"Miyu, no!" Kuki yelled as she reached for the handle of the door.
Miyu jumped back as if it might bite her. "What?! What's wrong?!"
"There's something I need to do," he said, stepping in front of her.
Was something bad about to happen? Did he sense a menacing presence inside that she didn't? Maybe he wanted to go inside first to check the place for threats.
Miyu held her breath as he opened the door. Darkness greeted them. No lights were on, and no one was home. Where was everyone?
Kuki turned around to face her. Her eyebrows drew together in worried befuddlement as he stared at her. His fingers lightly stroked her cheek while his eyes held hers for what she deemed an unreasonably long time at the moment. If someone nefarious was waiting to attack them, he was giving them ample opportunity to do so. He put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.
"Wha-" A surprised shriek echoed through the Chateau when he suddenly bent down, catching her under the knees, and lifting her into a bridal carry. She giggled as he held her in preparation to carry her over the threshold.
"We need to make it official. This will be our home now," he said as if making a ceremonial declaration.
Miyu kissed him briefly on the lips. He never ceased to amaze her with his tender sentimentality. She adored the new and soft hearted Kuki Urie so much.
"I didn't do this when we got home the first time, and I - " He paused for a quick kiss. "I didn't want to make that mistake again. So welcome to our new home, my love."
"Oh, god, Kuki," she sniffed, not wanting to cry but he was being downright mushy.
Kuki took her inside, setting her down on her feet when they were halfway down the short hall that comprised the foyer. He pulled her close, embracing her tightly.
"I love you so much. You mean the world to me. You are my world," he whispered, kissing her cheek.
There was no way she would ever get tired of hearing those words from him.
"I love you too, my darling. But what - "
The lights flashed on, blinding them.
"SURPRISE!" a chorus of voices shouted cheerfully.
Once her eyes adjusted, Miyu saw Ken, Saiko, and Tooru standing at the end of the hallway that opened into what appeared to be the living room. She could see a dining room table behind them set with a feast including a fancy decorated cake. Streamers hung from the light fixture above the table, and balloons were tied to the chairs. A party! The did indeed have a reason to celebrate.
"Welcome home!" the trio greeted them merrily.
Miyu leaned heavily on Kuki, pressing her tear streaked face into his chest. She didn't care that she was ruining his dress shirt with her tears and make up. The dark green color wouldn't show stains, and she would wash it anyway.
"I'm sorry," Ken apologized.
"Did we do something wrong?" Tooru asked with sincerest concern.
"Miss Miyu, why are you sad?" Saiko questioned her.
"Oh, I'm not sad, not at all," Miyu said, letting go of Kuki to turn and hug the small young woman who had tears swimming in her eyes. "I'm just happy. Thank you."
She let go of Saiko to embrace Tooru next. She placed her hand on his cheek, looking into his single storm cloud grey eye.
"Of course you didn't do anything wrong. You've done everything right," she laughed lightly, hugging him again.
Then came Ken. It was so strange seeing him with black hair, his eyes gazing at her from behind his round glasses. How confusing things must be for him; finding himself transformed again. She had an idea of what it was like to be in a state of constant change, experiencing shifting thoughts, attitudes, and completely different personalities. His frozen expression and emotionless eyes reminded her of Arima. He really was grooming the man to be just like him. For some reason, that frightened her.
Miyu sighed sadly, detecting his resistance to physical contact and his standoffish attitude. Instead of trying to embrace him, she offered him a wavering smile as he stared at her with those disconcertingly undemonstrative eyes.
"Ken, I "
"Welcome home. I'm glad you're a part of our family," he stated formally, his face never changing from its current impassive expression.
"Th-thank you," she stammered, not surprised or disappointed that he didn't want to hug her. She feared he might freeze her to death his current frigid attitude.
Ken's eyes shifted to Kuki who he acknowledged with a nod. A distinct tension filled the air.
"Let's eat! I'm starving!" Saiko announced, taking Miyu by the hand to lead her to the table.
"Me too!" she exclaimed although she was not the least bit interested in food.
Kuki, Tooru, and Saiko talked about how good it was to be back together in the Chateau. They tried to include Miyu, discussing how fabulous things would be now that they had a new family member. They talked about returning to work together. They reminisced about Ginshi. Kuki allowed himself to be the object of embarrassment when they fondly looked back on a practical joke Ginshi had played on him.
"Do you remember how angry you were when you opened your bedroom door and everything had been turned upside down?" Tooru laughed.
"Yeah, yeah," Kuki muttered, trying to hide the smile on his lips. "I still want to know who helped him flip my bed over."
"We'll never tell," Saiko said, heartily digging into her spaghetti.
A titter of laughter ran around the table before the conversation turned to plans for tomorrow. They should do a team building activity of some sort, spending the day doing something together. They would not only be living together as a family but working together as a team as well.
Although Ken prepared the delicious dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, he drank black coffee only. Occasionally he would offer a word or two to contribute to the conversation. Most of the time, he stared into his cup, obviously elsewhere mentally though physically present.
Miyu did not speak much either. She poked at her food, twirling and untwirling the noodles around her fork. Her thoughts were on an entirely different level. The hollow feeling inside of her was like a black hole preparing to swallow her whole. A void had opened where her heart should be.
They were all being so sweet, so kind to include her. Yet she could not shake the feeling of not belonging, of being an unwanted visitor. She flinched when Kuki's warm hand covered hers holding her fork that she was presently using to push a meatball around her plate.
"Are you all right?" he inquired, squeezing her hand.
"Does the food taste okay?" Ken asked, pushing away from the table. "I can get you something else if you don't like it."
"No, it's good," she lied. She had no idea how it tasted since she had not taken a single bite. "I'm just tired."
Miyu didn't exactly lie about that. Although exhausted, she knew there was no way in hell she could get to sleep with all of the thoughts running around in her head. Her mind bounced around like a pinball in a machine, pinging from one subject to another. What did Kuki know that he wasn't telling her? Where was her father? Who had sent those clowns to kill her? When would Ken Kaneki make another personality shift? Why did Arima come to see her in the hospital? Was she making a mistake going back to the CCG? What was Dr. Shiba not telling her? Her head started to ache from the whirling thoughts.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, standing up abruptly.
Everyone stared at her, varying degrees of worry registering on their faces. Except for Kaneki. He gazed at her blankly, his face stony.
"I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well. I think I need to go lie down. Thank you all for everything," she said, bowing to each one of them in turn. "Thank you so much for accepting me into your home...making me a part of the family. You have no idea how much this means to me."
"Well, how could we not accept you?" Tooru questioned her. "We all know you. You're our friend. You are also Kuki's girlfriend. Of course you're a part of the family. We're all just actually coming back to the house ourselves. This a new situation for all of us in a way."
"Yeah," Saiko agreed enthusiastically. "We'll all need a little time to adjust."
Kaneki remained silent. That was okay. He had his own changes to deal with that far outstripped any of the adjustments they would be making.
"Good night. And thank you all again," Miyu said.
"I'll come with you," Kuki offered.
"No. I'm fine. You stay with them. There's a lot you all need to catch up on. A lot that doesn't involve me," she stated, giving him a smile that she did not feel at all.
"Okay. Good night. I'll be in later."
Miyu walked a few steps away from the table toward the stairs. Then she realized something extremely important and very embarrassing. Slowly turning around, she kept her head down to hide her reddened cheeks.
"What is it?" Kuki asked.
"Uhm, I don't know where our bedroom is," she confessed.
He chuckled lightly. He pushed away from the table to go to her. Taking her by the hand, he led her up the stairs.
"Are you sure you're all right?"
"No. I'm not," she admitted as he led her down the second floor hallway. "I just feel...out of place. Like I don't belong here. This was your home with them. I feel - "
"Hey," he cut her off, tugging on her hand to turn her to face him. He brushed his fingers through her hair and placed a tiny kiss on the tip of her nose. "You belong with me. And wherever I am, you have to be there too. Got that?"
"Yeah." She kept her eyes glued to the dark gray carpet under her feet. His body leaned into hers, pushing her back slightly. Her eyes flickered up to his questioningly.
"This is our room," he announced, reaching past her to open the door behind her.
"Oh." Pivoting on her heel, she walked inside.
Miyu would have never thought there were so many shades of grey until she saw his room. The hues ranged from an almost white ash grey to an intense grey so dark it was almost black. There was something calming about the room rather than depressing. Becoming aware of her weariness, she crawled onto the gigantic king sized bed, burrowing under the covers.
The only other furniture in the room was two matching four drawer chests, one on either side of the bed. His and hers, she guessed. A small lamp with a multi colored, stained glass lampshade sat on the dresser near the door creating colorful mosaics on the dove grey walls and ceiling. She found a degree of comfort in the simplicity of the room in contrast to her apartment in its wide variety of colors as well as the number and conflicting style of furnishings. Her heart sank with the realization the apartment would be another home she could never go back to.
"Everything will be okay," Kuki assured her, scooting over to her from the edge of the bed.
"Yeah. I know. Everything will eventually work itself out. It just takes time. Right?" Her eyes connected with his, seeking his confirmation to prop up her shaky feelings.
"Of course. It just takes time," he repeated, kissing her on the forehead.
For a moment, Miyu cuddled into him, relishing the soothing security she found in his arms. If home is where the heart is, then he was her true home. Wherever he was would be her home from now on.
"I love you, Kuki," she whispered, blinking rapidly to push back her tears.
"I love you too. I'll stay if you want me to. Everyone would understand," he said, playing with the fingers of her hand resting on his chest.
"And I understand you need to be with them. Go," she ordered him good naturedly, raising her head from his shoulder.
Forcing a smile to her lips, she watched him leave the room. Thankfully he did not look back at the door, or she would have asked him to stay.
Kuki needed time alone with them. He needed to reacquaint himself with his friends and original family members. He also needed a chance to acquaint himself with Ken Kaneki, a different man than the one he knew as Haise Sasaki.
Miyu allowed herself to unleash her tears. She had not wanted to ruin the evening by shedding her tears in front of them downstairs. Bawling with abandon, her pent up emotions spewed forth in ugly wailing sobs since she found herself alone and in a safe space. She cried until she wore herself out completely from the emotional effort.
Waiting for sleep to overtake her, she blinked slowly, ready for the moment when her eyelids did not reopen. She was close to falling asleep when she heard a fast bumping sound then realized she could hear the heart beat of a person standing on the other side of the door. The heart beat did not belong to Kuki.
While in the hospital, she had played a game, listening for and learning the different sounds of everyone's footsteps, their breathing patterns, and even the rhythm of their heart beats to be able to recognize them - and mostly to prevent anyone from sneaking up on her. She had also learned to differentiate them by scent. During her two week long hospital stay, she found herself with an obscene amount of time which she used to train herself on honing her sensing skills. It had been a long time since she had used them in such a way. She figured it would come in handy when she returned to her official duties.
"Miyu?" Tooru called. "Urie said it would be all right for me to come talk to you."
Miyu said nothing, exhaling the breath she had been holding. Selfishly, she pretended to be asleep because she did not feel like talking.
"Oh, I guess you're asleep," he murmured, but did not leave. "I just wanted to tell you, I'm glad you're here. That's all. I know being here is difficult for you."
Tooru needed to talk since he continued to talk to someone he believed to be sleeping. She couldn't stand shutting him out when he was obviously hurting and in need.
"Tooru, you can come in," she called.
The door opened a crack, allowing in a sliver of white light from the hall fixture. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"I wasn't asleep," she assured him. "Come in."
Miyu sat up, piling the pillows behind her to support her back. She smiled at him when he opened the door to enter the room.
"I don't want to burden you with my problems. I know the last few weeks for you have been tough too. But..." He paused briefly.
She motioned for him to sit down on the bed which he did - on the end by her feet with his back to her. Maybe not facing her would enable him to speak freely, unhindered by any inhibitions or a need to sensor himself.
"It's weird for me that Sasaki isn't here anymore. You probably don't understand since you didn't know him."
Poor Tooru. You have no idea how well I know both of these men, Sasaki and Kaneki, Miyu thought, her body starting to tremble from the distress from seeping into her from him. She hoped Tooru didn't notice the tremor.
"Sasaki was a great guy. I think you would have liked him. He was my teacher, my mentor. He knew my secret first. He never treated me any differently. I was always the same person to him even after he found out. He pushed me just as hard, expected just as much, as he did before. But I don't..." His words trailed off, and he sniffed betraying his tears. "I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to treat him or talk to him or how to feel about him. I'm angry because I've lost someone important. And I know he's never coming back." He inhaled a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry to be selfish like this, but I need your help, Miss Miyu. I don't know how to get through this alone."
"You don't have to," Miyu murmured in a low voice. "That's why we're all here isn't it?"
"I suppose so," he agreed.
"We're a family."
They all had repeated the words so many times during the evening it seemed to be becoming a mantra.
"We'll help each other get through this," she said. "We're all broken and hurting. Together we can pick up the pieces and rebuild each other. Even though he doesn't act like, Kaneki is going to be the one who needs our help the most."
"I just don't know if I have the strength," Tooru mumbled, his breathing shaky as he fought back tears. His head drooped, his shoulders slumping as if the hefty weight of his emotions had become too much.
Miyu pushed down the covers, moving to the end of the bed where he sat. She wrapped her arms around him, placing her cheek against his back between his shoulder blades. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on leeching the soul crushing despondency away from him.
"You can do this. You can get through this. I have faith in you."
"That's one of the things I've always liked about you," Tooru sniffed. "You believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. But, Miss Miyu, I really don't know if I can do this."
Yeah, I know how you feel. Miyu wanted to admit her fear of her own weakness but said nothing. Tooru needed her to be strong for him at the moment.
"Tooru," she said, propping her chin on his shoulder. "What other choice do we have?"
"Hmmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose you're right. Giving up really isn't an option. Is it?"
"No, it's not. We can't give up on ourselves or each other. We can't give up on Kaneki either. I'm sorry you're never be getting Sasaki back."
"I think that's what hurts the most."
You have no idea how much it all hurts.