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Chapter 16
"It's gonna be love
It's gonna be great
It's gonna be more than I can take
It's gonna be free
It's gonna be real
It's gonna change everything I feel
It's gonna be sad
It's gonna be true
It's gonna be you're the one to do"
~ It's gonna be love by Mandy Moore
After they did their nightly routine, they changed into their own respective nightwear. Now, lying on Maura's bed, the two are facing each other, hands intertwined, but neither is talking. They are just staring at each other. Both alone with their own thoughts. Maura constantly rubbed Jane's scar on the detective's palm with her thumb while Jane closed her eyes and let the sensation filled her in.
Jane moved closer and let Maura's hand as she wrapped it around the doctor's waist and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry I wasn't so interactive today."
"Interactive?" Maura frowned.
"Yeah like your turtle. So interactive."
"Tortoise, Jane. How many times do I have to tell you that Bass is a tortoise and not a turtle?"
Jane grinned. "I know. I just like it when you do that. You get so annoyed at me and you look so adorable."
Maura wanted to counter what Jane said but she suddenly felt the blush creeping up her neck to her face. She rested her face on the detective's neck instead and Jane gladly accepted it. On the other hand, Jane rested her chin on top of Maura's top of the head. And everything felt perfect.
"Jane?"
"Hmm?"
"Were you distraught because of what happened to your case? You were strangely quiet. And I know your gears were running wild."
Jane sighed. She kissed the top of Maura's head and repositioned herself to her previous position. "Yes, that was one reason for me being distraught."
Maura pulled away a little so she could look up at Jane. When she locked her gaze with the detective, she was met with a weak smile. "There were other reasons?"
Jane nodded. "Yes, there was one."
"May I know what it is?"
"I was thinking of us. I was thinking of ways on how we're going to figure this out. I was thinking about how I'm going to make you happy because I know I was the reason why your life was ruined."
Maura frowned. Not understanding when and where Jane ruined her life. "What do you mean you ruined my life?"
"I was thinking that I was the reason why you dumped Jack over me. If I just kept my mouth shut and didn't tell you my struggles then..."
But Maura cut her off saying, "Jane, I broke up with Jack because I wanted to. Because I don't see myself marrying him. And even if you didn't tell me all those feelings of yours, I would've still said no to him." She let out a breath. "I would've said no because I know something in my heart shifted. I did it for myself as much as I did it for you."
"Yeah. That's what Ma told me earlier."
This time Maura pulled away and sat up on the bed. Jane did the same, still facing Maura. "Wait. You told you mother about us?"
"I may have told her that we're trying to figure things out. She actually asked me what happened to you and Jack and I told her that she should ask you. I know it's early to tell her..."
But she was cut off by Maura again. This time Maura placed a tender kiss on her lips. They smiled after. "Thank you for respecting me."
"Well, you know. It's not really my place to tell her your private things. I may be your best friend but that doesn't mean I get to talk to everyone about your decisions or whatever." Jane shrugged.
"So, what was your mother's reaction when she learned about us?"
"Surprisingly, she didn't lash at me. She did not lecture me about abomination and the other teachings in our church," Jane replied. She scooted closer to Maura. "She actually showed me how open minded she is. And she was glad when I told her I won't run away from you."
The last sentence earned a bright smile from Maura. "I'm glad to hear."
"But you must forgive me, Maur." Jane bowed down her head.
Maura frowned. And since she wanted to see Jane's face, she cupped the detective's face and lifted them up so they're face to face. "Forgive you for what?"
Jane looked at Maura with a hint of nervousness. "For thinking that I couldn't date you because we're so different."
"What? Why would you think that, Jane?"
"I know I'd be a fool if I tell you this." Jane bit her lip. "But I thought we're so different in so many ways. And I'm not rich like the other guys you've dated. I know it was wrong to think that. But... you know I'm just me. Jane Rizzoli. Nothing so glamorous about that." Maura narrowed her eyes, filled with disappointment. Jane saw it. "See? We're not yet starting anything and I already disappointed you."
Maura shook her head. "No. I wasn't disappointed because you thought that. Because you thought I'm glamorous and you're not. I'm disappointed because you're selling yourself short. I'm disappointed because you look at yourself so little. You're not just Jane Rizzoli. You are Jane Rizzoli. And I'm proud of you. Yes, you may not be rich like them but your good qualities are too far from them. They are nothing compared to you. You should remember that. And I won't change any of that. Hell, even your grumpiness and whining."
Jane chuckled through unshed tears in her eyes. "Did I just hear you swore?"
"I think you just did." Maura grinned. "But I meant what I said, Jane. They are nothing compared to you. And I want you to stop thinking so little of yourself. You have to see what I see when I look at you. Compassionate. Loyal. Faithful. Dedicated. Loving. I wouldn't trade all those for money."
Jane smiled widely. And when she looked at Maura's eyes, only truthfulness is all she could see. "I really want to kiss you right now."
Maura returned the smile. "Do it."
And Jane didn't need to be told twice as she leaned forward and closed the gap between her and Maura. The kiss was slow and soft. Neither wanted to deepen the kiss like the other day. They just wanted to feel how smooth and soft each other's lips are. Though this isn't the first time they shared a kiss with each other, this is the first time they did it with another woman. Best friend at least. But somehow everything felt normal and natural like they were doing this throughout their friendship.
Jane was the first to break the kiss. She smiled widely and brightly once her eyes settled with Maura's. She gathered the doctor around her arms as her left arm wrapped Maura's waist while the other, threaded to blonde hair. She sighed contentedly when Maura rested her head on Jane's chest. Everything is perfect.
"You know, Dinah told me something earlier," Jane said.
"Yeah? What was it?"
Jane shivered when Maura's breath touched her skin. "She said when you finally found your soulmate, there's nothing you could do to make that person go away from you. No matter what you do. No matter how hard you try to drive that person away, that person will keep on coming back because they are meant to stay in your life as long as you live."
"Yeah? Is that so?"
"Yeah. That so. And do you know what the other thing she said about soulmates?"
"No."
"Dinah said that soulmate can be anyone. And it's sweet if your best friend and soulmate are the same person." Jane's hug tightened and Maura clung her arms on the detective's neck. Maura can feel herself beginning to smile as she thought of where this conversation is heading.
"I agree. I think it is sweet."
"Maur?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you believe in soulmates?"
"Yes, I think I do. And based on your description I think I may already have found that person." Maura's smile got wider. She kissed the detective's chest and Jane shivered in delight, accepting the gesture.
"I do, too. And I know it's you. It has always been you."
"And it will always be you."
Morning has come and Maura woke before her alarm. She shifted from her position but found that she couldn't move. Reason? Jane was lying on half top of her body. Maura smiled instantly, remembering the exchanges between them last night. Jane's insecurities thrown her out of balance but Maura's also glad that she was able to reassure the detective. She also remembered how butterflies were like flying in her stomach when they both confessed that they are each other's soulmate.
Jane is definitely her soulmate.
Maura looked up and was met by the most beautiful thing she could ever possibly see. Jane's black mane was wild, tousled. Her mouth slightly hung open and her eyes, fluttering. She could even hear soft snores from the detective, but despite all that, Maura's smile couldn't even get wider.
She reached up her hand and traced Jane's sharp jaw, down to the detective's lips. Her mind started to gear as she thought of what happened in the last couple of days. Everything between them is new but it felt natural. And if Maura's being honest, she's afraid of what could possibly happen. She knew there was already attraction than normal best friends are between her and Jane but neither of them acted on before. They thought it was just a phase and it will go away. Maura thought that maybe the reason why she was attracted to Jane before was that Jane was equally smart as she is. Independent and dedicated. Let alone to say that Jane is incredibly beautiful. And she didn't think more of it. But she also knew that as the day passed, the attraction grew and grew but still, she didn't entertain it. Because both she and Jane don't swing that way. And now, after all the confession and Jack's presence in their lives, they finally admitted that what she thought her reasons before are more than that. There was a genuine feeling behind that.
Yes, she's afraid of how to proceed with what they both have now. She's still afraid that she might lose Jane in the end if it didn't work out. And the thought of losing Jane makes her feel devastated. But then, Jane assured her that she won't run away from her. And that assurance makes her believe more in what they have. That everything would probably work for the best.
Maura's smile didn't leave her face as she continued grazing the lips of Jane with her thumb. That very lips she kissed more than once since the last couple of days. That very same lips that are incredibly soft and smooth unlike the lips of the other people she dated before. That very same lips she knows she won't get tired of kissing. Soft and perfect that fits her own.
Jane moved a little closer and nuzzled her face on Maura's neck, eyes closed. Her hold against Maura tightened. Maura's hand that was tracing patterns on Jane's face dropped on the detective's back.
"I can hear your brain gearing, Maur," Jane mumbled against Maura's neck.
Maura let out a hearty laugh. "Is that so?" She kissed Jane's shoulder. Jane smiled as a response.
"What are you thinking, Dr. Isles?"
Resting her chin on top of Jane's head, Maura answered, "I was thinking how wonderful it feels being this near with you." She began rubbing circles on Jane's back.
Opening her eyes, the smile on Jane's lips remained. She isn't fond of being cheesy, sappy, corny or whatever you wanna call it. But she realized that when it comes to Maura, she didn't mind being one at all.
"Well, maybe you can start with your first thought when you woke up and saw me."
"You have an amazing pair of soft lips. And I think. No. I know, I won't get tired kissing them."
Jane chuckled. Maura's heart swelled. "I never thought you're the cheesy type."
"Only with you."
Jane smiled widely. She looked up as she met Maura's gaze. They were locked in each other's gaze when Jane cupped Maura's cheek. Leaning forward, the detective delivered a soft, chaste to Maura's lips. Their stomachs fluttered.
"You have an amazing pair of soft lips, too," Jane mumbled softly that earned a blush from Maura's cheeks. The sight was too adorable for Jane to see.
Shifting and lying on her back, Jane pulled Maura against her body who landed almost on top of her. Jane hugged Maura tighter as she kissed the side on the doctor's head. They both sighed contentedly.
"I thought we're gonna take things slow and figure things out?" Maura asked.
"Yeah, that's what I planned. Figuring things out with you."
"Then why am I lying on top of you?" Maura smirked. "Your moves weren't too smooth, detective."
Jane chuckled at Maura's attempt at a joke. "You've got some guts to tell me that, doctor. Tell you what, I'm not really fond of cuddling and you know I don't like hugs from people, even from Ma sometimes, but I find those things doing naturally with you. I don't know what you did to me."
"I'm glad to hear that, detective." Maura smiled. "You know what? I always thought you're the bottom type and I'm the top type just like this."
Jane gasped. "You are so naughty, Dr. Isles."
And Maura couldn't help but burst into laughter. Jane joined in with her, laughing. And when the laughter finally subsided from either both of them, Maura buried her face on Jane's shoulder, smelling the unique scent of her detective. Her detective. It feels so great to have finally acknowledged it. Jane began rubbing Maura's back as she sighed contentedly. She was wondering why it took them long enough to have finally reached this point. To have finally held and be held by each other.
"I was afraid, Jane. That was what I was thinking."
"Afraid about what?"
"Afraid that I might lose you if everything didn't work out between us."
The confession made Jane hold Maura tighter against her body. She kissed the doctor on the side of her head, lovingly. Cupping Maura's cheeks, Jane lifted Maura's face so their eyes would meet.
"I am, too. But I can promise you that if this didn't work out, I will remain as your best friend because honestly, I don't know what I would do if you're out of my life. And I don't want to think about it either."
This earned a bright smile from Maura, leaning down, she gave Jane a peck on her lips. "I was also afraid that after our confession the other night, you would change your mind and ran away from me. But then, you saved me again from my internal battle when you reassured me that you won't leave me and that we would figure things out together."
"I don't make promised I can't keep."
"I know."
It was Jane who pulled Maura closer to her. Capturing the doctor's lips, they started in a slow dance of kiss first. And when they simultaneously moved, the kiss grew deeper and hungrier. Wanting for more. Cupping the doctor's face, Jane slipped her left hand under the back of the shirt of Maura and the doctor moaned at the contact. Jane began caressing slowly the doctor's back. Maura slipped her legs between Jane and found her right hand slipping under Jane's heart, roaming her hand on the detective's toned stomach. Jane gasped when she felt the touch. Tangling her legs against Maura's, their kiss deepened. Became hurried, intense, electrifying, yet in the end, it's still soft. They only pulled apart when they felt arousal shot through their core. They knew they had to pull away or things will go further that they're sure they're not both ready yet.
"Oh, God," Maura muttered after their intense kiss.
"Maur, how am I gonna take things slow with you if you're going to kiss me that way all the time?"
Maura grinned, knowing she did a perfect job of kissing Jane. "I was thinking the same thing."
"I would like for us to stay this way but we needed to go to work."
"Hmm. I'll make breakfast. You go shower." Maura sat up and swung her legs off the bed. Before she even has the chance to stand up, Jane caught her by the waist and pulled her closer. Jane kissed the back of Maura's head.
"I won't leave you, Maur."
Maura smiled widely. "I know."
When Maura went downstairs, a smile is still plastered on her face. Then she heard someone cooking. The smell of bacon finally reached her senses. Walking towards her kitchen, Maura saw Angela, busy cooking.
When Angela felt a presence from behind her back, her head whipped around. She smiled upon seeing Maura. "Good morning honey."
"Good morning, Angela."
"This is the last batch of bacon and I'm good to go," Angela said and pulled the bacon out of the skillet. "Tell Jane, I already made coffee."
Maura gasped. She knew how tact and blunt Angela is. She just didn't know how Angela knew that Jane spent the night. "How... how did you know Jane is here?"
Angela turned off the stove and faced Maura. "After we talked last night, I had a high feeling that she will come straight here."
Maura nodded. "She did."
Angela gestured Maura to sit on the barstool. And as Maura did so, Angela sat on the opposite and faced the doctor. "I know I'm not your real mother but I just wanted you to know I worry about you, too, you know."
Maura nodded and a small smile was formed on her lips. "Jane told me that you were worried about what happened after Jack's... proposal."
"Yes. I was really. I didn't know how to contact you. You didn't answer your phone. But somehow I know that you'll be safe. My Janie will keep you safe."
This earned a smile on Maura. "She certainly did. Jane told me that you were wondering why I rejected Jack's proposal. She also told me she didn't say anything about it to you because she respects my privacy."
"Yes. You don't have to tell me anything about it if you don't want to. I'm just glad you're okay and everything's going fine with you and Jane."
"Did you know how it felt when one day you are sure about something? You're certain. Then one day everything you believed in, everything you're sure about felt uncertain? Jack was great. He's almost perfect. I know how much he loves me. And I could say that I really did love him."
"But not enough to marry him," Angela commented.
Maura just nodded. "Everything was fine. We complemented each other. But as days, weeks, and months went on, something has changed. Jane and I drifted apart. And I know I was starting to love him less. I proved it when I started to block all his touches. And my feelings for Jane? I'm also aware it shifted long before I've noticed it. I was just denying it. Not entertaining it. But Drew came along and I never felt so jealous my entire life though I know nothing is going on between them. But it was there. He woke some strong feeling within me. That horrible feeling that crushes my heart into pieces. And then I finally understood what it meant."
"Sometimes it really has to take people to come in the way so you can finally see the one you were meant to find. There'll be obstacles, detours, hindrances before you finally see it. But rest assured that the outcome will always be worth waiting for and sweet."
Maura bowed down her head. She could feel her eyes beginning to tears. "Do you think I'm an asshole? That I left Jack and now trying to push things with Jane?"
Angela almost gasped at the swear word Maura used. Then her heart broke at the sight of the woman in front of her she considered as her second daughter. Maura Isles is always full of confidence in everything she does. Collected. But the Maura Isles in front of her now is full of insecurities and uncertainties. Angela grabbed Maura's hands and gave them a light squeeze making the younger woman looked back at her again.
Angela gave Maura a reassuring smile. "Love can hurt someone sometimes Maura. Honey, for me, what you did was right. Breaking up with Jack and telling him the truth was good enough. You can't help whom you love. No matter how hard you try to tell your heart to stop or direct it to the person whom you think you should love, once it knows the person whom it is destined to, you can never do anything about it. Let's just say that his marriage proposal was a blessing in disguise for you to finally see the real thing." And Maura finally lets her tears roll down that was threatening to fall. Angela gathered her in her arms. "Oh honey, you just did the right thing. It's better to end things with him if you no longer felt the love you have for him before rather than cheating on him. Don't be too hard on yourself."
"I didn't intend for Jane to be like a replacement for Jack. She will never be a replacement." Maura sobbed.
"I know honey and I'm not judging you. And no one's going to judge you. Did you tell Jane about all these?" A shake of a head is the only response Angela got from Maura.
After Maura's crying subsided, Angela pulled herself away from the doctor so she could look at Maura. Seeing the tears on Maura's face, Angela grabbed the box of tissue and handed it to her.
"I'm sorry, I'm a mess," Maura said while she wiped her tears away.
"Don't be. It's okay. I'm here for all the four of you no matter what." Angela smiled.
"Are... are you okay with this? If Jane and I..."
Angela understood. Maura was asking for her approval. "Are you happy?"
"Yes. I am."
"Is Jane happy?"
"Yes. She is."
"Then that's all that matters. You both have me and I will support you both all the way. You're a good person, Maura. I know you will take good care of my Janie. I've seen in since the beginning of your friendship. And I must say I was and am still in awe." Angela gave Maura that warm smile a mother could muster.
Another wave of tears rolled down on Maura's cheeks upon hearing those words from Angela. "Come here, sweet girl." Angela pulled Maura in a motherly embrace. "Listen to me, Maura. I'm sure the road ahead of you and Jane will be bumpy. It won't always be smooth and clean, not that I don't want a good life for the both of you, but I want you to be strong. You know Jane. She easily gets scared and she might run away. You are her anchor. You keep her feet on the ground. You always do. Now that you two are pursuing something, I want you to be more careful. And I know Jane will do the same. She will do everything in her power to keep you happy and safe. She may be stubborn but she always listens to you. You're the only person who can cool her down. There will be problems ahead but I know you will surpass it together like you always do. You've surpassed a lot of problems in the past but you two emerged from it stronger than ever."
Angela pulled herself from Maura so she could look at the doctor's face. Tears were on Maura's face as Angela wiped them like she always did with Jane when she was still a kid. "You're like my daughter, too, Maura. And it hurts me when you're hurting. Please keep loving each other. I know it had hurt you both when you two drifted apart and I don't want the repeat of that. It hurts to look at both of you that way. Now, no matter how hard the situation is or the problem is, and no matter how mad you are with each other, always remember why you wanted to be together in the first place. That way, you will always win the fight. Stronger than ever."
Maura could only nod as she says. "I will always remember and thank you."
"Now, that was quite a speech, eh?"
Maura could only chuckle as Angela followed suit.
As soon as Angela left the main house, Maura started pouring coffee for her and Jane when she felt long arms wrapped around her waist. She gasped in surprise until she smelled that same familiar smell of Jane. That particular smell she knows she will get tired of smelling until she dies. Jane pressed her front against Maura's back and leaned her forehead on the back of Maura's head while Maura's arms wrapped around on top of Jane's arms.
"Are you hungry?" Maura asked softly.
"Why didn't tell me, Maura?"
Maura frowned. "Tell you about what?"
"I heard everything, Maur. All the things you said to Ma." She gave Maura's back of the head a kiss.
Maura shifted from her spot and slowly turned around so she could face Jane. She wrapped her arms around the detective's neck and gazed at her chocolate brown eyes. "You're not the only one with insecurities, Jane."
Jane tightened her embrace to Maura. She closed her eyes momentarily and when she opened them again, Maura's eyes were soft. Too soft she could drown in all the softness in the world.
"You thought that I might think that I'm Jack's replacement?"
"Well..."
"Listen to me, Maur. And please listen to me carefully. I want you to remember this all the time, okay?" Jane asked softly as Maura just nodded, not breaking eye contact with Jane. "I would never feel that I'm a replacement. Jack never left you nor broke your heart and left you devastated. No. You chose to leave him. And this thing between us, I know it was there long before you met him."
"I felt it, too."
"Don't beat yourself up with that, okay? And you're not an asshole. Ma's right. God, I sometimes hate it when she's right. But I'm on board with her this time." Jane smiled brightly showing her dimples on both her cheeks.
Maura chuckled. She rested her chin on Jane's shoulder and pulled the brunette closer. "She's sweet."
"I heard a rumor."
"Hmm, what is it?"
"I heard that Dr. Maura Isles was jealous of my friend Drew Lanter." Jane grinned.
Good thing Jane couldn't see Maura's face as it started to blush heavily. She playfully slapped the detective's arm and said, "You were eavesdropping."
"I wasn't. I just accidentally heard it. Was it true?"
"Well, I could say I really was. I don't know. Maybe it's because you shared this thing that I couldn't get myself into. Like you have your own world. But I know we have our own kind of bonding. It's just like..."
"You don't know how to share me?"
Maura nodded. "Yes. Pretty much. And then I thought of you two dating and I just couldn't be any more happy than the prospect of it."
Jane smiled. She's pretty aware of the feelings Maura had gone through. "And what if we started seeing each other?"
"I don't know, Jane."
"I must admit that it occurred my mind before. But when I entertained the idea, it felt weird. I only see him as a friend. Sure he's handsome. But it's only friendship I could feel for him."
"He told me something. I asked him if he thought of dating you. And he said that he knows how great and beautiful you are. But he didn't think of dating you because he knows that there's already someone else for you out there."
Jane sighed. "Guess I have to thank that bastard." Jane joked.
They stayed silent for a while.
"You know I could stay like this," Jane said.
"So am I," Maura replied as she smiled and kissed Jane's collar.