AN1: Thank you for all your warm feedbacks to this story. I really really appreciate them all. And I apologize to the people who don't like the way I tackled everything in this story but still thank you for the constructive criticism. :)

AN2: All the misspelled words and wrong grammar are all on me.

Disclaimer: I don't own R&I and the song.

Chapter 4

" Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find

You and I collide"

~ Collide by Howie Day

After tossing and turning for God knows how many times that night, Maura decided to get up and made her way to her kitchen. She glanced up at her clock and realized that it's already eleven in the evening. Wearing her silk robe, she decided to make herself a chamomile tea to calm her nerves.

It has been a long exhausting day for Maura. She did two full autopsies of the latest victim of suicide. A young couple committed suicide together by overdosing themselves with drugs. The reason? Their parents didn't want them to be together because of the family feud that's been going for like three decades. Funny, it was like Capulet and Montague all over for them. Young love that is forbidden by the people around them. But despite the family feud between them, the two still professed their undying love to one another and the promise that they will be together no matter what happens. It was endearing. Yes, it is. Fighting for the one you truly love. But tragic because the two didn't have any option but to take their own lives together. At least, they're free from their parents' reins now. But still tragic.

Now, she wondered if Jack could do the same for her. Not that she wanted him to die for her just to prove himself that he really loves her. Because, God, he really did love her. All the sacrifices and understanding he exerted for her, Maura knew Jack wasn't the kind of person she used to date before. He's exceptional. Almost perfect. Perfectly imperfect. A nobleman. And she couldn't make herself to ask him to die for her. Not that she will do it at any cost. Then the thought drifted off to herself. Would she be willing to die for Jack? She doesn't know. Yes, she loves Jack. She's happy with him. And above all, she felt wanted by him. But she's not really sure how far she's willing to go for him. How much sacrifice she can endure for him. How many things she's willing to give up for him. She still has doubts. Yes. But she's sure she's willing to sacrifice everything she has for Jane. She's willing to sacrifice her life for her. Yes, that's for sure. Because she knows Jane will do the same for her. And she already proved it many times for her before. Several times. Then, why does it seemed that she could do everything for Jane and not for Jack? Maybe because Jane was the first person who gave a damn about her. Maybe because Jane is the first person who took time to sit and really get to know her. Maybe because Jane provided her the things she never had before; family and friends. Maybe because Jane is the first person who sees the real her and not just some cold medical examiner who happens to have the title Queen of the Dead that she's human and has feelings, too. Maybe because Jane makes her a better person. Maybe because she just really loved Jane.

Jane.

Everything about the detective these past few days got her puzzled. The cold treatment and stare Jane gives her whenever they talk about Jack or her plans with him. The push and pull to their friendship. The way Jane looks at her sometimes like she's the most beautiful thing in the world she had ever seen. The way Jane looks at her like she hurt her from time to time. Yes, that's how their friendship seems to be these past few days. No. These past few weeks actually. Their friendship is sometimes on sometimes off. Hot and cold. Yes and no. And it's getting on Maura's nerves already. She doesn't know how to make of it. She doesn't actually know how she will cope up with it. Because really, it's like she's losing Jane slowly.

Jane.

One word. One name. Her best friend. Jane. But somehow, it brings both happiness and sadness in her heart at the same time. Funny, but that's what she feels these days towards her. How could two opposite feelings reside in one's heart at the same time? She doesn't have any clue. And only Jane could make her feel that way.

Sighing, Maura noticed her tea is already turning cold. She hadn't got her first sip, yet. Suddenly there was a knock on the backdoor and Angela appeared in the doorway when it opened.

"Angela," Maura muttered.

Angela smiled at Maura before letting herself in. "Are you alone?"

"Yes," Maura smiled. "Why?"

"Well, I don't wanna interrupt something if you have someone here." Angela now stood in front of the ME.

"You didn't interrupt something. It's fine. Do you want some tea?"

"Is that the panda poop tea?" Angela raised an eyebrow as an inquisition.

Maura chuckled then got up and prepared Angela a tea. "No, it's chamomile."

"Chamomile?" This got Angela's attention. "Are you okay honey? Are you having trouble sleeping?"

"Nah, I'm fine Angela. I just had a rough day. I performed two autopsies. But I'm fine." Maura gave Angela a reassuring smile.

As a mother, as she was, Angela moved a little forward and placed a hand on Maura's shoulder. "I know it's not easy for you to open up. But tell me if you're having a problem. Okay?"

Maura nodded. "Thank you."

Angela smiled then patted lightly Maura's cheek. "It's the least I could do."

They drank their tea in silence. Maura was once again lost in her thoughts with random things while Angela stared at the doctor she claimed as her daughter too and observed her. And the ME is bothered. She could tell. It doesn't need for Maura to be like her biological daughter for Angela to notice that the blonde doctor is having troubles or bothered. She came to know her like her own. And now, she could say that Maura is not her usual self. She noticed it these past few days. She just didn't know and pinpoint what the reason is. All she knew is that Maura and Jane don't spend much time together lately.

"Things between you and Jack are going well, it seems," Angle said after a long silence.

Maura looked at her then nodded but she didn't offer Angela a smile this time. "Yes, it's good. He actually invited me to come and watch his daughter's soccer game this coming Saturday."

Testing something she's not sure about, Angela said. "I wouldn't be surprised if you two announce one day that you're getting married."

Maura almost choked on her tea. She looked up with face flushed. "I...We haven't really talked about it." She frowned.

Angela chuckled. "What I was just trying to say is you two are cute together. I didn't say you have to get married soon. You'll do it at the right time."

True, they looked good together. Maura and Jack. It was like a match made in heaven. With all the good things going on between them these past few months, it's true they haven't got the chance to talk about marriage. Not that she's scared of it. But she hasn't got really got the time if they both really want to get married together. Not that she wants things between her and Jack to take slowly because hello, she's already in her late thirties and if she wants to have her own family, she might as well start planning it now. Getting pregnant in forties is way too risky if she wants at least one. But they never talked about it.

"Things between you and Jane okay?" Angela asked softly. For the second time around, Angela managed to pull Maura out of her thoughts.

Maura wasn't sure if her facial expression changed from the question but she saw that same concerned look on Angela's face when she's worried about Jane before. "Yeah, everything is fine." Maura managed to reply.

"I noticed you two don't spend much time together lately. Even at lunch. You two are not drifting apart, are you?"

Maura should be annoyed by Angela by crossing that line. But she found herself wanting to let it out. "We just have a tough case. And she's working hard to find the suspect. But we're fine."

She hopes so.

She really does hope so.

Jane just got off the BPD. After they got some information from the receptionist Amanda, she and Korsak kept digging and digging about the family. And in the end? They still got nothing solid. If only they could find the boy who reported the incident.

It wasn't that they needed to stay out way too late to check the family background because when it ticked to eight pm, Korsak already called it a night and bid goodbye to Jane. Jane, on the other hand, told Korsak that she'll stay late at the precinct to study the case. It's true, really. But that's not the main reason. She just doesn't want to go home to her empty apartment early that night and just curled on her couch and drink beer and think of what's going on with her. Th reason why she always gets mad whenever Maura ditches her for Jack. Not that the doctor really ditches her. But whenever Maura and Jack have plans she felt she had been ditched. She's actually the one who always tells Maura to spend time with Jack, so she's not supposed to be mad, right? Right. But why does she feel this way? She also doesn't want to think about Maura's confession earlier. The conversation where Maura told her that she missed her. That she also wants to spend time with Jane as much as she wants to spend time with Jack. Jane doesn't want to think beyond that. So she stayed at the precinct until late at night until her mind feels exhausted to think.

Finding herself outside BPD, Jane was thinking which way to go. And since she doesn't feel like going back to her cold empty apartment, she headed the other way to Boston Common.

Holding a paper bag with food and drink, Jane looked at the alleyway where she once found Dinah. And to her surprise, not that it's really surprising, the old woman was already there, digging for food in the garbage again.

"I thought I told you that you shouldn't be looking for food in the garbage," Jane said, announcing herself.

Startled, Dinah whipped her head around and saw Jane. Her face relaxed once she saw Jane. "Detective Rizzoli."

Jane moved forward and handed Dinah the food she was holding. "Here. Take this." Dinah was hesitant at first. Not that she doesn't trust Jane, but she's just shy to take food from her again. "It's alright Dinah. I bought this for you."

Reaching out, Dinah accepted the food. "Thank you."

Jane smiled. She somehow felt at ease talking with this woman. "Why don't we sit in the park again?"

Sitting side by side again like earlier, Dinah is busy eating her food while Jane is lost in her own thoughts. "Shouldn't you be resting now? You have work tomorrow, right?" Dinah asked.

"Well, I'm not exhausted, yet," Jane replied.

"You're thinking of something, aren't you? And I think you're avoiding to go home."

Jane turned to look at the old lady. "What made you say that?"

"From the look on your face. And years of knowing people. I'm already fifty-five you know and I've been living in the streets for almost thirty years. I've seen so much more in this life." Dinah explained and ate her food again.

"I was just tired."

"Yet here you are, talking to me and staying out way too late," Dinah said.

"Why you suddenly sound like my mom?" Jane tried to smile. She wanted to be annoyed the way Dinah talked to her, but she doesn't feel that way to her surprise.

Dinah shrugged. "Do you know what's one of the abnormalities with people?"

"Abnormalities?" Jane raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. People have abnormalities. I'm pretty sure you're aware of that." Dinah said like it was just a common thing in the world. "Do you know?"

"Were you talking about disability?"

"Closely. But not that." Dinah shrugged.

"Okay. I give up. What is it?"

"People are stupid."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so cryptic?"

"Me? Cryptic? I'm not. I'm just telling you facts."

"And one of those facts is that people are stupid?"

"Pretty much."

"Why is that?"

"People do things that they shouldn't be doing. People do things that hurt other people. People do things that make them confused. People do things that make them question everything. People do things that makes everything complicated. I don't know why we do that. But we always do. Life is supposed to be simple. Not that I'm saying that life should be full of fun and happiness. Of course, it's always full of ups and downs. Like the heartbeat. And if it's a flat line? You're dead. Why did you think is that? It's because people are stupid. We are an idiot." Dinah said.

Once again, Jane was stunned in silence from what she heard. "Do you think you are one of them?" The detective softly asked.

"Oh yes. I was. I'm not denying it. And I'm not proud of it."

Jane studied the woman beside her. From the looks of her, she isn't that dirty. Sure she wore ragged and dirty clothes but she wasn't scary like other street people. And she's also like she has so much wisdom. Maybe years of experience made the old woman wise. And what surprised Jane is, she feels at ease with this woman. She feels like she's experiencing other kinds of life. This woman is full of mysteries. An enigma.

"Dinah? Were you living on the street all your life?" Jane found herself asking that question.

Dinah looked at her then she shook her head. "No. I had a life before. I was a professor in BCU."

Jane didn't see it coming. "Really? What happened?"

"I did something worth it that cost me this."

"You're being cryptic again."

"Again. I'm not cryptic. But I'd rather not say what happened."

"Okay."

Silence.

"So, Detective Rizzoli. Are you stupid?"

Jane looked at her once again then nodded. "I guess I am."

"I know. I haven't met someone who's not. Maybe there are people who aren't stupid enough but still, they are." Dinah shrugged as she ate the last piece of her food.

"You know I should be insulted by what you said."

"Were you?"

Jane shook her head. "Surprisingly, I'm not."

"I know," Dinah smirked.

Jane just chuckled. This woman is really an enigma.

Maura found Jane on her desk the following morning, tired. It looked like she hasn't been sleeping again. And being the best friend as she was, Maura began to worry about the health of her best friend. It's not good that she's been lacking sleep again. But what causes it? Maybe Jane is having nightmares again.

Fully entering the bullpen, Maura approached Jane's desk as the latter looked up at her. Maura placed the coffee on the desk. "Good morning."

Rubbing her eyes, Jane smiled weakly. "Morning."

"You're early again."

"Yeah," Jane grabbed her coffee and drank her first sip. It soothed her immediately. "Thanks for this."

"I texted you last night," Maura said.

"Yeah, I got them," Jane replied, not looking at Maura.

"You didn't reply. I thought we could hang out together."

"I stayed here until eleven in the evening. I'm sorry I didn't get to respond." Jane looked at Maura with an apologetic look on her face. The truth is, Jane's phone was off last night when the clock ticked to six. And she got to open it when she arrived home at around one am.

Maura raised an eyebrow at Jane's admission. "What? You worked up late? And you're early today? Are you okay Jane? Were you having nightmares? Are you sleeping normally?" In a split of seconds, Maura shifted to being the doctor.

"I'm fine, Maura. I worked up late studying the case. That's just it. Nothing more."

"You should take a break."

"I know. But not after I caught the suspect."

Maura sighed. She knew there's nothing she could do about Jane's stubbornness. But what the detective is doing is not good. And she's worried about her health. "Do you want to have lunch together?"

"I can't. I have somewhere to go." Jane replied dismissively.

"Okay."

"Date?" Maura hesitated to ask the question at first but she did it anyway. She's actually not sure if she wants to hear the answer. Or rather, she's not sure if she's ready for Jane to answer yes. And that's puzzling her. So what if Jane goes out on a date? She's smart, beautiful and talented. Anyone could date her. Anyone but her. What? Since when Maura thought of dating Jane?

Jane chuckled. Maura's thoughts were interrupted. "It wasn't' a date. It's more of a visit."

Maura nodded. "Okay. I'll see you around then."

Maura just finished making the report for her latest case. The double suicide case of the two young lovers is finally over. She made last notes for her report. Glancing up at the clock, she noticed that it's fifteen minutes to twelve. She sighed, remembering she won't be having lunch out with her best friend. Then she thought about what Jane said. She's going somewhere this lunch. But where could it be? Maybe she's pursuing a lead? No, if that's the case, Jane would've told Maura that's the reason why she won't come. But Jane didn't say anything other than she's going somewhere. Maybe she's meeting someone. Maybe she's seeing someone? The thought made a lump in her throat and a knot in her stomach. She suddenly felt nauseous. And the funny thing is, she doesn't know why. Maybe it's because Jane didn't tell her anything about it. Yes, why did Jane never told her? Was their friendship suffering that much that the detective doesn't tell her things now? Did they really reach that point already? The point of no return? The point of no going back? Going back to the way they used to before? Hazel eyes suddenly brimmed with tears at the thought. She already assumed their current situation. And Maura Isles, a child of science doesn't assume. She based everything on facts that are presented in front of her. But her damn brain won't stop gearing. And she hates it.

Maura was pulled from her thoughts when someone knocked gently on her door. She wiped her eyes and looked up, seeing Susie holding folders. The Senior Criminalist frowned upon seeing the current state of her boss.

"Dr. Isles," Susie muttered.

"Susie, what can I do for you?" Maura tried to let a smile graze on her lips and acted professionally.

"I already got the files you need for the suicide case?"

"Oh yeah, thanks, Susie."

Susie moved towards Maura and handed her the folders, that's the only time she noticed that her boss' eyes were rimmed red. "Dr. Isles? Are you alright?"

Maura looked up to see and saw the concerned look on the young scientist's face. "Yes." She smiled. "Don't worry about me."

Susie wasn't convinced but she nodded nonetheless. "If you... if you need someone to listen to you aside from Detective Rizzoli of course, I'm here." Susie softly said.

Maura smiled at Susie once again then nodded. "Thank you, Susie."

"You're welcome, Dr. Isles."

Once again, Maura was left in her office. Alone with her own thoughts. Thought about Jane. Thoughts about Jack. Both colliding in her mind. As if they won't fit together. Her thoughts are running wild. She wanted to talk to someone. She wanted someone to listen to her. She wanted to tell someone who she could tell what she really feels. And she could only think of one person. And that someone is somehow one of the reasons why there's a riot in her mind. Jane.

She was pulled from her thoughts again when her phone buzzed. She looked at her phone screen and saw that it was Jack who texted her. Somehow, she found herself disappointed.

Do you want to have lunch together? -Jack

Maura sighed.

Before lunchtime came, Jane was already out of the bullpen. She went to the Dirty Robber first to order two foods. And of course, her mother cornered while she waited for her food. Questions why Maura wasn't with her. Why they don't spend time together these past few days. Are they falling apart? Is she dating someone? All those questions were asked by Angela. And Jane answered them one by one annoyingly, yet patiently. Finally, she was out of her mother's hook and immediately drove to her destination.

Good thing, the place was shaded by trees and it wasn't that sunny. Jane crouched on the grass and placed one burger beside the tombstone of the late Detective Barry Frost. She wiped off the grass from the tombstone and noticed that there are fresh flowers on top. Jane smiled.

"Looks like you got visitor before me, huh, partner?" She muttered. Opening her own burger, she started eating as she sat on the grass and crossed her legs. "Sorry, I wasn't able to bring the rest of the gang. I just like you for myself today. I know I'm being selfish but..." She shrugged. "whatever. Promise I'll bring them some other time. They missed you, too, you know." Jane almost whispered the last part. "As I miss you, too."

Jane sighed and dropped her hand on her lap. She suddenly lost her appetite. She just stared at the tombstone like it will come to life. Earlier that day, upon entering the bullpen, she noticed the action figure facing her. It's as if telling her to look at him. That's when the thought of visiting Frost came to her mind. The last time she was there was his funeral. She didn't visit him after that. And of course, she didn't tell anyone about her agenda, because she doesn't like to show her vulnerability to everyone. Even to Maura. Funny, but Maura already saw her break down several times in their earlier years. But that morning, she didn't want everyone seeing her in her weak state. That's why she decided to go visit Frost's graveyard alone.

She missed him. She missed the way he cheers her up whenever she's in a bad or weird mood. She missed how he smiles like there was no problem lingering around them. She missed those sleepless nights where they will stay at BPD to solve the case. She missed his advice. Warm smile. She missed him, right now. Without her partner, she felt she lost an arm. She's at loss. Everything that's happening to her was taking a toll on her. And she's barely holding on. And she wished Frost is still alive so he could have someone to talk to make everything in her head clear.

Jane didn't realize she was already crying until she noticed the wet spots on her black slacks. Her voice cracked when she spoke. "I'm lost, Frost. I wish you're still alive. Maybe you can give me advice. Maybe you have a solution to whatever is going on with me. I don't know what's happening to me. Please, tell me what to do." She pulled her legs up and crossed her arms over her knees and placed her head on top of it as she sobbed harder.

"I wish you're still here."

Minutes passed and Jane was still in that kind of position until her phone buzzed. She got it from the holder and held it up, thinking that it might be Korsak looking for her. But it was Maura who sent her a message.

Do you think you could come tonight for dinner? -Maura