CHAPTER SIX: Indecision
Reaching high above her head with both arms, Kate feels the stretch and pull of her muscles as she delicately balances on one leg, finding her center as she works through a series of Yoga poses. The exercise has calmed her mind and relaxed her body. Feeling more at peace with herself than she has in awhile, she realizes that she's happier being single than she was being with Josh. With the wisdom of hindsight, Kate has come to accept that her relationship with Josh was doomed from the start. And now she has the added bonus of guilt-free time with Castle.
They've found a tentative new rhythm together since Valentine's Day. While she's not ready to jump into anything with Castle, she sees him in a new light, her mind playing with the possibilities. She'd been ready to risk that step with him once before, only to have her heart stepped on. It took them awhile for their working partnership to settle into a comfortable place after that hiccup. Not wanting to upset it again without being certain of her feelings, and his, she's decided to simply not think about it and just enjoy his friendship. Without the spectre of Josh and Gina in the background, she finds they're spending more time together after work. And it's fun. He's always been funny and charming, but now she enjoys his charm offensive without that undertone of annoyance that used to plague her. She must be getting soft. But she's okay with that.
If only her body didn't betray her at odd moments. Like the other night when she joined his family for dinner. One minute he was chopping vegetables and making pasta, his hands performing a nimble ballet in front of her. The next thing she knew, her heart started racing and her body flushed as she imagined those same fingers performing an even more nimble dance on her body. Afraid she'd give herself away, she'd had to hastily excuse herself to the restroom for a few minutes to get her body back under control.
And then there was the incident when they'd been walking back to the precinct from Remy's. One minute they were walking and talking normally. One glance at his features, hair mussed from the wind, face a little pale from the cold, and she was right back on that dark street, seeing the shocked arousal on his face following their kiss. She'd been so thrown by it she'd stumbled and would have fallen if his quick reflexes hadn't enabled him to catch and steady her. That moment of shock when their bodies had brushed confirmed the heat still burned brightly between them.
She mostly tried to ignore those odd moments when she was tempted to close the gaps between them, not wanting to upset their delicate balance. But the nights were the most difficult. In the deep of the night, while her body slept, her subconscious mind created erotic images of the two of them together. More often than not, she'd awaken fully aroused, images from her latest dream dancing through her mind. She didn't know if the reality would match her fantasies, but her fantasies portrayed Castle as a very attentive and capable lover. Just this morning she found herself giving in to temptation.
She'd awoken in the middle of a dream that had felt all too real. Castle had caught up with her in the stairwell at the precinct. They'd been arguing about something inconsequential, and she decided to take the stairs down to get the autopsy results from Lanie. Castle chased after her and caught up with her partway down, on the landing between stairs. After a few tense words about some minor issue, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop, determined to have his say.
Eyes snapping fire, she held her ground, a mutinous expression on her face. He was just as agitated. His brows drawn in, face tense, a frown marring his expression as the intensity of his glare burned her. Frustration spilling over, he pressed into her space, causing her to take a step back, the rough feel of the concrete wall at her back pulling her up short. Angry at giving ground, she snapped out some inane comment. And then he moved.
His hands wrapped around her biceps, holding her arms still at her side as he towered over her, stepping into her body, forcing her to tilt her head back to look up at him. His eyes black with emotion, irritation and more bubbling to the surface, he searched her face, determined to finish their argument. Air crackling with tension, she wanted to scream in frustration at her body's involuntary response to his nearness. And then he'd leaned in and kissed her. She could taste the anger and frustration in his kiss before an all consuming fire took over. Before she knew it he was plundering her mouth, taking everything from her even as he gave in return. What started as anger quickly turned into something more, the heat sparking between them into an inferno that raged out of control. Body tightening in anticipation, she felt the burn of his touch on her skin. Mouth opening under his, she tangled her tongue with his, his spicy taste making her crave more, of everything. Forgetting everything but the feel of him against her, she stretched into him, trying to plaster every inch of her body against his, savoring the feel of his hard to her soft. Chest to chest, hip to hip, a low moan tore from her, called out from the feel of him against her. Frantic, grasping, she dips her fingers into his waistband, wanting to feel his skin.
And then it changed. The sweep of his tongue against hers gentled, his mouth sipping at hers, as he started a delicate duet of his tongue with hers. The hands holding her arms loosen, caressing her arms before finding their way to her hips, where they softly stroke the desire he's kindled into a roaring flame. The gentle pressure of his body against hers creates a gentle friction where his arousal rubs her there, where she needs it most. Feeling her body climbing, she strains towards him, wanting the release he promises so badly.
Cruelly, she awakens just as her body stretches towards release. All too familiar with the burning ache that brings her fully awake, she takes matters into her own hands, knowing the temporary relief she finds will still leave her vaguely dissatisfied. Some days she takes care of herself, her fantasies of Castle bringing her relief, even as she refuses to acknowledge the emotion driving her physical responses. Other days she denies herself, the vague ache throughout the day her penance for her indecision over what to do about Castle. Through it all, she struggles with where their relationship is headed, trying to define and understand her feelings, both afraid of and anticipating what their future might hold.