AN1: Thank you to IsaBabisa for taking time to proofread and clean this story :) And to the people who reviewed, alerted and faved this story.
AN2: Some angst from Maura? Hmm, maybe this chapter is the start.
Disclaimer: I don't own R&I and the song.
Chapter 6
" So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares"
~ All You Wanted by Michelle Branch
She shouldn't have come. That's the biggest mistake she'd made that day.
Jane Rizzoli was in her best friend's kitchen that late Sunday afternoon, slicing the necessary ingredients for the salad. She was annoyed...no, she was pissed. Not because of what she was doing because she didn't really mind doing it. It was because Jack was there. She was raging in fury and still had no idea where all of these emotions were coming from. She and Maura hadn't really had time to talk, just a quick 'hi' when Jane entered the house and from then on there was tension in the air. Jack welcomed her inside and even offered her a beer but Jane wasn't convinced he was being civil because of the way he seemed to be looking at her. It wasn't like when she first met him. Now she felt there was a mockery in his eyes when he looked at her. Then she decided that as much as she didn't like him being there, Jack didn't really want her to be there either. There was a silent war between them. A cold war. Jane knew she should be home in her apartment watching a Red Sox game in sweatpants and with a beer in her hand. Not at Maura's house with Jack. She didn't want to be there.
Frankie, Jack, and Tommy were in the living room watching a game. Maura and Angela were doing the dishes from dinner prep. From time to time, Maura would watch Jane. Something was definitely off with her best friend. Her loud and sarcastic best friend was strangely quiet. She hardly talked anymore and wouldn't even look at her. Maura was getting worried. They hadn't talked since their departure last night. She'd texted Jane several times this morning but none of her texts were returned. She was worried that they really were slowly losing their friendship.
"Hey, Janie, come over here. This game is intense," Frankie called raising his beer.
"Nah, you boys watch. I'm concentrating here," Jane replied, her focus still on the task at hand.
"You studying how to cook? Planning for your future?" Tommy smirked.
"Hey, did you meet someone?" Frankie asked, eyes bulging.
This caught the attention of Maura and Angela. They both turned to Jane waiting for her to respond.
Jane shrugged, eyes fixed on what she was doing. "Maybe. Or maybe I just don't wanna hang out with you guys." She smirked at her two brothers.
"You're just messing with us again," Tommy said and went back to watching the TV.
"But Janie, it's about damn time for you to get back on the market again," Angela intervened.
Jane was horrified when she turned to her mother. "Ma! What am I? A fish?!"
Tommy, Frankie, and Jack couldn't help but chuckle, Maura was watching her intently and Angela just rolled her eyes. "Janie, you know very well what I'm talking about. You need to start dating again."
"Hell no. And don't start setting me up again."
"You know how much I want grandkids. Look at Maura, she has Jack..."
And that was it. Jane's blood boiled. Her muscles tensed. Jaw clenched. "Then why don't you start nagging her about kids, then?"
That's when the knife slipped and she cut her thumb. "Shit!" She dropped the knife and Maura, ever the doctor, was immediately at her side.
"Let me see it," Maura reached for her hand but Jane pulled away from her grasp.
"I'm fine," Jane said coldly and started to the sink to wash her wound. Maura didn't bother to hide the hurt this caused and Angela noticed it. She shifted her gaze to Maura and Jane then sighed.
"I'll just gonna clean this up in the guestroom," Jane said and hurriedly went upstairs.
Maura watched Jane go upstairs while trying to ignore the lump in her throat. She couldn't get emotional right now. The boys just went on with their business as Angela observed Maura with worry on her face.
Angela moved forward and placed her hand on Maura's shoulder. She smiled at the younger woman. "I think she needs medical attention."
"Does she?" Maura found herself asking.
Angela just nodded, still smiling at her. "Go on. Take care of her. She needs you."
And so she went.
Jane was standing in front of the counter looking at her reflection in the mirror. She'd gathered all the medical supplies she needed to clean her wound but hadn't moved. The blood from her wound was dripping into the sink but she didn't care. She was trying to calm herself from her outburst. Not that it was really an outburst-arguing with her mother was natural for both of them and everyone around. But somehow it felt like she was like a little kid who threw tantrums all the time.
She closed her eyes and heard the faint sound of the door opening then shutting. When she opened her eyes, Maura was already standing by her side. Looking at her intently. Observing her.
They didn't talk. Maura moved forward, pulled down the lid of the toilet bowl and gestured for Jane to sit. The detective didn't argue and let herself be guided. As Maura started to clean up Jane's wound, the detective looked at her best friend's face and there, she saw sadness and pain in normally bright and happy eyes. Jane's stomach clenched, seeing the way Maura looked. She shouldn't be sad. It's not fair to the doctor. She should always be happy. And then she looked down. Looking at their hands, she felt comforted...she felt she was home. Maura was attending to her wound with all the care and gentleness in the world. Her skin was so soft and warm and smooth.
When Maura finished bandaging her finger, she didn't let go of Jane's hand and looked at her directly in the eyes. They gazed at one another for a while without wavering.
"Tell me, Jane. What's going on in that big brain of yours?" Maura asked softly.
Jane was just looking at her. She didn't want to have this conversation but she knew she couldn't avoid it. She squeezed Maura's hand lightly then closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Maura was still looking at her expectantly. Waiting patiently for her response.
"You know how I hate it when Ma nags me about grandkids," Jane deflected. But somehow it was still a half-truth. "Especially after my miscarriage. I became more sensitive about that subject."
Maura's eyes softened. She moved forward between Jane's legs and hugged her best friend. She knew how devastated Jane was when it happened. Though the detective appeared to be tough and strong, Maura knew how Jane had felt then. Partly because she, for one, felt it, too. It was true she didn't experience it personally, but it hit her nearly as hard. She had taken care of Jane and the baby during the first few weeks of pregnancy when Jane had actually asked for her help, so she knew how strongly Jane felt about the baby. Maura was there. But then when she lost it, somehow they just carried on with their lives like it didn't happen.
"I'm sorry. I know how painful it was for you," Maura muttered against Jane's hair. She kissed the top of the detective's head as she held her tighter.
"It's fine Maura. I got over it. I know it wasn't meant to be." Jane said.
"I've said it before, you're still going to be a wonderful mother someday."
Jane smiled. Her best friend's faith in her never wavered. "How do you know that? You're not one to guess."
"I just know, Jane. I just know." Maura replied as Jane buried her head on Maura's shoulder.
With her face in Maura's hair, Jane could smell the unique smell of Maura. She could feel her soft skin. And those feelings are like lullabies that can lull her to sleep. She embraced it. "I should be the one to apologize."
Maura stiffened when she felt the hot breath from Jane on her shoulder. "Hmm? Why is that?"
"For being an ass. I shouldn't encourage Ma that she should start nagging you and Jack to have babies. But you know I'll support you if it happens, right?" Jane felt her insides clench when she said that. Just the thought of Maura carrying Jack's child made her a little nauseous and jealous.
She heard Maura chuckle. "I'm not even sure if I want to carry a child."
"Really? Why is that?"
"I don't know. It's weird. I mean I don't feel weird carrying a child. Maybe it's just..." Maura sighed, not quite able to explain her feelings.
Jane slowly detached herself from Maura and looked up at her. Their eyes met. Pupils dilated. "You're weird."
Maura smiled. A smile that showed her dimples. Jane's breath hitched at the sight. "Thank you?"
They both laughed.
"Come on. I'm sure Angela's finished cooking. They might be waiting for us now." Maura slowly moved away from Jane.
"I won't stay," Jane said. Maura turned to look at her with a questioning gaze. "I mean after dinner, I won't stay."
Silence.
Maura nodded and turned away from Jane who was still sitting on top of the toilet. "Okay."
Dinner went smoothly enough. There were conversations and exchanges of opinions and comments among Jack, Frankie, Tommy and Angela and sometimes Maura. The doctor would laugh from time to time but she didn't volunteer extended explanations like she usually did. She was distracted and from time to time, stole glances at Jane. And Jane? Well, she smiled occasionally and even nodded a few times. And she did notice Maura observing her. It wasn't hard because she was sitting directly across from Maura instead of beside her where she normally sat.
"So, what do you think about the Red Sox, Jane?" Jack asked. All of them turned to look at the detective whose mind seemed to be a million miles away.
Jane looked up and shifted her gaze to see everyone suddenly staring at her. She didn't really have a clue since she hadn't really been listening to them.
"Janie is a Red Sox fan since we were kids. She plays baseball well, too. Really well for a girl." Frankie was the one who answered when he saw the distracted and confused look on his sister's face.
"Yeah, she can beat you up, man," Tommy chimed in. Jane tried not to choke on her food. "I mean no one can beat her in baseball. Not even me or Frankie. You may end up crying in the end." He chuckled. Jane blushed. Right at that moment, she was torn between praising Tommy or smacking him upside his head.
Jack gave Jane a small smile as he focused on her. "So, who taught you to play? Did you attend a summer program for baseball or anything?"
Jane shrugged. Disinterested in the topic. Or more likely, disinterested in the person who asked. "No. It was our Pop who taught me. He actually taught me the basics and let me play on my own. The other strategies, I learned from researching and studying the players on TV."
"Wow. I think that's amazing," Jack commented genuinely.
"I told you, dude. Jane could beat your ass," Tommy grinned. Jane kicked his foot under the table.
"Thomas Edward Rizzoli. Watch your language, young man. We're trying to have a nice dinner," Angela reprimanded.
"Well, Janie is very dedicated. She won't stop till she knows everything." Frankie said. Jane looked at her brother as another wave of blush crept up to her cheeks. Frankie noticed it. "Annnnd...she doesn't like compliments any more than criticism so let's stop talking about her."
Jack nodded and just smiled. Jane turned her attention back to her food but before she did so, she met Maura's eyes and saw a small smile on the doctor's lips flashed to her.
She didn't smile back.
Done clearing the dishes, Jane wiped down the table after she was kicked out of the kitchen by Maura and Angela to avoid getting her wounded finger wet.
Frankie, with a beer in his hand, approached his sister. "Want a beer?"
Jane turned to look at him then resumed wiping the dining table shaking her head. "Nah. Don't want. I had enough last night."
Frankie quirked an eyebrow. "You drank last night?"
"Not really drank drank. But yeah, I had two bottles while watching TV."
"Oh, I see." Frankie sipped on his beer. "Hey, you didn't meet someone, did you?"
"If I did, you would know it immediately. Nothing gets past Ma and Maura. You know those two. So, no. There's no one."
"I knew it. You're sick, that's why you're helping with the cooking instead of watching baseball with us guys." Frankie smirked at his sister. Jane threw her dishtowel at him. "What? You looked so focused and concentrated."
"Can't you just be proud that I am trying to be the daughter that Ma wanted me to be?"
Frankie rolled his eyes, knowing that his sister wasn't serious. "Fine, fine."
"By the way, what's with the 'building me up to Jack' earlier?" Jane raised an eyebrow at her brother.
"I don't know. I just felt like it. Tommy musta felt the same way that's why he said those things. And hey, it's true that you can beat Jack's ass when it comes to baseball. And probably a lotta other things, too." Frankie smirked.
Jane punched lightly Frankie on his arm. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Frankie shrugged.
"You're both an asshole, you know that, right?" Jane said affectionately pertaining to Frankie and Tommy.
"Love you, too, sis."
"Whatever. I'm going."
"What? You're not staying?"
"Is there anything else that needs to be done here?"
"Aside from beating Jack's ass in baseball? Hang out with us? Talk about anything?"
Jane looked around. Maura and Angela were still washing the dishes. Tommy and Jack were back in the living room with beers in their hands, watching TV. "Nah. I'll leave the talking up to you. I'm not in the mood to listen anyway."
Frankie raised an eyebrow, observing his sister. "So, you'd rather be somewhere else than here?"
"Yeah," Jane shrugged. "Tell Maura and Ma that I left already." She grabbed the packed leftover her Ma made up for her.
Jane and Dinah were sitting on that same bench they sat on the first time they met. Jane gave the food her mother gave her to Dinah and the latter accepted it and dug in.
"Wow, this is delicious. Did you make this?" Dinah asked.
Jane smiled. "My ma cooked it. By the way, how's your wrist?"
"Oh, it's fine now. It still hurts but not that much. Your doctor girlfriend did a wonderful job. And you're right. She's gentle and kind."
Jane blushed at the reference Dinah used for Maura but managed to smile at the old lady. "I told you she was gonna take care of you."
Dinah nodded and returned Jane's smile. "Tell me. What's her specialty? Is she a surgeon? A pediatrician, maybe?"
Jane shook her head. "No. She's the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts." She replied, pride visible in her eyes.
"Oh. So what does she do exactly?"
"She does the autopsies on our victims. She provides all the evidence and proof from the body to catch the murderer." Jane replied.
"I see. So you two work together, huh? I bet you two make a pretty good team."
Jane smiled widely, remembering all the cases she and Maura had worked together. All the facts and knowledge Maura knew and spouted to them to crack difficult cases. "We certainly do. She has an incredible mind. An incredible and beautiful mind."
"I can see that," Dinah replied.
Jane raised an eyebrow. "Really? You only met her once."
"I can see it in your eyes, young lady."
And Jane blushed...heavily.
Dinah smiled at her. A genuine smile full of understanding and not an iota of judgment. Jane immediately felt at ease. "It's okay to admire someone like that. The doctor seems to be a good and brilliant one. And I think she cares a great deal. When I saw her, I immediately felt the good things in her."
Jane nodded as she agreed. "There's not an evil bone in her. She's like an angel sent from heaven...Don't tell her I said that. I'll deny it."
Dinah laughed at her. And Jane grinned. "Duly noted, Detective. The doctor will not know. But I do hope you tell her one day. She deserves to have someone to compliment her."
Jane's smile fell. If Dinah noticed it, she didn't comment on it. "She already has someone to do that job."
Dinah just nodded.
Silence.
The only thing they can hear is the scrape of a plastic fork against the Tupperware as Dinah attended to her food and the busy night of Boston. Then Jane suddenly remembered something. She grabbed a folded piece of paper from her pocket.
"By the way. I need to ask you something. You've been living on the streets for quite a while, right?" Jane asked as she unfolded the paper. "Do you by any chance know this kid?" She showed Dinah of a photograph of a young boy about fourteen years of age.
Dinah stopped eating and looked at the printed paper. She stared at it long, still. If her eyes widened at all, Jane didn't notice it. Dinah then shook her head as she pushed the paper away from her. "No. I don't know him. I met a lot of people but I don't know him. Why? Is that boy in some kind of trouble?"
Jane sighed heavily. "No. But he might be a key witness in a case I've been working on. He ran away from the orphanage he was in and we were told that he's been living on the streets for three years. His name is Michael Hanson."
Dinah just nodded. "Give me that paper. I can ask around if you like. And you know I'll always be here at the end of the day."
Jane smiled. "Thank you. That would be a great help."
"Anytime, Detective."
And from that moment, Dinah avoided the topic of the case and the boy named Michael Hanson.
After Maura and Angela finished washing dishes, the five of them; Maura, Angela, Frankie, Tommy, and Jack were gathered in the living room resuming their conversation from earlier. The three guys were having beer and Angela and Maura were having tea. The conversation went on smoothly, there was lots of laughter, comments and opinions, even some insults between the brothers, but Maura missed the presence of her best friend. Jane had told her she wouldn't be staying after dinner and true to her words, Jane did leave. Maura didn't count on Jane leaving without even saying goodbye. Her Jane Rizzoli had never left without bidding her a warm good night so when Frankie told them that Jane was gone, Maura wasn't able to hide the hurt and disappointment. It wasn't the Jane she thought she knew.
Alone now with Jack, after Angela had retreated to the guest house, Maura was curled up beside him as she watched a documentary she had been wanting to see. Maura watched silently, enthralled at the scenes flashing on the screen while Jack rubbed her back slowly. She knew the action was said to be soothing, but Maura found it uncomfortable.
"Are you okay there, Maura?" Jack asked as he studied Maura.
Maura looked up with questioning eyes. "Yes, of course. Why would you ask?"
"Well, normally you share facts and information pertaining to the documentary. But you've been so quiet since dinner. Is everything alright?" Concern laced Jack's voice and worry lines could be seen on his forehead.
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just enjoying this documentary. It's refreshing."
"Are you sure? You can talk to me, you know that, right?"
Maura smiled at him. "Of course I do know that. But there's nothing really to worry about."
"Alright then," Jack smiled at her. "By the way, is Jane okay? She seemed off today."
Maura tensed at the mention of her best friend's behavior. So it wasn't just her who noticed the changes in Jane? Could Korsak, Angela, Tommy or Frankie have noticed it, too?
"Yes. She's fine."
"Well, that was quite an outburst at her mother. Yeah, I heard it, Maura."
"She doesn't like being told what to do. And she really hates it when her mother starts talking about her dating," Maura explained but didn't offer anything anymore. What she and Jane talked about in the bathroom were between her and Jane only. Maura knew how Jane hated being vulnerable around people. Knew that she wouldn't want the people around her knowing her struggles.
Maura focused her attention back to the TV while Jack just looked at her with a smirk. He moved forward and began tracing Maura's face with his forefinger. Maura looked back over and was suddenly met by Jack crashing his lips against her own. Her eyes were wide as saucers but her lips responded like they have a mind of their own. Normally Maura loved his kisses even if his lips were a bit chapped. She would immediately feel her heart rate increase and her arousal grow the moment their lips connected. But now? She just felt weird.
When they parted, Jack started kissing up toward her earlobe. Maura found herself pushing him away, more firmly than gently. Jack gave her a questioning look.
"Is there something wrong?" He asked.
"I'm not in the mood, Jack. Can we just relax tonight? After all, we've got to be up early for work tomorrow..." Maura tried to explain without hurting Jack but she knew she'd failed when he gave her that look. Maura wasn't one to back down so she didn't budge. She wouldn't give Jack what he wants tonight when her mind was swimming with so many conflicting thoughts.
Jack sighed. He knew to back down when Maura had made up her mind. And anyway, it really isn't very enjoyable to have sex when the other party isn't on the same page, right? Right.
"I should go and let you rest, then," Jack said as he stood. Maura stood up, too, and didn't ask Jack to stay over when normally, she would. Especially if either of them were upset. Clearly, Jack was upset when she didn't return his desire for intimacy, but she found herself walking him to the door.
"Goodnight, Maura," Jack said.
"Goodnight, Jack."
Jack kissed Maura on the side of her head then left. Once Maura locked the door, she turned to lean on it. As her back hit the door, she bowed down her head and put her hands on her face. She found herself crying and she didn't really know why. She didn't know where all of these emotions were coming from. All she knew was that everything was confusing. And conflicting. And something big was changing in her heart.
Note: Maybe I should've written this in the first chapter. My updates will be every other Friday (maybe Thursday something in other countries). But if I fail to update in the said time, I maybe have something going on or busy. But rest assured that I will finish this. So yeah.