Deciding that today was the day she was going to go into town, Victoria tucked a stray tendril of hair behind her ear then smoothed her hands down her skirts.

She'd slowly slipped back into her life, though she hadn't ventured far from the ranch, having not been ready or capable of facing people outside of this little bubble her family created. She'd been protected long enough, now, so she'd decided to do a bit of shopping and ease her way back into the rest of her life.

Smiling at Ciego when she stepped out onto the porch, she paused to take in a deep breath. "Thank you for bringing the buggy, Ciego."

"Sí Señora Barkley."

Victoria watched the man as he walked back to the barn and took a moment to steady her nerves before making her way down the steps to the waiting buggy. Easily climbing up into the seat, she lifted the reins and froze, her mind suddenly overwhelmed with memories.

"Oh Mother, wasn't the baby just the cutest? Surely someone will adopt him soon."

Victoria smiled. "He was quite the little charmer. I'm sure he'll find a home in no time at all."

Audra sighed, "I just wish we could find homes for all of the children."

Putting both reins in one hand, Victoria reached over to pat Audra's knee. "We'll do whatever we can to help find them homes, Darling."

Audra smiled. "Thank you, Mother."

As she was moving the reins back into their proper positions, Victoria's eyes widened when the horse reared and screamed in fright before taking off. Finally managing to get a rein in each hand, she used all of her strength to try and control the runaway buggy.

"Mother!" Audra screamed as they careened toward a tree.

Victoria yelled at the horse, trying to calm him down even as she felt the muscles in her arms and hands trembling from being so tense. Pulling on the reins as tightly as she could, she thought she was gaining some ground with the horse when suddenly he reared up and…

"Audra! Audra!"

Jarrod heard his mother's screams and rushed out of the house, finding her siting in the buggy, her eyes staring out at something only she could see. Realizing that she must be remembering what happened the day of the accident, he approached her carefully, holding up his hand to stop Silas and the others from coming closer and startling her. Gently touching his hand to her arm, he whispered her name, "Mother," and waited to see what happened.

Jerking at the touch, Victoria blinked and looked around then looked down and found herself staring into the worried blue eyes of her oldest. "Jarrod?"

"Yes, Mother," he answered her query quietly. Taking her hand, he helped her from the buggy and held her as she collapsed against him. "Shh," he whispered when he felt her tears soaking through his shirt.

"I was driving Jarrod. If I hadn't…oh god, Jarrod," she cried as she clutched at his shirt. "I had both reins in one hand when the horse was spooked by something. Why did I do that? Why? Why?"

Seeing that Silas and the others had disappeared, Jarrod held her tighter. "Mother, you didn't know anything would happen. When was the last time Delph spooked? He's one of the steadiest buggy horses we have on the ranch."

"But I know better," she murmured. "And now my baby is dead."

Jarrod smiled sadly at the thought of his sister's reaction to be referred to as a baby…she'd have hated it and protested very loudly against it. He realized that he wasn't going to get his mother to accept she hadn't done anything wrong. All of them had done that sort of thing more times than any of them could probably remember, most of them when it was Delph on the other end of the reins. "Why did you have both reins in one hand?" he finally asked, sure that he knew what the answer was.

"I was patting Audra's knee as I assured her we would do everything we could to help the children at the orphanage."

"You were being her mother and giving her what she needed in that moment. You must stop blaming yourself, she wouldn't want that."

Victoria sighed, knowing that she couldn't do that. "I can't remember anymore after Delph reared."

"And it's fine if you don't. Maybe you will later, maybe you won't…it's okay."

Pushing back, Victoria stared up at him. "Don't tell your brothers."

"Mother? Why not? They'll understand."

She shook her head. "I'll tell them, but not now."

Pressing a kiss to her head, Jarrod nodded. "Alright." Handing her his handkerchief, he watched as she dried her eyes and wiped her nose. "Do you still want to go into town? You can go with me, if you like. I was going in to get some paperwork and attend to a meeting. I plan to work mostly from home on ranch business today so I won't be there long."

Smiling at her son and patting his cheek, Victoria nodded. "I do. I need to get back to as much of my life outside of the ranch as I can. Thank you."

"Well, go fix that lovely face while I finish what I was doing and then we'll go. It won't take me but a few minutes."

Patting his cheek, she pressed a kiss there before nodding. "I won't be long. And Jarrod?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I know you do, Lovely Lady, and I'm a lucky son for it." Jarrod watched her as she went back into the house, waiting until she disappeared from view before slumping against the buggy and hanging his head. Dear god, that had been brutal.

"Lord, you have to help me help her," he whispered as he wiped a tear from his cheek. "How am I to make her see this wasn't her fault?"

Feeling a hand on his arm, he looked up and found the kind, wise eyes of their houseman watching him. "Silas," he breathed.

"You love her, Mr. Barkley…that's what you do. You love her."