CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Revelations

"So just how long have you had this?" Kate asks, admiring the diamonds glittering on her finger.

Blushing, uncomfortable now, Rick deflects. "Awhile."

"Really, Rick? How long is awhile."

"Uh, I don't know, awhile." Clearly uncomfortable, he squirms under the intensity of her gaze.

Intrigued now, her idle curiousity turns avid. "Come on, Rick, why so shy all of a sudden?"

"You really want to know this?"

"Yeah. I really do." With a teasing note, she asks, "When did you decide you wanted to marry me?"

"When did I decide or when did I buy the ring?"

"Wait. Weren't those two things around the same time?"

"Not exactly."

"All right. Spill. Just when did you make all of these decisions."

"Promise you won't get mad, Kate."

"Why would I get mad?" puzzled now, she looks at him. "All right, Castle. Quit stalling. I want to know what's going on here."

Sighing, resigned, he agrees. "Fine. I've known for years that you were different, special. I think I've been in love with you since almost the first. That can't be news to you."

"There's no way, Rick. We hardly knew each other. There's no way you were in love with me back then."

At the look of disbelief on her face, he nods, a rueful smile on his face. "I know what you're thinking. Back then it was definitely lust. I wanted you from the start. But that wasn't all I was feeling. After we started working together and I got to know you better, I was intrigued. The more I knew, the more I wanted to know. I find you endlessly fascinating. It wasn't such a big step to go from lust to like to love. I knew by the time my first novel was published. You have to know that on some level."

Shy now, a little overwhelmed, Kate looks at him. "Really? I always thought you were just pursuing me because I said no. You really had feelings for me that far back?"

"Yeah. And I knew you didn't feel the same way. But I didn't realize how far gone I was until that case with Kyra. Somehow, seeing her made me realize how much I'd changed. She'll always have a place in my heart. But she couldn't hold a candle to you. I yearned for how easy it had been with her, but I wanted more than what she could ever have offered me. My feelings back then were simple, but they were the feelings of a boy. I'd grown up when I saw her again. And I knew she wasn't what I wanted or needed. I knew then that if I ever got married again, it was you. You were the one. I wanted to marry you. I felt so much more for you than I'd ever felt for her and I hadn't even kissed you. And I never thought I'd get the chance."

"But we weren't even dating back then. I'd just gotten used to you trailing after me. I couldn't stand you at first, Rick. Well, if I'm being honest, I wanted you, but that was just physical. I couldn't imagine anything other than a quick tumble with you. And I don't do quick tumbles, which left us nowhere."

"I knew you wanted me!"

"Really? That's what you heard? Rick, it was during that case that I realized there might be a lot more to you than I'd given you credit for! She was so different than anyone else you'd been with, it made me wonder if I'd seriously misjudged you."

"Admit it, Kate. You were jealous of Kyra."

"I was not!" blushing now, she squirms under his gaze.

"You were so jealous of her! I could tell, Kate. It's what made me think maybe I'd have a chance with you. It was the only thing that kept me going back then. I had almost given up hope that we'd ever go anywhere until I saw your reaction to her. That's what made me think maybe you had feelings for me, even if you couldn't admit it."

Quiet now, Kate looks at him. "I don't know Rick. You may be right. I was so confused back then. You don't know how hard it was for me to admit to myself that I had feelings for you even a few months ago. Back then, I could see possibilities for us. But I didn't know what they were or whether I was even capable of a relationship. Heck, I'm not sure I even fully understood just how deeply my feelings are for you until just recently. I just knew I couldn't keep denying that we had something. I needed to know what it was. But that's not what you were telling me. You were supposed to be telling me when you picked this out." Looking down at her ring, she looks at it for a minute, admiring the flash of light as it plays over the diamonds before looking back at Rick. "So give. What's the story behind this?"

"Remember when your apartment blew up?"

"How could I forget."

"Yeah. When I was standing on the street looking up at the smoke pouring out of your windows, I felt like my whole world had collapsed. Everything was a blur. All I could think of was I had to get to you. I had to know. Life couldn't be that cruel and take you from me. Then, when I found you inside, and you were okay, I could breathe again. I felt like I'd been given a second chance. Later, I found your dad's watch in the wreckage and I knew you'd want it. I knew how much it meant to you. I wanted to give you something because you'd lost so much. So I took it to this jeweler I know. And while I was there, I saw the ring. It was a custom piece and he had just finished making it. And I knew. I knew right then that it was the one. It was everything you are. Bold. Multi-faceted. Surrounded by strength. With a strong foundation. Stunningly beautiful. And when the light hits it, it shines so brightly you can't help but get drawn in. It just felt right. He said he didn't normally make custom pieces unless they were commissioned, but he couldn't get this design out of his head so he went ahead and made it. He knew it was meant for someone special. When I told him why I wanted it, he agreed to sell it. I bought it on the spot. And I've had it ever since."

"I don't know what to say Rick. I don't know how you knew, back then, that we'd ever get to this point."

"I didn't know. I had to have faith. That's what the ring meant to me then. It represented everything I wanted for us. And my hope that we would one day get there. There've been times I've cursed myself for getting it and others that I've felt like the smartest man in the world. This ring has gotten me through so many things. Because it represents you and me."

"Really? Like what?"

"Okay. When Maddie said you wanted to have my babies, I felt like a genius for having the ring."

"Uh…" blushing furiously, she looks at him. "You realize Maddie said that, not me, right?"

"Yeah. And she knows you better than anyone. You were so thrown by it and I could tell you didn't want me having dinner with her. I figured maybe I wasn't so stupid after all for buying the ring. That maybe it was meant to be…..But then there was Demming. And that made me feel like a complete idiot. I thought about getting rid of it. I couldn't believe I told him there wasn't anything between us."

"Wait. You told Tom what?"

"Uh. That's not the point."

"Castle! What did you tell him?"

"Well, uh, he asked if you and I were together. And we weren't, even though I wanted us to be. So I told him the truth. And then I told him his path was clear, even though I really didn't want him anywhere near you. And I so regretted it when you started seeing him, but I didn't think I had the right to interfere."

"I can't believe you did that! What were you thinking? That I needed your permission to date?"

"No. No! It wasn't like that. He asked and I answered. I knew I had no claim on you. But I really wanted one."

"If you were so interested, so committed to the idea of us, why did you take up with Gina?"

"What does Gina have to do with this?"

"What does she have to do with this? You ask me to go to the Hamptons with you and then just when I'm about to tell you I want to go with you she shows up and you head off arm in arm! I'd say she has a lot to do with this."

"Wait. What? You were going to say yes? How did I not know this?"

"What was I supposed to do, Rick. We're standing in the hall talking. I'd just broken up with Demming and she shows up and you tell me how great you're getting along and she's going to spend the summer with you. I felt like such a fool. I felt like I'd been sucker punched!"

"You broke up with Demming then? Why didn't you tell me. God Kate, I couldn't stand the thought of you with him. I was miserable. I wish I'd known. Gina was a rebound! I felt so hopeless when I heard you making plans with him. I thought I'd lost you. I didn't feel so alone knowing she was going with me, even though I knew it wasn't right. I almost got rid of the ring then, but I kept it with me and I'd take it out and look at it when I was feeling particularly low. I kept clinging to the hope that some day maybe I could give it to you. If I'd known then, I never would have taken her with me. I wanted it to be you…"

"I don't know. I don't know if we would have made it back then."

"It wasn't that long ago. But I agree, we weren't ready – well, you weren't anyway. I was so ready to be with you. And then when Natalie Rhodes was in the precinct and you asked why I didn't sleep with you, I knew. Even though you were with Josh, I knew that you had feelings with me. You seemed so hurt that I'd reject you. I knew then I was meant to keep it for you. There were so many times in the last year I'd pull the ring out of the box and imagine all the different ways I could propose to you. But I couldn't even get you to go out with me. But that ring gave me hope. It taunted me, but it gave me hope."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to just look at this ring the same way Rick. Knowing all of this, it makes me feel a little ridiculous for how long it took me to catch up. I had no idea that you felt this way for so long. I can't believe you waited for me. You could have anyone…."

"No, Kate. I couldn't. You're the only one. You've been the only one for a long time. Nobody else compares."

"So, what, you've been carrying this around all these years?"

"Sometimes. It was in my safe a lot. But whenever I'd go out of town, I'd take it with me. It made me feel close to you. And then when we started this…well, I've had it with me a lot more. I've had a few bad moments when I thought you were going to discover it and freak out. But I've wanted it close. I knew I'd find the right time. I meant to do this differently…."

"No. I'm glad it worked out this way. It was perfect, Rick. I love how this worked out. And I love knowing this about you."