Chapter 44 Notes: Graduation stresses and festivities in Stars Hollow. This is the last chapter in this story, but I am already working on a sequel that will be a few chapters long and set during Jeremy's freshman year of college in which he is having issues adjusting to Jess's relationship with Mallory. Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter and for everyone who has stuck with this story for all this time, especially those you have been kind and thoughtful enough to leave me reviews after each chapter. I really appreciate you guys giving me a place to tell this story and sharing your thoughts with me.

Also, thanks to AJGranger for catching my mistake in the last chapter regarding how long it had been since Jess had gone on a first date. It should have been over 5 years, instead of over 4 years. Thanks for pointing this out. I have updated accordingly.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

"Hey, Jess?" Jeremy spoke tentatively, feeling bad about interrupting him. Jess was sprawled across the couch, feet up on the coffee table, face obscured by the cover of the book he was holding. It wasn't like the guy had a lot of time to just sit around and read these days. But, something had been weighing on Jeremy's mind ever since he had been issued his graduation tickets.

"Hey, Jeremy." The book was lowered and Jess was looking at him with a smile on his face, the one that always assured Jeremy he was never an unwanted interruption, never a burden. "What's up?"

Jeremy smiled back. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course. Anytime." Jess placed the scrap of paper that he used as a placeholder between the pages of his book and sat up, setting the book down on the coffee table. He leaned forward attentively, his hands resting on his thighs, giving Jeremy his full attention. Jeremy thought back to a few days earlier when he had been kind of a jerk to Jess, the day Cassidy had dumped him as her prom date. Things hadn't exactly been tense between them, but they had been less…...comfortable than usual that night, before things had blown over. Jeremy felt stupid about the whole thing. He hadn't got to go the prom, but big deal. He had this. Someone who loved him and always dropped what he was doing to listen to him. And, what he needed to talk to Jess about now wasn't something that Jeremy ever thought he would need to worry about. A luxury problem, really. He needed to do better about keeping things in perspective.

Jeremy perched on the edge of the armchair. "I just wanted to talk to you about my graduation."

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I'm thinking we need to run out before Sunday and get you a tie. I was thinking you could wear it with your blue dress shirt and grey pants. What do you think?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. But, I wanted to talk to you about the tickets for graduation. They gave them out last week and we each got four. And, I mean, obviously I want you and Luke to come, but are the other two tickets for Liz and TJ or for Lorelai and Rory? I really don't want to offend anybody, but I'm not sure what to do."

"Oh. That's a tough one." Jess's brow furrowed. "I hadn't thought about that."

"So, what should we do?"

"Well, what do you want to do? It's up to you."

"I'm thinking that I'm closer to Lorelai and Rory than I am to Liz and TJ, but they're my grandparents and they've been really nice to be. I'm thinking I should invite Liz because I think she's the most likely to have her feelings hurt and feel left out if I don't. Don't you think?"

Jess thought for a moment. "I agree that Liz might be the most hurt by not being invited….but, I'm not sure that means you need to invite her if you'd rather have Lorelai and Rory there instead."

"But, she really wanted to be my grandmother. Like, right away, from the beginning. And, I haven't really…..connected with her, but I know she really wants us to and that she always means well. But, I'm worried about not including Lorelai, too. I don't want her to think I don't think of her as my family, too, because I do. And, I feel like it might be weird to invite Luke without her since they're married and everything, like that might actually offend him, too, which I really don't want to do." Jeremy sighed. "I'm worried about making the wrong decision and upsetting someone, and it's on Sunday, so I need to make a decision or no one will be able to come because they won't have enough notice."

"Jeremy." Jess was looking him in the eye. "Don't let this get you stressed. Whoever you don't invite will understand. Everyone knows they never give out enough tickets for these things. No one will take it personally. Ok?" Jeremy nodded hesitantly. "We will figure this out. Why didn't you bring this up earlier?"

Jeremy shrugged, averting his eyes, feeling stupid for procrastinating. "I don't know. I got the tickets last Wednesday…..and then all the stuff with the prom was happening, and I was kind of a jerk to you….I didn't know if we were good, or if we were really talking. Then, I kind of forgot about it, I guess."

"Hey." Jeremy felt Jess's hand on his knee, getting his attention. "Look at me, Jeremy."

Jeremy looked back up at Jess. "We are always good, kid. I need you to know that. Last Wednesday was a rough day, but no matter what happens or what's going on, we are always good, I am always talking to you and I will always listen to you if you need to talk about something. Ok?" Jess smiled. "Do you get the picture? Did I emphasize the always part enough?"

Jeremy nodded his head slowly, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "Yeah, I get it."

"Good. I need to think about this situation with the tickets. Can we make a decision tomorrow night?"

"Uh, sure, I guess." Jeremy wasn't sure what would change in a day, but he trusted Jess, so he agreed anyway.

"Ok." Jess gave Jeremy's knee a pat and stood up. "I need to go run an errand. I'll be right back."

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The sound of the doorbell was barely discernible over what sounded like one howling dog and about thirty-seven screaming kids. Jess was a little scared about what he was in for when the door started to open. A pretty woman appeared before Jess, wearing sweats and a tee shirt, her blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a crying toddler balanced on one hip. "Hi!" She greeted Jess cheerfully, as if she were so accustomed to the cacophony that it no longer phased her.

"Hi, I'm Jess. Jess Mariano. I'm sorry to bother you like this, but I'm looking for Dean, and I didn't have his number, but I remembered where he lived from high school." Not that Jess had ever visited Dean at home in high school, but he had been walking by once and seen Dean and his father and little sister playing basketball in the driveway. He could still remember the jealousy he had felt at the quaint and wholesome family picture they had made. And, he had learned from Rory that Dean and his wife were currently staying with his mother.

The woman stuck out her right hand. "Hi, I'm Jenny. I'm Dean's wife. This is Cleo, our daughter. C'mon in. I'll get Dean."

Jess heard a loud crash, followed by an increase in the level of screaming. Dean's mother must be a saint. Jenny sighed. "Here, hold her for a sec, will you?" The question appeared rhetorical to Jess, as the crying toddler was thrust into his arms without a pause for his response. Jess took a few steps into the foyer, just to make it clear to any observer that he wasn't planning to run out the door with the baby.

"Dean!" Jenny yelled from the living room where she was now comforting a little boy who was crying over having banged his head on the table. Jess saw four other small children, all looking to be under five or six years old in the living room and engaged in different but seemingly equal levels of noise making. One kid banged away on the piano. One was staring at a TV that was set much two loud for the room and two were making noises as they crashed fire trucks into each other on the floor, the high pitched wail of the toy sirens setting off the dog. Jess must have looked as scared as he felt, because Jenny smiled at him then. "Oh, these aren't all ours. Cleo is ours, and so are Grady, Bennett and Ross." Jess had no idea which boys she was pointing to. "Connor and Kelsey belong to Kyle. We're hosting a sleepover."

"Well, it looks like Kyle owes you big time." Jess made the joke before thinking through the implications and he was instantly worried that he had offended her, but she just laughed.

"Yes. Yes, he does!" She grinned.

Just then Dean approached from Jess's right, carrying a tray of apple slices, cheese cubes and crackers. "Hey, Jess." Dean looked caught off guard as he took in the sight of Jess holding his sniffling child, puzzled, but not unwelcoming.

"Snacks!" Jess heard a boy's voice yell from the living room.

"Give me one sec to go put this down before they swarm us." Dean walked past him and into the living room. "Does anyone need to refuel?" Jess watched Dean smile as the children did indeed swarm him. A moment later, he was back in the foyer with Jess. "I can take her." Dean was reaching out his hands toward the small girl in Jess's arms.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Here you go." Jess wasn't sure what he was apologizing for as he transferred the toddler to Dean. She immediately stopped crying and snuggled into Dean's chest as he pet her head with one hand.

"Are you ok, Jess?" Dean asked, small smile on his face. "You look a little shell-shocked."

"Oh, uh-"

"I know we're a lot to take." Dean laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Look, Dean. I'm really sorry to bother you like this, at home and everything." The volume started to rise in the living room again.

Dean set Cleo on down on her feet. "Cleo, go get a snack before your brothers eat it all. Daddy needs to talk to Jess for a minute." He turned back to Jess. "Let's talk in the kitchen."

Jess followed Dean down the hall away from the madness in the living room.

Dean leaned back against the counter. "Sorry about all that. My kids get super excited when Kyle's kids come over. It can turn into a real circus. So, what can I do for you, Jess? Is everything ok with Jeremy? If this is something foster care related, I can get Jenny in here."

"Oh, uh, no. I mean, everything's ok. I just uh…." Jess took a deep breath. "I just have a favor to ask you. And, I know you don't owe me anything, and maybe it's completely ridiculous that I'm asking. But, I'm willing to pay you-"

"Jess." Dean cut in, not impatiently, more like he was trying to refocus someone who was rambling, which Jess realized was exactly what he had been doing. "What is it? What's the favor?"

Jess decided to just rip off the bandaid. "I wanted to see if you would be able to get me two extra graduation tickets. I can buy them off you. Jeremy is really torn up about who to invite. He wants me and Luke there, but he doesn't want to offend his grandparents, or Lorelai and Rory. His family is still new to him, and he doesn't want any of them to think he doesn't see them as his family. And, I was wondering if there was any way that you could hook me up with two extra tickets. Again, I would pay you for them. And, he doesn't know I'm here, or that I'm asking you. So, if you say no, Jeremy won't know or anything. So, no pressure, but you would really be helping me out here." Jess took a deep breath, feeling stupid and vulnerable.

Dean smiled warmly at him. "Ok."

"Ok?" Jess enunciated the letters slowly, looking for clarification.

Dean laughed. "Yeah, ok. As in, ok I'll help you."

"Seriously?"

Dean laughed again. "Yes. I'm actually a pretty nice person, Jess." Dean smirked. "Ask anyone. I should be able to get you two extra tickets. I know a couple of teachers who have been able to get extra tickets for students with complicated family situations. I don't think it will be a problem."

Jess was floored by how easy this was going, how open and willing to help Dean was. He thought back to all the hostility he had brought to Stars Hollow with him in high school. Could it really have been this easy to have gotten along with Dean back then if Jess hadn't been in such an angry place himself?

"That's amazing, Dean. Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. You have no idea."

Dean nodded. "You're welcome. I'm happy to help."

Jess remembered his offer to buy the tickets off Dean. "So, what's the going rate for Stars Hollow graduation tickets on the secondary market these days?"

Dean laughed. "I'm not charging you, Jess. I'm helping a student. But, hey, there is one thing you could do for me."

"Name it. I'm willing to do almost anything, as long as it's somewhat legal."

"Can you let Luke know that I helped you out with this?" Dean's expression shifted to reveal some discomfort.

"Luke?" Jess was confused.

"Yeah, uh. That guy hates me. I'm sure I don't have to explain why to you." Dean looked uncomfortable. "I'd probably hate me, too, if I were him. But, now we're back in town, probably for good, and I hate feeling like he's wishing I'd curl up and die every time we run into each other. Could you maybe tell him that I helped you out like this? I think it might help him to at least tolerate me eating in the diner again."

Jess laughed, relieved that Dean's request was so simple. "I can absolutely do that. He will definitely appreciate this as much as I do. Thank you."

Jess extended his hand to Dean and they shook.

"So, uh." Dean smirked as he walked Jess back to the door. "You didn't want to ask your crush for help with this?"

"My crush?" Jess hoped he didn't look as embarrassed as he felt. "It sounds like you spend too much time hanging out with high school kids."

Dean laughed. "I heard you guys slow danced at the prom."

"Really? Is that the gossip at the lockers these days? You might want to look into getting some grown-up friends. Just a thought."

"Aw, Jess, if you wanted to be friends, all you had to do was ask." Dean said with a grin.

"Dear god." Jess couldn't tell if his own grin was due to the infectiousness of Dean's, or the mention of Mallory. His crush. The term gave him mental giggles.

"And, I saw how disappointed you looked when I was at the parent teacher conference, and you realized it wasn't going to be just you and Mallory. You looked like one of my kids when I tell them they can't have a cookie."

"That had more to do with you and me than me and her." Jess was struck again by how easy Dean was to talk to you. He wondered how much was due to change on Dean's part versus his own.

Dean laughed. "Whatever you say. Mallory's really great. And, she really cares about her students. She would have helped you, too, you know."

"I know. And, I did think about asking her, but I just…...felt like it was too soon, way too soon, to ask her for a special favor, like this. Plus, I figured you still owe me for Kyle's party, and I generously wanted to give you the opportunity to make that right." Dean snorted out a laugh, and Jess smiled. "Thanks again for your help. Seriously." Jess walked out the door, feeling like a hero for being able to solve a problem like this for his son.

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The next day, Luke stopped Jess as he was cutting through the diner on his way home after work. "Hey, Jess, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?" Jess asked, approaching the counter.

"Two things. First, here's these." Luke popped open the register and pulled out a long white envelope. "I didn't want to lose them." He explained as he handed the envelope to Jess. "Dean brought them by a couple of hours ago. Said he talked to you about it last night. He didn't want Jeremy to not be able to bring his whole family. That was really nice of him, wasn't it?"

"Thanks." Jess peeked into the envelope to see both tickets accounted for. "Yeah, he actually turned out to be a pretty decent guy."

"I guess so. Huh." Luke looked thoughtful and Jess wondered whether Dean's strategy had worked.

"What was number two?"

"What?" Luke was pulled from his thoughts.

"You said, two things." Jess held up the envelope. "This was one, so…?"

"Oh, uh. I wanted to talk to you about my graduation present for Jeremy. I kind of wanted it to be a surprise for both of you, but Lorelai thinks I should run it by you and get your permission first. And, she's usually right about this kind of stuff."

Jess felt his heart sinking. Luke was definitely going to show him up at Jeremy's graduation. How had he not even thought of a graduation present for his own kid yet, when graduation was only a few days away. He knew he had been distracted with Mallory lately. They had had a few phone calls and shared some texts and had their second date on Thursday night, as wonderful as the first had been, at a restaurant in Hartford. Jess had also spent a decent chunk of time researching restaurants for their date, crafting his text messages to achieve the right flirty tone and the proper ratio of wit to intelligence, and managing his own nerves about the blossoming relationship. He felt a flicker of panic that he wasn't going to be capable of juggling Jeremy and Mallory. That maybe he would become a shitty parent if he had to split his time between his kid and a girlfriend. Maybe this was what Lorelai had been talking about at the mall. That he was probably going to mess shit up.

"Jess, you ok?" Luke was giving him a concerned look now.

"Yep. I'm ok. Just a shitty parent."

"No, you're not. What are you talking about?"

"Really? I'm not? Then why didn't I think about a graduation present for my own kid until this very second?"

Luke frowned. "You're not a shitty parent. You've had a lot on your plate lately."

"Yeah, but Jeremy." "Jeremy is the most important thing on my plate. I should have thought about something special for him. I can't believe I dropped the ball on this." Jess felt the frenetic pulsing of stress in the back of his brain, a feeling he thought he had gotten rid of when they had left Philly.

"So, uh. Is now not a good time to run my present by you?" Luke looked apologetic and Jess didn't want to do that, make Luke feel ashamed of his thoughtfulness.

"No. Sorry. It's fine. What did you get him?"

Luke looked a little embarrassed now. "Maybe I should show you. It might sound like a bigger deal than it is if you don't see it. It isn't that much to look at, really. It's over at Gypsy's if you have time to take a walk. I asked her to hold it so Jeremy wouldn't see it at our house."

Jess sighed. "Luke, please tell me that Gypsy is holding a moderately priced watch for you."

"Uh, sorry. It's a little bigger than a watch."

"I am going to absolutely lose it if you tell me you bought my kid a car." Jess knew he was being irrational, but he couldn't help it. He was never going to be able to top a car.

"Then maybe I shouldn't tell you, and just surprise you after his graduation. I figured everyone could come over to the house after to eat. It'll be waiting there for him."

"Luke-"

"It's not a big deal, Jess. It's old. It's used. It's just something to get him back and forth to WCC. He needs a car for school. I mean, you don't want him taking the bus home late at night, do you?"

Jess didn't. Of course he didn't. But, he also didn't want to be such a failure as a father that he couldn't pay for his own child's car. He hated that this was another thing, like the laptop, the bike, the roof over their heads, that Jeremy was going to see Luke providing instead of him.

"Is it ok?" Luke sounded nervous now and it just made Jess feel even worse. "If it's not, I don't have to give it to him. I already paid Gypsy for it, but I can sell it or something if you don't want him to have it."

Jess laughed humorlessly. "Wow, then I would be an even shittier parent, wouldn't I?"

"Jess, I wasn't trying to upstage you. I just thought it's something he needs and something I could get him-"

"It's fine, Luke. I get it. It's fine with me if you give Jeremy a car. He'll love it. And, you're right, he probably should have one. I don't need to see the car. I trust that you picked out something appropriate." Jess took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for freaking out. It's just hard sometimes watching you do stuff for him that I can't."

"Hey, I know! I can sell you the car for a dollar and you can give it to Jeremy. It can be your present to him. How about that?"

Jess leveled a hard stare at his uncle. "Stop. I would never do that, take credit for your gift. He'll love it. He'll love that it came from you. It's fine."

"Ok. If you're sure."

"And, thank you for running this by me beforehand. You should listen to your wife more often."

Luke smiled at that, as Jess knew he would. "I love this, you know. Seeing you and Lorelai getting along like you have been. This makes me really happy, nephew."

"I know it does." Jess nodded, small smile on his face. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to run upstairs and give Jeremy these tickets and have him call Liz and Lorelai to invite them." Jess headed for the stairs feeling tired and less like a hero for being able to procure two free graduation tickets, which didn't seem like all that much up against a car. He worked on cultivating his happy energy while he climbed the stairs, wanting to hit Jeremy with full on enthusiasm.

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On Sunday morning, Jess walked downstairs into the diner to find April seated at the counter in front of a plate of bacon and eggs, talking to Luke, who was standing behind the counter grinning happily. "-and, I was like, fine, if you think that's not going to produce a combustible chemical reaction, good luck holding onto your eyebrows!" Luke laughed loudly and April grinned.

Luke spotted him. "Hey, Jess! Look who's home!" Luke called to him.

"Shit!" Jess hadn't known April was going to come home this weekend. This left them one ticket short, again.

April turned toward him with a smirk. "Well, hey, it's nice to see you, too, Jess. When I boarded the bus in Boston in the wee hours of the morning, I was only dreaming of such a warm welcome from my cousin."

Jess winced. "Sorry." He walked up to April and gave her a quick hug, while she remained seated on her stool. "It's good to see you, April. I just didn't know you were coming. I would have gotten you a ticket to Jeremy's graduation ceremony if I had known you were going to be in town."

The girl shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I'm here for the party afterward. And, no one knew I was coming except Lorelai. I decided kind of last minute and then I figured I'd surprise you and Dad."

"Well, you definitely surprised me." Luke said, smiling warmly at his daughter. "Having you come home is always my favorite surprise."

"I know." April smiled back at her father. "You're pretty easy like that."

Luke smiled. "There's nothing better than having all your kids and grandkids and nieces and nephews all in the same place at the same time. Trust me on that."

April turned back to Jess. "And, don't worry about the graduation. I already talked to Aunt Liz and Rory. Me and Doula are going to hang out with Leelee at Chez Gilmore while you guys go to the ceremony. We'll have fun."

"April, it's ten a.m. How have you already gotten here from Boston and made babysitting plans with Liz and Rory?"

"She takes after me with her morning habits." Luke explained. "You take after Liz with yours." Jess watched Luke and April share a laugh at his expense.

"Then we'll see you guys afterward at Jeremy's graduation party." April said cheerfully. "I'm allowed to come to that, right?" The girl smirked at Jess.

"I suppose so." Jess said. "We can set up a kids table somewhere far away on the lawn for you and Doula and Leelee."

April laughed. "You're such a jerk."

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Jess had paused in front of Jeremy's open doorway, leaning against one side of the door jamb, watching his son button up his dress shirt, put on his shoes and fix his hair. Jess had started feeling emotional as he was going to bed the night before, and watching Jeremy transform into someone so dressed up and grown-up looking wasn't helping. His only child was graduating high school. As much as it had gone against his instincts to let a kid as smart and motivated as Jeremy settle for community college, Jess had to admit that he was glad this wasn't the start of a three month countdown to Jeremy leaving home for college. He couldn't imagine how much harder today would be hitting him if it was. He already had the distinct and ridiculous feeling that he was going to shed a tear or two before the day was done. He idly wondered whether Luke had cried at April's graduation, then felt a surge of regret that he had taken one of these days away from Luke by not graduating himself. Maybe he would walk when he graduated from WCC and invite Luke to that. It wouldn't be the same, but it would be something.

"You look so grown-up." It was out of Jess's mouth, corny as could be, before Jess could stop himself.

Jeremy looked at him and laughed. The boy looked uncomfortable. "Yeah? I just feel awkward, like my shirt and pants are too…...stiff or something."

"You don't look awkward." Jess said. "You look good. Very handsome."

The boy grinned. "Thanks. I get my handsome from my dad." Jeremy laughed at his own joke.

"So, you all set, here? We should probably head over to the school in about twenty minutes or so. Is there anything I can do for you?" Jess was aiming for subtle, not wanting to be intrusive in his desire to be invited in.

Jeremy nodded. "I think I'm good." The boy looked down at Winston who was laying on the floor by his feet. "We can bring Winston to Luke and Lorelai's after the ceremony, right? I don't want him to be alone too long and I think he'd like to see everybody, too."

"Yeah, sure. We'll come grab him before we head to Luke's." Jess watched Jeremy make some last minute adjustments to his hair as he looked at his reflection in the mirror above his dresser.

It didn't seem right that Jess had only got to have Jeremy as a kid for such a short time. He felt a sudden, bone-deep grief that he hadn't met Jeremy earlier in life, become his dad sooner, rescued Jeremy from loneliness and given his own life a real purpose. "I love you so much, Jeremy. And, I'm so proud of you." Jess knew the sentiments sounded generic, the same thing every parent of a Stars Hollow graduating senior was telling their child right now, but he couldn't find words for the rest, knew he'd tear up if it tried to express how he was feeling right now. How much he loved Jeremy and was so grateful to have him in his life. How it felt impossible to not mourn the fact that he never got to know his son as a little boy. The grief of watching the kid's adolescence coming to an end so quickly after he had come into his life. The realization that being Jeremy's dad made him simultaneously more open to the idea of children in his future and also terrified to ever let himself get this attached to anyone again, when he could already see and feel how much it was going to tear his heart out when Jeremy was ready to leave home for good. The feeling that he wasn't sure he was masochistic enough to be able to put himself through this again. Jess needed to pull himself out of his thoughts. He couldn't let himself break down this early in the day. That would be for later after he'd had a couple of beers at Luke's and he had some time alone. It wasn't for now.

"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too." Jeremy grinned at him. Jess watched the boy reach for the tie on the dresser and hold it in both hands in front of him, looking down at it thoughtfully. Jeremy spoke without looking up. "I'm pretty sure I know how to do this myself, but if you really want to help me, you can."

Jess barked out a short laugh and was in instant motion, pulling himself away from the door jamb, closing the distance between them, taking the proffered tie from his son and positioning himself behind the boy. "I thought you'd never ask!"

"How could I not?" Jeremy smiled. "You were kind of watching me with the same sad eyes that Winston always gives me when I leave the house without him."

Jess chuckled as he looped the tie around the back of Jeremy's neck, letting it rest there a moment as he moved his hands to Jeremy's shoulders, meeting the boy's eye in the mirror with a mischievous grin. "I knew I would wear you down eventually, kid."

Jeremy laughed as Jess went to work on the tie. "You could have said something, you know."

Jess smiled and shrugged. "I could have, but it's always nice to be asked."

Jeremy huffed out another laugh. It wasn't exactly the poignant father son moment Jess had envisioned and built up in his head, but it was real and it was his and that felt good enough.

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Jess was leaning forward eagerly in his folding chair listening for Jeremy's name. Merton had just called some kid named Lowell, so he knew they had to be close. Then Merton called out Jeremy Mariano and Jess felt an overwhelming swell of pride and love as he watched his son cross the stage, his maroon gown billowing out around his knees as he walked, nervous smile on his face as he accepted his diploma and shook the principal's hand. Jess felt his eyes dampening slightly as he clapped. He watched Jeremy smile toward the audience and move his tassel to the other side of his cap. Jess could sense Luke taking a photo beside him, heard Lorelai whistling further down the row, but his world had narrowed down to the boy in the graduation cap who was smiling shyly as he walked off the stage. Jess knew he couldn't take credit for making or even raising his son the way most parents in the audience could. He couldn't even attribute any of Jeremy's accomplishment to his own influence since the kid had been doing well in school long before Jess had come into his life. Instead, the thought that took over Jess's whole brain was the amazement that this kid was his and the gratitude at having been lucky enough to have been given such a gift. He wiped at one eye. He felt the weight of Luke's hand land comfortingly on his thigh, but kept his gaze fixed in the other direction, having chosen the privacy of the end seat for a reason. He took another quick swipe at his eyes and did his best to blink away the wetness. He heard TJ, in a voice that Jess knew the man believed to be a whisper, announce that, shit, Lizzie, Jess was crying, followed by Rory giggling softly and a sympathetic sounding 'aw, sweetie' from Liz, before Lorelai shushed all of them. He felt an affectionate pat on his thigh before Luke removed his hand. Jess took a deep breath and purposely pushed his attention back to the stage. And, just like that, the moment was gone. High school was over. His kid was really an adult.

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Jeremy stepped out of the back door of Luke and Lorelai's house with Winston and found his dad sitting on the porch step, holding a small paper plate of cake in one hand and a fork in the other, a beer bottle standing up on the porch next to him. Jeremy could tell that Jess was embarrassed as he looked up to meet Jeremy's eye, hastily swallowing the bite in his mouth. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Dad." Jeremy smiled as he walked across the porch and sat down beside Jess, holding the very end of the leash, to give Winston room to explore. The dog approached Jess, first, wagging his tail while Jess pet his head, before turning his attention to sniffing the grass.

Jess smiled at Jeremy. "If you came out here to check on your new car, it's still here."

"I see that. I still can't believe they actually bought me a car. That was so generous of them." Jeremy looked over at the old grey Camry parked in the driveway. It was old, but it was in good shape, and Luke had told him he had had it checked out at Gypsy's and that everything was in good working order. Jeremy still wasn't over the shock of Luke and Lorelai presenting him with a car when he and Jess had arrived at the house after the ceremony. Jeremy had been overwhelmed at the gift. He loved the idea of having a car for college, had even started wondering if he would be able to afford to buy one himself, but what he loved much more, was the idea that he had family who loved him enough to buy one for him. A car was huge. He felt the same warm rush of emotion in his chest, gratitude that this was his life now, that he had felt when they had given him the gift.

"Well, they do seem to like you a heck of a lot."

"Yeah, they do. It's pretty great." Jeremy smiled as he turned back to his dad. "We didn't come out here to see the car. We were looking for you. Or I was, anyway, I think Winston just needed to pee. We were wondering where you went."

"Sorry to disappear on you. I just needed a minute. It's a tough day when you realize your kid's gone from an almost adult to a real adult." Jess huffed out a laugh, looked down at the half-eaten piece of cake he was still holding before laying his fork across the plate and turning away to set it on the stair next to him. "It's probably weird to catch me out here with a second piece of cake, since I usually don't eat that kind of stuff at all-"

Jeremy started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Jess raised one eyebrow at his son.

"Jess, I've lived with you for almost a year now!"

"Yeah, and you're point?"

"I know that you're a…" Jeremy lowered his voice to a whisper, looking over his shoulder dramatically for effect, then back at Jess. "Secret junk food eater."

"I am not! What are you talking about?"

Jeremy smiled. "Like, back in Philadelphia, you had junk food hidden in all these secret places. And, you only ate it when you thought I was asleep. And, I know that you, how should I say this, um, eat your feelings when you're stressed." Jeremy cracked himself up.

Jess smirked at the boy. "Hey, son, have I ever told you how adorable you are when you think you're too old to be spanked?"

Jeremy kept laughing, but felt his face warming with embarrassment at the same time. Jess must have noticed. "Sorry. There's something about watching my kid graduate high school that gave me the urge to make a lame dad joke."

Jeremy laughed so hard he could barely get the next sentence out. "Uh, I hate to break it to you, but you make lame dad jokes all the time!"

Jess feigned disapproval. "Wow, you really do need that beating, huh?"

Jeremy's laughter increased before trailing off, leaving them sitting in companionable silence for a moment, watching Winston sniff the grass and finally choose a spot to relieve himself.

"Hey, Jeremy?"

"Hey, Jess."

Jess smiled. "Did I give you a good enough last year of childhood?"

"What?" Jeremy frowned, caught off guard.

"I just, I know it's been a rough year. That a lot of things haven't gone well, or the way I wanted them to go for you this year and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about that. I've been sitting out here thinking about what you've been through this year, and I just want you to know that I have so much respect for you, for still putting so much into school and for being this amazingly kind and thoughtful person regardless of everything that's happened. You never feel sorry for yourself. You hardly ever complain. I'm just so proud of you for everything you've accomplished this year, for everything you are. I want you to know that. And, I'm sorry things didn't go better this year."

Jeremy was dumbstruck. He turned to watch Jess, thinking the man must be kidding, but his father was wearing a serious expression. Jeremy could see real emotion there, real regret, and some guilt. Jeremy spoke slowly, hesitantly, a small frown on his face. "Jess, this has been the best year of my life. Do you honestly not know that?"

Jess gave him a sad smile. "I'm glad to hear that. But, I guess I was just thinking about everything that kind of went sideways this year. Like having to leave your first girlfriend. I know how hard that is, especially at your age, when you're in love for the first time. And, you handled it so well. You never really complained. You were really mature about it."

"That sucked, definitely." Jeremy said. "I mean, I wanted to get to be with Melissa for longer. But, I wanted to be with you more."

Jess gave him a warm smile, but Jeremy could still see the apology in the man's eyes. He didn't like it.

"And, I've been thinking about the fire. How you lost everything from your past so soon after coming to live with me. I still feel terrible about that. It was so hard for me to lose my own stuff. I know it had to have been hard on you, too."

Jeremy was watching Jess. "Yeah, it was hard. But, the only thing I had that really mattered was the picture of my mom. And, you got me another copy."

"And, I know you were really looking forward to playing baseball, and I still feel awful that I played a role in you getting hurt and ending your season so early. I wish you had gotten to play more. I wish I had gotten to watch you play more."

Jeremy shrugged. "It sucked that I couldn't play, but I got to go to the games with Luke. That was really…...special to me, too. I've never had something like that before, with someone who cared about me. I can probably find an intramural team next year, but I might never have what I had with Luke again."

Jess nodded, taking this in. "Jeremy, was I a complete asshole for going to the prom when you didn't?" Jeremy could see the concern on his father's face.

"What? No! It was fine. I told you that a million times. I had a good night hanging out with Luke and Winston. I was fine."

"I feel like I wasn't thinking straight about that, that I didn't make the right choice. I should have talked to Mallory, put off our date until our dinner this week. I can picture this being something you tell your therapist, later in life, when you're telling her about how your father messed you up. I hate that that's going to be the incident that sums up what kind of father I was."

Jeremy huffed out a breath, something between a soft laugh and a sigh. "It's not. It was fine, Jess. Really. I don't want you beating yourself up over that, or anything else." Jeremy paused to collect his thoughts. "This year, with you…..having a dad. Being adopted. Having a whole family of aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins." Jeremy could feel himself getting emotional. "This is more than I ever really thought I would get to have. Especially these last few years when I was getting older and living in the group homes. Having people to love, who love me back, is the best thing-. I just…...what I need you to get is that, even when bad things happen to me, or when stuff is hard, I'm so grateful, so, so grateful, that I have you, or Luke, or someone to help me or to just be with me if it's not something you guys can help me with. To just be with me and listen to me and make me feel like someone loves me and cares about me. It was so horrible going through everything on my own for so long. The small, bad things felt worse, because I had no support and no one to care about how I felt. Now, with you, with a forever family, even the bigger things don't feel as bad because I have you. I want you to really understand that, Dad. This has been the best year of my life. And, it's all because of you, and I love you so much." Jeremy felt the prickling behind his eyes that usually foreshadowed tears. "If I had to choose between having you in my life and losing everything I own and never getting to play baseball again, I would still pick you, every time."

Jeremy saw the wetness in Jess's eyes and let himself be easily pulled into a hug when the man reached for him. He took a deep breath against Jess's shoulder, knowing he was on the verge of crying, too. He felt Jess's lips on the top of his head, the words whispered against his hair. "I love you so much, Jeremy."

"I know you do. I love you, too. And, I've had the best year of my life being your son." They pulled back from the hug. Jeremy watched Jess quickly wipe at one eye.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Hey, Jeremy." Jess's voice was thick with emotion.

Jeremy smiled. "Now, that I'm eighteen and I've graduated high school and I'm a real adult and everything, am I allowed to tell you how clueless you can be sometimes?"

Jeremy listened to Jess bark out a surprised laugh. "I would say no, but I guess you just did."

-The End-

Update: The first chapter of a sequel has now been posted called A Hard Knock Life II that will follow Jeremy to college and check in on how he's dealing with Jess dating, among other things.