"So, how are things going for you since our last meeting, Casey?" Dr. Fletcher asked once they were alone and seated comfortably in her office area on the couch.
This was one of the reasons why she was actually starting to enjoy therapy with Dr. Fletcher. All the other psychologists had seemed so impersonal and judgmental, their offices cold and clinical. Dr. Fletcher was welcoming and attentive, and actually listened to Casey, while her office felt more homely rather than in an actual uncomfortable therapy environment.
Also, Kevin's high recommendation and praise of the woman's competence in helping with psychological and mental health issues seemed worthy of listening to.
Only issue was allowing herself to open up to speak more about her feelings. Dr. Fletcher was watching her with interest in her warm gray eyes, her glasses on, fingers clasped in her lap. Her eyes dropped down to where Casey's hands were, in her lap, while she fidgeted with her fingers nervously; a habit she's had for ages since she could ever remember.
"Everything's going fine in my life right now," Casey forced herself to answer after inhaling in deeply. "Things seem like they are starting to fall into place."
Dr. Fletcher's eyebrows arched a little as she smiled encouragingly, her eyes dropping to Casey's fingers again as she twisted them and twiddled them in her lap, "Then that's a good thing, isn't it?"
"I guess so. I suppose I'm just... always waiting for something bad to happen." She shrugged, her shoulders dropping in relief when the doctor finally glanced away. Casey watched as the older woman slowly removed her glasses and rubbed around her eyelids as she listened. "It's just... like I'm always waiting."
"Ah, I see." The doctor didn't speak until she slowly pushed her glasses back on, tipping them up past the bridge of her nose with her fingers carefully. "Well, considering all that you've been through in a short matter of time, I think it would be reasonable for anyone to always be anticipating something bad lingering around the corner."
"Maybe. It's just that... I'm always afraid of getting my hopes up. I'm almost... afraid to be happy in case everything goes bad again."
"Well, how are you finding your new foster family? Are they treating you well?" It had been less than three years since Casey had finally been put up with a foster family. Her foster mother was very nice, and so was her foster father. They had a lot of other children that they had fostered as well, mainly girls, much younger than Casey's age. Casey was the oldest girl at twenty.
"They are," Casey admitted with a small smile. "They've all been... great. Only thing is, I can't fully enjoy myself or trust that I'm safe with them."
"Because you are always waiting for something bad to happen again," Dr. Fletcher finished for her correctly, explaining exactly how Casey felt. Casey's brows arched in surprise, and then, deep gratitude for the woman's skill at somehow reading her so thoroughly. Half the time it didn't matter if Casey couldn't articulate and find the words to describe how she was feeling, because Dr. Fletcher seemed to be able to find the words for her.
"Yeah, that's completely it. I'm always waiting for it."
"And so what about your uncle?" Dr. Fletcher asked next gently.
At the mere subject, Casey felt herself tensing uncontrollably. Her stomach churned, a weight bearing onto her shoulders at the mention of him. She also felt slightly nauseous as she dropped her gaze to her hands, strands of her hair falling into her line of sight and forehead. "Well, last I heard of him, he's... somewhere in another state. The restraining order still stands. He's not allowed to be within fifty meters of me."
"So you haven't seen him at all?" Casey was certain she heard relief in the woman's tone.
"No, I haven't. But honestly, if I had, I wouldn't be here." Casey swallowed nervously, tracing her thumbnail with her other finger. "I'd be going off to the opposite side of the world if I could."
"That's completely understandable. Now, how are the urges? Have you found yourself experiencing any... urges lately?"
Dr. Fletcher was straight down to business, and Casey appreciated that. Her mind drifted off to the zoo incident, with Kevin. His behavior and rejection of her- which, as he'd confirmed to her in the waiting room, apparently he had no remembrance of it ever taking place.
"I did last week, I had... an urge to cut." It didn't make her proud, having to admit it.
But Dr. Fletcher did not shy away from looking at her. If anything, the woman smiled sympathetically. "And how did you go? Did you remember some of those techniques we spoke about in our last session?"
"I did, actually. And it actually worked."
"Good!" Dr. Fletcher straightened in her chair, her eyes becoming more wider with happiness, with genuine relief at Casey's found success. "And which coping technique did you use and found to be so helpful in taming the urges?"
"The... mindfulness one." Casey swallowed thickly. "The one where you focus on the three things in your surroundings."
"So it helped?"
"It did. It took away the urges due to what I was feeling at the time." She glanced up at the Doctor nervously through her eyelashes, still tense. "It... distracted me."
"Well, tell me, what was going on during the time you felt the urge exactly?"
Casey wished she hadn't asked that question. How could she even begin to bring up Kevin- Dr. Fletcher's very own patient? Was if she repeated what she'd said to him, dob him in even? "I can't... um, really remember what it was or why I was feeling any particular way," Casey settled on hastily, her voice low. Lying was easier than having to explain it all.
"Oh." Dr. Fletcher frowned, and she seemed slightly disappointed by Casey's lack of openness, she thought. But then with confidence, she straightened in her chair, eyeing Casey again with a speculative glint in her eyes, her smile brightening again amicably. "Well, regardless, I am so pleased that you have seemed to have found a technique that has been a success for you, and so quickly too." And she genuinely looked it, for Casey too, surprisingly. "That's a huge accomplishment in such a short amount of time when we've only had, what?"- Dr. Fletcher eyed her curiously- "I believe, barely three sessions so far together?"
"Yeah, about three sessions so far."
Dr. Fletcher hummed happily under her breath. "I am so happy for you."
"Thanks," Casey muttered, eyeing her hands again. She wasn't used to someone being so pleased for her. It was a little overwhelming, she found.
"Now, there's also something else I've been, uh, meaning to address with you..." The tone caught Casey's attention and she glanced up at the doctor nervously. Apparently the doctor felt just as apprehensive as Casey felt, because she hesitated a little, pondering the right words to begin, "I couldn't help noticing you were beginning to, uh, spend time with one of my patients?"
There was something in Dr. Fletcher's expression that confused Casey; She thought she looked concerned. But concerned of what? Kevin? Why would she feel concerned?
"I went out to coffee once with your patient Kevin?" Casey murmured, nodding once. The way the Doctor was looking at her, it made her feel uncomfortable. "He's... sweet. And nice to me. Why?"
"Oh, nothing." Dr. Fletcher waved her arm as if swatting something invisible away while clearing her throat gently. "I'm just simply... curious as to what is going on between you two?" It felt like she was angling for more information, Casey thought. "I've witnessed you two speaking to each other quite a few times now?"
"Yeah, we're sort of... friends," Casey shrugged indifferently.
"Well, from what I've heard from Kevin, he seems quite taken with you." Again, the doctor looked so concerned. Her brows furrowed slightly with worry. What was it about Kevin that had her so concerned?
"We're just sort of... friends." Casey wasn't even sure why she had to justify her spending time with Kevin. It wasn't really the doctors business, was it?
"I know you are probably wondering why it is that I ask this." Dr. Fletcher smiled at Casey as she nodded a few times. "It's just that... Kevin is an extremely... unique individual." It was like she was struggling to find the right words into just what Kevin was. "Like you, he... went through a very tough life during his childhood."
"Why is he seeing you, exactly?" Casey couldn't resist asking. Kevin had been evasive during the time they had spent together, he hadn't specifically talked about it or had given her a reason why. Not that she could blame him, of course. She hardly liked speaking about her problems herself. She was just curious.
"That's the thing." The Doctor sighed loudly while clasping her hands together tightly in her lap, bending forward in the chair a fraction, "Unfortunately I'm bound by the laws of patient confidentiality. I can't say much."
"Oh, I get it."
"I just want you to throw... caution to the wind, I suppose," the Doctor added after a pause, a significant amount of gentle warning in her tone. "Just to be... careful, if I may."
Careful of what? Careful of Kevin?
"Why? Is... is Kevin dangerous or something?"
All the doctor could do was shrug and smile ruefully at her. Right, patient confidentiality and all that. But why warn her against having a friendship with someone like Kevin? What was so wrong with them that she would feel the need to warn her to throw caution to the wind?
Casey didn't get the chance to try wheedle more information about Kevin out of the Doctor because, before she knew it, she was steering the conversation back onto Casey instead.
...
At the end of their session, Dr. Fletcher showed Casey out.
"So I've booked another session for the same time next week," she explained to her with a smile, holding the door open to her. "But remember, as I said, if anything comes up, do e-mail me if the need strikes you. I'm always here for my patients if they need to vent."
"Great," Casey whispered, pushing the strap of her bag around her shoulder, "Thanks, Dr. Fletcher."
"You are very welcome, Casey. Take care now."
She turned as Dr. Fletcher shut the door to her room gently, Casey's eyes scanning the waiting room eagerly for any sign of Kevin. Her stomach sank. To her dismay, he wasn't waiting around for her after her session had finished. He must have left the instance Dr. Fletcher called her in and said goodbye to him.
She found her overwhelming sense of sadness at the idea of not spending more time with him pitiful. She didn't know the guy all that much, realistically, even though she... kind of wanted to. Dr. Fletcher's warning only seemed to heighten Casey's curiosity about the man, rather than turn her away in the other direction.
She ambled down the winding staircase, her eyes cast downward on her sneakers. Just as she reached the last step, someone suddenly popped out in front of her and it was too late to stop herself. She collided with the person, emitting a loud "Shit" as the other person apologized profusely while waving their hands around frantically.
It was only when Casey lifted her gaze, that she realized who it was. Kevin, thank God. He was still there and he hadn't left after all. Her heart surged painfully. It was embarrassing, how just the man's presence alone emitted such a positive response from her.
"Hey! Like I said, I'm so, so sorry," Kevin muttered, his expression genuinely contrite as she took in the beanie he was wearing, the grey sleeveless gloves. "God, look at me? I'm actin' like one of those weirdos that hangs around by the stairs!"
He laughed self-deprecatingly as he helped right her and catch her balance, and Casey smiled nervously.
She caught a little difference to the way he pronounced certain things, a little accent, but with Kevin the past two times she'd been around him, it had been hard to tell. Something about him seemed different, though.
"Anyway, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to go get another coffee with me?" She noticed him fiddle with his beanie as if nervous, plucking it down over his ears. "Or hell, if you're hungry, we could even catch a bite if you want to?" He seemed to eye her face before he held a hand out to her, adding after biting down on his bottom lip hastily, "No pressure, of course, it's totally cool either way."
Casey wasn't sure whether he'd ever want to ask her out for coffee again, considering how weird it had been last time. But everything was forgiven between them now, and she didn't hold his aloof reaction at the zoo where he worked against him. "Sure, I'd love to," she replied quietly, a little breathless when he gave her that large enigmatic smile of his in response to her confirmation. "I've got nothing else to do and plus, I am feeling a little hungry."
"Lunch it is then," Kevin agreed happily, and Casey felt her heart stutter in surprise at what he did next. Surprising her, he winded his arm through hers, tugging her towards the exit of the building. Now their shoulders and arms kept brushing together as he led the way eagerly.
She never thought she'd be comfortable ever being close to somebody before, yet...something about Kevin always made her feel so comfortable, she realized. They'd even kissed- another thing she never dreamed she'd be comfortable experiencing with a man of the opposite sex.
"My shout, no exceptions," Kevin continued as he held the door open for her, his arm still linked around hers. "I'm totally buyin' you lunch. Lunch and a drink, the whole works."
There definitely was something different with his mood. He was acting more cheerful, more almost lively than the Kevin she was speaking to in the waiting room, the Kevin that had been so stressed at the idea of seriously hurting her and had felt so bad that she were upset with him.
When they trod down the steps together, arms still linked, he turned and looked at her, that too-big grin still on his face for her. Casey had to admit, weirdly enough, that his joy was infectious.
"You had a good session with the great Doctor Fletcher then?" he asked her, making harmless conversation, she thought, as he led the way, steering her through pedestrians down the street.
"Yeah, I-I did. She's really helping me already, I think."
"Told you, right?" His eyes shone as he nodded at her, as if pleased with him. "She's good. Definitely one of the best."
Casey couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong; something was... different. There was something different about this Kevin, something striking. But how could that be?
"OK," Kevin was saying, steering her into the direction of a place she hadn't been to down on the corner of the street. He reached past her, struggling to hold the door open for her. It took Casey a belated second to realize he was clutching what looked like a black sketchbook in his other hand. She hadn't realized he was holding anything else before. "So, let's totally go in here. I came here last week and they make real good coffee and food." He nudged her playfully with his shoulder as they stepped inside, the diner deserted except for two other people sitting at a table. "You'll enjoy it, trust me."
Trusting Kevin, Casey realized, wasn't an issue. He felt an easy person to trust.
"And please, like I said, my shout. I'm buyin'."
"Uh, I do actually have my own money to buy my own lunch," she muttered, uncomfortable at the idea of him paying for her. "I do appreciate the offer though."
"What?" He paused from guiding her towards a table, their arms still linked together, to peer down at her. "Like I'm actually gonna let you pay for yourself when I asked you out here." He seemed offended, but Casey couldn't tell if he was faking it or not. "You think I'm gonna let you emasculate me? I mean, come on, honey?" He laughed shortly a second later, making Casey realize he was just fooling around, and it made her smile in response.
"Fine, then. If you insist."
"Well, I totally do insist." He weaved his arm out from hers, pushing a chair open at one of the empty tables near the window for her. Casey sank down slowly into her chair, eyeing him nervously while he grabbed the diners menu and plopped it down in front of her.
She settled on a coffee and a burrito, while he did the same. It was only when he went to make their orders that Casey had realized what he had just called her. 'Honey'. Kevin definitely hadn't called her that before.
When he returned back to the table, still clutching his sketchbook in one hand, he smiled at her as he pulled out his own chair and sat next to her. His mannerisms, there was something completely different to them, Casey was sure she wasn't being paranoid. Just like at the zoo, how he'd acted differently then, with the glasses and the rough tone of voice.
Then, as if to break the ice between them, Kevin laid his sketchbook on the table. He flipped it open while Casey leaned over curiously. That's when she saw they were drawings. Drawings of dresses with ruffles and blouses with printed details. The last few pages, she noticed, were drawings of a girl with dark long hair, her eyes full of emotion, a dark brown.
"Did you do these yourself?" Casey asked, her voice embarrassingly high. If he had, the drawings were amazing, almost lifelike in detail. Kevin hadn't told her he was interested in art and drawing.
"Sure did," he admitted, and she heard the pride in his voice. "These last few ones though, I did just last night... I was especially inspired. Guess who the muse was?"
Casey's eyes flitted to him curiously at the tone in his voice, realizing he was staring at her expectantly, his mouth frozen in a big smile. They were sitting closer than she realized- not that she minded, honestly. She'd somehow forgotten how incredible the color of his eyes were.
When the meaning of his tone sank in, Casey's eyes were drawn to the pictures again of the young woman with long, luscious dark hair, the expressive eyes. He couldn't have meant her, could he?
"Um, are you- are those meant to be me?" she whispered doubtfully, feeling her cheeks color. Why on earth would he want to draw her?
"They are, although... they aren't all that good," he admitted, and Casey heard a tinge of doubt, a hint of insecurity, in his own voice. Like he wasn't sure what he thought of them himself. "Couldn't get the beautiful shimmering hair right, no matter how hard I tried." At this, he leaned over and Casey felt his hand touch and his fingers weave carefully through the end strands of her hair, stroking it. She felt her heartbeat quicken and her face flush again at the unexpected contact. "I tried different strokes... like a weaving or waves, but it didn't come out in likeness like I'd hoped it would."
"These are really incredible," Casey whispered, touched, as she reached over, turning the page with care to one of the other drawings that was apparently her. No one had ever done something like that for her before. "You're really talented."
"Pfft." He made the dismissive noise through his mouth humorously.
Enraged, Casey turned in her seat to peer at him, eyeing him incredulously with her dark eyes. "But you are," she insisted strongly. It was obvious Kevin could not take a compliment when he shrugged and made a face at her. "I'm serious. These are amazing, Kevin. So life-like. I had no idea that you were interested in drawing. I mean, you never told me, but I suppose it didn't come up in conversation."
Something flickered across his face at something she had said.
"No, no, no, I'm sorry, I, uh..." He shifted in his chair uncomfortably as Casey stared at him in confusion, "I thought you knew?"
"Knew?" she repeated slowly, confused. "Knew what, Kevin?" Until she realized what he must have meant. Oh, he thought somehow she knew that he had a talent for-
"No, no, no, I'm not Kevin." He gestured to himself with his hands hastily, the building agitation from him suddenly clear to her as he stared at her, "I'm Barry, honey."
"B-Barry?" Casey shook her head, not understanding. Barry? What the hell did he-
"I mean, yeah, I-I was Kevin for a while there, back at Dr. Fletcher's office with you, but then, you know, Kevin was feeling really nervous and overwhelmed so he allowed me to have the Light for a little while to guide him through it, you know."
Casey stared back at him, lost. None of what he was telling her made any sense. He may as well have not been speaking in English for what little sense it made to her. What did he mean that he was Barry, not Kevin? And something about allowing him to have the Light? What?
"You see, Kevin really likes you. And I like you too." He reached over, touching the back of her hand suddenly, stroking her knuckles with his long calloused fingers gently, like he assumed he was reassuring her. "He gets a little nervous, you know? There's somethin' about you, he's too sensitive, he can't handle it sometimes." He rolled his blue eyes and gave her a look that said typical-Kevin as he shook his head at her. "The others too, we all like you. Except for Trisha and Dennis, of course, but that's just them, don't worry." He rambled on as he gave her hand a squeeze. "They both got sticks up their asses, they don't like nobody."
His constant chattering, it wasn't helping Casey to hear anything that made sense.
She shook her head slowly a few times, opening and closing her mouth. She would think of one question, then she'd change her mind, about to ask another. Then she'd get all confused again.
"Oh, gee, oh no," Kevin suddenly burst out, his voice a smoky, low panicked whine. Casey saw his blue eyes were wide, shining with sudden apprehension. Without warning, he brought up his hand, imitating swiping his beanie-covered forehead of sweat. "You didn't know about us, did you?" His voice was low, unsettled. "You didn't know about all of us? K-Kevin hasn't told you yet?" He held a few fingers to his mouth, as if embarrassed, urging himself to stop rambling on.
Casey was appreciative of his silence. It enabled her to process just what he was attempting to say.
"I... I don't think I understand?" she muttered slowly after a second uncertainly, sounding just as confused and lifeless as she felt on the inside.
"You see, Kevin, he likes you so much, he was afraid to tell you, honey. And admittedly, I was a little afraid too. We all-" He stopped abruptly.
Suddenly, a waiter appeared with their drinks and meals. They sat in silence for a few moments until the waiter was out of earshot. Casey glanced down at her hot burrito, realizing her appetite was non-existent.
Kevin- or well, Barry- sighed loudly through his nostrils, rubbing his forehead with his fingers through the fabric of the beanie, frustrated. "You see, what we have here is, uh, DID, honey."
"DID?" Why did it sound like a STD to her?
"Yeah, like... Dissociative Identity Disorder." He glanced at her fleetingly out of the corner of his eye, as if frightened and checking for any sudden unfavorable reaction. When nothing came, he seemed more confident to continue, "What happens is, we all share the Light from time to time, that's all. Like... there's, uh, me, and Trisha and Hedwig and Dennis. All of us."
"You mean, like... different personalities?"
"Yeah, totally like that." His eyes brightened with eagerness, as if pleased she were slowly getting it. "Kevin was just a little embarrassed to tell you, honey. And when we share the Light, sometimes it's like there's this blank space there, like you can't really remember sometimes. I thought maybe Kevin told you already, but... apparently not."
"I think I need a bit of silence for a while," Casey muttered.
"Yeah, of course. I get that, that's cool. We'll just... sit here, OK, honey?"
To her relief, he honored her request and fell silent while Casey attempted to get her head working straight. Just her luck, the one guy she finally feels comfortable to be closest to, and he's living this huge burden. In some ways, it made sense and explained a lot of things, however. Like his reaction at the zoo and how he seemed as if he were someone completely different. She'd almost gotten the impress he were different people, that... he was one person and then someone completely different the next. Now she knew why.
"So... at the zoo-?"
"-Yeah, that was Dennis," Barry Not Kevin explained, grimacing a little. "I think he's jealous, you know? Like he wants all the action on himself, he's just jealous. It'll all work out, though, give it some time."
"And you're... Barry?"
Rather flamboyantly, he patted his shirt with a smile, "I'm Barry, you're totally right. See, I knew you'd get there."
"H-how many are there of you in...inside of Kevin?" She wasn't entirely sure the correct way to ask it, but she had to know.
He winced and she caught him deliberately avoiding her eyes as he glanced down into his coffee mug. "Well, there's uh, quite a few of us, like I said. There's me, Patricia, Dennis-"
"But how many in total?"
"Twenty three," he answered truthfully, making a face. "Twenty-three of us, yeah." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
Twenty-three?
Kevin's- or perhaps it was Barry's all along- words came back to her when she had asked why he was seeing Dr. Fletcher.
'I got issues. Twenty-three of them.' Now it all made sense. It was a shocking light-bulb moment for her. She didn't know how to react or how to even feel. How was it even possible? How did he-
"I know it's a real lot to take in, honey. And I know Kevin probably should have told you a little sooner, like... when we'd first met, but he's just nervous. You're literally the first girl-"
She made a sudden choice, her stomach rumbling nastily. "Barry, I don't know about you but I'm starving. Can we eat our burritos and drink our coffees before they get too cold?"
She looked around at Barry Not Kevin quickly as he stared at her, his mouth hanging halfway open, eyes comically wide as though he was in shock or as if he wasn't entirely sure he could believe what she'd just said. "So, what? You... you, uh..." He hesitated, eyeing her thoughtfully, "You're not gonna get up and run away and hide from us right now?"
She saw the hopeful, earnest look in his eyes and it was then that she sort of understood. Did people often run away and hide, deeming him a freak due to his DID? Did people always respond negatively? Casey didn't want to be that person. He didn't deserve that and, she thought she knew, more than anyone, how lonely and miserable it could be, living a life alone secluded and alienated from others.
"I'm not going to run away and hide right now," she promised, and she felt she meant it. Suddenly, the mood between them felt too serious, too tense, so she brought her eyes down to his own burrito on the plate next to hers meaningfully. "But what I will do is completely devour your burrito too if you don't start eating with me."
As she picked up her mildly warm burrito in both hands carefully, she caught out of her eye him still sitting there, staring at her, as if still completely disbelieving of how well she had taken the news. And then, Barry Not Kevin chuckled hoarsely, and finally moved into action, picking up the burrito of his own, mirroring her movements.
So... now she knows argh. Would love to know your thoughts. Hope it's still OK and that the characters are still somewhat true to the movie? It's so hard to write them lol. Thank you all so much for being so lovely!