CHAPTER TEN: Leap of Faith

Why are things so awkward? She wonders, as she waits for Rick to return from the bathroom. She's known him for years. They've just had the most mind blowing sex she's ever experienced. She knows him probably better than anyone else in her life, yet she's uncertain how to act now that they've taken this step. She feels exposed, vulnerable in a way she's rarely felt. Abandoning her bra, she buttons her shirt back up as she steps into her panties and jeans. She knows she wants a round two, but she also feels the need to cover up a little, replace some of her armor so she feels a little more normal.

After washing her hands, she begins taking out the food, dishing up their dinner and fortifying herself with a sip of wine. Hearing him return, she gives him a little smile as she covertly watches him head for his pants, calm and confident as can be, as he slips back into them, moving his hastily discarded shoes to the side. Great, she's a nervous mess and he's smooth and confident. What is wrong with her?

Walking over to her, he steps into her space and removes the container of food from her hands, putting it back on the counter. Grabbing her around the waist, he turns her towards him, stepping in closely, before placing two fingers under her chin and tilting her head up to him. Without her heels, their height difference has her feeling like she's at a distinct disadvantage.

"Kate, look at me." He tells her, his expression really serious. "What just happened between us means a lot to me." Swallowing, she nods her head, knowing he's being honest. "I know we didn't plan that, but I don't regret it and I really hope you don't regret it either."

Seeing the turmoil in his gaze, she identifies worry and something else she can't name. Not knowing what she's feeling, she just listens, reticent to say anything to upset the precarious balance they've achieved.

"I know you just came out of a relationship recently and that this may be moving too fast for you. If you want to slow things down, I'm okay with that. I want to make this work and if that means we take a few steps back, then we can take a few steps back."

Searching her feelings, she's only certain of two things. She doesn't want to mess this up and she isn't capable of taking a step back. She may not know exactly what she's feeling or what all this means to her, but she doesn't want to run away from it or turn her back on it. She's going to have to trust that what feels so right can work.

Gathering her courage, she answers him. "I know this was kind of sudden. And we just jumped into this. But you are not a rebound. If I'm being honest, you're the reason I broke up with Josh."

Seeing the look of surprise on his face, she nods, confirming it. She sees the questions bubbling to the surface even as he tries to tamp down on them. His curiosity has always been hard to contain.

"Me? But how- I'm the reason…?" he asks, unable to help himself.

Smiling a little, she confirms. "Yeah. After that kiss, I really couldn't kid myself any longer. I felt a lot more during that kiss than I ever did with Josh."

"I knew it!" he crows, unable to help himself. Seeing his chest puff up a little at her admission, she realizes that he's the same man-child she's known for years and she really shouldn't be so nervous about all of this. "This is the best day ever! Kate you have to know I can't get that kiss out of my mind. Well, now I can, but it's been replaced by that other one or, uh, that image of you, I mean, uh, maybe I should…." Gesturing with his hand, his voice trails off, a slightly panicked look on his face.

"Shh." She quiets him again with her finger, cutting off his rambling, amused by his nervous prattling. "I can imagine what it's been replaced by Castle." She says drily. She forces herself to be honest with him and herself. "Look, the point is, I don't know where this is going or what we're doing. But I know I want to be with you. And after what we did a little while ago, there's no way I can take a step back and just be friends with you right now. I want so much more than that. You were right, what we just did was amazing. And that was our first time. What happens when we really get to know each other like this? So if you don't mind, I'd like to find out."

Nodding his head vigorously, he grabs her in for a big hug. "Me too. But what about work? What do we do about that? And our families?"

"I don't know. I mean, would you mind if we just keep this between us for now? I'm not ready for all the questions and pressure. I don't know how long, but…"

"Yeah, I can do that. I think that's…sure, yeah." Amazed, overwhelmed, he can't believe that he's here having this conversation with Kate wrapped in his arms. "Just let me know when you want to change that. For now, let's just see what happens." Smiling, relieved, he tells her "I want to see what happens too." Leaning in, he kisses her again, unable to help himself.

Feeling her blood starting to heat up again, she realizes that she needs to step back or they're never going to eat.

"Mmpf. Castle –" pulling back, she breaks the kiss. "I still want to have dinner, and to sit and talk. We can make out later. If we don't stop now I'm not sure we'll get anything to eat."

"Yeah. Okay. Right. Food. I can do that. Let's eat!" he rubs his hands together, grabbing a plate and going back to the containers, his enthusiasm spilling over.

Grabbing her glass of wine, she takes a sip, feeling a little more settled. She may not know where this is going, but she has a feeling she's in for quite a ride.