YaAz97 - I make no promises! And I expected some would hate me haha
Karate Koala - I am stocked up until judgement day under my rock, bring it on! (and yeah I can't ever write a perfect relationship there must be drama or conflict)
BrawlerGamer - that's probably for the best, I write far too much smut.
FuntasticMe - so long as you can read this, that's what counts! I'm not sure how you're happy their fighting but hey whatever tickles your goose.
Tom80 - exactly! If y'all lynch me I can't write more!
Gunsblazing82 - I guess I could see it as sudden, but it was the same day! Like, the jump was only from the day at the Nature Centre to Hiccup taking Astrid home that evening.
Skyred89 - I agree, but I think I lulled almost everyone into a false sense of security...
MidwestMexican - glare away *puts on helmet*
JinYang8Octopus - I can totally hear that as Tuff yelling
Hicc - I don't know what you mean! *hides behind shield*
DyingSunlight - please keep your heart in your chest!
Ok wow most reviewed chapter makes it real clear you guys reacted to the angst!
-HTTYD-
Her phone vibrated, consistently harassing her crying self with its buzzing. Astrid ignored it, not wanting to deal with Hiccup. It rang two more times, then stopped. A minute later, there was violent rapping at her door. All geared up to rip his head off, Astrid threw her front door open and swore violently.
Then she realised it was Heather. Heather who looked stunned, and who could see clearly that she had been crying.
"I thought you looked upset. Then you ignored my calls."
Astrid let her in, wiping at her wet eyes. Heather offered a hug, and Astrid the physical contact hater took it.
"Was it Haddock? Shall I send Dagur after him?"
Astrid let out a watery chuckle, glad Heather was already set on avenging Hiccup's sadness.
"Tell you what, go get food and beer while I clean myself up, then we can do angry boy talk?"
"Deal. Call the pizza place while I go pick up the alcohol?"
"You got it. Get lots, tomorrow is Sunday and so that means I can be hungover."
Heather nodded, pulling Astrid's head close and kissing her forehead with a loud smacking sound, then giggled and left. Astrid called the pizza place up and pulled out cash to pay Heather back for the excessive amount of alcohol she intended to consume. She washed her face and then realised she hadn't cleaned her mouth since going down on Hiccup earlier, that thought suddenly not sitting too well.
She had been shamelessly hungry for him all the time, practically begging him to have her any which way. Hiccup had never turned her down. She had let herself believe he was as into her as she was him, with all his gentle touches and tender words of desire. And Astrid felt damn stupid for that.
Still... he couldn't publicise her stupidity without losing his job, so Astrid's shame and embarrassment were going to stay with only a handful of people. She could live with that, and when she inevitably moved on like Astrid always had, it wouldn't leave a mess behind.
Heather returned when Astrid had scrubbed her teeth and rinsed her mouth twice, cringing at the tainted taste when she cracked open a beer and took a long swallow. They retired to her bedroom, Astrid cramming two steaming pizza slices in her mouth and drinking a whole beer before Heather got a word out of her.
"I thought he liked me. Pretty sure all he liked was a willing body."
Chewing thoughtfully, Heather's brow furrowed in concentration.
"I thought he liked you too. He looks at you how I wish Justin looked at me."
Still feeling a little bitter, Astrid bit back.
"Well, flash him your boobs and that'll be the same look."
"I'll remember that. Want to talk about what actually happened?"
Astrid flopped back against her pillow, pizza in one hand and second beer in the other.
"Not right now. I'm trying not to think about it too hard. I'm sure when I reach righteous anger rather than pathetic I'll rant and rave like a lunatic about it."
"That's my girl. Had you two ever fought before?"
She shook her head, chewing angrily at a mouthful of cheese and sweetcorn.
"No. That's the thing, we really seemed to click. He made me laugh and the sex was sensational, we seemed to agree on stuff and it was just... simple. Until tonight, I never saw us fighting. Which is saying something because we're both apparently pretty hot headed."
"You? Hot headed? I would never have thought."
"If you hadn't brought me both food and beer I would totally hurt you right now Heather."
Her friend laughed, the sound bouncing off the sadness twisting away in Astrid's chest. How could she miss him so much when they had only been more than casually glancing for under a month? Granted, Astrid had probably spent longer letting anything resembling feelings build than Hiccup. He seemed to only notice her for real when Astrid kissed him.
Gods she had been so stupid.
"Hey you" Heather nudged her leg, face writ with concern "no crying over this asshat ok? You're gonna eat and drink like a pig with me, then sleep it off. If he tries to come near you, I'll loose Dagur on him."
"As satisfying it would be... it wouldn't be stealthy. I'm not gonna ruin his job out of pettiness."
Astrid wanted to kill him. But...
She didn't want to hurt him.
"Damn, this guy really did a number on you."
Sighing, Astrid drained the second bottle and reached for another. She wasn't anywhere near drunk enough for this conversation. Heather reached into her bag, pulling out another bottle and Astrid reached for it eagerly.
"Ah, the beautiful creation that is Jager."
"Had a feeling you would need more than beer. I'm not gonna let you drain the whole bottle though, fair warning."
"You'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead fingers."
Heather's fight with Astrid's corpse became unnecessary when Astrid's phone started buzzing after about a fifth of the bottle plus two more beers... oe was it three? Astrid forgot. Everything was a tad fuzzy round the edges.
"That him?"
Astrid picked up the phone, squinting to read the text. As soon as she saw 'Fury' on the screen, she tossed it aside.
"Ignore it. Please. I don't think I can take any more fighting."
Heather sighed, removing the alcohol from Astrid's lazy, drunken reach so she could only access pizza in the vain hope that it would soak up some of the drink floating in her system.
"I'm gonna get you some water, I know what you're like after you drink."
"Mkay. Just gonna lie here feeling all jelly-ish."
She wasn't drunk enough to forget how much Hiccup had hurt her, but she had just enough clarity left in her brain to know Jager wasn't the answer. Right now? Sleep was the answer. Sleep that hopefully didn't come with that sense of missing certain skinny arms around her.
Astrid drifted off without remembering whether or not Heather made it back with water, waking up while it was still dark outside with a pounding head, arid throat and a mass of dark hair in her peripheral vision. Her heart fluttered in her chest for a second before realising it was Heather. Cursing the immediate reaction, her pulsing headache made Astrid crave water, but she wasn't sure she could move. Especially not with Heather a dead weight on her arm.
Squinting against the budding hangover, Astrid spotted her water bottle on the side her arm still moved, reaching for it and guzzling it down greedily. Heather shifted in her sleep, freeing Astrid's trapped limb and allowing her to stumble upright and head to the bathroom. Scrubbing the acrid taste of stale alcohol from her mouth, Astrid peed and crawled back to her room. Her phone lit up, flashing 'low battery' at her and the brightness almost made her and her sore head cry.
Still, Astrid caught the '1 new message: Fury' on the screen before it dimmed, an impulse decision leading Astrid to simply erase the entire text history without reading it. Then she plugged in her phone, collapsed on her bed and fell back to sleep ignoring the tears that threatened behind her eyes.
She woke feeling equally dreadful, but Heather had already predicted that and there was fresh water and a couple of painkillers on her bedside table. She could hear said friend downstairs talking to her mother, and Astrid really hoped she didn't mention the boy problems. She didn't want to have to dodge the topic with her mother forevermore. Grasping blindly for the pain relief, Astrid downed as much of the water as she could, then padded along to the bathroom.
A shower, a toothbrush and some clean clothes (well, pyjamas) later, Astrid felt marginally better. Her stomach was still a little delicate, so she padded down the stairs in search of a cup of tea.
"You don't look nearly as bad as I expected you to."
"Love you too bitchface. Shower works wonders, you should try it."
Heather stuck out her tongue petulantly, then pushed a mug of tea in her direction. She was an absolute shit sometimes, but Heather knew how to take care of her.
"Breakfast love?"
"No thanks mom, not sure my stomach is ready for solids just yet."
The woman chuckled, ruffling her hair affectionately and being completely undeterred by the warning growl from her daughter. The tea slowly worked to soothe her unhappy tummy, but Astrid still only wanted to curl up in her dressing gown on the sofa.
"I'm gonna go home, shower and all that then come back round to do college work, so try not to fall into an endless pit of despair without me babe."
Astrid tried to scowl, but there was no venom in it.
"I'll try. If you need me I'll be binge-watching doctor who."
Heather frowned in confusion.
"You hate doctor who."
"Shh. That's what's in the dvd player."
Burrowing deeper into the sofa, Astrid mostly ignored the tv but needed the background noise to break up her constant thoughts. Her mother puttered about around her, obviously sensing her hungover daughter was half asleep and unlike Heather, probably didn't have much knowledge of Astrid's emotional turmoil.
"You alright love? Aside from the hangover that is."
"Mmm. Just tired."
There had been a time Astrid could, and would, have told her mother anything. But she hadn't told her about Hiccup, and now there was no point. She wasn't going to admit to letting herself be used for sex. It wasn't like Hiccup's thing with Cami - Cami had been actively encouraging the two of them, only interested in a casual physical thing with Hiccup. Astrid had wanted more than that...
Hel, she still sort of did.
Hiccup could have kicked himself. How could he have let that out of his mouth? It wasn't even true.
Astrid's face had fallen so fast and Hiccup's anger - at himself, not her - had refused to let him register it until she was leaving. When she yanked her arm free, Hiccup knew he had really fucked up.
He went after her, just in time to see her run into her home. At least she was safe. Hiccup deliberated about going after her and apologising for several minutes, but then she saw Heather leaving her house and going to bang on Astrid's door. Something told him he wouldn't be welcome there.
Hiccup made himself go home, hating himself more progressively with each passing minute. He had to keep a straight face when he got back - he had already seen fit to ruin Astrid's day, he couldn't ruin the end of his mom's birthday too.
She was sat in the living room sipping wine with a couple of her friends, who waved over at him as he stopped to take off his boots.
"That's Hiccup? My my, he's grown!"
He overhead Helga mutter to the other women, not even reacting. She had spent years of his childhood complaining about his skinny stature, even the slight improvement of puberty not really much to Hiccup but she could only see his face and bulky leathers right now.
"Well, adults tend to Helga. Excuse me."
As he reached the kitchen for some water, intending to hide in his room and hate himself in peace, his mother caught up with him.
"Are you alright son?"
"Fine, why?"
His voice didn't sound all that convinced, and his mother didn't look it.
"You look as though you've been crying."
"Got some dust in my eye, rubbed them with my gloves. Wasn't fun. I'm kind of exhausted, would you mind terribly if I just went and crashed?"
She surveyed him for a second, kissed his forehead and smiled.
"Of course not. I'll see you in the morning son."
Lying about his sad mood - from lying to her to begin with, then unfairly taking that out on Astrid - didn't help Hiccup any, but he managed to take his water bottle and get to his room before the low mood overtook him completely.
Hiccup deliberated for ages about whether or not he ought to text or call Astrid, but it felt childish and inadequate to try that way. Though he doubted he would be allowed to go and apologise face to face. And he didn't even know what to say.
'Sorry' didn't really seem to cover it.
Astrid, with her smart mouth and wild sexuality, perfect body and those eyes... the girl Hiccup couldn't comprehend was interested in him at all. And yet she had been, and she had never taken the fact it was secret personally. She had even accepted his ugly scar without a blink, drawing Hiccup's own soul out inch by inch as she convinced him to talk about himself. She could see he was troubled and wanted to help.
Astrid had been willing to be anything he needed in the moment, and he had thrown that back in her face because he felt guilty about lying to his mother. Which again, Astrid had known he didn't like and was trying to be understanding.
Odin knows he didn't deserve her.
"The word does no justice, but I am so sorry for the way I acted tonight."
It sounded pathetic even as he wrote it, but Hiccup couldn't think of anything better. He had never really had such an intensity with another person before, and Hiccup was massively out of his depth.
Astrid didn't answer his text all night, but then he didn't blame her. Knowing the 'rules', Hiccup deleted yesterdays text history and felt like it was weighing on him.
What if that was it?
Astrid had every right to want nothing more to do with him after what he said, and that idea already made Hiccup feel like something sharp was tearing into his chest. The pain rendered him breathless for a second, making him roll over onto his hands and knees to try and stretch out his torso, open up his lungs.
He realised that was daft a minute or two later, as the feeling was likely almost entirely psychological. The early hour gave him plenty of time to stand under the spray of the shower until he felt slightly more alive, easing the ache in his leg some. He dressed for a comfortable Sunday morning, realising too late that he was wearing the same t-shirt he'd worn when Astrid snuck him into her home and listened to him talk about his messed up head, and that was after some damn fantastic sex.
Was it actually possible... no.
Hiccup shook off the thoughts, ignored his t-shirt and started preparing breakfast. Not that she often drank to excess, but he knew no matter how much of a hangover she had Valka always wanted food. She surfaced when the smell of bacon and eggs filled the house, proclaiming love for Hiccup as she found a fresh mug of herbal tea waiting at her usual place at the table, her breakfast placed in front of her a minute later.
"You're so good to me Hiccup."
"You gave birth to me. I think that entitles you to breakfast."
She chuckled into her tea, then set in to the steaming scrambled eggs with gusto while Hiccup chewed on a strip of bacon, hoping she didn't notice he had no appetite. Either she was willfully ignorant, or more hungover than he thought.
"Are you coming to the centre today?"
"Uh, yeah but can I catch a ride with you? My legs playing me up and I would rather not strain it more."
"Is Astrid definitely not joining us?"
Hiccup found that even just hearing her name stung. How was he to cope tomorrow seeing her in the flesh? Gods, he was dreading it.
"No. She said she has college work to do."
He found the attention necessary to ensure he was handling the animals safely meant he couldn't dwell too much on Astrid, but moments like collecting straw from the storeroom brought back painful memories of her soft whimpers as they stole kisses anywhere they could. He would randomly remember how she looked petting a rabbit, or handling a young barn owl with those hands so gentle...
Get a grip Haddock. You're going to have to be fully professional tomorrow.
That was going to be tough.
Now he couldn't even settle for those cheeky smirks and enticing stares like he had before. Now he was going to have to look temptation and guilt in the face.
-HTTYD-
*scuttles out from under rock, posts chapter, scuttles back*