Chapter 57

The second session with Therapist Smurf went better than the first, whereas there was actually a session had. Before they began, Therapist Smurf reiterated that his office was a safe place and nothing would leave the office without Creek's consent. This time, however, Therapist Smurf had Hefty sit slightly further away from Creek so hopefully he wouldn't be a distraction or feel the need to jump in so quickly.

Therapist Smurf had been there when Creek had recalled his trauma out loud so at least there was no need to repeat it in detail. He asked Creek a few questioned about Creek's affection for Branch, Creek's life since then, learning more about the suppression, Creek's night terrors and past relationships.

"Did you ever say no when someone presented you with a wooing gift?" Therapist Smurf asked, pausing writing to look at Creek.

Creek shrugged, "There wasn't much reason to; it was a date, not a commitment."

"Have you ever given someone a wooing gift?" asked Therapist Smurf.

Again, Creek shrugged, "There was never a need to. Usually whenever I felt an interest in someone they presented me with a gift first."

"Is that because they beat you to it or you flirted with them to get them to give you the wooing gift?" asked Therapist Smurf.

At that, Creek went silent, thinking it over. Had he ever even considered getting a wooing gift before? It felt like he hadn't, knowing the other Troll would.

Even though Creek said nothing, Therapist Smurf wrote something down, "Are you still in love with Branch?"

Turning, Creek glanced back at Hefty, whom seemed to have been waiting for it, already looking back at him. When Hefty gave a reassuring smile, Creek felt guilty but turned back to Therapist Smurf and nodded, "I don't think those feelings will ever go away."

"Have you ever said that you loved Branch out loud?" asked Therapist Smurf.

At that, Creek hesitated again. He had always tried to never say those feelings out loud, only recently did anyone outside of himself know those feelings existed. Even then, he didn't think he actually said it, others had for him. But he had earlier, today hadn't he? When Hefty said that he wished he could hate Creek?

"I have," Creek finally answered.

"You had to think about it a while," said Therapist Smurf, "Was it part of a conversation about Branch or did you say 'I love Branch' on your own accord?"

"Why doesn't matter if it's part of a conversation?" asked Creek.

"It was in response to something," said Therapist Smurf, "I would like you to say 'I love Branch' without anything before or after."

Creek swung his feet back and forth as he sat on the weird couch, "Wouldn't you telling me to say it be a response to you though?"

"In a way but, please, humor me," Therapist Smurf put down his pencil to wait and observe Creek.

"I," Creek started and suddenly his mouth felt very dry. He knew that Branch wasn't there, that Hefty already knew, but it felt like a butterfly was trying to burst out of his heart and suffocate him via his throat.

"It's alright Creek, nothing leaves this room, remember?" Therapist Smurf gently reminded him.

Air felt harder to take in as Creek tried to swallow, "I," that butterfly had friends now and they were all working to make him nauseous. He drew up his knees to his chest, trying to calm the butterflies down, "I can't."

Humming, Therapist Smurf wrote a few things down before turning to Creek again, "Why do you think you can't say it?"

Grasping his knees, Creek shrugged, "The idea of saying it, makes me feel… nauseous and it gets hard to breath."

"Creek, I don't doubt that you were, or still are, in love with Branch," Therapist Smurf began, "But it seems like you use those feelings as a shield to keep others at bay."

A soft chuckle escaped Creek, "Brainy said something similar."

Therapist Smurf smiled softly, "Brainy doesn't have any training but he can be rather observant."

"You can say that again," sighed Creek.

For the moment, Therapist Smurf closed his notebook, "Creek, recovery from a trauma like this means different things to different people. Some people just want things to feel safe again. Others make their focus keeping others safe."

Creek glanced back at Hefty again, who looked away this time.

"You seem to want to make the world feel 'normal', like it was before you were hurt," Therapist Smurf continued. "Your affection for Branch was a staple of your life from an early age so it makes sense that you would cling to it."

"You think, I don't really feel that way about Branch anymore?" asked Creek.

"It's possible but I can't tell you how you feel," commented Therapist Smurf. "What I think, in order for you to move forward, you need to let go of the past."

"Such as my feelings for Branch?" asked Creek, frowning.

Therapist Smurf nodded, "Accept that Branch is in a relationship and be his friend as you two started out. You might find that friendship is enough or fall in love all over again. It's even possible that you'll find that you won't like Branch at all when you take out the possible romance."

At this, both Creek and Hefty scoffed.

"How do you suggest that I let go of my affection for him while still being around him?" asked Creek.

"More honest communication," suggested Therapist Smurf. "You don't have to admit to your feelings if you don't want to but talking to Branch about some of the things you've been keeping from him over the years may help clean the slate."

"That could be quite the can of worms," commented Creek, he actually had a bit of a list as far as Branch was concerned.

"Take your time," Therapist Smurf assured him, "There's no rush to these things."

"Try telling that to Poppy," Creek smiled fondly while thinking of his friend.

"I would love to have Poppy in for a session but she seems rather adamant that I'm," Therapist Smurf trailed off, unsure of how to say it.

"A happiness vampire," Creek supplied.

"That sounds accurate," Therapist Smurf nodded. "Do you think she'd be more willing to talk to a Troll Therapist?"

"If there was such a thing, probably," admitted Creek.

"I've been thinking that it might be a good idea to train a Troll in my therapy practice so there's a better resource for Trolls who would feel more comfortable talking to them, rather than me," explained Therapist Smurf. "Plus, it would be a closer resource for you and Branch if there were times you could not make it here."

Creek hummed, thinking it over, "I can't imagine Branch not wanting to come here to see Hefty but it would be better for winter, at least, when travel would be harder."

"If you know of anyone that would be a good candidate, let me know," Therapist Smurf asked. "Before we end this session, there's something sensitive I'd like to talk to you about."

Creek looked at him flatly, "This whole conversation has been rather sensitive."

A small, apologetic smile spread across Therapist Smurf's lips, "Of course but I mean that, if you're more comfortable around me now, I think you would prefer Hefty leave for this last bit."

Frowning, Creek looked back at Hefty.

The strong Smuf smiled softly, "It's okay Creek, it's whatever you're comfortable with."

For a bit, Creek hesitated, then nodded, "Alright.'

Hefty stood, patting Creek's shoulder, and giving him another smile, before he walked out and closed the door behind him.

Not sure what to think about this, Creek returned his attention to Therapist Smurf.

"Creek," Therapist Smurf started, voice with a hint of concern, which worried Creek further, "I know this is a delicate question but when you told us what happened you also told us how you almost drank Brocade's tea."

"I was rather desperate at the idea Brocade could come back," Creek quickly defended.

"I know," Therapist assured him, "But Creek, it's important for me to know how you feel about that."

"How I feel about nearly killing myself?" Creek asked, pausing for Therapist's nod. "I'm not sure what you expect me to say."

"I would hope you could feel safe enough to be honest with me," said Therapist.

At that, Creek laughed, "Safe? I can recall very few instances of that in my life and one day and your promises of this being a safe space do nothing to reassure me."

Silence was the first response, Therapist Smurf writing something down, "Then can you tell me about when you felt safe? I take it that it was when your memories were suppressed?"

"Two instances, yes," Creek admitted, "But it's hard to describe. I wasn't actively afraid when my memories were suppressed but, I guess I didn't realize how unsafe I felt until someone made me feel safe."

"Who made you feel safe?" asked Therapist.

"My parents," started Creek, such an obvious answer, "But after they were taken, it was Branch."

"Branch?" asked Therapist.

"Yes," Creek smiled a little, "I know it's silly, I'm older than he is but there were times that he needed me, even if he didn't know it, and when I was there for him, it made me feel like I was safe too."

"That's not silly," Therapist assured him with a smile.

This made Creek smile a little more. He stayed silent for a bit, thinking over his life, "I felt safe with my uncle but when he died it took me a while to feel that again. Eventually Miss Frizz helped but, I don't know, I never really felt like one of her kids like the others."

"Why do you think that is?" asked Therapist.

"Because I left," Creek shrugged. "I went from my parents, to Miss Frizz for a few months, to my uncle, and back to Miss Frizz again until I was an adult. Plus, she made no qualms about how upset she was with me for picking on Branch."

"So, you felt a separation," Therapist theorized, "Do you think she doesn't care about you?"

"No, I know she cares," said Creek, "Just not as much as her kids."

"Like Brocade?" asked Therapist.

Creek's entire body tensed.

"Is that why you thought you couldn't tell Miss Frizz?" asked Therapist. "Did you think she'd choose Brocade's side over yours because he was her son and you weren't?"

Wrapping his arms around himself, Creek spoke softly, "I don't want to talk about him."

"Creek, you'll need to discuss him eventually if we're never going to make progress," said Therapist Smurf, "But this is at your pace, it doesn't have to be today."

Swallowing, Creek nodded, to show that he understood.

"Alright," Therapist nodded, "Who made you safe during your period of suppression?"

"Cinnamon," stated Creek.

"And who is Cinnamon?" asked Therapist.

"The Troll I almost married," said Creek.

"You were engaged?"

"No, he broke off our relationship while I was preparing to propose."

"Did he tell you why?"

Bringing his knees up to his chest, Creek stared at his toes, "He could tell that I was hiding something from him but not even I knew what it was at the time."

"Do you have a relationship with him now?" asked Therapist.

"He's one of the few Trolls I've dated that I'm still friends with," Creek nodded.

"You didn't have sex with him," stated Therapist.

Creek glanced up at Therapist Smurf before looking back down at his toes, "How do you know that?"

"Training, observation, listening," Therapist Smurf summarized, "You've dated plenty of Trolls but he's the one you almost married, the one you felt safe with; there had to be something different about him."

"I don't know whether to call your observations skills amazing or creepy," admitted Creek. "Why do you do this, anyway? Listen to Smurf and Troll problems all day long?"

"It's how I know I can help them," said Therapist, "Like I hope that I can help you."

Staying silent, Creek absently picked some dirt off his pants.

"Who's the second one?" asked Therapist Smurf.

"The second one of what?" asked Creek.

"The second one that made you feel safe," explained Therapist, "You said there were two instances while your memories were suppressed."

Creek looked up, "I did?" He frowned at Therapist's nod, pausing to think about it. Who else had made him feel safe?

Therapist Smurf smiled, "I think that's a good note to end on for you to think about on your own for a bit, unless there's anything further you like to discuss right now."

Shaking his head, Creek straightened his knees and stood, "How often do you think I'll need to come here?"

"Let's start with weekly sessions," said Therapist Smurf, "We can do more or less depending on how you feel as we go."

Creek frowned again but nodded, "Alright."

Therapist Smurf walked Creek out and turned to Hefty, who was leaning against the wall near the door, "I appreciate you showing some restraint this time, Hefty. Would you like to stay a little longer on your own?"

Hefty shook his head, "Not today but thanks Therapist Smurf."

"Yes," Creek hesitated, "Thank you."

Therapist Smurf smiled at then, waving goodbye as he went back into his office.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" asked Hefty.

"I am unsure," Creek admitted, "But it has definitely given me a lot to think about."

Looking around the room, it was surprising to find that the waiting area was empty.

"I thought for sure I'd be tackled the moment we finished," stated Creek.

"Ditto," agreed Hefty, "Maybe they got caught up at Tailor's?"

"Probably," agreed Creek. He hesitated and turned to the Smurf, "Are you sure you don't need to talk to Therapist Smurf on your own again?"

Hefty blinked, then smiled a little, "I'm sure."

Nodding, Creek stared at Hefty's shoulder, "I'm sorry, I realize this must be bringing up a lot of bad things for you but." He trailed off, unsure of how to explain it.

"I understand," Hefty said it as a statement, possibly supplying the answer for Creek.

Again, Creek nodded, "I also think you need to talk to Brainy. He's putting the pieces together and there's only a matter of time before he figures everything out."

This time, Hefty sighed, "He's too smart for his own good sometimes."

"But rather illogical for someone so smart," commented Creek, heading for the door.

Holding out an arm, Hefty blocked him, "What do you mean?"

"He's still interested in me," said Creek.

"So, you think, because of what happened, that anyone who likes you is stupid?" Hefty frowned, remembering similar thoughts he had about himself about fifty years ago.

"I think that while your assault made you someone who protects, it made me someone who harms," said Creek, "And I've told him not to trust me but he seems to have a distinct lack of self-preservation."

"You can't count Brocade," Hefty insisted.

"I wasn't," said Creek.