Daya sighed as he stared at the empty wall in front of him.
Three days had passed since he last saw her.
Yet, the image of her fingers working on his buttons flashed in front of his eyes, her grip around his wrist still lingered on his skin.
He knew where his mind was taking him. He tried hard to shut it out. He had been trying, for the last 72 hours.
Ting tong!
The sound of the doorbell.
A welcome distraction.
No sooner did he open the door than he took a step back.
"Sh-Shreya!"
"Sir I hope I'm not disturbing."
"Not at all...aao, andar aao na please."
Suddenly he felt self conscious. Even though their days of courtship were far behind them, he felt the need to tidy up the house before letting her in.
To make things worse, she looked around, as though she were observing each detail.
"Still struggling with keeping things neat and tidy, I see," Shreya said.
"It's not like I have to impress anyone now."
Daya immediately wanted to take back his words. He didn't mean to taunt her. It was just his broken heart, trying to find comfort in his words. It was all those years of unspoken emotions, escaping through the slightest opening they found.
"I could help you clean up," she offered.
"Arrey tum kyu taklif logi…"
"Sir please… it's the least I could do after everything you've done for me."
"I mean - us," she quickly corrected herself.
"Siddhart won't mind?"
"Sir aap bhul gayein? Wo India mein nahi hai."
"Nahi I thought wo wapas aa gaya… I mean, Ankanksha tumhare saath nahi dikhi toh."
"Akanksha so rahi hai...ghar lock karke aayi hu."
"Kya! Tum usse akele," Daya quickly moved towards the front door, "Shreya chaabi doh."
"Sir bas 2 minute ki baat thi...mein toh bas aapko uss din ke liye thanks kehne -"
"Baaki baatein hum tumhare ghar mein karenge. Give me the keys!"
"Please," he added to soften his tone.
Shreya handed him the keys, smiling at his concern. If he were Akanksha's father, he wouldn't let her out of his sight for even a minute.
He would be a great father… a great husband even.
…
…
…
After he had ascertained that the child was sleeping peacefully, he spoke.
"Ab koi baat karni ho toh please call kar lena. Aise bache ko akele mat chhod ke aana."
"Ji sir," she smiled widely.
It made her happy, to see him like that. To see that he still cared, if not more then at least as much as he did before. If just so much as leaving Akanksha alone for a few minutes panicked him, then she wondered what he'd do when he saw her in the delivery room.
Would he be the kind of husband that would wreak havoc in the hospital or would he just hold her hand and calm her down?
In some ways, Daya was the most unpredictable of all the men she knew, especially when things came to...well, her.
"Hass kyu rahi ho?"
She looked at his face, at the confused expression he wore. Didn't he know that she couldn't help smiling around him?
In her case, moving forward in life was inevitable and yet, moving on from him was impossible.
"You still care," she said, her voice slightly hesitant.
Daya stepped closer to her and looked deeply into her eyes. He then kept his hand on her head, just over her left ear, his fingers separating the strands of her hair.
"I never stopped."
Still looking at him, Shreya was about to step forward when he quickly withdrew his hand.
"I...I should go."
He spoke with a sense of shame, of guilt.
Of Regret.
And somehow, it hurt her, that he was ashamed to touch her. It hurt her, that he didn't let her get any closer. It hurt her, that he didn't want her - as painfully, as urgently as he used to.
She knew that it wasn't right, what she wanted. But all she felt was a raw ache to be loved… by him. She wanted to arouse in him a desire, an animal craving - the kind he couldn't deny… the kind he couldn't refuse.
But before she could say anything, he was already at the threshold of her door.
"Sir you'll let me help you clean up na?"
Daya took a few moments to formulate the perfect reply in his head.
No, I'll manage.
Well, I'm busy this week.
Abhijeet and Tarika promised they'd help.
Uh… You see, I don't think that's a good idea.
Thanks for asking but maybe some other time.
No Shreya, it's too much trouble. Besides, I am used to this mess.
Yes this last one was fantastic - just the one he needed to say.
He then turned around to face her, proud of his decision.
"Sure," he said as though he had absolutely no control over what he was saying.
One look into her hopeful eyes and everything he had thought vanished into thin air.
As he walked out, Shreya leaned on to the wall behind her. A part of her was thrilled to help him but another part of her condemned the whole idea.
She had married Siddharth and he had accepted his life without her in it. Everything between them ceased to exist the day she decided to marry another man. At least, that was the way everyone looked at it. But only they knew how hard it was. Feelings couldn't be stopped in the blink of an eye, the past couldn't be wiped clean like it was written in sand.
It had not been easy to come this far, going back was only going to hurt. And yet there she was, already on the road that took her back.
Oh God.
What had she done!
"Well," She told herself, "No harm done."
She would go and help him clean… only as a gesture of gratitude - maybe even as a friend. But nothing more.
Definitely not anything more.
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