PLEASE READ NOTE BEFORE READING!

This chapter has a sexual assault in it! Nothing is graphically described but that can be triggering for some people.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Chapter 52

Though Creek had been in love with Branch pretty much his entire life, that didn't mean he didn't get crushes. There was a good variety of both boys and girls on Creek's crush list, mostly of the Rainbow or Glitter variety. Still Creek's tastes seemed geared towards darker Trolls, especially when it came to men.

Currently, Creek's crush was someone he never would have expected; Brocade. When he was a child he absolutely hated Brocade for being a bully, especially when it came to Branch, but when he moved back in to Miss Frizz's Brocade was different.

The oldest of the orphan Trolls was still bossy and liked to have his way, but he didn't use his age or size to try and force it anymore. Usually his height was enough to intimidate without effort since his half giant Troll genes kicked in at puberty, making him tower in comparison to most Rainbow Trolls but still rather small in regards to actual giant Trolls like Biggie. He also didn't try to pick on any of the younger kids at the home outside of the occasional teasing but what group of children did not tease on occasion?

Ever since Creek moved back, he and Brocade got along rather well. Creek liked Brocade's weird sense of humor and how casually he spoke about most things, which sometimes got him podded by Miss Frizz for being crude but Brocade never seemed to mind. Also, as well as being tall and rather strong looking, Brocade was a rather nice shade of dark green. Sometimes Brocade's dark green hair even looked black and Creek often found himself wondering how it would feel under his hands.

Still, Miss Frizz had absolutely forbidden any of the Trolls under her care from dating each other while under her roof. This rule seemed mostly directed at Posy and Bluebell who had practically been married from the day they met but Creek knew that the rule was for him too. Fortunately, while Miss Frizz didn't approve of the young Trolls giving wooing gifts to anyone, even outside their pod, she couldn't really object to them accepting wooing gifts from someone outside the pod as long as both Trolls were of appropriate ages.

Seeing as Brocade was older, he moved out a couple of years before Creek. They often spoke in playful, flirty banter, sometimes just to get a laugh at Miss Frizz overreacting, but Creek hinted a few times that he wouldn't say no if Brocade were to return with a wooing gift. Though Brocade playfully flirted back with the idea, the older Troll never seemed to take Creek seriously and never followed through with it.

Thinking that Brocade wasn't interested after all, Creek accepted wooing gifts from other admirers. He went on dates and kissed a few times but never anything further. Part of him still hoping that Branch would look his way one day.

Often times Brocade joked that Creek was just trying to make him jealous and Creek joked that all Brocade had to do was ask and there would be no need to be jealous but it still never happened. It was just a playful, flirty game after all.

When it came near the time that Creek would move out on his own, Creek spent his days after school building and preparing his pod. He would move in a little after graduation and be on his own for the first time. Brocade insisted on throwing him a Pod Warming party and making all the arrangements for the day after he moved in.

Surprisingly Branch approached Creek after his graduation ceremony.

"Yes Branch, I know, the Bergens are coming," Creek teased with a dull tone.

"Shut up," Branch rolled his eyes and held out his hand, "Here."

Further surprised, Creek held out his hand, a bit confused when a whistle was deposited into it, "What's this?"

"You're moving out on your own soon, right?" Branch asked but didn't pause for an answer, "That whistle will emit a high-pitched noise that will deter predators."

Fiddling with the whistle, Creek looked it over, "Will it deter Bergens?"

"No way of knowing until they show up," said Branch

Creek barely managed not to roll his eyes. He concentrated on not falling back on old habits and looked up at Branch, "Thank you Branch, this was, this was very sweet of you."

Not used to Creek being pleasant, Branch frowned and his ears wiggled a little, "It wasn't much; I did the same for Tiger Lily and Stargazer when they moved out of Miss Frizz's."

"Still," Creek fiddled with the whistle again. He thought of the party Brocade was throwing him and wondered if Brocade would even think to invite Branch. "Would you, that is, do you think that…"

Staying silent, Branch watched him and waited for Creek to finish.

But Creek lost his nerve, "Never mind, I know how you hate parties."

Nodding, Branch seemed to think that was the end of it and left.

When Creek got back to his room at Miss Frizz's he glared at himself in the mirror, "Bloody idiot, how hard is it to be nice? Just be nice and invite him to the party even though you know he won't come, just to show you can be decent. Who knows maybe you could have worked up to being friends again instead of being a royal twat!"

Groaning, Creek plopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. One of these days he was explode in front of someone and he just hoped it wouldn't be Branch for the sake of his sanity.

Miss Frizz knocked at the door, "Creek, don't you want some dinner?"

"Yes, sorry," Creek sighed, "I'll be down in a minute."

Instead of leaving, Miss Frizz walked in and sat next to Creek, peering down at him, "What's wrong Sugar?"

Frowning, Creek thought over his words wisely, "Ever liked someone but continuously put your foot in your mouth every time you see them?"

"More times than I can count," Miss Frizz chuckled, "Is this about Brocade?"

"Yes," Creek lied, it was easier that way.

Smiling, Miss Frizz patted Creek's hair, "Now Creek, I know you don't have to listen to a word I say much longer."

"I somehow doubt that," Creek half teased but didn't object to the petting.

Miss Frizz chuckled, "But maybe you would take some advice?"

"I can listen to it at least," Creek nodded.

"You know I love Brocade, I love all my kids," said Miss Frizz.

"But," Creek raised an eyebrow.

"But," Miss Frizz sighed, "I don't think Brocade is a good choice for you, at least not until Brocade is older and wiser."

"Don't you mean when I'm older and wiser?" asked Creek.

"Oh, Sugar, that uncle of yours filled your head with so much stuff, I think you're wiser than the lot of us," Miss Frizz grinned, "But Brocade has a lot to learn still before he should be in a relationship with anyone. I don't want to see either of you getting hurt because you tried too soon just because you could."

"I don't think you have to worry," said Creek, "I have told Brocade on numerous occasions to ask me out and he never has."

"I know, you two were always trying to give me a heart attack," Miss Frizz scolded light heartedly, "But if he does, please keep what I said in mind."

"I will," Creek nodded.

"Good," Miss Frizz bent down and quickly kissed Creek's forehead.

"Hey!" Creek protested but Miss Frizz was already out of the room, reminding him to come down for dinner.

Creek was at Miss Frizz's for a bit longer, celebrating his birthday there and remaining until he finished everything he needed for his pod. Though Miss Frizz insisted that Creek could stay or come back numerous times if he wasn't ready, Creek was sure Miss Frizz would have a little bit of an easier time with one less teenager around.

The first night at his new pod was a little off-putting. Creek knew he would be alone but never expected it to be so silent. He slept horrendously, jumping at every little noise and telling himself continuously to stop being so paranoid or he'd end up joining Branch in the bunker.

It was almost a relief knowing that Brocade would be bringing others over for a party the following night. Maybe he could convince a few of them to sleepover? Even if they ended up talking all night instead of sleeping it would be better than the silence.

When Brocade came over, he insisted that the others would be coming later, he simply wanted to be early to have some time with Creek before things got hectic.

"Let's begin with a toast," said Brocade, pulling out two wine glasses and a wine bottle he brought.

"I've never had wine before," commented Creek, eyeing the bottle.

"You haven't been old enough before," said Brocade, "I went for the milder stuff so the taste wouldn't be overpowering."

"That's good, I suppose," Creek took the glass when it was offered to him and smelled it like he had seen older Trolls do, it had a pleasantly sweet aroma.

Brocade held up his own glass, "Here's to Creek, welcome to being an adult and all the benefits that come with it."

"Like wine?" Creek joked.

"Like wine," Brocade clinked their glasses together and downed his glass.

Creek followed suite, downing the glass but coughed a bit after, "This is mild?"

"Just wait until it kicks in," said Brocade with a grin, taking Creek's glass and setting both to the side.

"Until what," Creek began but he had to grip the table as a wave of dizziness hit him. He was only vaguely aware of falling over and Brocade catching him.

When Creek had some coherent thought again, his body felt heavy. At the same time, he felt like he was floating, even when he could feel his bed under his bare skin.

There was someone in the bed with him. Hands were touching him. Lips were kissing him all over his face and neck. The sensations were so surreal, Creek thought he had to be dreaming, especially when he couldn't make out the dark figure above him.

Creek's drug addled mind tried to connect the dots, "B-Branch?"

Hands stilled a moment, then grabbed Creek's wrists to pin them above his head and hold him down with one hand.

Brocade leaned in, Creek finally able to make out his face, "Try again."

"Br-Brocade?" Creek scrambled, not understanding what was happening.

"Good boy," Brocade kissed Creek softly and that was the last bit of gentleness that Creek experienced that night. The rest was nothing but pain and though Creek knew that he cried and begged for it to stop, Brocade never relented staking his claim on Creek's body however he wanted all the while groaning words Creek wished that he could forget.

"You're mine," was the last thing Creek heard Brocade say before he passed out.

When Creek woke up he was alone and he wished he could pretend it was all a horrible dream but the pain radiating throughout his body wouldn't let him. Tears shook his body until he couldn't breath and he thought he would suffocate because he couldn't stop.

Time move agonizingly slow and it hurt to move. When Creek managed to get out of bed the first thing he did was throw all his bedding, pillows and all, into the fireplace. He nearly set his living room on fire by putting too much in but he couldn't find the energy to care, leaving it to do whatever it wanted to go to his washroom, barely pausing in his bedroom to grab some pajama pants.

Creek sat in the shower and just let the water run over him, unable to gather up the willpower to properly wash, his mind too chaotic to concentrate except to question what had happened. He and Brocade had sex but, even though he had been a virgin, Creek knew sex wasn't supposed to be like that. It wasn't supposed to hurt like that and make him feel like he wanted to skin himself alive. But he had no idea what else to call it or what to do about it.

The water had been cold for a while when Creek managed to turn the water off. He stayed in the tub for a while after that, just staring at the fossette. Getting out of the tub had been hard and he slipped into his pajama bottoms without drying off.

Now what? Creek didn't want to go back to his room. He didn't want to be in his pod. But he really had nowhere to go unless it was back to Miss Frizz's.

What would happen if he went back? Would Creek have to tell her what happened? The thought of anyone, especially Miss Frizz, knowing terrified Creek. How could he tell her what happened after she warned him not to get involved with Brocade? Would she get mad at him? Would she blame him?

Tears returning, Creek sank to the floor and leaned against the wall and just stayed there. He cried off and on, not able to move from his spot.

It felt like he had been there for hours but Poppy said he hadn't come out of his pod for days when she broke into his pod to check in on him. Creek cried when Poppy tried to question him and pushed her away when she tried to get him to leave the room to rest in his bed. There was no way he getting near that thing again if he could help it, even though staying in his spot for the unknown amount of days without sleeping or eating had made him too weak to really be able fight back.

Though Poppy didn't understand, Poppy did what Poppy does; take care of her friends. She let Creek stay in his spot and left to get reinforcements. She thankfully didn't allow the others to see Creek but she used their help to clear out Creek's bedroom and replace Creek's bed with a new one.

After the rest of the Snack Pack left, Poppy gently coaxed Creek into leaving his spot against the wall in the washroom and to his new bed. She managed to get him to eat something light and have him rest, though Creek couldn't do it without nightmares without her near.

It was one of the many times Creek wished he had fallen for Poppy instead of Branch, or even crushed on her instead of Brocade. His life would have been much different if it had been the cupcakes and rainbows princess who stole his heart, even if it had remained unrequited due to her destiny to be with Branch. Still he loved her even if he wasn't in love with her. If he could speak without crying he would have told her so.

A couple days passed with Poppy pretty much taking care of Creek, doing her best to help him even though she hadn't a clue of what happened. She managed to convince him to go outside for a bit, insisting that the fresh air would help.

Creek walked slowly behind Poppy as she bounced around, keeping his gaze to the ground. He was convinced if he looked at anyone, they would know what happened. When he heard Brocade's voice though, he froze and hid behind a tree.

"So, do you like living with Tiger Lily rather than Miss Frizz?" Brocade asked, carrying a few heavy tools on his way to work as if it was just another day.

Stargazer smiled dreamily, "Tiger Lily can be stricter than Miss Frizz but it's nice just living with my sister."

"Are you going to stay with her until you get married then?" asked Brocade.

"Oh, no, I still want my own pod for a while before I meet that special someone," Stargazer giggled.

"Hey, when you move out, we should have a pod warming party," said Brocade.

"That sounds nice," replied Stargazer.

Heart pounding, Creek clutched at the tree. The rough bark against his skin the only thing keeping him from screaming.

There was more conversation but Creek blocked it out. All he could listen for was the sound of Brocade leaving so Creek could breathe again and release the tree. Moving out of hiding, he looked around and spotted Stargazer, running to her without thought.

"Ah, hello Creek," Stargazer all but beamed up at him, completely trusting as she was to everyone around her.

Creek tried to open his mouth, to warn her, to say something, but no matter how many times he tried no words would come out.

"Creek, what's wrong?" asked Stargazer, reaching up to touch his arm.

Wincing, Creek stepped away, "I-I'm sorry," he turned and he ran, too much of a coward to protect her. He didn't look where he was going and collided with someone soon after, making him fall back when he normally should have been able to stay on his feet.

"What the heck, Creek?" asked Branch, "Is it too much to ask that you look where you're going?"

Still on the ground, Creek gazed up at Branch. His traitorous mind replayed the moment he thought Brocade had been Branch and he wanted to cry. Even if he didn't have a chance before, he definitely didn't have even the slightest chance to be with Branch anymore. Branch could never love him as he was now, dirtied and used.

"Creek?" Branch repeated, voice softer, concerned, and that hurt worse than the snide comment. He reached out his hand to help Creek up, "Are you okay?"

"D-don't," Creek managed to scramble to his feet, "Don't touch me." He winced at the flash of hurt that went through Branch's eyes but Creek couldn't apologize, couldn't explain. All he could do was turn and run the rest of the way back to his pod and collapse on the floor to cry.

The experience with Brocade had been so horrible, Creek never stopped to think that Brocade could do this to anyone else. He still didn't understand how Brocade managed to hurt him like this when he had thought they had been friends. But he couldn't warn Stargazer or anyone else Brocade would target. That would mean telling them what Brocade did to him and he was too afraid of what would happen if he did.

Really, Creek had two choices. One was to do nothing and possibly allow Brocade to hurt sweet Stargazer and others as Creek had been hurt. And the other was to ensure that Brocade could not do this to anyone ever again.

That thought allowed Creek to calm down. It was the sort of calm that made Creek feel numb but he used it to get up and go to his trunk where he kept his uncle's notebooks, opening it up and looking for what he would need.

Poppy returned to the pod looking or him, "There you are," she sighed in relief, "Do you have any idea how worried I was when I turned around and you weren't there?"

"I'm sorry Poppy," Creek replied softly, still looking over the notebooks.

Frowning, Poppy walked over and kneeled down next to Creek, "Hey, talk to me."

Slowly Creek turned to look at Poppy. Could he tell her what Brocade had done? No, it was too horrible to allow Poppy to know something like that existed. He loved her too much and he would do nothing to take away her smile, especially not over him.

"I'm sorry," Creek repeated. He absently ran his finger over the page he found, "Poppy, I need to be alone for a bit."

"What?" Poppy gasped, "I'm not leaving you alone."

"Please Poppy?" Creek pleaded.

"Creek," Poppy looked at him worriedly and it just killed him.

"Please," Creek repeated, "Just two days, that's all I need."

"But Creek," Poppy was beginning to waver.

Moving closer, Creek let his forehead rest on Poppy's shoulder. It was the first time, outside of trying to sleep, since Brocade, that he willingly touched Poppy. He spoke again, his voice soft but still pleading, "Please Poppy?"

Though Poppy sniffled, she relented, making Creek promise that he would go to her if he needed her before the two days were up.

When Poppy was gone, Creek went to his washroom to properly clean up. He kept chanting, 'nothing happened' in his mind over and over again in order to keep himself going. It took some time to comb his hair, Creek having not touched it in ages but if this were to work he'd have to look as if nothing was wrong.

Once Creek was back to presenting himself in his normal fashion, he practiced faking smiles in the mirror. It was easier than he thought faking a convincing smile, though he supposed he had years of practice lying about his own emotions whenever Branch was involved.

No, no thinking of Branch. That would not help here. No thinking of anything other than what he needed to get through this.

Grabbing his shopping basket, Creek headed out of his pod and to where he knew a few of the herbs from his uncle's notebook grew. After he had all he needed, he headed into town, smiling and waving at everyone he normally would.

"Ah, Brocade," Creek pushed back the nausea with a smile as he approached the dark green Troll, "Looking strappingly handsome as ever."

"Hey there beautiful," Brocade replied with ease, "Haven't seen you around for a while."

"Yes, I think that wine you brought over made me a bit sick," commented Creek, "I don't remember my pod warming party at all and I couldn't get out of bed the next day."

"You're just an adorable little lightweight, aren't you?" Brocade grinned.

Creek swallowed back the urge to vomit, "Indeed, but I want to make up for ruining the party; why won't you come over for breakfast tomorrow before you go off to work?"

"That sounds great," Brocade nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Until tomorrow then," Creek smiled and nodded, walking home casually to be sick in his toilet until he was heaving up air.

Of course, Creek didn't sleep that night, too anxious to even try. He prepared the herb he collected and put them into tea mixes for in the morning. Most of the night was spent pacing afterward, until he could start making breakfast, thankful Poppy made sure he had food there before she left.

The knock at the door made Creek want to cry. He breathed for a bit to force it back before he answered, "Come in."

Brocade came in and offered Creek a bouquet of flowers, "Lovelies for the lovely."

"Charming as always," Creek barely kept his hands from shaking as he accepted them, "You're just in time to have a seat."

"It smells great," Brocade paused to kiss Creek's cheek before heading to the table.

Creek nearly dropped the flowers, his heart beating rapidly. What was that just now? Did Brocade think this was some sort of date? The very idea made him want to be sick again.

"You okay there beautiful?" asked Brocade.

"Yes," Creek managed to lie with ease, "You just took me by surprise."

"I can see that," Brocade smiled.

"I'll get a vase and the tea," said Creek, "You still like red, right?"

"You know me so well," Brocade nodded.

"Well we have known each other since we were children," Creek commented and headed for the kitchen, taking a moment to just breath and chant 'nothing happened' a few times in his head before putting the flowers in a vase and grabbing two tea kettles, already prepared.

"Not joining me in red tea today?" asked Brocade.

"You know I prefer green," replied Creek with a wink before he sat.

Breakfast went casually enough, Creek force feeding himself and letting Brocade do most of the talking, only really interested in how many cups Brocade drank.

When they were done, Brocade stood and started to collect the dirty dishes.

"Don't worry about it," Creek grabbed them instead, "You just head off to work and I'll see you later, alright?"

Not waiting for an answer, Creek headed for the kitchen.

"Creek?" Brocade called, making Creek jump and drop the dishes.

"Br-Brocade," Creek stammered as he turned, barely missing stepping on glass. "You startled me. Don't you need to get to work?"

"I have some time," Brocade walked towards Creek.

Again, Creek tried to tell himself that nothing happened, to stay still and act like nothing was wrong but there was something about the look in Brocade's eyes that just made him back away until his back was against a wall.

Raising his arms, Brocade put his hands on either side of Creek's head, effectively pinning him there. He leaned in a little to meet Creek's eyes and began to sing, "I want to love you
Pretty young thing," Moving a hand he cupped Creek's cheek,

"You need some lovin'
Tender lovin' care
And I'll take you there…"

Creek let out a shaky breath, trying to remain calm, even as his arms curled up to his front, "Is this your way of finally asking me out?"

"After last time, I didn't think I had to ask," said Brocade.

Creek froze, not responding when Brocade leaned in and kissed him.

Both of their hug bracelets chimed in at that moment.

Breaking the kiss, Brocade sighed, "I do need to get to work." He pulled an unresisting Creek into a hug, "Sorry I can't help clean up but you don't have to worry about this place anyway." He pulled back and cupped Creek's face again, "Tomorrow, you're moving in with me and we'll have all the time in the world together, doesn't that sound grand?"

Creek numbly nodded.

"Good boy," Brocade kissed him again, "I'll come back after work."

Nodding, Creek watched Brocade go. When the pod door closed, he could finally breath again and he wanted to scream but he couldn't manage a sound.

Slowly Creek sank to the floor and just concentrated on breathing. There was no telling how long he sat there and just breathed.

When Creek's breathing calmed a bit, his thoughts kicked back in. He couldn't wrap his mind around what just happened. What Brocade had said and done. What Creek actually went through with.

Split ends, what if Creek didn't use enough herbs to kill Brocade? What if his giant genes kept that herbs from affecting him? What if Brocade came back?

Panic filled every fiber of Creek's being and he leapt to his feet trying to think but he couldn't. He blindly started to wreck his own pod, smashing and breaking anything, he came near. He grabbed a kettle from the table to throw it but then paused.

There was still some of Brocade's tea left.

Lowering the kettle, Creek looked at it. He calculated the dosage to have a delayed effect on a partial giant Troll. A cup of the same mixture would probably kill Creek instantly.

Pouring out a cup, Creek just dropped the kettle to the floor afterward. He raised the cup, looked into it, and started to raise it to his lips.

"Creek!" Poppy shouted as she rushed into the pod.

Dropping the cup, Creek just stared after it as the cup smashed on the floor, spilling out his escape.

"I'm so sorry that I came back early but I had to tell you before you head it from anyone else," Poppy rushed into the dining room, shocked at seeing it utterly destroyed, "Creek…"

Numbly, Creek spoke but kept his eyes on the shattered cup, "Go on Poppy, what did you want to tell me?"

"I don't know if this is a good time," Poppy hesitated.

"There won't be a good time," said Creek, looking up at her. "What is it?"

Poppy hesitated for a little longer, giving herself a hug as she spoke, "Brocade, he, he died. It looks like a heart attack."

Creek's lips twitched and slowly he smiled. Soft laughter followed, rapidly getting louder making him sound utterly hysteric as tears rolled down his face and his colors faded away.

He did it. He actually killed Brocade. He was gone and he could never hurt Creek or anyone else again.

Still guilt squeezed Creek's heart like a vice even as the elation that Brocade was gone filled him. Truly, Creek had to be worse than Brocade for what he had done.

Creek did not go to the funeral and Poppy stayed with him. She kept Trolls at bay when they came to visit him and bring him mourning gifts of food as it had been no secret that there was something between Creek and Brocade, seemingly confirmed by Creek not being able to will himself to attend the funeral.

When there aren't other Trolls around wanting to see Creek, Poppy was in near constant contact with him. At first Creek was repulsed by himself for allowing Poppy to dirty herself by touching him but he couldn't give up the slivers of comfort it provided and her cuddling him into submission at night actually allowed him to sleep. He was a dirty, greedy, selfish coward but he lost his chance to get out and wouldn't have another with Poppy around and she absolutely refused to leave him again short of giving him time in the washroom by himself.

"Poppy?" Creek called, pulling her arms a little tighter around him as they laid in bed.

"Yeah?" asked Poppy, giving him a squeeze.

"I think I have an idea on how to get my colors back," said Creek.

"You do?" asked Poppy.

"Yes," Creek nodded. "I'll suppress my memories."

"Suppress?" asked Poppy.

"I'll make myself forget them," clarified Creek.

"Is that a good idea?" asked Poppy, giving Creek another squeeze.

"This isn't something I can get over," said Creek.

Poppy was silent for a while, thinking it over. She didn't understand Creek's solution or even knew the problem but she hated seeing Creek gray and so miserable, "Alright. Is there anything I can do?"

"Just understand that while I may not remember everything that transpired the last few days I truly appreciate everything you've done for me," Creek said and hesitated a moment before adding, "And I love you for it and all you do; you're an amazing friend and I don't deserve you."

Sniffling, Poppy held Creek closer and kissed his cheek, "I love you too, my amazing friend who deserves nothing but amazingness."

Creek allowed himself a slight smile and kissed Poppy's cheek in return, "Thank you, princess, I hope you'll never understand how truly wrong you are."

It took some effort and a few tries but Creek succeeded in suppressing his memory, his colors returning as the memories disappeared from his mind. He knew something had happened and that he needed to continue to suppress it through meditation but didn't have a clue what it was about. He did remember Poppy taking care of him and the feeling of adoration stayed even though they never flowered into anything romantic.

Over time Creek began to date again and didn't shy away when his partner sought more. For some reason the idea of holding out for Branch no longer held him back and he gradually became known for being a generous lover, popular among both boy and girl Trolls. Still Creek would never play the submissive, needing control of the situation whenever he would have sex.

Sometimes Trolls would talk about Brocade and Creek would get uncomfortable, even though he didn't understand why. On days this would happen he would visit Miss Frizz, it helping to ease the weird guilt that arouse within him. Creek also locked away his uncle's notebooks and didn't look at them much anymore since whenever he did that same feeling of guilt came up when he couldn't place his finger on why.

Very rarely did Creek wonder about what he suppressed. He knew just enough that the idea of finding out terrified him into keeping himself in the dark.