She ran out of the house and on the street, breathing heavily. Not because of the running, but because of the growing panic inside her.
Her eyes stoppend on the swing in the garden over the street. A memory flashed before her eyes.
A young girl swinging. A dog ran towards her. It was a young shepherd.
The house next to it was lightly green and she knew that the third step of the porch was broken. The house with a big three had an orange cat, who would eat at every other house too.
She knew this neighborhood! She was here before!
But the memories came back in flashes. The pictures were unconnected, she didn't know what she was seeing.
Mark. Her brother. She had a brother. Somehow she was sure.
"Lilly" a hand touched her shoulder. She jumped. It was Sam. "Are you okay? What is happening?"
She just shook her head. How could she explain? These streets, these people, this was her life. Until Lucifer came and she forgot all about it. She knew her past is here, she just couldn't find it.
You shouldn't be looking for it!
Lucifer said her past was horrible. And she believed him. Why would she want to find it again? He was the one who saved her, who gave her purpose. He was her father. And she loved him, as he loved her.
But why was this so painful then?
"Lilly you are shivering, tell me what's s wrong"
She turned to him and didn't know what to say. "I grew up here" she said "But I... I don't remeber it"
A memory flashed through her head again.
The girl was playing on the street. There was a car. It was going fast. She didn't see it.
"No, no, no"
The car wasn't stopping. It didn't see the girl. It was closing in so fast. Then a man jumped in front of the car and pushed the girl aside. He died in an instant.
"No!"
"Lilly, come down! " Sam's voice seemed far away. She didn't realise it, but she was grabing her head, she was trying to scratch the memory out.
"Stop that!" Sam grabbed her hands, she was resisting, but he was stronger.
"No!" she was scraming. She didn't see the world around her, she saw a dead man on the street. And for the reason unknown to her it filled her with great sadness. She wanted to get rid of this memory, this foreign emotions, this incredible pain.
Sam managed to restrain her and she gave in. She collapsed into his arms.
He hugged her tight. His big arms closed around her and she felt her mind coming together again. Feeling of safety washed over her. Slowly the vivid images faded away. She closed her eyes and pressed her head deep into his chest. He didn't mind. She could hear his heart beating and the rhythm calmed her down.
What is she gonna tell him now? What kind of lie will she come up with?
Right now she didn't want to lie. She hugged him around his torso and didn't want to let go. She didn't want to lie!
She wanted to tell the truth! How Lucifer took her, how she killed, how she was deceiving them from the start.
Focus!
She broke the hug "Sorry for that" she said
"It's okay. Will you tell me what happened?"
"I..." she sighed "I was found in the hospital a few years back. With no memory of my previous life. But somehow I knew all about monsters and how to fight them. I took on a life of a hunter and never looked back"
You lie and you lie good! Emotions are weakness! Mission comes first!
"But this here" she looked around "this is my previous life, and that house over there" she pointed at the house with the swing "It's... It's my house"
"Do you want to take look?" Sam asked her and took her hand. She squeezed it back. She did want to take a look. She wanted to find out who she was. Maybe her mother and father still lived here.
Your father is Lucifer! He is a king of hell, not some pathetic man who... a man ran infront of the car and saved the girl.
There was the flashback again and she groaned when her chest filled with pain.
She let go of Sam's hand "I need to get out of here"
Dean just came back and they all sat down in the car and drove back to the motel. She shut herself into her room and tried to sort out what just happened.