totally have his own reality show. He's someone who just does his own thing, marches to his own beat, you know, doesn't give two shits about what anyone else thinks. And, he's so funny."
"Yeah." Cassidy added. "He does satire so well. Like, last year when he was pushing for the town sewerage system. His signs were amazing."
Jess watched the other kids laugh. "Yeah, that was great." Andy said. "Like anyone could really be that earnest about shit!"
Jess smiled, himself fascinated by the younger generation's fascination with Taylor, and by learning that even the polite kids nowadays didn't hesitate to swear in front of adults they just met. "He certainly doesn't care what other people think, I'll give you that much. And, I would definitely watch that reality show." He turned to his son, putting one hand on the boy's chin and gently angling the the kid's face so he could get a better look at his black eye. "How's the eye feeling, Jeremy? You doing ok?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, Dad. I'm not sure what you're looking for, but I don't think it's changed since this morning." Jess released the kid's face. Jeremy was smiling warmly at Jess's concern, a look that Jess himself would have been mortified to have been caught giving Liz or Luke when he had been a teenager. He wondered if this was one of those things that meant more to Jeremy than to the average kid, having a parent to embarrassingly fawn over your well-being in front of your friends.
"All right, kid." Then he decided to add something else that he would have hated, but he thought Jeremy would appreciate. "Your uncle and your cousin are over by the coffee." Jess tilted his head slightly in the direction of Luke and Rory. "And, your grandparents are supposed to be coming, too. Make sure you say hi to all of them at some point, ok?"
Jeremy grinned. "Ok, Dad. I will."
Jess patted Jeremy on the shoulder and turned back to his friends. "Ok. Well, it was nice to meet you all. I should go get things started. Help yourselves to the food, ok?" The kids all nodded in response.
Jess willed himself to refrain from looking back over his shoulder at his son as he walked away, but he smiled at the pride he heard in the boy's voice in response to a question from Charlotte. "Yeah, pretty much my whole family lives in town, aside from my one cousin in Boston."
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Jess was listening to Lavender Beckett reading an excerpt of one of Jess's favorite scenes from her novel, a lyrically written flashback to a day in the heroine's childhood when there had been an accident on her grandparents' farm, and ten year old Sarah had stood silently watching as the farmhand who had sexually assaulted her sister lay pinned under an overturned tractor, unable to free himself and writhing in pain as hot motor oil leaked from the engine onto his crushed leg. Jess was standing on the far side of the room, close to the stage, when Mallory walked in the door. He could see that she was taking care to move soundlessly and to gently close the door behind her so as not to disrupt the reading, and he appreciated the courtesy. He could feel himself grinning as he stared at her. She didn't move from her spot by the door, but she looked up and met his eye as though she had felt him watching her. He could feel his cheeks aching from grinning, and he felt ridiculous until he saw a matching grin spread across her face at recognition. He knew nothing could be done until the readings were over. He was too old to think it was ok to sneak across the room, disrespecting his authors, just to be closer to her. After the readings, he would greet her as he had the rest of his guests. That would only be polite. Hopefully she would wait around for that and not take off as soon as the last reading was over. He raised his hand in a short wave to acknowledge her, and her grin intensified.
He pulled his eyes from her, intending to casually glance around the room before looking back at the stage. His eyes locked with Luke's. His uncle was watching him carefully, an unreadable expression on his face that shifted into a small sad frown when he realized Jess was looking at him. Rory and Liz were standing next to his uncle, both with their eyes trained on Lavender, and TJ stood on the other side of Liz and seemed to be cleaning under his fingernails with the file of his Swiss Army knife. Jess turned back toward Lavender and watched her read, his mind already trying to convince himself that it would maybe be all right to walk over toward Mallory during Taylor's reading, the last of the evening. He thought the odds were good that Taylor would be too wrapped up in himself to notice or be bothered by his movement.
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Jess decided to be a grown up and remain in his spot, listening attentively like a good host, while Taylor finished his reading. Taylor had insisted on skipping around so that he could cover more ground and the result was a hodgepodge of information, pieces of Stars Hollow town history, excerpts from the more colorful town by-laws, quotes from Henry David Thoreau's Walden and Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanack, all interspersed with Taylor's own home-grown wisdom on how to be a good citizen and a good community leader. It wasn't terrible. Jess could give the man that much. After all these years in service to his town, it seemed Taylor really did have some worthwhile insights to impart. Once, you got past the nitty-gritty, control-freak details related to appropriate colors to paint your house, limits on yard decoration, and, Jess noticed this one got a big laugh from the younger crowd, how many children a household should limit itself to in order to not place an unfair burden on town resources.
Jess shot another of what he hoped had all been subtle glances in Mallory's direction. For the most part, she had been watching Taylor, her expression serious, with an amused smile occasionally forming on her face at the more outlandish parts of the man's speech. This glance caught her with her eyes already focused on Jess. She smiled playfully, as if they were in on a private joke. Jess smiled back. She looked back at Taylor first. Jess thought about the first time he had run into her at Jeremy's parents' night, and how excited and good he had felt being around her. Now, that excitement had been dampened by Jeremy's comments when he had been under the influence of his pain medication. The light fluttering excitement he previously felt was now warring with the pit in his stomach.
Jess glanced around the room before turning back to Taylor and his eyes locked with his son's, who had clearly been watching his exchange with Mallory. Being caught by Jeremy felt worse than being caught by Luke, because unlike the disapproving look he had received from his uncle, his son's worried frown immediately became a smile when the boy realized Jess was looking at him. Jess returned the smile, but Jeremy's expression felt too bright and overcompensating for Jess's liking. He questioned whether he would ever feel right pursuing something with a woman that Jeremy had known first in a professional capacity and had made clear that he didn't want Jess dating. Jess tried to convince himself that Jeremy's request didn't count since he had been high at the time, but he also recognized that that might have been his only shot to get an honest opinion from Jeremy as opposed to being told what Jeremy thought Jess wanted to hear. But, he also questioned whether he could give up before anything had even started with a woman for whom he had such a strong attraction.
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As Jess mounted the stage, he spotted Mallory gathering her purse from the floor at her feet and Jeremy standing with Rory by the refreshments table, laughing at something she said while he added a cookie to the stack already on the napkin in his hand. By the time Jess had thanked his authors for their readings and his guests for coming and promoted signed copies of each author's work, Mallory was talking to Jeremy, who was with his friends and two other teenagers that Jess didn't recognize. From the sympathetic wince on her face, Jess knew Mallory was asking Jeremy about his eye. He stepped off the stage as he watched his son smile and respond politely. Some people trickled out the door, but most were still milling around or talking in small groups. Jess felt certain that he shouldn't approach Mallory while she was with his son, that even a kid who didn't mind getting kissed by his dad in front of his friends was likely to be embarrassed by his dad flirting with his guidance counselor in front of his classmates. And, Jess wasn't confident that he could keep the idiot grin off his face around her.
He didn't notice Celeste at his side until she placed one hand lightly on his arm. "Hi, Jess."
"Hi, Celeste." Jess pulled his eyes back from his son to greet Andrew's wife. What he felt for Andrew when he thought about the man's loss, he felt tenfold when he was around Celeste. He knew it was sexist, but he couldn't help the feeling. The loss of her child loomed so large in Jess's mind that he sometimes felt uncomfortable in her presence when she dropped by the bookstore, as if he didn't trust himself not to say something stupid or triggering when he spoke to her. "So, what did you think?"
Celeste's tilted her head toward her husband, who was talking animatedly to two teenage boys and one girl, either giving a recommendation or discussing something they had all read based on his gesturing with the paperback book he was holding up to them, and their nodding in response. "I thought it was great. I think my husband enjoyed himself very much this evening. And, I want to thank you for that. He doesn't socialize very often any more."
Jess smiled. "I'm glad he had a good time. I was worried that he didn't really want to do this, and he was just indulging me."
"Oh, he was. Definitely." She smiled warmly as Jess chuckled at her forthrightness. "He described it to me in pretty much those exact terms. He likes having you here, and he doesn't want you to be bored with the store. But, I think tonight was good for him, as well. I think he sees that now."
"Well, I'm glad I could help."
"I am, too. He thought about selling the bookstore after we lost Jonathan. I had just retired from teaching, and Andrew didn't think it was right to leave me alone while he went off to work every day. But, I encouraged him to keep working. I think he needed it. I naturally seek out other people. I have friends and a few groups that I belong to. Andrew doesn't have that. He had me and Jonathan and this store, and I was afraid that he would become isolated if he lost two of the three at the same time. I was starting to doubt my own wisdom, but seeing him tonight…...books have always been the only thing he's felt comfortable talking about with people he doesn't know well. I didn't want him to lose that. This was…...this was very nice."
Jess paused for a moment, feeling the weight of everything Celeste had just told him, and making sure he had his emotions under control so he wouldn't embarrass himself. "I'm up for making it a regular thing if Andrew is. I still have author contacts from my time in publishing, and I'm thinking we could make it even more local, since Taylor seemed to be the hit of the night, and find more up and coming writers from the Stars Hollow area, even if they haven't been published yet." Jess's mind immediately went to Rory and he wondered about the status of the book she had been working on with Truncheon.
Celeste smiled fondly at him and patted his arm above his elbow. "I'm sure Andrew will be fine with whatever you propose." She looked past him for a moment. "That's your son speaking to Mallory Howard isn't it?"
Jess followed her gaze to see Jeremy and Mallory, sitting on two folding chairs set up side by side, each turned in their seat to face the other, seemingly engaged in a tete-a-tete. Their expressions serious as the boy nodded at something that Mallory was saying, the kid's friends nowhere to be seen. "Huh. Yeah, that's Jeremy." Celeste had met Jeremy once when they had both dropped into the shop at the same time.
Celeste refocused her attention on Jess. "It's so nice to see Mallory. I haven't seen her since I retired last year." The woman smiled reassuringly. "Your son is in excellent hands. Mallory is one of the best guidance counselors I've had the pleasure of working with."
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"Jess, honey, come over here and let us tell you how much we enjoyed your show!" Jess took his eyes off Jeremy and Mallory and let himself be pulled into Miss Patty's group, where she was talking to Liz, TJ, Babette and Rory.
"This was really nice, Jess!" Babette said, her voice loud in Jess's ear. "I don't think we've ever had anything like that in Stars Hollow before. I felt like I was in New York or Paris or something!"
"Thank you, Babette." Jess faced his usual struggle when talking to certain people in town, but he managed to smile with Babette instead of smirking at her. "Maybe next time I'll wear a beret and find a mime for the full effect."
Babette looked puzzled for a second before she broke out in loud laughter, slapping him on the arm. "Oh, that's funny!" She turned to Miss Patty. "He's funny!"
"Tonight was great, hon! You did such a good job!" Liz smiled at him. "Wasn't it great, TJ?"
"It sure was, Lizzie. It didn't go by nearly as slowly as I expected it to. Good job, kid."
"Thank you. And, thank you guys for coming out. I'm glad you could all make it." Jess found himself enjoying the praise and not having to force a smile onto his face.
"You know." Miss Patty began, her voice conspiratorial. "If you have more of these events and are ever looking for more local talent, I have pieces from the memoir of my life on Broadway that I would love to share. The show never got picked up for a theater run, but the preliminary scenes were very well-received."
Jess nodded his head, considering. "Thanks so much for the offer. I definitely think we'll be having more of these and I would love to showcase more local talent. I would need to see some of the pages beforehand. Maybe you can drop something by the bookstore sometime for me to check out?" Jess realized he meant it. He thought about how easily he had been accepted back into town, how little gossip seemed to be circulating about him and Jeremy, how Babette seemed to have finally put the ugliness with Pierpont the gnome behind them. He knew it was likely out of loyalty and respect for Luke and Lorelai, but he realized he would like to do something to show his appreciation anyway.
Miss Patty smiled. "You got it, sweetie! In the meantime, Rory can vouch for my memoir. Can't you, sweetie? If I remember correctly, you were in one of the early focus groups for one of my reminiscences."
Jess remembered that, as well. He had just started dating Rory and she had spent a few hours with Dean watching Miss Patty's rehearsals and he had become embarrassingly jealous at the thought of her spending time with her ex-boyfriend.
Rory smiled. "I remember it well! Buckle Up I'm Patty was pretty entertaining stuff. I think it would be a hit for sure."
"Oh, sweetie!" Jess watched Miss Patty feign modesty. "You're too kind."
"Could I borrow Rory for a minute?" Jess asked, polite smile on his face. "I promise I'll bring her right back."
"Come here." Jess whispered, cocking his head to one side, when Rory had only taken one step away from Babette.
Rory followed Jess a few more steps away from the group, small smirk on her face. "You're not going to pick a fight about me watching Miss Patty's rehearsals with Dean again, are you?"
"What?" Jess huffed out a laugh of genuine surprise and amusement. "No, crazy person, I'm not!" Rory laughed loudly, and Jess felt the sense memory of what it had been like to be with her when things had been good, how funny she was and how in sync they often were. It felt good standing there with her, really enjoying their connection for the first time since he had moved back, laughing like two people who shared relatives and over a decade's worth of friendship instead of just a failed romantic relationship. Jess smirked. "Though as mature adults, I'm sure we can both agree that that was really not cool."
Rory laughed. "We'd have to agree that we both did some shitty teenage things that fell under the 'really not cool' umbrella."
"Probably true, but definitely not what I wanted to talk about."
"Then, what's up? What's with all the top secret secrecy?"
"I want to know what's going on over there." Jess tilted his head subtly to one side to indicate Jeremy and Mallory. "And you're the only person in our family that I trust to be with it enough to clue me in. Is he ok?"
Rory looked over to where Jess had indicated and laughed.
"Don't look!" Jess whispered.
Rory laughed again, but focused her gaze back on Jess. "If you're worried that he needs an escape route, that's thoughtful of you, but I don't think he does. I think he's ok. He's the one who initiated that conversation. He pretty much ditched us and ran over there as soon as you finished your thank you and goodnights."
"Did he tell you what he needed to talk about?" Jess asked, even more worried. He assumed that Mallory would have been the one to start the conversation with Jeremy and that Jeremy would have been too polite not to engage.
"He didn't say. But, I wouldn't worry about it. My mom told me that they kind of became friends, well friends might be too strong a word, but they at least buried their feud, last year when Luke helped him with the sewerage project. I think Luke just acts annoyed with him now more out of habit than anything else. It has been one of his favorite pastimes for years, and it's hard to change something that engrained." Rory gave Jess an amused smile, as if her explanation made any sense at all.
Now Jess was really puzzled. "Rory, what the hell are you talking about?"
"That." Rory pointed one finger toward an area behind Jess and looked at him curiously. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Jess turned slowly to see what Rory was pointing at, aiming for a casual glance around the room and spotted Luke and Taylor standing close together, Taylor smiling broadly and talking excitedly, Luke with his arms folded across his chest, nodding along with what Jess could tell was an authentic smile on his face. What the… As he finished sweeping the room, he spotted Jeremy shly approaching the group he had just pulled Rory away from, Liz putting an arm around his shoulders and fussing over his eye as she pulled him into the circle, and Mallory nowhere in sight. Fuck.
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"So, did you have a good time tonight?" Jess watched his son carefully in the dark for any indication of how the boy was feeling. He and Jeremy had helped load the coffee equipment back into Luke's truck before his uncle had driven off with Rory, and now they were walking home.
Jeremy smiled. "Yeah. I did. It was fun."
"What about your friends? Did they enjoy it?"
"I think so."
"So, that was the Andy that Cassidy has a thing for?"
Jeremy blanched. "Dad! Keep your voice down. You can't run around saying things like that. What if someone heard you? She'd be pissed at me."
"Sorry!" Jess looked around at the street, empty but for the two of them. "Who's going to hear me?"
The boy shrugged, but he was smiling now. "I don't know. You never know." Jeremy lowered his voice to a whisper. "But, yeah. That was him. He's kind of a dick."
Jess made a face like he was considering the merits of the statement. He pictured the kid's mocking smile when he had kissed Jeremy on the head. "Yeah, I can see that."
Jeremy smiled. "Do you think we could take the bike out again soon?"
"Uh, I'm pretty sure riding a bike falls under the header of activities that need to be avoided until your face is less broken."
Jeremy sighed. "I figured you would say that."
"Good, that means neither of us are complete morons."
Jeremy laughed softly.
"So, what were you and Ms. Howard talking about toward the end there?" Jess tried to sound casual. "You guys looked like you were having a pretty serious conversation."
Jeremy smirked, but had the decency to follow his own advice and lower his voice to reply. "What's the matter? Worried I'm going to steal your crush?"
Jess was instantly flustered. "What? What are you even talking about? I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You two looked pretty intense over there. I was just concerned about you."
Jeremy laughed. "Maybe, but you also like her. Don't you? I can tell."
"I...what? She's your guidance counselor. I'm not sure what would make you think that."
"Um…..I don't know. Maybe it was how you warned me that she was going to be here ahead of time to see how I felt about it."
"That was common courtesy."
"Maybe, but you looked weird, like all nervous and sweaty when you told me."
"I did not!" Jess protested. "If I recall correctly, I was relaxed and perfectly dry."
"You were totally nervous sweating!"
"I do not nervous sweat! I'm practically an Old Spice commercial!"
Jeremy laughed loudly. "Ms. Kendall and Mr. Ryan were there tonight, too, but you didn't ask how I felt about them being there."
"If I had known they were coming, I would have asked you about them, too." Jess huffed. "My apologies for not knowing the schedule of every single teacher at your school."
Jeremy laughed. "You looked at her like fifty-million times during the readings tonight. And, you were grinning like an idiot every time she looked back at you. You had big red hearts popping out of your eyes like a cartoon character."
"What? You're crazy. I did not!" Jess could feel himself grinning now and knew he was proving Jeremy's point.
"Dad, you were practically drooling! Your tongue was all hanging down on the floor. People had to step over it just to walk by you. It was pretty ridiculous."
Jess laughed and was grateful that he wasn't someone who blushed. He hadn't expected to get called out like this, or to have Jeremy be so playful about his 'crush' as the boy had put it after what the kid had said when he was high. "You're ridiculous."
"Oooh, burn!" Jeremy laughed at Jess's response. "What a great comeback…..for a third grader!"
"Stop!" Jess was laughing for real now, and he felt happy and giddy, as if everything was going to be ok. He hadn't lost something he wanted before he had even been allowed a fair shot at it. "Aren't you guys supposed to be learning all kinds of anti-bullying stuff in school these days? Cause, I got to tell you, I'm feeling pretty bullied right about now." He started to reach out a hand to lightly slap Jeremy on the back of the head, but stopped himself when he remembered the boy's injury.
Jeremy's laughter increased. "What are you going to do? Report me to my guidance counselor?"
"Wow. Ruthless."
Jeremy's laughter trailed off, and he became serious. "Are you going to ask her out?" Jess wasn't sure how to answer that when he wasn't really sure how the boy felt. "I think you two would be a good couple."
"You do?" Jess looked closely at his son, trying to gauge if Jeremy was telling the truth or hiding his real feelings and telling Jess what he thought he wanted to hear.
"Sure. You're both really nice people."
"It wouldn't bother you if I dated her?"
The boy paused, looking down at the ground. "I want you to have whatever you want. I want you to be happy. Do you remember the first time I got my quarter end grades, back in Philly?"
"Of course." Jess tried to figure out where this was headed. "You got all A's."
"Yeah. I did. But, I meant when you offered to take me out for ice cream or buy me something to reward me for my grades because you said you didn't want me to miss out on anything. Do you remember telling me that?"
Jess nodded, his expression serious. "I remember."
"Well, I don't want you to miss out on anything either. If you like her, I don't want you to think you can't ask her out because she's your kid's guidance counselor or something."
"But, she is my kid's guidance counselor or something."
"But, you do want to ask her out, right?"
"I'm pretty sure I do, but only if you're honestly ok with it, Jeremy. I wouldn't want to put you in an awkward position, or make you feel uncomfortable in your own home, or in your own family. You come first. Always."
"Thank you." Jeremy shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. "You have no idea how much that means to me. But, that goes both ways. You come first to me, too, and I don't want you to miss out on anything you want because of me. It's ok for you to date whoever you want. I'm serious. Ok?"
"Ok. Thank you." Jess nodded. "Nothing will happen until after you graduate. I don't think it's right for me to ask her out while you're still seeing her at school everyday." Jess saw Jeremy open his mouth to speak and continued before his son got the chance to interrupt. "No matter how ok you are with it. I just don't think it's appropriate. So, we have almost two more months to think stuff over, ok? I'll check in with you again before I ask her out or anything, to make sure you still feel the same way. Ok?"
Jeremy nodded, looking a little relieved. "Ok. Thanks, Jess."
Jess gently cupped the back of Jeremy's neck with one hand and kissed the side of his head. "Thanks for being such a great kid, Jeremy."
Jeremy smiled. "Thanks for being such a great dad, Dad."
They walked on in silence for a few minutes. "Hey, Jeremy?"
"Hey, Jess."
Even in the dark, Jess could hear the smile in his son's voice, and the sound made him smile as well. "Just out of curiosity, in case you happened to notice. Was Ms. Howard ever looking at me and grinning like as big an idiot as I was?"
Jeremy seemed to consider the question. "Hmm…...She did look at you a few times, too. But, you were definitely grinning like more an idiot." Jeremy cracked himself up at his own joke and Jess found his laughter contagious and joined in despite it being at his expense.
"All right. Thanks for that. I'm so glad I asked."
It wasn't until later, when Jess was lying in bed that he realized Jeremy had never told him what he had been discussing with Mallory.