Chapter 3

After dinner, Jarrod lit a cigar and wandered out onto the verandah. It was a moonless night, full of stars. He stared and stared. The stars were beautiful.

"Don't go wandering too far," he heard Nick's voice come up behind him.

Jarrod didn't say anything at first, just kept staring at the stars, until out of the blue he said, "It would be nice to fly up there for a while."

There wasn't any sense of depression there, no sense of longing. Just a statement. It still bothered Nick to hear him say it, given what he'd told the doctor. "It's a little far for me," Nick said and puffed on his own cigar.

Jarrod didn't say anything.

"You feel up to telling me about it, Pappy?" Nick finally asked.

"About what?" Jarrod asked.

"About how you're feeling. About what happened when you were sick."

"Hmm," Jarrod said.

"We thought we lost you there for a minute," Nick said. "Did we lose you?"

"Hmm," Jarrod said again. "You want to talk about what I told the doctor."

"Yeah," Nick said, a little surprised Jarrod had come back down to earth even enough to say that.

Jarrod said, "You did lose me there for a minute. I was gone, off somewhere, I don't know where. Now it feels like I never quite made it all the way back."

"That's upsetting you," Nick said.

"No, actually it's not," Jarrod said. "It's upsetting you."

Nick felt a little jolt. That simple statement – it's upsetting you – made Jarrod seem more connected to reality than he had been since he got sick. Nick went with it. "We're just wondering how to get you back, Jarrod."

"Hmm," Jarrod said. His most common expression these days. But he didn't follow up. He just looked up at the stars.

"Tell you what," Nick said. "Heath and I are heading out to the Bigelow ranch tomorrow to take a look at a couple yearling colts. Why don't you come with us?"

"Hmm," Jarrod said again.

"It'll just take a few hours. Be good for you. Fresh air, wind in your face. No real work in it. What do you say?"

"Hmm," Jarrod said one more time.

Nick was getting more worried, not less. Did Jarrod even hear him?

But it sank in. Jarrod thought getting out might feel good. He said, "All right."

Nick smiled and gave him a slap on the arm. Jarrod didn't seem to notice. He was still looking at the stars.

XXXXXXX

It took some talking, but Nick and Heath convinced Victoria and Audra that they'd take good care of Jarrod if he went to the Bigelow ranch with them. It wasn't that far a trip, they said, and with two of them keeping an eye out for him, he'd be fine. He wasn't that lost anyway – just a little off kilter. Victoria made them promise they would not let him near a firearm, which both Nick and Heath thought was a bit much, but Jarrod had overheard the conversation, and he piped up.

"I wasn't planning on carrying a gun," Jarrod said. "I don't need one."

"There," Nick said. "He's got his wits about him. He's not as out of things as you think he is. Right, Jarrod?"

"Right, Nick," Jarrod said but was not inclined to say anything more.

He'd been in his thinking chair staring at the fireplace while the rest of his family, in the foyer, talked about him behind his back. He didn't mind. One of the advantages of feeling out of place, Jarrod discovered, was that he didn't really mind much about anything. That calm, that sense of contentment that had come over him when he had his "spell" while feverish was staying with him.

The next day, the three Barkley brothers took off early, heading for the Bigelow ranch that was about an hour away, farther away from Stockton. The weather was pleasant, not too hot and not too cool, sunny with a light breeze. Nick and Heath chatted away. Jarrod was quiet, listening to something else. Even he wasn't sure what it was he was listening to.

"So I said to her, 'Margie, you have to understand, I'm a free man and I like it that way,'" Nick was saying, continuing a long story about his relationship with a girl at Harry's saloon.

"How'd she take that?" Heath asked.

"Not well, but she was back beside me fifteen minutes later," Nick said.

Heath chuckled. "I don't think you're ever gonna get rid of her, Nick. I think you could probably say straight to her face that you were never gonna get involved with her because you don't like her, and it wouldn't make any difference."

"Probably not," Nick said, "but I'm hoping some of the other girls will give her the message."

Jarrod suddenly held up, stopping, looking around. It took a moment for Nick and Heath to realize he wasn't with them anymore. They stopped, turned and saw him sitting there in the middle of the road, looking off the side of the road, both sides.

"Is something wrong, Jarrod?" Heath asked.

Jarrod said, "Yes. Something."

He was looking all around. Nick and Heath came back to him. "What is it?" Nick asked.

"I don't know," Jarrod said. "Something. Don't you hear it?"

Nick and Heath looked at each other. "I don't hear anything," Nick said.

"What do you hear?" Heath asked.

Jarrod shook his head. "I don't know. Something. Breath."

"Breath?" Nick asked.

"Something breathing," Jarrod said. "Not a person. Not a horse. Something."

Nick and Heath just looked at each other, and then they slowly drew their guns. "Animal?" Heath asked.

"Something," Jarrod said.

"Which way?" Nick asked.

"I don't know," Jarrod said.

Neither Nick nor Heath heard anything, but Jarrod was still acting like he did. It was scaring them. "Let's keep going, just slow down," Heath said.

"Come on, Pappy," Nick said.

They moved on together, more slowly and more quietly. They traveled that way for a good mile or two. Nothing ever approached them, and they never saw anything unusual. Nick and Heath were just about to chalk it up to the wind, but Jarrod was still eerie, still looking odd. He didn't give any thought about what Nick and Heath might be thinking as they looked at him warily. Jarrod closed his eyes.

"Do you still hear it, Jarrod?" Heath asked.

Jarrod nodded but kept moving. "Yes. It's the same. Breathing. Something breathing."

Now Nick and Heath looked at each other, worried. He's hallucinating, was in their eyes. "We best get on to the Bigelow's," Nick said, at least ready to act like Jarrod was really hearing something. "If we got a cat or something after us, we better get to someplace with more people."

They still took it a bit slow, unwilling to tempt something that might start chasing them if it looked like they were running, and unwilling to risk Jarrod falling behind them. Jarrod stayed alert and looking around, but when the Bigelow place came in sight, he seemed to ease up a bit. When he did, Nick and Heath did. They rode up to the house and dismounted as Mr. Bigelow came out.

"You all right now?" Heath asked his oldest brother.

Jarrod nodded, not alert anymore, and not alarmed. He had never been alarmed, just very vigilant. Now he eased off.

Nick and Heath still gave each other worried looks. Either something had been following them out there, or Jarrod had moved off into that mystery world of his again. Neither prospect was one they wanted to have to deal with, and for now they let it go. For now they were safe, ready to look at a couple of yearling colts.

But they still kept half an eye on their older brother, because he was still looking around as if he was looking for something no one else could see.