FuntasticMe - that makes more sense! I promise not to go on a long hiatus unless I become seriously ill (or die). With regards to Hiccup and his whole guilt complex toward his mom... There's more to come on that.

YaAz97 - hey don't hate! If every Hiccstrid fic was perfect and all fluffy... It would get hella boring.

MidwestMexican - I feel I must point out that blow me up with TNT I can never finish the story!

Karate Koala - you noticed that little sliver? Well spotted! As for Dagur... I will confirm or deny nothing. No spoilers. And it's tough to write Hiccstrid smut if the Hicc and Strid aren't even talking. Worry not I'm sure I can squeeze some some smut in somewhere later on.

DyingSunlight - haha no hard feelings for murder!?

BrawlerGamer - I like that Cami is your go to. Hiccup didn't think a text would cut it but he wanted to acknowledge it while knowing he couldn't go after her. I know my Hiccup is slightly emotionally stunted, but he isn't that stupid!

-HTTYD-

Hiccup spent every single second dreading the morning. He almost resorted to a sleeping and before he finally drifted off, still deeply saddened by the lack of contact with Astrid. He hadn't realised how integral her sweet and/or sexy goodnight texts were to a good nights sleep, but his phone stayed resolutely silent. Taunting him.

He opened up the only picture he had saved of her, the one from after their first night together where she was winking playfully and displaying those marks on her shoulders. It wasn't explicit - her chest was covered, but it was the image he loved to hold of her in his mind as he felt it summed her up - sweet, seductive and cheeky all in one perfect bundle. He left the phone propped up on it's side while charging, so he could see it but still wake up to his alarm.

Though Toothless took it upon himself to be Hiccup's alarm the next morning, scruffy ball of fur licking his face thoroughly until Hiccup was undeniably awake an hour before he had to be.

"Guessing you want out sir licks-a-lot?"

"Oof!"

Rubbing his leg, Hiccup stood up and stumbled sleepily out of his room over to the back door, fumbling with the lock until Toothless was free. He spent much of his time outside - there was a waterproofed kennel for if the weather was bad, but the garden was enormous and allowed the dog to get excercise without worrying about other dogs picking on the three legged hobbler. Sometimes Valka took him to work with her, and Sven would keep him in the information centre to be petted by passing strangers. The furry pest loved it.

Feeling dogs drool still damp on his face, Hiccup hastened to go wash it off, grumbling to himself all the while. By the time he had done that, he was too awake to go back to bed despite the early hour. He showered quickly, then knocked back a couple of mugs of coffee while watching nonsense tv and doodling on his little artists pad.

He didn't realise his hands had taken on a mind of their own, drawing the object of his thoughts until his mother peeked over to see his sketch, then hmm-ed in her throat.

"Hiccup?"

"Yeah? Oh, morning mom."

"Any particular reason you're drawing Astrid?"

Hiccup blinked down at his work, somewhat surprised to see he had drawn her in what looked like a motorcycle advert of some kind, leathers streaked with what he would have filled in colour, to match the bike behind her. It had a heftier front and some slight variations that would make it safer to ride in the rain, Stormfly written beneath it.

"Honestly? No idea. I was just doodling. I think I must have decided to draw her hair, because her braid is so unusual."

He hoped it came across as an artist thing, not a "secretly harbouring confusing and serious feelings" thing.

"That is very true, I've thought the same whenever I help her tighten it up."

He closed the book, standing up to go make a start on breakfast and more coffee. Even when he was trying not to think about Astrid, apparently he still did.

The picture was torn out of the doodle pad and put away carefully when Hiccup went back in his room for his leathers, putting together a functional lunch and seeing the leftover cupcakes in the fridge was another knife in his gut. Astrid had done that, brought them along to celebrate his mothers birthday, for no ulterior motive. Just to spread happiness around.

He saw his mother as fresh air and blue skies. If that was her...

Astrid was sunshine, and Hiccup hadn't known his world needed it until it was gone

Hiccup hadn't known how lonely he was until Astrid knocked his whole world off it's axis. He'd spent all his time either training - to be a mechanic, to be a teacher - or working, being juggled between his parents. He had never been hugely social, but he now realised he couldn't call many a friend. Cami had been incidental, and while he valued her greatly, their lives could have easily gone on without intersecting.

With Astrid, he had been lost from the start.

Even getting on his bike was a reminder - the thing was practically a giant metal aphrodisiac to Astrid, she was all over his bike and leathers, yet never made him feel less wanted when he wasn't wearing them. When he was just an awkward boy who couldn't believe his luck every time Astrid kissed him.

He made it to work alive and sad, changed out of his leathers and all but collapsed into his desk chair, sighing and trying to brace himself to see Astrid. The classroom door opened slightly, somebody peering around it.

"Hiccup? Are you busy?"

"Oh, not at all. Come on in Mala."

Mala headed over to him, perching delicately on the chair near his desk for working one-to-one on grading a particular student. Astrid had always bypassed that to just lean next to him, smirking down until he squirmed.

And he really needed to stop thinking about that.

"So, what can I do for you Mala?"

"I just wondered how you were doing. You've been very quiet recently."

Considering how much happier Hiccup had felt recently, he found that difficult to believe but perhaps he had been intentionally trying to avoid letting that out. Now he was feeling a little despondent.

"I've been busy. Moving house and spending all my free time volunteering at the Nature Centre."

"Indeed. My twin nieces said they met a most charming young woman who recently started helping out there."

Hiccup's stomach flipped; he had a feeling he knew where this was going. How many siblings did she have? Mala was single, and to Hiccup's knowledge had no kids but apparently her siblings had a whole mess of them.

"If you have something to say Mala, come out with it."

Her face didn't change at all; she had come here with less friendly intentions than it first appeared.

"Do you think it appropriate to spend so much time outside of work with a student?"

"I had this lecture from my mom too. She works there remember? It was her decision to let Astrid start volunteering there, and she's good at it. The animals and customers love her there. There's nothing inappropriate about someone helping out there."

Hiccup needed to calm down; he was getting too defensive. And his mother had far better reason to be suspicious than Mala. This wasn't helping. And there had been plenty that was inappropriate about kissing Astrid in storerooms and getting oral in the changing room.

"I see."

Without any further words, Mala stood and left a slightly stunned Hiccup. What the Hel had that been about? He resolved to keep an eye on Mala, but knew if she didn't have proof before, she probably wasn't going to get it now.

Now he had fucked it all up.

His heart progressively thumped harder all the way up to Astrid's class, nausea filling his stomach as they began to file in. Heather's venomous look didn't escape him, nor did the fact she sat Justin rather than her usual spot with Astrid.

"Astrid's off sick today sir."

Even her tone was icy, and Hiccup found himself torn between hoping Astrid was sick rather than avoiding him, and wondering if he had really had such an impact on her that she felt she had to avoid him.

"Thank you for informing me. Now, lets get on with class."

His heart wasn't in it, and his students seemed to pick up on that. Even the usual idiots weren't picking pointless battles, quietly doing their work without Hiccup's exuberance to fuel them. His phone vibrated at lunch, Cami's name flashing across the screen. All geared up to say he wasn't in the mood that night, her message surprised him.

"Have you and Astrid had a fight? I stopped by the bakery for a sugar hit after a long night, and she was there but since I know she should be at college eyeballing you, plus she looked sad... did you mess up?"

"Why do you assume it's me?"

"Because if she had messed up, she would be angry. And not avoiding you. If you mean how do I know the cause of her sadness is your relationship... that girl is so head over heels for you, I doubt much else could make her so sad."

Damnit. Hiccup had not only upset her by demeaning her, according to Cami he was doing further damage now to her feelings.

He hated it. He wanted to fix it. But he didn't know how, especially not without getting himself sacked and in deep shit with his mother.

"You're right. I did mess up, but maybe it's better I did it now than before it got serious."

He was kidding himself. It was already serious. He knew in his heart he wouldn't have taken her to his personal sanctuary if it wasn't. Hel, he wouldn't have had sex with her in the first place. If he wanted sex, he had Cami. He had wanted Astrid, completely.

"Hiccup, you're such a total idiot. I wouldn't have sent you after her if I didn't think it would be serious."

"We fooled around and it was great, but it was doomed from the start. I'll keep it as a happy memory."

"You are such a cock. I don't know how the girl puts up with you."

"I need to get back to work."

Cami wouldn't get mad at him. She would just turn up somewhere and clock him one. He probably deserved it. Thinking of Astrid's hurt expression, his chest pulsed.

Scratch that. He definitely deserved it.

Astrid continued to not show up to his class all week, but Heather's stony silence offered no clues.

Mala's talk in the staff room offered much greater insight that Friday. Hiccup felt consistently low by then, and he wasn't sure going through the motions was fooling his mother. Cami had tried to help by coming over and distracting Valka, and making it look like they were still a thing but mostly he just sat listening while Cami fixed something at his desk.

"I fear one of my students has lost their spark."

"Wouldn't be Astrid Hofferson would it?"

Hiccup clenched his hand on his knee, fingers digging in painfully to the joint as the Psychology teacher spoke to Mala. He might have been imagining it, but he thought Mala's eyes turned to where Hiccup was sketching an engine and ignoring his sandwich.

"What makes you say that Julia?"

"She's been a little out of it lately, normally she's much more interactive in class."

His heart skittered - Hiccup knew what was coming next as Mala considered Julia's answer.

"Hmm. Miss Hofferson takes your class too Hiccup, have you noticed anything?"

He swallowed his nerves for a second, made himself meet Mala's look. He couldn't lie; they could check the registers.

"She hasn't been to either of my classes. I assumed she was off sick. Perhaps you're working her too hard and she's playing catch up."

There was no way Astrid only missing his classes wasn't suspicious. He needed to get that message to her. He had that class that afternoon... he could pass a note to Heather. Though that was horrendously inappropriate behaviour too, but he didn't know what else to do.

If Astrid wants to drop my class, that's fine but her absence is raising my colleagues suspicions.

He could always try and find Astrid. She was probably actually in college, just avoiding him steadfastly. No. She was choosing to stay away from him, he had no right to go after her.

He stuck the note to Heather's homework, underneath a usual post-it with comments on her work as he gave it back. She managed to look at it while Justin was scanning his own work, looking up at him with a scowl but nodding to say she would pass on the message. At least, he hoped that was what she was saying.

His mother had already told him not to bother coming along that afternoon, as his excuse whenever she asked what was wrong was "I'm tired." It wasn't a lie, he hadn't been sleeping all that well. But she didn't know the root cause lay in guilt and self-loathing. In the haunting expression of Astrid's sadness.

Hiccup took himself home, changed into his lounging clothes and laid on the sofa feeling utterly pathetic. Toothless nuzzled his cheek, then leapt up and curled behind Hiccup's legs for a nap. At least he was a little less lonely.

He pulled up the picture of Astrid again, feeling the ache in his chest both soothed and exacerbated by her face. He missed her more than Hiccup knew was possible. It was paramount to the loss he felt when his mother moved out after splitting with his dad, and the intensity to which he felt toward Astrid was utterly terrifying.

A mistake was bound to happen.

Hiccup didn't realise how exhausted he was until he fell asleep, phone landing on the floor after slipping from his lax grip. At some point, his mother had obviously come home, found him there and bent down to pick up his phone from the ground.

How did Hiccup know this?

Because he had left the picture of Astrid on his screen, and his mother clearly knew he had no business having such a picture. As proved by the expression on her face when she woke him explain himself.

-HTTYD-

So, another short chapter. I think next chapter should be longer. Not sure. Haven't written it yet.