Chapter 40 Notes: Just a few family moments here. April pops up. Luke takes Jess to dinner. Jess gets a new title. Thanks for all the very kind reviews for the last chapter. I love hearing from you guys so much! :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my obsession with Gilmore Girls
"Did something happen? Is Dad, ok?" April picked up the call sounding worried and expecting the worst, and Jess felt his stomach drop. He knew something was wrong with Luke. He had had a bad feeling ever since their conversation about estate planning the other day.
"You tell me, April. He won't tell me anything. What's going on?" Jess felt hurt at the realization that Luke had confided in April and not him. So, much for being kind of his kid. April was still clearly more important.
"What are you talking about, Jess? You called me." Her voice was high now, and a little annoyed. "You tell me what's going on."
"I don't know what's going on. That's why I'm calling. So, talk. I'm serious here." Jess tried to sound as firm and adult as possible.
"Uh, sure. Just as soon as you clue me into what we're talking about…." April's voice was a mixture of annoyance and amusement. She sounded as if she were about to make fun of him.
"Don't play dumb, April. I know you're worried, too. You answered the phone asking if he was ok. I know you know something."
April laughed then, light and and unconcerned. "God, Jess, you can be such an idiot sometimes! I asked if Luke was ok because A you're calling me instead of texting and B it's not my birthday. Since, I can't recall the last time those two events coincided, I got worried and figured you were calling to tell me that something bad had happened to Luke."
Jess felt instantly ashamed. For making his cousin worry and for being so shitty at keeping in touch that his name appearing on her phone could cause alarm. "Hey, I call you."
"Yep. You do. Every year on my birthday. And, let me just check the old calendar here…...just as I suspected! Today is not my birthday!"
"All right, smart ass. I get it. Sorry I'm such a shitty cousin."
"I forgive you." Jess could hear the smile in April's voice and he realized he missed April. "So, what are you talking about? Is there really something going on with Luke?"
"I don't know. He was just behaving kind of weird the other day."
"He often behaves kind of weird. I need more specifics here."
Jess huffed out a laugh. "This was extra weird. He just did all his estate planning for his assets, and put everything in his will and he wanted to tell me about it. Like, he made a special point to tell me about it."
"That's not weird. That's responsible. He told me about that, too. If that's what has you worried, I'd say you're being a little dramatic."
Jess thought about all the times he had told Jeremy that he was being dramatic, and made a mental note to stop now that he knew how annoying and frustrating it was.
"It was more than just that. He wants to take me out to dinner one night this week to talk, just the two of us, about something that he led me to believe was related to this topic. I just, I don't know….I got a bad feeling, I guess, that maybe something's wrong that he isn't telling me. Has he talked to you about wanting to talk to you about something?"
"Um, no. He usually just calls and we have a conversation. He doesn't normally call to set up another call for a future conversation."
"See, that's what I mean! It's weird that he didn't just tell me what he wanted to say. That he's making me wait until we're alone and taking me out to dinner."
April sighed. "Did you ask him if anything was wrong?" She spoke slowly as if she were talking to a young child that she didn't think was terribly bright.
"Yes, April, of course I did." Jess returned the condescension.
"Well, what did he say?" She sounded like a particularly patient first grade teacher.
"He said he was fine. That nothing's wrong. And, that if something was wrong he would tell me."
"Oh, my god, Jess. It must be so much harder than I realized going through life with a male brain!"
"April-" Jess started out sternly, not sure where he was going with it, but getting frustrated that she wasn't taking him seriously.
"Jess, he told you he's fine, right? He hasn't told me anything to the contrary, and I think we both know he would tell me first, since I'm his favorite, right?" April's voice was teasing, but she had a point. Jess couldn't see Luke telling him about a serious health concern without telling April first. She was his daughter, after all, no kind of about it.
"That's why I called. You really don't know anything?"
"Actually I know tons of things! Just nothing about Luke being sick."
Jess rolled his eyes. "You're such a child."
"Yeah, well, you're a doofus." April cracked herself up.
"Huh…" Maybe he had been jumping to conclusions. He could see Luke telling April something first and making her promise not to tell Jess if his uncle had wanted to break the news to him himself, but he couldn't see April being so playful and unconcerned if something was really wrong. "All right. I believe you."
"About you being a doofus?" April laughed again and Jess smiled at the sound. She was reminding him of Jeremy. Kids were so dumb about what they found funny.
"Hey, I wonder why I only call you on your birthday!" Jess said brightly, with feigned curiosity.
"You should call me more often. You're fun to make fun of on the phone."
Jess chuckled. "Yeah? Maybe, I will. It's not too terrible to hear your voice either. So, what's going on with you? How are things going over in Beantown?"
"Things are good! We had this really interesting situation in the field the other day. It was crazy, really, and if you know anything about the lifecycle of the Eastern Black Swallowtail butterfly, you'll see what a funny story this is-"
Jess pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, propping his feet up on the chair next to him, ankles crossed and as he listened to April's story. He didn't always know what she was talking about, but he enjoyed how enthusiastic she was about everything. The older he got, the more he found himself jealous of that enthusiasm, which he associated mainly with the young, even though he couldn't really remember ever having had it himself.
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"This looks great, Jeremy. Thanks for making this."
Jeremy looked up from the table and watched Jess open the lid of the pot that held the leftover pasta with sauteed vegetables he had made for dinner. Winston had followed his dad into the kitchen after being greeted at the door, his toenails clicking against the tile floor. Jeremy had already eaten and fed Winston, but Jess had just gotten in from an evening of Uber driving after a full day at the bookstore.
"No problem. It was ok, but I think I cooked the asparagus too long. It got kind of soft and wilty."
"I'm not gonna complain. I really appreciate that you cooked." Jess scooped some into a bowl, grabbed a fork, and sat down at the table across from Jeremy to eat. "So, how was your day?"
"It was ok." Jeremy said.
Jess seemed to notice the study accessories then, open textbook, laptop, pen and open notebook. "Are you in the middle of something? I don't want to bother you if you're busy studying?"
Jeremy smiled, thinking about what Jess always did when the situation was reversed and wanting to do the same for him. He flipped down his laptop screen and gave Jess his full attention. "You never bother me."
Jeremy watched a warm smile spread across Jess's face. "So, how was school?"
"It was good. I got back that English paper you proofread last week on The Color Purple. I got an A+."
Jess finished chewing a bite of pasta. "I knew you would. It was a great paper."
"Thanks. And, uh, Cassidy asked me to go to the prom with her. Just as friends, since neither of us are with anyone or would have a date anyway."
Jeremy watched Jess nod. "Yeah? What did you say?"
"I said yes. It's ok if I go, right? I mean, was I supposed to check with you first, before I said yes?"
Jess laughed. "I don't know if telling a girl that you need to check with your dad first is ever a good move. And, hey, am I that much of a jerk that you thought there was a chance you wouldn't be allowed out of the house to go to your prom?"
Jeremy could feel his face warming with embarrassment. "It's not like I thought you wouldn't let me go. It's just, like…...the prom is expensive. The tickets are $50 apiece. And, we're sharing a limo with some of Cassidy's friends so I have to pay for my part of that. Plus, I need to rent a tux and get shoes and stuff. And, I was researching it online, and I think I need to buy her flowers. It's going to add up, and I didn't know how you'd feel about me wasting my money on that stuff when I should be saving it for college."
Jeremy watched Jess chew with a thoughtful expression on his face. "I don't think the prom is a waste of money. I think it's a normal teenage rite of passage type of thing. I want you to be able to go. How about this? You get your ticket and the corsage for Cassidy, and I'll pay for your tux and shoes and your share of the limo."
"Oh, no! You don't have to do that, Jess. I wasn't trying to get you to pay for anything. I have the money. I just wanted to make sure you were ok with me spending it on this stuff."
"I know. And, I'm ok with you spending your money on the ticket and the flowers, but I want to spend my money on the tux and the limo. I could have sworn I just said that." Jeremy watched Jess smile. "I'm not sure if you're aware of this, Jeremy, but picking out your first tux with your dad is another teenage rite of passage."
Jeremy felt the sides of his mouth turning up in a small smile. "Oh, yeah?"
"You bet it is. I'll take you shopping. Help you pick out the most badass, James-Bond-looking tux in the place. Teach you how to tie a bow tie-."
"I already know how to tie a bow tie."
"Then, I'll pretend I'm teaching you how to tie a bow tie. You're not taking that moment away from me, kid. And, why on earth do you know how to tie a bow tie? I'm not even really sure how to tie one. I was going to google it, so we could have a special father-son moment."
Jeremy laughed. "I had a set of foster parents when I was little who used to make us dress up for church. The boys had to wear bow ties, and the dad taught us how to tie them." Jeremy watched Jess's face subtly change, the way it always did when he brought up something from an old placement, his old life, the edges of his expression becoming tinged with hurt and pity, while Jess tried to act like nothing was wrong. Jeremy was sorry he had said anything about the bow tie. "But, you know. That was a long time ago. I bet I forgot how to do it. I could probably use a refresher course."
Jess recovered nicely, a big smile on his face. "Now, you're talking. I bet there's been lots of innovations in bow tie tying technology since then."
Jeremy returned the smile. "But, honestly, you can help me pick it out without paying for it. I can do that."
"Ah, no can do, son. It's a dad rite of passage to pay for your son's first tux rental. You wouldn't want to deny me that, would you?"
"Well, I guess if you put it that way…" Jeremy said.
"I do. I put it exactly that way."
"Thanks, Jess. So, did Luke take you tux shopping when you went to the prom?"
"No. They wouldn't let me go to the prom because I wasn't graduating."
"Oh." It was still hard for Jeremy sometimes, to wrap his head around who Jess used to be. Someone who hadn't cared about anything. Who had had so little regard for own his future that he had let himself flunk out of high school. Who had disappeared on the uncle who loved him and walked out on his own girlfriend. It all seemed so incongruent with the thoughtful and conscientious man that Jeremy knew as his dad.
"So, who are the friends you're sharing the limo with?"
"Oh, uh, Andy and Charlotte. The couple you met at the bookstore. And, one other couple, Ryder and Amanda. And, I guess Amanda is planning to have a party at her house after. Cassidy says people are going to stay all night and probably sleep there. Is it ok if I do that, too?"
"Yeah. That's fine. But, if you decide you don't want to sleep on the floor, or you get tired of being around a bunch of drunk kids and want to come home, you can call me anytime of night for a ride, ok?"
"I know." Jeremy watched Jess's expression shift, revealing obvious pleasure at his admission. "And, I'll totally pay for the flowers for Cassidy, but do you think maybe you could help me pick those out, too?"
"Of course, Jeremy. I'd be happy to."
"Thanks. I've never bought a girl flowers before. And, I know it's not a real date or anything, but I don't want to get it wrong and do something embarrassing."
Jess smiled and nodded. "I think we can handle it."
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"Sure." Rory said. "Come inside and take Leelee for me, and I'll go get it for you."
"C'mere, girl." Jess stepped into the Gilmore house and accepted Leelee from Rory, gently positioning the baby against his chest.
"C'mere, girl?" Rory laughed. "She's a person, not a dog, Jess."
"Huh? Oh." He looked down at the baby who was staring up at him with wide, curious eyes. "Sorry, kid. No offense. My little furbaby likes it when I talk to him like that. And, he's about your size and also warm and cuddly. Hence my confusion."
Leelee smiled and squeaked out a high pitched laugh and grabbed a handful of the front of Jess's hoodie in her little hand. "See, she didn't mind. She likes me. We're buds, aren't we, sweetie?" Jess could feel his voice taking on that ridiculous affectation that he only got around Leelee and Winston.
"Don't let it go to your head. She likes everyone. She's a really happy baby."
"What's not to be happy about?" Jess asked absently, his eyes still trained on Leelee's, watching the baby smile and make soft gurgling noises. "She's got a good deal, living in this house, surrounded by people who love her and want to cuddle her all the time. Your life is pretty good, isn't it, Leelee?"
"You called her Leelee." Jess looked up in confusion to see Rory smiling warmly at him.
"Uh, that is the kid's name, right?" Jess looked back down at Leelee, shifting her a little against his chest. "That's your name, right, kid?"
"It is. But, you usually go out of your way to not use it."
"Well, I can't expect her to respond to, 'hey you, baby' for the rest of her life, can I?"
"I guess not. What do you want her to call you?"
Jess looked up again to find Rory smiling expectantly at him. "What do you mean?"
"Well, April's her aunt because she's my step-sister. Luke's her grandpa because he's married to my mom. And, Doula and Jeremy are her cousins. I know you're technically some kind of cousin to her, too, but since you're my generation, I wanted to give you the choice of being a cousin or an uncle. And, since she's getting older and they say she's absorbing everything she hears, I want to be able to start teaching her the right names for everyone in her life."
"Oh, yeah?" Jess could tell his voice sounded a little off.
"Yeah. But, it's up to you. No pressure. You can think about it if you want. I'm going to go grab the toolbox for you." Jess got a slightly uncomfortable vibe off Rory and he wondered if he had messed things up by not being flattered at the request and agreeing to be Leelee's uncle right away. It would be a weird thing, to have Rory's daughter call him by a family name. He was no longer interested in Rory romantically, but it still felt odd, like he was making a formal, permanent commitment to being part of Rory's family. Being Leelee's uncle felt like a lot, an extra responsibility that he wasn't sure he wanted. It would make him someone who needed to remember the girl's birthday, buy her thoughtful gifts at Christmas, and be an actual person in her life, possibly a positive male role in the blond dick's absence. He thought about his own childhood and the absence of family in his life when he had been a kid. He looked down at Leelee's big blue eyes. Maybe being an uncle wouldn't be such a bad thing.
"Here you go." Jess watched Rory set the toolbox on the coffee table. "So, what needs fixing anyway?"
Jess didn't like the overly bright quality to her voice. He could tell it was put on, that he had hurt her feelings. She had put herself out there to connect with him, to capitalize on the rapport they had found at the bookstore after the author reading and cement their status as family, and he hadn't met her where she was.
"Thanks. The sink in the apartment bathroom is leaking."
"And, you know how to fix something like that? My, aren't you handy."
"I'm pretty sure Luke is going to do the actual fixing. I was just sent to fetch the wrench."
"Ah…..of course."
Jess felt transfixed by Leelee. What was it about babies that could make a person want to hold one forever?
"Are you ever sad that you didn't get to have Jeremy as a baby?"
Jess smiled. "Nope. I would have been fifteen and that would have been all kinds of awkward. And, I'm pretty sure Liz would have beaten the shit out of me if I'd brought home a baby my sophomore year." Jess remembered the baby in his arms. "Sorry, sweetie. Forget you heard that. I don't want to be blamed when the first word out of your mouth is a swear."
Rory was smiling at him, her expression a little sad. "Do you think you want to have more kids?"
"I don't know." Jess answered honestly. "Jeremy's enough for me by myself. But, maybe if I'm with someone, that would change, and I'd want another one."
"Babies are pretty great."
"Yeah." Jess bounced at the knees a few times until Leelee started laughing. "This little thing's not too terrible. I can see why people are so crazy about babies."
"You're good with her."
"Thanks." Jess walked toward Rory to hand the baby back to her mother. He tilted his head toward the coffee table. "Well, I should get that wrench back over to Luke."
"Ok. It was nice to see you."
"It was nice to see you guys, too." Jess knew he meant it. He lifted the toolbox and watched Rory smile down at her daughter. "So, I'm thinking I should go with uncle, if that's cool."
Rory looked up and met his eyes. He could tell her smile was for him now, and he liked that. He felt like he had done something right. "Yeah? Uncle Jess." She tested it out. "I like it. It makes me think of Uncle Jesse on Full House."
Jess chuckled. "It actually makes me think of Dukes of Hazzard. But, hey, I can't let April out rank me."
He lifted the toolbox. "Thanks for this." And, headed for the door.
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They were seated across from each other in a corner booth at Sniffy's Tavern. Jess knew Bud and Maisy had both passed, Bud many years ago and Maisy more recently. Their daughter had inherited the restaurant and oversaw the business from her home in Vermont, much as Jess and April would someday oversee the running of the diner from distant locations after Luke's passing. The thought made Jess sad. He wasn't sure if Luke still came here out of loyalty to Bud and Maisy, or for his own personal comfort, but Jess had had a feeling this was where they would end up tonight. After he had parked the truck out front, Luke had surprised Jess by grabbing a manilla folder from the glove box and carrying it in with him. It sat on the table in front of Luke now, as they waited for their food to arrive.
"So." Jess started slowly, drawing out the word. "Are you going to tell me what you want to talk to me about?"
Luke was smiling at him fondly, and the tension Jess had been carrying in his stomach since Luke had invited him to dinner a few days ago finally melted away. This wasn't the face of a man who was about to give someone he loved bad news.
"First, can you and Jeremy come over for a family dinner for your birthday?"
Jess raised one eyebrow. "Seriously? You asked me to dinner to….ask me to another dinner? I have to say that's pretty anticlimactic."
"That's not why I brought you to dinner, but Jeremy was asking me what we were going to do for your birthday, and I wanted to ask you before I forgot."
"We never do stuff like that for my birthday."
"I know. But, this is your first birthday with Jeremy. And, the first one where you've been in a good place with everyone at the same time, your mom and TJ, Lorelai. I think it will be fun. And, I think it would be nice for Jeremy to see everyone there for you, for your birthday. I think he'd really like that."
"Ok."
"Ok. So, don't make any other plans or anything. Your actual birthday is on a Friday night this year, so we figured we'd do it then."
"Ok." Jess repeated. "I'm all yours and Jeremy's on my birthday. Now that we've established that, can we please get to the super secret reason for being here. I have to say, the curiosity has been driving me a little crazy."
Luke laughed. "I'm sorry about that, nephew. It's nothing bad. I just wanted to talk to you alone some place where we wouldn't be interrupted."
"Ok. Well, we have that here." The place was less than half full, even though it was seven o'clock.
Luke pulled the folder toward him. Jess noticed his uncle's expression had taken on a hint of nervousness now. "I want you to do one thing for me, Jess. Don't say anything, just sit quietly until I'm done saying what I need to say. Ok? I want you to hear me out."
"Um, ok." This kept getting weirder and weirder.
"All right." Luke sighed, like he was about to plunge into something scary. "Here goes. I love you, Jess. I love you like you're my own son. You know that, right?"
"Um, am I allowed to respond or has the me sitting quietly and hearing you out portion of the evening already started?"
Luke sighed again, but this time it was tinged with playful annoyance. "Don't be a smartass."
"I love you, too. That's all I'm saying." Jess held his hands up, palms out in surrender.
"Well, sometimes when you have kids. And, you'll learn this later yourself, now that you have Jeremy. Sometimes, you do something or act a certain way that you think is right in the moment, maybe even the best thing for your kid at the time, and it's not until much later that you realize that maybe you did some things that weren't actually so great."
"Luke, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Jess, I'm not going to tell you again." Luke scolded. "Zip it."
"Ok, fine. Sorry."
"What I'm trying to say is that I've been thinking about you a lot lately. About how things were when you lived with me. How I was. Before I knew about April. When Rory was just the daughter of my favorite customer. When you were my first kid, the only one I had to take care of." Luke sighed. "And, how scared I was, of messing up with you, but also of being rejected by you. I didn't do a lot of the things I should have done with you. I can see that now. I didn't really see the difference when I got April. She was a girl, and only eleven when I met her, so much younger than you were when you came to live with me. It was hard to compare you two. But, now…...when I see you with Jeremy…...when I see myself with Jeremy. I see it."
"I didn't hug you the entire time you lived with me, Jess. Not once. And, when I think back now, it's so clear to me that you were a kid who needed to be hugged. Who needed to be loved. The stuff I did, getting worked up and yelling at you like I used to, being worried about Rory instead of you when you guys started dating, not letting you call me uncle, never really being sincere about how I felt about you, never hugging you or telling you that I loved you even after I knew damn well that I did…...and kicking you out. The millions of ways I didn't treat you as well, as patiently, as I treat Jeremy. I need you to know that none of those things were because of who you were, Jess. You were a good kid who had been through a rough time. You deserved all the same things that we both do so easily for Jeremy. The problem was me. I was closed off then. I expected the worst constantly. I was afraid to really put myself out there emotionally with you. I was too scared to try to hug you in case you pushed me away. I was too worried about you laughing at me to tell you I loved you. I should have been braver. I should have been an adult and hugged you and told you I loved you and let you laugh and push me away if that's what you needed to do. I shouldn't have been such a coward."
Jess stared at Luke in something akin to shock. He remembered the first time Luke had hugged him, when he had been leaving town after Liz's wedding. He remembered how good it had felt, and how he had initiated their second hug himself, when Luke had come to the open house at the bookstore. Hugs had become a routine part of their hellos and goodbyes after that, but yeah, having someone want to hug him as a teenager would have been nice. He knew Luke was right, that he probably would have laughed and pushed his uncle away, but he thought maybe he could have been worn down if the man had persisted. He couldn't imagine being Jeremy's dad and not hugging the boy or kissing his head every day. Luke had paused and Jess was wondering if Luke was done when his uncle starting talking again.
"So, first, I want to say I'm sorry for that. For how guarded I was with you. And, also for not monitoring stuff at school better, and for kicking you out when you didn't graduate. It wasn't right. I left you to your own devices at school, even though I knew you weren't doing your work. Even after they called me in to talk about the problems you were having. Even when I knew you were skipping school to work at Walmart. I just kind of…..stuck my head in the sand about the whole thing. I gave you enough rope to hang yourself and then I kicked you out when you did. At the time, I told myself I was treating you like an adult, that kicking you out was tough love, but the older I get, the more I look back on it as a mistake. I feel like I gave up on you. And, I know it must have felt that way to you, too. That I washed my hands of you when things got hard, when things were really bad for you. And, I'm sorry for that, too."
Luke sighed and opened the manilla folder in front of him. "This is the part I really need you to hear me out on. Just listen. Ok?"
Jess nodded, not sure if he was allowed to talk yet.
"I need to make some stuff right with you, Jess." Luke paused, studying Jess for his reaction. "Ok. Here goes. Remember how I said that I had separated the diner and the apartment into separate legal entities and that I had thought about leaving them to you and April separately?"
Jess nodded wordlessly.
"Well, I didn't even know you could do that, but Taylor…..he's been on me to sell the ice cream shop to him for years. He was the one who told me that I could convert each part of the building into a separate condominium unit once the apartment had its own entrance. I converted the building into two retail units, one for the diner and one for the ice cream shop, and one residential unit for the apartment. I didn't want to sell to Taylor, but I liked the idea of three separate units, one for you, one for April and one for Rory after I'm gone."
Luke pulled the top sheet out of the folder and laid it down in front of Jess. It was a blueprint of the three separate condominium units that Luke had described. Jess studied it, still unclear about where this was going.
"But since you've been back in town, I've gotten to thinking about the past a lot. How I let you go off into the world with no high school diploma, never mind a college degree. You have no idea how that eats at me, Jess. You're supposed to do better for your kids, provide them with more than you had. It started worrying me the same way it did when I thought I had cancer. It still feels like unfinished business."
"So, the night of the reading at the bookstore, I told Taylor that I would sell him the ice cream shop. Here's the bill of sale."
Luke took another paper from the folder and laid it in front of Jess, on top of the blueprint.
"I need you to know that this has happened. It's a done deal. Right here." Luke pointed to a line on the contract. "That's what Taylor paid me for the store. That's what I currently have sitting in a money market account at the bank."
Jess felt his eyebrows raise as he took it in. The number wasn't small. And, it was apparently only one third of what Luke was worth in real estate holdings.
"Deduct 15% of about two thirds of that amount for capital gains tax and that's what I have left. I added some of it to the mutual fund I started when Doula was born. The rest is getting split in half. Half for you, half for April. I like the idea of leaving something to Rory, but I can't do it at your expense. I know she's taken care of financially for life, between Emily and Christopher, and now Logan for Leelee. I thought long and hard about her before I made this decision, but I think this is the right thing to do. I love that girl like she's mine, but I can't leave her a financial asset when she's going to inherit so much family money and you're still going without a college education." Luke sighed again. Jess couldn't tell if it was the decision about Rory, or the conversation itself that was taking a toll on his uncle. "April has a few loans from MIT. Nothing huge. Anna and I paid for most of it. April can use her half to pay those off and still have a decent chunk left for grad school when she decides to go. Or she can travel, or use it as a down payment on a house, whatever she wants." Luke took a deep breath and Jess could see how uneasy the man was feeling. "I want you to use yours for college. For you. Whatever's left over can go toward Jeremy's school, but I'm giving you this because I want you to go." Luke's expression went from nervous to earnest. "I want you to do this. I need to provide this for you. I've wanted to do this for years, and I know you turned me down the last time I offered, but things are different for you now. We both know that. I don't want to watch you struggle like this, working two jobs for the rest of your life, not being fulfilled with either one. I want you to study something that you enjoy and get a job you want, that pays decently and makes you happy. I need you to have this, Jess. I need you to let me do this for you."
They stared at each other for a moment. Jess felt himself getting choked up. He felt overwhelmed in the face of so much sincerity and love. He and Luke never did this, never spoke to each other like this, openly discussing their feelings, without protective walls carefully crafted from teasing and sarcasm.
"And, I want you to think about how you'd feel if you were in my shoes, if you knew you hadn't been the best parent to Jeremy that you could have been. If you had let him down about something this big and were desperate to fix it. And, you should know I haven't mentioned this to anyone. Not even April yet. If you don't want anyone, Liz, even Lorelai, to know about this, they don't have to. I don't care. I can keep it a secret. I just really want you to go to school. At the end of the day, you're a grown man and I can't make you do something you don't want to do….I get that. But, I really want to do this for you, Jess. So, please just consider what I've said-"
"Ok." Jess wasn't sure if he was done hearing Luke out and allowed to talk yet, but he couldn't take anymore.
"Ok, you'll consider it, or…?" Luke looked like he was trying to keep his emotions in check and not let himself get excited until he got clarification.
"Ok. I'll go to college." Jess's voice was thick with emotion, and he felt a little embarrassed at being so emotional. This must be how Jeremy felt every time he blushed. Jess smiled. "If they'll let me in."
The grin that spread on Luke's face almost pushed Jess over the edge. "That makes me so happy, nephew. Thank you."
Jess patted the bill of sale with his palm. "I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's supposed to be thanking you."
"It's my pleasure, Jess. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Jeremy one time when he was worried about you working so hard to pay for his college. Parents are supposed to take care of their kids. Nothing makes us happier. I know you know that, now."
Jess nodded slowly. "Yeah. I do. I also know that secrets suck, so I'm fine with people knowing that you're paying for me to go to school. You're already housing me for free. What's another hit to the old ego?"
"Jess, I'm serious. I'm fine with whatever you want to do-"
"I know. And, I appreciate that. But, I don't want you keeping Lorelai in the dark about something on my account. She and I are good now and I'm fine with her knowing. And, you're a really shitty liar and I don't want to cause any problems for you there."
Luke smiled at his nephew, his eyes crinkling with happiness. "I'm so proud of you, nephew, of the man you've turned into. I hope you know that."
"Thanks, Luke. You didn't turn out too bad, either."
Luke huffed out a laugh.
"And, Luke, the stuff you said, about not being as good a parent to me as you could have been-."
"Jess." Luke's voice was stern. "I just needed you to hear that. To know that I realize how I went wrong with you. I'm not looking for you to make me feel better about it, or let me off the hook for it."
Jess nodded. "I know. I just. I need you to know that you were a good parent. You weren't perfect, and yeah, you probably are better to Jeremy than you were to me in some ways. But, he's an easier kid than I was. I know that, too. And, when I think back to that time, I don't think about the things you did wrong. I mostly think about how you did anything at all, when you didn't have to. You stepped up for a kid that you shouldn't have had to parent at all. You had no experience with kids. It was scary. I get that now, too. I appreciate the things you did for me, Luke, and the things you do for Jeremy. I think you were a great dad-type person to me, you still are, and I think you're an amazing grandpa-type person to Jeremy. We're both lucky to have you. I don't want you to beat yourself up over anything to do with me. Not graduating was my fault. As far as I'm concerned, you did right by me more than anyone I'd ever had in my life before I lived with you. I know I didn't take to you right away, or seem like I was listening to you most of the time, and maybe I was so thick skulled that everything took longer to sink in than it should have, but living with you mattered to me. You made me feel safe. That changed my life and who I was in a million little ways. I want you to know that."
"Thank you, Jess."
"Again, I'm pretty sure you have this backward and that I should be the one thanking you. So, thank you. Seriously."
They both sat there silently for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.
"I've wanted to go back to school for a while now. I've been thinking about it ever since I lost my job."
"Jeremy mentioned something to me about you thinking about college, and regretting not going. I figured this was a good time to do something."
"It didn't seem practical with my financial situation the way it is and with Jeremy about to enter college. It just seemed like I missed my chance. I really appreciate you thinking of me like this, Luke, and wanting to help me. This is huge. I want you to know how grateful I am."
Luke smiled at his nephew. "You should know by now, Jess, that parents are pretty much always thinking about their kids and trying to find ways to help them. All the time you spend thinking and worrying about your boy, that's how much time I spend thinking and worrying about mine. That doesn't change."
Jess laughed. "Then, I'm sorry, because that must suck for you."
Luke shook his head slowly. "It really doesn't. I can't imagine my life without all three of my kids. It would be less stressful sometimes, sure. I'd have less to worry about. But, it would never be worth the trade-off."