Tongue infections are painful and will kill your motivation to write. Take care of your mouth, friends.
Ren Amimaya had been ready to give up leading the Phantom Thieves. In a single year, he and his friends had undertaken heists, stolen treasures and exposed the deeds of many high-profile criminals to the public. They defeated the man who once wronged their leader and destroyed the ultimate enemy behind his scheme. It was a culmination of all their efforts and a fitting conclusion to the story of the Phantom Thieves.
The thrill of the heist was indeed intoxicating, but it was fraught with danger. Furthermore, the Phantom Thieves could not fight for a world that no longer needed their help. Ren was comfortable was that. Now was the time to mellow out, finish high school and utilize the lessons he learned to pave the way for his future.
He anticipated a party with his friends upon returning to Tokyo. An opportunity to catch up with everyone, eat some good food and have some fun before the first term started. What he didn't expect was his friends sitting serious-faced in the LeBlanc café, a mysterious letter at the table.
WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR EFFORTS, PHANTOM THIEVES. The letter read in a sterile, hard font. WE KNOW OF YOUR ORIGIN, YOUR TRIAL AND YOUR CONCLUSION. WE HAVE A SOLID UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR SKILLS AND UNIQUE MAGIC.
IT WOULD TRULY BE A SHAME IF THAT POWER WAS NOT BROUGHT TO LIGHT. TO KNOW MORE, MEET ME BY ENTERING THE FOLLOWING KEYWORDS INTO THE METAVERSE NAVIGATOR: 'SUPER SMASH BROTHERS, 'FINAL DESTINATION', 'FOR GLORY. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN INFORMATION REGARDING YOUR ACTIVITIES LEAKING OUT ONTO TOKYO'S INTERNET.
A myriad of questions swarmed inside his head at that moment. Was this the work of an individual associated with old enemy? Someone who knew their reputation and wanted to expose their true identities? The letter mentioned the Metaverse Navigator; clearly, the sender understood how he and his team operated. It wasn't a stretch to think they knew about Personas and Palaces too.
The keywords made little sense as well. The first set made no sense, he only recognized the second as the name of a famous Western movie and the third was simply unnerving. In the end, the Phantom Thieves had no choice but to act. They disbanded for a good reason and they weren't about to let some upstart crook ruin their efforts. Swearing this to be their last job, they gathered their supplies, jumped straight into the Metaverse and prepared themselves for the foe on the other side
They found themselves on a metallic flat plane shimmering with mystical energy. Crystals and chunks of metal with strange glowing lines stuck out at jagged angles from the platform. The platform also appeared to be hurtling through space and time at a dizzying speed. Darkness and light traded back and forth and stars and clouds twisted and contorted with every passing minute.
A gigantic gloved hand floated in the middle of the platform. Said hand bellowed out a roar of laughter and attacked them on the spot.
Joker thought this was the worst homecoming ever.
The gigantic hand was no pushover. It was fast, powerful and worst of all, completely ruthless. Fist slams, laser beams, powerful swipes battered at their defences with an intensity they hadn't seen since their initial enemy. The Phantom Thieves forced themselves to counter with their strongest spells and attacks. Not a single inch of their formation was uncovered, not a single strand of effort was spared.
Cut to the present.
Joker stood alone, breathing heavily, pointing handgun at the gigantic hand. The rest of the Phantom Thieves' were on their knees, muscles aching from exhaustion both physical and magical. The gigantic hand was still floating in the center of the platform, covered with multiple gashes and bruises.
Yet, it continued to move with vigor. It then moved its index finger, gesturing towards Joker in a cocky 'come hither' movement. Joker instantly imagined a sneering, smirking face on the hand, reminiscent of the one a certain man had worn. A surge of anger flooded through his veins like liquid fire. He was getting tired of this whole charade anyway. If the hand wanted him to act, then by the gods he would.
He closed his eyes, reaching for the last vestiges of power inside him. It expelled into the open air, taking the form of his most powerful Persona. Joker aimed his trusty handgun at the center of the gigantic hand and pulled the trigger. Two bullets were fired, one from the master and one from the Persona. They slammed into their target dead on, flinging the gigantic backward into a cloud of heat and smoke.
Joker watched, teeth gritted, as the smoke dissipated. It revealed the giant hand flat on the ground, its entire body shrivelled and burnt brown. Its enormous fingers gave one last twitch, before it lay still.
Silence fell. Joker and the rest glared at the unmoving figure, weapons at a ready. A tense half-minute passed.
Only then did they allow a wave of relief to pass over them.
"We did it! We won!" Skull cried from behind. He coughed and Panther reached over to steady him.
"I can't believe it…" Oracle groaned. "That was a way too hard! This thing needs a hard nerf!"
"All our healing items are gone." Mona said, shaking his head. "We're all out of magic, too. Just what was that gigantic hand and why did it bring us here?"
"ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN." A booming voice rang out. A glowing green aura surrounded the hand. Ghostly sigils of tree leaves floated up and vanished into the cool air. The wounds on the hands sealed shut and the bruises faded into patches of white. The gigantic hand was back floating in the air, unharmed, as if the previous battle had never occurred.
"You gotta be kidding me…" Panther groaned, arms falling to her side.
"We have to fight it again?" Oracle cried.
"Damn it!" Joker cursed, putting himself between his team and the enemy. "Get back, everyone, I've still got some juice left—"
"WELL DONE." The same loud, masculine voice resounded from the hand. The air trembled. It was if thunder itself was speaking.
"What?" Joker snarled.
"VERY WELL DONE, PHANTOM THIEVES." The hand continued. "TRULY, YOU ARE THE HEROES EVERYONE CLAIMED YOU TO BE. I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE SUCH A GREAT FOLLOWING. TO PUSH ME WHERE I HAD TO USE AN EXTRA LIFE…YOU ARE ALL VERY STRONG. ESPECIALLY YOU, JOKER."
"Excuse me?" Queen snapped, struggling to her feet. Though her movements were sluggish she managed to send a powerful glare to the hand's way. "What is the meaning of this?"
"MY NAME IS MASTER HAND." The gigantic hand introduced, "AND I AM THE ADMINISTRATOR FOR THE SUPER SMASH BROTHERS FIGHTING TOURNAMENT."
Master Hand snapped his fingers. Something floated down in the air in front of Joker. He snatched it up to find a plain white envelope with a crimson seal. An uneven cross was inscribed on the seal.
"THIS, JOKER, IS YOUR INVITATION."
My name is Yoshi. I am the ambassador for the Yoshi Islands.
To clarify, 'Yoshi' is the name of my species'. My name, however, is still 'Yoshi'. It is a name given to members of our species whom are expected to perform great things in the Islands' history. I understand if it sounds confusing. However, it's a name I carry with pride.
You could argue I have already lived up to that standard. When the Koopa Kingdom tried to kidnap the Mario Brothers as children, my friends and I teamed up to save them, protecting the Yoshi Islands in the process. Many years later, I accompanied Mario on many different adventures to save Princess Peach. I am a celebrity in the Mushroom Kingdom, famous as Mario's trusty steed and a good friend to the princess.
It's not enough. How can I consider myself to have done anything great for the Islands, when its residents and homes are in such poor condition? Whenever I travel to the Mushroom Kingdom, I am astounded by their facilities. Their educated citizens, their clean roads, the developing technology sector. I look back at my home and see little of that.
The schools are underfunded. Disease is a problem in the rainy seasons, with new ones popping up every year. Not every house has proper plumbing and electricity. Our agriculture chugs along fine, but it's inflexible and can be susceptible to pests.
I may be anomaly of our kind. Generally, we Yoshis are a simple race. We don't bother ourselves with complicated matters, preferring to eke out a modest but nonetheless satisfactory life in peace. This is reflected by the way we have colonized the Islands—we coexist very well with nature.
In the past, that may have been enough. Now, I see the other kingdoms accelerating further and further ahead of us. How far will they be in five, ten years? What will become of us? Will they try and take advantage of my fellows' innocence?
I don't want that to happen. I want us to grow to match our neighbours, while keeping our culture intact. It's not impossible.
How do I do that? I don't know. I don't know.
I just don't know.
"All expenses paid, including food, boarding, health and travel. Full college tuition at Tokyo University paid just for joining. All prize money the participant earns goes to them. Further income can be earned through sponsorships and miscellaneous activities such as acting?" Haru Okumura raised her eyebrows and whistled. She pushed back the contract across the LeBlanc tabletop. "It certainly is quite a lucrative offer, isn't it Ren?"
"And we, as a group, are allowed to come along and spectate as well?" Ann Takamaki continued. "I gotta say, leader, this is sounding pretty tempting. They're basically paying you to join the tournament."
"The hand, Master Hand, said we had a large number of fans, as well." Futaba Sakura said. Her fingers skidded across the surface of her smartphone. "Not surprising, then."
"Ah yes," Yusuke Kitagawa responded, nodding. "Such as the Phansite ones, correct?"
"No, Inari, these are apparently real-life fans. As in, they know our full names and some of our Personas." Futaba clarified.
"That…sounds quite concerning." Yusuke said, raising an eyebrow. "Are our security details under attack?"
"Wait, we didn't hear jack about these guys last year. Where the hell were they?" Ryuji Sakamoto asked.
"In other worlds, like the Metaverse. That simply brings up further questions." Makoto Niijima sighed, hand brushing against her forehead. Noon was approaching and it still felt like way too early for her to be discussing this topic. Maybe she needed to start drinking coffee more.
"We're getting off topic." Ren said. Quiet, but firm; his tone commanded the attention of all in the café. "I've thought about this over the past couple of days. The premise sounds completely ridiculous, but so is fighting giant white hand in a place that was definitely not part of the Metaverse.
"My ambitions for the future don't come cheap and this tournament promises a lot of money. And I have to admit, there is some appeal in styling and bodying my opponents to submission in front of a huge crowd."
Haru snickered at that.
"Can we really trust this Master Hand guy?" Ann asked.
"You saw his power, Ann. He also knew about the Metaverse and our activities." Makoto said, shaking her head. "If Master Hand wanted to completely crush us, he already would have."
"Scary…"
"In summary, I'm joining the Super Smash Brothers roster." Ren said. "Are they any objections?"
The rest of the Phantom Thieves shook their heads. Ren breathed a sigh of relief.
"Great." He said. He paused for a moment, before putting on a wry grin. "This is pretty damn unexpected, but I'll try not to let you guys down."
"I don't think we'll have to worry about it." Makoto said, smiling back. "It's not often Shujin Academy is represented by a leader responsible for toppling multiple criminals and even a political conspiracy."
"You'll do wonderful, I'm sure." Haru said.
"Make us proud, leader!" Ryuji said, flashing a thumbs up at Ren.
"I'm waiting for the day we see you on the top of the podium." Ann added.
"And I'll be there to paint a magnificent portrait of your success." Yusuke said.
"Let's have a big party once he gets there!" Morgana exclaimed.
"I hope we can save his matches as vids." Futaba wondered. "Would I get in trouble if I tweaked the footage and released on the Internet as a series of memes?"
Ren gave her a nervous smile. "Maybe hold off on that, Futaba."
"But I could earn so much revenue. Those computer parts aren't gonna pay for themselves."
"I'll take you to Akibahara one day." To which Futaba let out something between a shriek and a cry, but joyful nonetheless. The tension lifted itself from the café as the group chatted and joked. They grabbed drinks and began to speculate on their leader's performance against the other matchups. Joker's Persona would provide him with a unique edge, but the other fighters from Master Hand's dossier possessed their own strengths.
Inwardly, Ren was relieved. He hadn't been sure how his friends would react. Looking at the scene in front of him, he wondered why he had worried in the first place.
After a while, he cleared his throat. "Alright guys, let's talk about how I'm meant to get into the roster."
"Another heist, right?" Morgana said, quieting down. The others followed. Ren nodded, placing a photo on the table. It depicted a humanoid-esque dinosaur with bright eyes, a red saddle and an oversized head. "This is Yoshi."
The rest of the Phantom Thieves crowded around the photo. "He's kinda cute." Ann noted. "He looks like a cartoon character toddlers would love."
"He is apparently a vicious criminal mastermind, according to Master Hand." Ren continued.
His friends turned and stared at him as if he had grown a second head. Ren shrugged. "Guys, you are just as surprised as I was."
"For real?" Ryuji cried. "You're tellin' me this cuddly lookin' fella is just as scummy as the adults we've fought against?"
"I know, I know." Ren said. "Remember, looks can be deceiving. I doubt Master Hand has a reason to lie about this. There'd be no value in throwing one of his prized fighters under the bus if he was innocent."
"How are we gonna find info about him?"
Ren opened his mouth, ready to tell Ryuji that he didn't know. Then, he felt his phone vibrate. Not unusual. The phones of everyone in the café activating at the same time? Definitely concerning.
He flicked past the lock and glanced at the screen. His eyes widened.
"Guys!" Futaba exclaimed. "The Metaverse Navigator just updated!"
(30 DAYS REMAINING)
Something strange happened today. Let me start from the beginning.
I have a number of properties in the Mushroom Kingdom. I maintain them, rent them out to tenants and use the surplus funds to buy supplies for the Yoshi Islands. Food, technology, medicine and such. It's another responsibility atop of all of my other ones and the pay isn't that great, but it's better than nothing.
This time, I misfiled a number of fields for my deduction form by putting in numbers that exceeded the usual limit. The more expenses I pay, the more tax deduction I receive at the end of the year. I thought I would be called out, but instead the form was accepted without complaint.
I received more money as a result of this. More than I should have. The Mushroom Kingdom IRS apparently has less resources than I thought. Either that, or they simply don't care.
As usual, I've set aside the money for Yoshi Island. How should I feel about this, though? Following law is just and right; it's what I've been thought since I was a child. Yet, I can't deny that the extra money was nice. Our medicinal supplies were beginning to run low, so a buffer was nice. If I can scrounge up some extra funds at the cost of some slight paperwork mishaps, then…
…no, I shouldn't be too hasty about this. I need to think.
RESULTS OF HIGH-PROFILE INDIVIDUALS FROM THE 'PERSONA' WORLD. DO NOT ACCESS UNLESS YOU POSSESS LEVEL 5 CLEARANCE.
Main fighters:
Ren "Joker" Amimaya—Fought Master Hand and proved his worth. Was presented the invitation and accepted. Now awaiting results on his entrance test.
Yu Narukami—Was presented the invitation, but rejected it due to being busy with work. He has been a top participant in multiple tournaments, including the recent Cross-Tag Battle, and may be able to work as a commentator or guest fighter in the future.
Makoto Yuki—Immediately rejected due to ongoing health issues.
Tatsuya Suou—Despite extensive efforts, could not be located.
Spirits:
Ann 'Panther' Takamaki—Will be accepted if Joker passes.
Ryuji 'Skull' Sakamoto—Will be accepted if Joker passes.
Morgana (Mona)—Will be accepted if Joker passes.
Yusuke 'Fox' Kitagawa—Will be accepted if Joker passes.
Makoto 'Queen' Niijima—Will be accepted if Joker passes.
Futaba 'Oracle' Sakura—Will be accepted if Joker passes. Not: this individual has similarities with the Inkling female fighter. Some measures should be taken to ensure that the public does not confuse the two.
Haru 'Noir' Okumura—Will be accepted if Joker passes.
The Investigation Team—Rejected due to similar reasons as Yu Narukami.
S.E.E.S—Rejected due to similar reasons as Yu Narukami.
Other Notes:
All members of the Phantom Thieves group should appear in their Metaverse outfits for maximum marketability.
…It's been a week. I did it again. I cheated the system. This time I did it by hiding some of my Mushroom Kingdom property profits in an old Beanbean Kingdom account. I opened it to try and make some money there, but it never worked out. Since I am not a citizen of Beanbean Kingdom, I don't have to pay tax.
After a while, I quietly withdrew the funds and used them to help fixup the old schoolhouse. The kids like school. When I saw the smiles on their faces, I got a warm feeling inside that made the effort all worth it. The teachers were really pleased as well. We might be able to accelerate their curriculum soon.
As for me…I…should I have done this for the second time? It's borderline illegal. I was staring at the papers late at night and felt my head swimming. In that moment of weakness, I guess the devil inside me won.
What's done is done. Honestly, does Peach know it's this easy to get around her kingdom's IRS? Should I tell her?
Eh…maybe not. This might sound selfish, but I don't want to get arrested. I'll get Yoshi's Island back on track, then I'll bring it up to her. I hope she doesn't find out in the meantime. Can't count her out. Despite all the kidnappings, Peach is a lot smarter than she looks.
Please understand, Peach. I didn't want to do this…
The updated Metaverse Navigator contained an online connection to the world of Super Smash Brothers. The signal was constantly steady and required little bandwidth. Futaba took this information, returned home and performed the intelligence agency version of going berserk. Within the next hour, she had written up basic dossier on what was commonly available about Yoshi and passed it out to everyone. By basic, it meant enough detail to make any university student jealous.
To access a Palace, the heart of someone's twisted desires, the Metaverse Navigator needed three pieces of information. The first was obvious.
"Yoshi." Ren tried.
"Candidate input is too ambiguous. Please try again."
"Oh yeah, Yoshi is the name of the species." Ren muttered. "How about…Yoshi of the Super Smash Brothers roster."
"Candidate found." For every target, there was a place they resided in the most. It was usually integral to what was warping their heart.
"Super Smash Brothers lodgings."
"No candidates found."
"Mushroom Kingdom?"
"No candidates found."
"Yoshi's Island."
"Candidate found."
And finally, how the target viewed their own world. This was generally the hardest part.
"Master Hand said he was guilty of tax fraud." Ren mused. "Everyone is aware of this, but so far nobody has been able to find enough evidence to catch him."
"This is sounding disgustingly familiar…" Ann muttered.
"Let's try. Treasure chest."
"No candidate found."
"Piggy bank?"
"No candidate found."
"Victims?"
"No candidate found."
"The foolish masses?"
"No candidate found."
"Personal servants?"
"No candidate found."
"I think we need to rethink our approach and do some more research." Makoto said. "How much is there on Yoshi's profile?"
"Untouchable?" Ryuji said, ignoring her completely. "Cuz I saw it in a gangster movie and—"
"Candidate found." Went the robotic voice of the Navigator. Ryuji grinned and raised his hand for a high-five, which Ren reciprocated. Makoto sighed and resisted the urge to facepalm.
Entering the Metaverse was like diving into a swimming pool on a hot summer's day. It sent shivers and other odd sensations up your spine, but slowly you'd become accustomed to the point where it was as natural and easy as slipping into a different outfit. The world around the Phantom Thieves rippled and vanished. They closed their eyes and let the flow guide them to their destination.
When Ren, re-opened his eyes, LeBlanc was gone. He was now in his stylish thief outfit—cloak, cape, mask and more. And then Ren Amamiya vanished and in his place was the charismatic and capable leader Joker.
He performed a quick headcount. All members present. Good.
Now to observe his surroundings.
His team was in a dark, dusty city alleyway. Cylindrical trashcans lined the walls, overflowing with assorted garbage and reeking foul smells. Not an unusual sight, even for the Metaverse, considering what the majority of humanity was living in. For a green dinosaur that lived on an island teeming with nature, though?
He made motions for the rest of the team to follow. They quietly moved ahead towards the dim light at the end. They stepped into a busy street.
A city skyline came into view. Towers of concrete and brick, stretching to a starless night sky. Men dressed in dark suits and bowler hats walked the cramped roads, hands in their jackets and eyes facing the ground. Chimneys pumped out wisps of black, filling the air with the stench of burning and poison.
Despite their lavish outfits, not a single person spared a single glance for the Phantom Thieves as they stepped into the street and examined their surroundings. No-one wanted to look at each other. They were a sea of cloth and apathy, marching along into the night.
Queen looked at the street, the beetle-shaped cards passing by and English on the newspapers. All of this, combined with the gloomy atmosphere and her own studies in history…
"Is this old Chicago?" She asked, sounding confused.
Several sharp cracks rang through the smog-stained air. Gunshots.
What has happened to me? Am I really at the point where I'm seriously considering this?
There's this Toad lady who lives near my properties. She's a merchant, selling mushrooms, jellies and other goodies to the town. I'm something of a semi-regular customer. She's a pretty well off woman, with a big house, a few kids and a well-stocked bank account.
How do I know the status of her account, you ask? She dropped her bag in town. I was strolling around the fountain in the plaza and saw it sticking out of a bush. Inside was her passport, credit card and papers containing details to her accounts. The fountain is near the bank, so no prizes as to guessing what she was doing that day.
I can't just transfer her money over to my account; that would get me arrested in no time flat. What I can do is use her details to make her donate some money to my Beanbean account. I didn't give it much details and I rebrand it as a charity or something.
It's theft, no doubt about it. I'm already in big trouble for taking her bag home instead of returning it.
Again, I know that stealing is wrong. Bowser is a princess thief and Mario beats him up at least once per year. He's basically the Mushroom Kingdom special ops by now.
Yet, I can hear the virtual money sing. It speaks of a brighter future for my homeland. It struggles against my preconceived morals. I think back to the failing plumbing system of my islands and the struggles my people face just to have clean water. I look out the window, and see the lady's house in the distance. It's pristine. It looks good. Her kids are playing soccer in the front garden, laughing all the while. The sun sets in the distance, painting a picturesque, beautiful scene of an average weekend afternoon. I stare at it all some more.
If I took some money from her, would it really matter? She's not in poverty or struggling badly at all. She can always make it back from her business, which seems to be popular around town. I can just take 20%. Around 1000 coins. It's not a lot in comparison.
I don't want to do this. I have to do this. I'm a leader of my people, and leaders have to make the tough decisions, right?
My finger hovers over the pad. Sweat trails down my face.
Transaction sent.
If the Palace was a location formed a target's twisted desires, then the target's Shadow—a malevolent caricature of their inner self—was the Palace's host. Only by defeating the host and stealing their Treasure could the Phantom Thieves change the target's ways.
Experience said the Shadows of their targets felt as if they had nothing to hide. They were at the center of their world, so why not flaunt their pride and show off? Thus, the thieves began searching for the most prominent part of their current location.
After asking around, the Phantom Thieves located the biggest skyscraper in the city. It stretched to the cloud, a spire of concrete and glass. Groups of uniformed guards stood at a courtyard absent of any trash or waste. Its many square windows were shining bright and somehow immune to the omnipresent smog. In short, it was in much better shape than the other drab buildings in the city.
The nameplate was gold, large and brash. The slogan beneath it was some generic thing that a passerby would glance on the subway and then never remember again. It all gave several members of the group the impression that the owner was compensating for something.
The Phantom Thieves walked through the double doors and into a spacious lobby. A row of chairs were placed at the front with entrances to hallways at the back. Men and women in business suits walked briskly in and out the space.
A clerk at the front desk greeted them with a chipper voice and a plastic grin. The residents of Palaces weren't real people, but she took the award for the most generic person in the entire place. She put down her pen and faced the ground.
"Hi! How may I help you?" she said.
"Could we please see Yoshi?" Joker asked.
"Mr. Yoshi? As in the CEO of this company?" The clerk said, sounding confused. "He's a very busy man. What do you need from him?"
"Well, you see…"
Joker expected nothing for the exchange. He somehow got even less than that. He led his group of the building an hour earlier, feeling as if all the words with the clerk had gone through one ear and out the other. To call the result unsatisfactory would be an understatement.
Then Oracle's map updated, revealing a back entrance, and he got all excited again. Another hour later, they left the building again and were now even more unsatisfied than before.
"This is ridiculous!" Panther shrieked, throwing her hands in the air. "That's clearly the heart of the Palace. There's more behind those doors, so why weren't we allowed to enter?"
"It was more than a physical thing." Oracle muttered, chewing her lip. "It was if there was form of mental or magical block preventing us from opening the door. We knew that Yoshi's inner desires existed, but we still couldn't do anything about them."
"It may be a reflection of how the public views Yoshi." Fox added. "No doubt they were aware of his crimes by stringing connections between cases, yet they couldn't do anything but sit back and watch."
"I get what you're saying, Fox." Mona said. "We need to do some digging. Find some solid, hard evidence on Yoshi."
"We can't access his physical location, though." Queen said. "Then again, we might not need to. Oracle, forgive us for putting so much work on you, but can you take care of this?"
"Not a problem, guys." Oracle grinned. "I always appreciate a good exercise."
Joker surveyed his team. The last couple of hours drove him around the bend, but upon taking in all they accomplished today it wasn't too shabby of a result. "We've found the Palace and we know how to strike back at it. Let's go back, everyone. We still have plenty of time and we all look like we could use some rest."
A round of tired affirmations echoed his decision.
(29 DAYS REMAINING)
It's been a few months since the incident with the lost bag. I haven't been found out. The incident was reported on the news, but not a single person suspected me. I can sleep a bit more safely.
I've been presented the opportunity to introduce more modern technology to the islands. Computers, basic vehicles, the Internet and other such modern utilities. This should allow us Yoshis to access more information and get up to speed with the rest of the islands. I'll have to write something up regarding education at the next meeting.
As for the funding, I've just been doing what I've done before. The Yoshi Island charities could be better, but they're alright for now. On the other hand, the property market has been booming with a recent population spike. I've increased the rent to match. Some tenants left, but there's always a demand for housing in the Mushroom Kingdom.
I've also been dabbling in the 'unsightly' methods as well. Transferring money between accounts, fudging with my claims, filing fake supplementary returns to reduce employee income tax and such. I always tell myself it's for a good cause and it doesn't hurt others much in the long run. I'm beginning to think that it's true.
Would it be so bad if I used some of that money on myself? I mean, I have been working pretty damn hard. We've already surpassed the plan for the year. I don't think the other islanders would complain if I fixed my roof and got a new desk…
It was a song and dance they had heard time after time again. An adult has great ambitions for their future. They work hard and put in the effort. As they face opposition, their methods grow more and more unscrupulous. Eventually, they will do whatever it takes to achieve their goals, ignoring the damage it brings to themselves and others. Their goals change, their sins accumulate and they start to do what is necessary to hide their ugly side from the world.
This Yoshi dinosaur had quite a history, Ren mused. He suspected Master Hand had been aware of his dirty deeds for a very long time, but as the tournament administrator he was unable or unwilling to do anything about it. Smart move, getting a technically third party to do the work for them.
Not that he minded. The Phantom Thieves existed to dispense justice when the system could not.
"This is the earliest recorded piece." Makoto said, showing him a printout. "A woman from a place called Toad Town reported money being forwarded from her account without her permission. The records, however, showed the transaction was authorized from her account. Several witnessed also reported seeing the woman at the bank that day, resulting in the case being written off as a mistake. Futaba did some deeper digging and found that the transaction was authorized from an unusual IP address, one that belonged to the place Yoshi was staying in at the time."
"What were the consequences of this?" Ren asked.
"The woman was unable to pay her creditors and had to sell her house. Soon after, her husband divorced her. She's currently on government funding."
"Ouch…" Ren cringed.
"Master Hand also provided Futaba with a contact in the Mushroom Kingdom IRS. She managed to scrape up false income claims and impersonation from earlier on. Minor things, but certainly a sign of cracks beginning to form." Makoto continued.
Ren learned back in his seat, hand on brow. "Futaba sure is amazing. I definitely need to buy her something good after this. I wonder if we can get past some of the blocks in the Palace now."
"I believe we need to organize this information into something conclusive for maximum effectiveness." Makoto said. "I'll type up a report and give it to my sister to check as a university assignment. It'll be good practice for writing police reports in the future."
A couple of days later, they strode into back into the skyscraper within the Metaverse, this time feeling confident. They marched up to the front desk, ignored it and took the stairs up three floors.
At the end of the corridor was a large double door sealed off by yellow tape. It had taken fire, lightning and several young men whacking at it with their Personas at full strength. It had stood tall and firm every single time. Today would be different.
Two faceless guards stood at attention, dressed in plain work clothes and carrying batons. One whispered and the second barked out a short chuckle. The Phantom Thieves approached and the humor vanished.
"Back again?" The first guard sneered, eyeing Joker up and down like a spectator at a fashion runaway.
"Why, yes." Joker smirked. "We know that your boss is a filthy criminal, and we're here to give him his dues. Will you let us pass?"
"The boss? A criminal?" The second guard snorted. It almost sounded authentic. "No way. There's no chance. Haven't you heard about the charity work he's done?"
"Yeah! He opened a dozen soup kitchens in the city. And he caught that band of drug dealers hiding in the sewers"
"He's an important guy with tons of work to do. No way am I letting a troupe of snot-nosed brats run amok through his office!" The first guard shouted, slamming his fist against his palm.
"And what if I said we had evidence?" Joker said, not wasting a beat.
"What?" The first guard said.
"No way." The second guard said, looking slightly nervous.
Joker and Queen glanced at each other. Queen nodded. Panther winked at them both. Noir already had her axe out in hand.
Joker reached into his coat and withdrew a roll of paper. He unfurled it and presented the contents to the guards. Walls and walls of text—that was their initial impression—and then a cluster of white light formed in the center. It shot out a brilliant hot beam, bowling over the guards and blowing apart the sealed door to smithereens. Skull gaped, Joker's eyes widened and Fox was already scribbing in his sketchbook.
Well, that was unexpected. Nonetheless, it was the perfect opportunity to head in explore the depths of the Palace. They had to start now, because an alarm was resounding and other guards were on their way.
(26 DAYS REMAINING)
Today the road restoration project was completed. Goodbye, old dirt roads. No longer will rain soak them into stretches of mush during the rainy season. No longer will my brethren trip over themselves while walking down them.
True, we had to cut down some nature strips for this to work, but given enough time they'll grow back. It's not as if we were cutting into our own food supply.
I should be happy. Part of me is, but a bigger problem has arised.
One of my fellow council members of the Yoshi Island council has been rather outspoken about my approaches lately. She says that my decisions are beginning to destroy the island's culture. She also said that my progressive approach isn't giving the more elderly Yoshis a chance. This woman been on the council for almost as long as I have and she has a lot of supporters. Just this morning I overheard a conversation about some of her colleagues. They accused me of improperly using the funds I spent so much time and effort accumulating!
I…this is outrageous beyond words! Did she forget the shoddy state of the island before I really dug into my work? Does the measles epidemic or the famine last year somehow slip her mind? Or does she think that it's acceptable to let our people remain in the past while the rest of the world moves on? I don't believe this woman!
Seriously, I want to drag her in front of everyone and set her braindead thought processes straight. Except, that's a bad idea. No doubt she would begin by raising suspicious about the 'unique' methods by which I acquire my funds. She'll throw out a bunch of passive-aggressive insults and turn everyone against me. The thought of it makes me want to vomit. No-one of them get that I didn't have much of a choice!
No, I have to find a way to keep her mouth shut. I can't think of anything, though. She's a very well-spoken woman. Even if I were to debate her, I'm not sure if I could win.
There is something, though. While working my taxes, an associate of an associate passed along a contact number. It said it belonged to an organization that specializes in 'outside-the-box' problem solving. I'm not an idiot. I know exactly what they're implying.
Thing is, do their services involve silencing someone? Not to hurt them physically or anything, just to get them to cool down for a bit? They have a money back guarantee deal if the request isn't performed within a week. By coincidence, that's around the time for the next council meeting.
I mean, I do have the cash and it wouldn't hurt to ask. I can hang up anytime I want.
"Get them!"
"Don't let a single one get away!"
"Dibs on the cat lady!"
Ten metres to the goal, a whole horde of guards chasing them and there was only one smoke ball left. Joker pulled off the pin, counted to the three and hurled it behind him. A cry of pain told him it hit. He and his team wasted no time in sprinting towards a set of double doors. One by one, they piled in, nearly tripping over each other. Skull was the last one and Mona hauled him in by the collar with his mona, before Noir barred the door shut and shoved her entire body against it.
The guards rammed their fists against the door. One set of thuds. Another set. The door frame buckled. Around them, the air shimmered and shifted. The image of an office room flickered through their vision, before it was replaced with a lavish waiting room. The door fell still.
"I think we're in the clear now." Oracle said, clutching a stitch in her side.
"The second saferoom…we made it." Joker panted, slumping into a velvet-lined sofa. "Let's take a break guys."
While the others were breaking out the medicine and catching their breath, Joker clasped his hands together and thought. This Palace was turning out to be no push over. The security systems were top notch, the guards patrolled in uneven patterns and layout was confusing. The damn thing had almost a hundred floors! Fighting against its enemies was a balancing act of resources, time and the alert status. He'd even go as far to compare it to the final stretch of his previous trial.
We faced powerful Palaces due to the political clout of our foes. He thought. But Yoshi is a hero of the Mushroom Kingdom and an ally of the great hero Mario. He's also one of the original eight Smashers Master Hand chose for the first tournament. Just how strong is he in real life?
Joker swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't want to admit it, but he had gotten rusty in his absence. Would he and his team get through his Palace fine? Could he even compete at the tournament in his current level?
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and re-opened them. It would not do to panic now. Not when there was still ground to cover and enemies to fight. Joker had crafted himself the cocksure, yet reliable and quick-thinking leader and he'd be damned if he was going to slip up now.
"Oracle?" He called out. "We need to discuss the next stretch. Let's go over your map."
(20 DAYS REMAINING)
Wow, I can't believe it worked. The citizens don't care beyond an initial impression, huh. That's…certainly something.
At least the woman wasn't harmed. I doubt she'll be back on the council anytime soon.
I've learned a really important lesson from this.
"I didn't do it! I didn't do it! Damn it all! Can't you fools see that you are being manipulated?"
"Ma'am, if you don't stop resisting we will have to sedate you—"
"Unhand me! Yoshi will bring this island to ruin. He's not worthy of his name!"
"This is your last chance—"
"Hear me, Yoshi! One day your crimes will be found out and you will suffer the consequences of them! One day, someone will come along and —!"
There was a sharp crack of something electric. A high-pitched, pained scream burst out, followed by the sound of something heavy falling to the ground.
"Are you hurt, sir?"
"Nope! I'm all good here. Just make sure this one faces the proper justice."
"Yes! We'll hand over to the island court right away"
The recording cut off in a hiss of static. Silence echoed throughout the little treasure room. Initially, The Phantom Thieves had managed to find a number of useful tools here, but the recording had automatically played and now their appetite had vanished.
"So not even the Mushroom Kingdom is safe from this kind of treachery…" Noir mumbled, crestfallen.
"This is a treasure room." Fox noted, midly grateful that his mask was concealing his expression. "If those words echoed here, does that mean Yoshi treasures this memory?"
"Damn him…" Skull hissed, fists clenched.
It was almost commendable just how much of a scumbag their target was. Joker focused on the knot of familiar anger balling in his gut. He wordlessly gestured for his group to follow. Together, they stepped back into the danger of the Palace, eager to take down their enemy.
(17 DAYS REMAINING)
I've gotten myself in too deep. I'm not backing down anymore.
There's no point.
The LeBlanc attic was cramped, creaky at night and a potential fire hazard. It was also Ren's home, more so than the house he grew up in. Once filled with dusty junk, he had slowly transformed it into a proper bedroom over the last year. A desolate table now supported a bulky CRT with a retro gaming console. The empty shelf displayed trophies and gifts from his friends. A potted plant with a foot in the grave now flourished green and was maintained by the cafe's owner in his absence.
He had missed this place dearly. Coming back was like greeting an old, beloved relative.
He lay on his bed, phone at his ear. Seeing as their progress through Yoshi's Palace was going smoothly, today he decided to give everyone a break. He himself had gone around catching up with his other friends. Most were not the type the average high-schooler was attracted to. Yet, they had been instrumental in supporting the Phantom Thieves endeavors. Mucking around with them was a welcome change from navigating smoky corridors and pounding the skulls of Shadows.
The sun was setting and soon it would be time to dinner. Ren decided to relax for a bit and chat over his phone. Haru was available and the two of them ended up debating over obscure coffee flavors.
The conversation inevitably turned back to their heist. It was at the back of their minds, after all.
"Hey, Ren."
"What's up, Haru?" He said back.
"Does Mario know of his friend's crimes?"
Ren paused and thought. "I don't think so. Yoshi has been very meticulous in keeping up an image of the friendly green dinosaur. He keeps track of everything he does and quickly eliminates any loose ends. There's an entire team he's got on his payroll devoted to covering his tracks. It's how he was able to attend multiple tournaments and go on his adventures. We're building this case out of rumors, scraps and bits he's missed."
"I know far too many individuals in high society who would love to censor every bad thing they did." Haru said, letting out a weary groan. "Dealing with them is exhausting."
"We might have to explain this to Mario—no, the entire Smash Brothers roster. I can't imagine it'll go down well. Not looking forward to it."
"Will you be okay?" Haru said.
"I think so." Ren said, "There are a lot of heroes and justice-positive individuals among the Smashers. Master Hand said he would protect me as well. Mario will likely be angry at me. But if I heard that someone accused you of being drug queen without seeing the evidence, I'd be angry too. Mostly because I know you'd never do such a thing."
"Aw, thank you, Ren. You're making me blush." Haru giggled.
"I aim to please, m'lady." Ren smirked. "Anyway, we're more than halfway done with the Palace. Makoto says we can get past the next block with her latest report."
(11 DAYS REMAINING)
Everything's great! The island has been completely refitted with modern technology and utilities, the citizens are all happy and I don't have to worry so much anymore! Sure, nothing is perfect; there are certainly more things I could improve and introduce to the island, but so far the future is looking bright and sunny.
As for my property, I've gone ahead and purchased some more in the Mushroom Kingdom, as well as a trial one in Sarasaland. I've gotten quite good at the market, if I do say so myself. Can't believe I used to panic myself into amess about it. In the end, it's all about manipulating numbers and watching the latest trends.
Oh yes, there are still those who disagree with me. Eh, not to worry. Through the recent months, I've come to sharpen my persuasion skills. If someone doesn't like my methods, I just have to talk to them some more and they'll come around. If they persist, well, let's just say I know ways to get a firmer message across.
Ooh, look at this Whacka Bump. I heard Mario talk about it once. He described it as an extremely delicious and invigorating pastry, but you have to get it by hitting Whackas. Whackas are a heavily endangered species, with their numbers able to be counted on a single hand. Most of them are under government protection.
So, how did this Whacka Bump get circulated onto the online market, though? It's a mystery.
Lunch is soon. Should I purchase The Bump? It won't be delivered to me until a few weeks, but on the other hand I may not ever get another chance to try it. Mario said he was really guilty for hitting the first Whacka he met and refused to do it again. Kinda silly, right?
Oh, look at my mouse go. I've already purchased it. Wow, I need to learn to control myself.
They had done it. They reached the Treasure, defeated all the major enemies and mapped out the entirety of the Palace. All was left was to send the calling card to the target, triggering their Shadow in the Palace and making the Treasure tangible enough to steal.
They designed the calling card and presented it to Master Hand. It was a contraption of Futaba and Yusuke's design, with helping ideas form Ryuji and Makoto. Yoshi did not exist in a space where the methods of the Phantom Thieves were well known, so in order to retain some element of surprise they omitted his name from the calling card. But he would know full well who the card was directed to, for there was no-one else in the Smash Mansion who specialized in that brand of wickedness.
They contacted Master Hand, who gave his approval while shaping himself into an OK gesture.
"WELL DONE." He had shouted, "IT WILL CAUSE A DECENTLY-SIZED RUCKUS AND BRING PUBLICITY TO THE TOURNAMENT. FEAR NOT, I WILL EXPLAIN THIS CLEARLY TO THE REST OF YOUR FUTURE PEERS. YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE RETRIBUTION FROM THEM.
Master Hand was a true opportunist, Joker mused. Now they had to actually make the device. A tricky endeavor, or it would be if it weren't for Ren's legendary crafting skills. Making all those lockpicks and utilities were yielding yet another fruit.
One day was spent to gather the materials, another to make the thing. There were still five days left before the deadline. Ren couldn't help but feel a swell of pride. They were still damn great.
They sent out the calling card the moment it was finished.
(5 DAYS REMAINING)
Big news today! I've entered an arrangement with the Rougeport's Pinata mafia. In exchange for helping them handle and store their merchandise on the Islands, they will help cover my financial work. They run a good information censorship and misdirection racket. Not only that, certain higher-ups in the Mushroom Kingdom owe them. All in all, this is a superb agreement we've entered in.
Of course, I can't afford to let myself slip. I refuse to let the mafia have full control over my life. I'll have to do some digging of my own. There must be some dirt on those newlyweds…
(0 DAYS REMAINING)
The Palace Alert cascaded to its maximum. All guards were shoved on patrol, ready to transform at the slightest provocation. The Phantom Thieves bought out the entire clinic stock and entered the Metaverse, grim-faced. They stormed through the hallways and rushed up the staircases, not bothering to stealth around obstacles this time. Any enemy that got in their way was trampled beneath hailstorms of rapid-burst magic. Any door was blown into smithereens.
All the while, Shadow Yoshi watched from the safety his office, gritting his teeth and pulling at his tie. In a fit of rage, he kicked away his chair and stormed out of his office, already dialling on a portable phone.
The two forces met at the top of the skyscraper. First they clashed with words, then with might.
Can't believe it's been this long since I first started fiddling with my taxes. Time does fly by.
More and more connections are coming my way. This is all because I've gained a reputation in the criminal underworld as the one who works magic with money. That's right, my skills are so polished I can market them. My bank account is singing praises as we speak. So many big plans for the future, so little time.
Of course, I don't tell anyone my true identity. No doubt law enforcement is investigating my underground persona, but I've come to realize that part of the reasons for my evasion is because everyone on the surface still thinks of me as Yoshi, the friendly reliable steed. I'll have to keep that up for as long as I can.
Yoshi Island? That's doing fine. I'm still keeping a close eye on it and its people. Everything is modernized now and most of my kind are happy with what they have. The Island's culture? Culture is something that changes over time. So, what if the old customs are fading day by day? They've always been outdated and unreliable.
There's still a lot of work to be done. The entire council system needs to be overhauled. Too much squabbling and not enough action. Maybe
The Internet is amazing, too! You can design the worst-looking emails asking for people's money and some will actually fall for this? Why didn't I do this phishing scam earlier? Thanks to the advancements in technology, it can be automated too! It's a constant-stream of virtual dosh!
Mario, Luigi, Peach and the others?
I haven't forgotten them. I'm not the type of Yoshi who forgets his friends. I've helped them out in my own little way.
For example, Mario and Luigi were about to get into trouble about their taxes, so I sorted it out quit. Some hotshot was about to propose a new law that would give Peach lots of headaches, so I 'convinced' him not to. Toad's landlord was about to evict him, so I replaced him with a contact of my own.
They ought to be grateful to me. Not that I need it. I'm a nice guy.
Do they know? Of course they don't. I like them all a lot, but they're all really inexperienced with my line of work. I don't need them making silly suggestions and wasting my precious time.
Oh, look, the invitation to the newest Smash Brothers tournament has arrived. This is the fifth one, I think. Who will be the newcomers this time around?
"Agidyne!"
"Freidyne!"
An arc of fire and a bolt of azure nuclear power melded together into a searing orb of power. It spiralled forward, detonating within a group of bodies and sending them spiralling in all directions. Panther and Queen dropped a knee, sweat trailing down their cheeks.
The trophy room was in shmables. Glass cabinets were smashed and the polished floor was pockmarked with battle scars and burn marks. A horde of uniformed guards lay littered across the area, flat against the floor and knocked out. Shadow Yoshi had ordered them to rush the Phantom Thieves, and rush they did.
They had served their purpose. The Phantom Thieves were worn down from defending themselves on all sides. Dodging bullets, even if Personas granted them reactions beyond most humans, was no easy feat. Expending magic to cast area-wide while avoiding friendly fire was as troublesome as ever.
"My, my, Phantom Theives, it looks like you're all in a spot of trouble!" Shadow Yoshi taunted. He had hung back for the initial stages of the fight, relying on his cronies to do most of the work. Occasionally, Joker and another would break past the barricade to strike at him, to which he responded with his own powerful attacks. Fireballs, body slams, exploding eggs and more. The skeleton rider atop his saddle had conjured his own magic, striking the thieves from afar.
Shadow Yoshi had sustained damage, but not to the extent of his opponents.
"Are you sure you don't want to surrender? We're merciful people!" He jeered. "We'll only break most of your bones before handing you over the authorities!"
Joker considered it. "Sure," He said. "Why not?
"You—wait, what?"
"I said I'll surrender." Joker said. He looked Shadow Yoshi straight in the eye, his gaze defiant and proud. "Apologize to everyone you've wronged and compensate them. Give back all the money you've swindled and stolen. Spend the rest of your life performing charity work for the Yoshi Islands. Do all of that and then we'll surrender!"
"You mock me. Even now, you dare to mock me?" Shadow Yoshi howled. "Your insolence knows no bounds!"
"How bold of you to think you're worthy of any respect!" Fox shouted back.
"We came here to your shitty ass down from your throne and we won't stop until that happens!" Skull yelled.
"By the way, Yoshi," Oracle called, "How many of us are facing you right now?"
Did the Phantom Thieves think so low of his intelligence? There were seven of them facing him—the same number that had invaded his organization and drove his plans for the future into ruins. Wait, seven? That wasn't right—
The skeleton rider atop Shadow Yoshi screamed. Anyone would when the sharp tip of a rapier was sticking through their chest. Standing atop the oversized Shadow's back, Mona waved to his comrades and grinned. He yanked out his rapier, cleaved an arc through the air, so refined that the air itself hissed from the displacement, and slice the rider in two.
It was an ambush, organized and conducted within a split second in the heat of the battle. How could he not have seen it? Shadow Yoshi roared and twisted his body. He was too late. Mona had already jumped off his back and dove towards his legs. He slashed at Shadow Yoshi's legs with the rapier and summoned forth a blast of wind.
The world tumbled and flipped. By the time Shadow Yoshi regained his bearings, the other Phantom Thieves were charging towards him, weapons at the ready.
"All-Out Attack! Don't give him an inch!" Joker roared.
He tried to lift himself up. His body responded by remaining immobile. Queen's gauntlets were ramming themselves into his skull. Shadow Yoshi disappeared beneath a wave of vicious strikes and a skull-shaped cloud of smoke.
This world is simply amazing. All you have to do is learn the system and, with a little effort, things will shift your way. The government can't touch me, the IRS can't touch me, no-one can.
Look at my wealth. Look at what I've accomplished. No-one suspects a thing!
I'm the best. I'm invincible! I am untouchable!
"No! No, no, no!" Shadow Yoshi screamed. His bravado was dust. Tears gathered at his reptilian eyes, "This can't be happening!"
Joker approached the cowering Shadow, expressionless. He took a new magazine from his coat and slid it into his handgun. Flames smouldered in the wrecked room. They lit up Joker's mask, highlighting the merciless exhilaration in his eyes. In that moment, Joker was not a gentleman thief. He was a demon from the deepest rings of hell.
Shadow Yoshi trembled and scrambled back, desperate to put anything between him and his judgment. He shot wisps of flame, threw whatever he could and screamed and ranted for his henchmen to give up.
It was a futile effort. He was alone. For every obstacle that came their leader's way, a Phantom Thief was at his side, deflecting the obstacles with little effort.
"I'll give you money! Women! Anything you ask! Just don't destroy all my hard work!" Shadow Yoshi bawled. "I won't—can't lose!"
Joker ripped away his mask. A torrent of blue fire erupted from his body. Suddenly, behind him, was a hulking figure dressed in dark, silver armor with miniature skulls on its plating. Six pitch-black wings, half angel and half demonic, spread out from its back. Atop its head were twin golden horns. It wore a red sash around its waist and in its hand was a massive handgun, adorned with seven twisted figures.
Joker smirked, a grin that reeked with the promise of defeat and destruction, and raised his handgun. Shadow Yoshi scrambled back at the wall, as if he could merge with it and escape his fate. He pleaded, cried, performed the motions of a rat in a corner.
"This can't be real! I'm supposed to be invincible!"
Joker raised his handgun and aimed. His demonic Persona mimicked the action.
"I'm meant to be untouchable!" Shadow Yoshi howled to the heavens. Deep in his heart, he prayed for someone, anyone to save him from his demise.
He received nothing.
Joker squeezed the trigger and two bullets soared through the air with a bang. They hit their target dead on. They rend two gaping holes in Shadow Yoshi's body, destroying the last of his innate defences in his process.
He screamed in agony, a piercing roar that cracked glass and shook the walls. Joker watched impassively as his opponent thrashed around like the monster he was, before finally running out of steam and collapsing onto the ground with a heavy thud.
Particles of inky darkness poured out of Shadow Yoshi's wounds and disappeared into the open air. His once-inflated body shrunk and shrunk until it was back to its normal size.
Joker's demonic Persona tipped its head back and roared. A holy light radiated over the Phantom Theives, healing their wounds and restoring their vitality. They picked themselves up and strode towards their beaten foe.
Victory was theirs.
"Hey muse, you said this chapter would be shorter in the previous one."
"Yeah but you couldn't help yourself. Again."
"This is all your fault."
"I am you, you absolute baka."
...
Writing a backstory for evil Yoshi was hard, mostly because all I had to start from was a near-dead meme. I am by no means an expert on taxes or Mario lore, so feel free to correct me if you stop anything conflicting/wrong.
I also tried a new style of writing this time. Dunno how it worked. It definitely turned out a lot more serious than I initially planned, which may be due to having to write the backstory of a villain. Once again, please give feedback and such.
Next Chapter will be the end of this story. This is obviously very emotional for you, but please don't cry.