Dean handed Cas his phone with the aux cord attached, "This is a one-time deal. You better pick something good."
The road trip was officially ready. Bags were packed, the snacks piled in the front, and the GPS was ready to lead them down the roads. Dr. Collins hadn't been thrilled when the idea was proposed to him, but Dean and Castiel agreed to continue doing the work he had given them. Who knew? Maybe the trip would make Cas better.
"Well, as a child I mostly spoke inside my head
I had conversations with the clouds, the dogs, the dead
And they thought my broken, that my tongue was coated lead
But I just couldn't make my words make sense to them
If you only listen with your ears I can't get in."
Dean nodded. The Mute, one of Cas' favorites. Cas would always mouth the words, the closest he would ever get to speaking. It told his story though; part of it. The lyrics always seemed to strike him, one especially.
"So, then one afternoon I dressed myself alone
I packed my pillowcase with everything I owned
And in my head I said "goodbye, " then I was gone
And I set out on the heels of the unknown
So my folks could have a new life of their own
And then maybe I could find someone
Who could hear the only words that I'd known"
Dean wished every time he heard that lyric that he was the one. He wanted to be the one who could hear Cas' words, although it had become apparent he wouldn't know for a very long time. Maybe, just maybe though, Cas' voice was being heard.
By the time the song ended they were already on the open road, heading north from their home. The Impala's emission sound finally felt like freedom, a feeling Cas hadn't had since before his accident.
"Cassie, put on some Queen for me, will you?" Dean hit his hand on the steering wheel and pushed the gas pedal down further. Cas could feel himself being pressed against the back of the seat. He hated when Dean drove this fast. Cas grabbed Dean's arm and closed his eyes. He felt the car ease, now slower.
"Sorry, angel."
Cas put his hand back down and breathed.
"Ooh you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you you're all I see
Ooh you make me live now honey
Ooh you make me live."
Dean looked over at Cas with a smile, "this is my song for you, baby. You know that, don't you?"
Cas blushed and nodded, fiddling with his fingers as the song continued.
"Ooh you're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh you're my best friend."
Dean drummed on the steering wheel, occasionally looking over at Cas and singing the lyrics to him. He pointed to him and sang with his deep, pure voice, "Oh, you're my best friend."
It was really like a movie moment. The open road, the blasting melancholy song, and the two lovers who would never be apart.
Cas was sleeping when nighttime set in. They would reach their hotel by 2 am. Dean was fueled right now by red bull, coffee, and some leftover mountain dew he found in the glove compartment of the Impala. It was 10 o'clock, and Cas was sleeping better than Dean had seen in a very long time. His breathing was steady, chest rising and falling every 6 seconds or so. His head leaned against the door of the car and his knees were pushed up to his chest. Gentle snores escaped him, and a neutral frown sat on his face. Dean would glance over every now and then, making sure his angel was still sleeping soundly. The man deserved it.
Street lights. We ignore them in the day yet they become so powerful at night. They make quick lines of color that dart away as soon as they came. They shine. They tear through the blanket of stars and give just a glimpse of the world. Street lights. Street lights made the drive seem calmer. It was really a movie.
Dean had turned off the radio a while ago, giving him time to think. It was the first time in a while Cas had been responsive like that. He answered all questions, laughed, and even held Dean's hand. It was so interesting. What had changed?
By 1 the road was empty, and the roar of the impala was the only sound for miles. Dean could only see a few yards ahead of him in this dark, so he kept his eyes open for weary deer wandering these roads. Cas grunted in his seat beside him, turning over and digging his hands farther into his trechcoat pockets. Dean looked over and smiled at his husband, sighing and facing ahead again.
At 2:03 am, they reached a small inn on the side of the highway. The building seemed nice; made of new bricks and shiny white doors. Dean got out and grabbed their suitcases and duffel bags, throwing some over his shoulder. He opened the passenger door, slightly shaking Cas awake, "come on, angel. We're here."
Cas groaned sleepily, standing up and almost collapsing into Dean's arms. He crossed his arms and pulled his trench coat closer, following Dean inside.
"Hi. One queen sized bed please," Dean leaned his elbow on the counter as the woman upfront typed at her computer.
"You're partner seems pretty tired," she smiled a bit, "make sure he gets some sleep."
Dean grunted, "I wish he could just get 1 good night." The woman didn't respond, just handed them a key, "down the hall to the right and then left."
Dean nodded and turned, "Come on, Cas."
He realized then that Cas was in one of his 'zones.' His eyes were fixated on the old carpet, his hands by his sides, and his breathing raggedy and withered.
"Dammit," Dean muttered. It could be up to 20 minutes before Cas broke from this, and that was just if they were lucky.
Cas then began to hum. It was off tune and had no beat, there just to fill his ears with something other than screaming. Dean breathed and his face warmed up. The people in the lobby were staring now, and Cas showed no sign of breaking soon. The woman at the counter looked questioningly at them.
Dean sighed, "I'm sorry he gets like this sometimes."
Then he did what he had to. He had began to work on fitness right after Cas' accident, just for times like this. He picked Cas up bridle style, held the bags between his arms, and walked to the room. People stared. Oh, people stared. They stared when Cas suddenly started gasping in Dean's arms, both simultaneously pulling him close and pushing him away. They stared when he began to sing to the man in his arms, and the yelling stopped. And they stared when Dean carried him all the way to their room, singing a love song to the person that was now almost asleep on his chest.
That night as they layed side by side, Cas snoring quietly and Dean wide awake, it occured to him he had never told Sammy. He stood up, tucking the blankets over Castiel and walked to the bathroom. Closing the door, he pulled out his phone.
Ringing. Ringing until the last second.
"Hello?"
"Hey Sam."
"What's up, Dean?"
"Look, I sort of just left you behind. Cas wanted to go on a road trip and... I said yes. I'm sorry man."
Dean heard a sigh from the other side, "No it's fine. I kind of left too..." There was something in his voice. There was something... off.
"Sam, what happened?"
"Well uh, remember my middleschool girlfriend, Jess?"
"Yeah. What about her?"
"She died yesterday. House Fire."
"Oh my god Sammy I'm so sorry. Does Gabriel know?"
"Um, yeah. I told him and then he just told me to wait and he left. I don't know with him anymore, but I left to attend the funeral."
"Sam I can meet you over there if you want. Castiel will understand. I know how much she meant to you."
Sam sighed sadly, "Yeah. You don't have to come though. This is time for you and Castiel. I can deal."
"Are you sure?"
"We've been through a bunch, Dean. This is just another obstacle."
"Hm. Well, text me when Gabe gets back, I'm curious to know what he's up to. If you need anything, just call me, okay?"
"Yeah, Dean," And just then, his voice sounded like it did when they were little. The innocence and happiness that Sammy always had. It was there again.
"Good. Get some sleep, Sammy."
"You too."
"Goodnight, Moose."
"Goodnight, Squirrel."
Dean hung up and put his head against the wall, Couldn't Sam just get one moment of peace?
After a while he walked back to the bed and crawled in beside Cas. Cas was in fetal position now, his trenchcoat wrapped tightly over his body. Dean carefully put his left hand on Cas' chest, pulled him closer with the other hand, buried his face in the crook of Cas' neck, and prayed.
"Hey," he whispered, "If there's anyone up there, the joke's over. Give me my damn husband back," then his voice broke, "give me Castiel back. I can't do this without him."