That neighbour called her Lilly. Clea realised that she used her real name as a fake one. Irony.
But what now? Does she go looking for her past? Does she really want to know more than she already does?
If father could see her now he would be furious. The mission always comes first.
"Right" she said out loud "The mission"
The mission was to kill a man, who made her feel emotions she didn't know she had. A man who made her feel safe and happy. She couldn't deny it anymore. She did have feelings for him.
Slowly with her head full of confusion she fell asleep.
She didn't go back to that street, while they were working on a case. But she helped anyway. In the end they figured it was a witch after all and they found her on the other side of the town. A middle aged woman with a lot of unfinished business.
Clea stayed in the car as she promised but after 10 minutes when the brothers were not out yet, she followed them. As she expected: one was choking on the ground and the other looked like his internal organs were being crushed. The woman didn't see her, so Clea sneaked up behind her and hit her in the head. The woman fell down and the Winchesters were released. But the witch didn't die. Clea jumped on top of her and started hitting her. She put all of her frustrations in that beating. All the confused feelings she was unaccustomed to feel.
She hit her until her face was swollen then she took out a knife and stabbed her. The witch died.
"That was brutal" Dean said after she finished. Sam didn't say anything.
At that moment she didn't care what they thought of her. She needed that. She needed to release her anger and that is how she did it. Now she was once again ready to deal with the world.
As the days past by her wounds were healing nicely. She didn't spoke about the past anymore, she tried to forget it for good.
But what she couldn't forget about was Sam.
She woke up in the middle of the night.
She dreamt of one particular german shepherd. She couldn't let that happen again, so she got up.
With groan she shifted out of bed and onto the cold floor. Slowly she made her way trough the door into the hallway.
She was walking down the hall when she heard a scream from one of the doors. It wasn't loud, just enough for her to hear it trough the open door.
It was Sam's room. With percussion she made her way trough the door. Sam was sitting in his bed, breathing heavily. His eyes were fillied with fear.
"Sam?" She said in a whisper "Are you okay?"
Sam turned his head and looked confused for a moment "Am..Yes" he said then "It's just...I had this..."
"Nightmare?" She finished his sentence. He nodded.
"Come on" she said and gestured to the door. Sam looked at her confused.
"You won't get any sleep after this" she said and walked out. Sam shifted out of bed and followed her, she was right after all, he wouldn't sleep.
They were in the kitchen. She sat on the table and gave him a mug.
"What is it?" He asked
"Milk and honey" she answered "The best thing you can do when you can't sleep"
She took a sip out of her own mug.This is what Lucifer did for her when she had nightmares. Of course the milk didn't contain honey, but demon blood and with that she slowly learned how not to scream when she woke up from a horrible dream. But thanks to that blood, she could see faces of demons, so she figured it wasn't all bad.
"Try it. Its good"
Sam took a sip and was pleasantly suprised.
"It is good" he said and smiled.
They drank milk in silence for a while.
"So are you gonna spit it out?" she asked.
"What?" Sam asked
"Your dreams" she said "What got you so off track?"She really did wonder what could trouble him now. It's not like Dean was in any danger lately.
He sighed and looked down.
"I saw someone get killed" he said after a while.She nodded, she knew those kind of dreams.
"They didn't deserve it" he added.
Does anyone really?
He does. Said the voice in her head, but she ignored it.
"Don't worry" she said "It's just a dream"
Sam looked into her eyes and smiled
"You're probably right" he said not breaking eye contact. They stayed like that for a while. Just observing each other. It seemed like neither of them wanted to go back just yet.
Then she broke the eye contact and finished her milk. She put the mug down and so did Sam. As he put the mug on the table he got so close she could hear his breathing. Her heart quickened the pace. Her mind went back to that comforting hug and she realised she wanted to get lost in his arms again. Slowly he put a beam of her hair behind her ear. His thumb brushed over her cheek.
She couldn't speak, she couldn't move. She got lost in his eyes, in his touch.
The world around her vanished. She wanted nothing but to stay in this moment forever. He was lighty smiling, and Clea could swear he was the most handsome man alive.
"You're beautiful" he said "You truly are"
She smiled but she couldn't speak. Her heart was pounding. For the first time in so much time she felt...happy. She believed that was the word. Her heart felt two sizes bigger. Her mind couldn't focus on anything else but him.
He gently cupped her face with both hands and finally kissed her. She kissed him back. And at that moment, the moment of pure joy, she knew that no matter what happenes next, she will never be able to kill Sam Winchester.