Victoria sat staring out her bedroom window. Just past eleven, she'd sat straight up in bed in a sweat, heart pounding, mind half lost in the memory of the accident that had taken her daughter's life…a memory that had faded completely when she came fully awake. Then she'd spotted Jarrod sitting in the chair by her bed, his eyes closed, the book he'd been reading hanging precariously off the side of his lap. When she'd moved to get out of bed, Jarrod's eyes opened and she'd stopped. Getting a good look at him, she'd told him to go to bed. When he'd started to argue, she'd told him she understood that he couldn't sleep, but that she knew of the sleeping pills Dr. Merar had given him and she wanted him to make use of them.

So, after one of the looks her children had never been able to ignore, her oldest son had given in and was currently asleep in his bed while she was awake and staring out at the nothingness that was the valley after midnight. She could hear the noises of the animals that moved about at night, but the stars and moon were blocked by clouds. She could feel in her bones the storm that was moving in, the gloomy atmosphere matching her mood perfectly.

Jarrod had told her that she'd been lost to them for three months. Months that her children had gone through the pain and heartbreak of their loss without her, compounded by her condition.

How could she have been so weak as to leave them?

She was a stronger woman than that.

Or so she had thought.

Tears sprang up and spilled over as she thought of the child she had lost.

Closing her eyes only took her back to the only thing she remembered from the day of the accident…holding Audra's lifeless body…so she continued to stare out into the nothingness. Dr. Merar had told her that she might never remember everything, but she needed to. She needed answers and she knew that her sons needed them just as much. None of them would be able to move on until they had some explanation as to why Audra was gone.

"Mother." Jarrod whispered as he came into the room.

Wiping at her eyes, Victoria turned and held out her hand for Jarrod to take. "Why aren't you sleeping? I thought you were going to take one of the sleeping pills the doctor provided."

Sitting on the floor next to his mother, Jarrod looked at the dainty hand he held. "I did take one, but…" he trailed off and shrugged.

Caressing his face, she stopped to cup his cheek. "Oh darling," she whispered, her tears returning. "My brave boy."

Jarrod looked up at her with a small smile. "I remember the first time you called me that."

"I knew you would," she whispered and patted his cheek. "I'm sorry I can't remember what happened. If I could, I think it would help us both."

Jarrod felt like a little boy sitting as his mother's knee, but somehow it was comforting in the dark of the room with just the two of them. "No, don't apologize. I don't really want you to remember, though I know for your sake you need to. I think I've pieced together what probably happened to cause the accident."

Sighing, Victoria shook her head then leaned over and pressed a kiss against Jarrod's hair. "Don't think, just rest."

The feel of his mother's fingers gently combing through his hair did just what it always had, lulled him into a sense of peace and calm. There were times he missed being a little boy that could sit on his mother's lap and let her soothe him without a care as to what anyone would think. Now, if anyone saw him sitting here leaning against his mother's legs, they would think he'd gone soft and he would never hear the end of it…but he was so very tired.

So very, very tired.

Speaking softly, Victoria began to tell stories about her oldest son when he was young. She hoped by them reliving these memories, it would help both their minds calm and release the bad things that had been crowding their thoughts…at least for a few moments.

TBV

Jarrod blinked a few times, frowning at the light in his eyes and disoriented as to where he was. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he opened them again and realized he was still on the floor, his head now resting on his mother's lap. Sitting up, he found her smiling tenderly at him. "That was sneaky," he whispered.

Victoria just nodded and caressed his cheek. "You needed rest. Now, go and freshen up. The others will be up soon."

"Did you rest?"

"A bit. The happy memories chased away the other things for a little while."

"Will you join us for breakfast?"

"I thought I would try."

"If you can, it would make Silas very happy." Pushing himself up, Jarrod bent to press a kiss to her forehead. "We'll all be very happy."

Victoria watched him walk away, the slump of his shoulders telling her the rest he'd gotten hadn't been enough. Somehow they had to get passed this and the only way she knew of was for her to remember.

But how?

Standing and moving to her dresser, she stared at herself in the mirror. She looked far older than she had the last time she'd seen her reflection staring back at herself.

She'd lost her husband, a heart break she thought worse than even that of losing her parents. But this…this left her with another kind of heartache…a hole that she would never fill.

A parent was not supposed to outlive their child.

And yet…here she was.

How was she to get through this?

She'd had her sister to turn to in those first days after Tom had died, her sister having gone through the loss of her own husband just two years before.

But who did she turn to now?