Ch 22
One of their phones rang again a few hours later and Dean once again fumbled for it, sliding it open and putting it blindly to his ear, "Yeah, Sammy?…Dinner? Shit what time is it?" he glanced around the room and focused on the red LED numbers on the alarm clock. "Hey, baby, you want to eat?"
River sat up a moment later, 'just fucked hair' framing her pale face and rubbing her sleep swollen eyes, "Oh yeah, that sounds amazing. I'm starving…Sammy give us twenty." She yelled into the phone climbing nakedly over Dean and stumbling into the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed. She emerged fifteen minutes later hair brushed, make up on, wearing leggings and a 'Star Wars' shirt. Dean was tying his boots and in the middle of a conversation with Sam.
"Look, man I told you, Castiel dropped the knife and I grabbed it. I caught Alastair by surprise. What does it matter anyways? That asshole is dead." Sam said taking a drink out of his beer.
Dean glanced at River as she sat next to him on the bed and pulled her own boots on, "And why weren't you there again?"
River looked over at Sam, his brows furrowed in worry, "Sam suggested I stay behind and wait for Bobby."
Dean nodded and stood up, "Ok well I guess Alastair and Uriel being dead is probably a good thing. I'll take it as a win. Lets eat." They left the motel and walked across the parking lot to the diner attached to the motel. Dean slipping his arm around River's shoulder and kissing her forehead. The waitress came by a moment later and took their orders. Sam smiled glad that they had made up.
"So, I found a couple interesting news stories on-line. Maybe we can go check one in the morning," Sam said between bites of salad. Dean and River agreed while checking out the dessert menu. They finished their dinner and returned to their respective rooms agreeing to check out early and hit the road. The evening was looking to be pretty mundane by hunter standards, beer, bad tv, lumpy mattresses and loud sex. River rolled her hips one last time as Dean thrust his hips up into her grunting in satisfaction. She leaned down and kissed him murmuring, "Goodnight" against his lips before they both fell asleep naked and tangled together.
"Dean! Dean! River, open the damn door!" Sam's worried voice and heavy knocks woke them. They sat up quickly and glanced at each other unsure of what the hell just happened. Dean was wearing an expensive suit and tie, River was wearing a tight a-line skirt and button up blouse.
"I had the weirdest fucking dream," River murmured as she walked to the door, "Chill Sam, I'm coming!" She opened the door and was greeted with a harried looking Sam wearing a collared, bright yellow shirt with the logo "Sandover Bridge & Iron Co. IT support". "What the shit? What happened last night?"
"Did you? Did we?…How did we get back here?" Sam asked barging into the room. They had a garbled conversation about hunting ghosts, Dean being in middle management, River being his personal assistant and Sam being stuck in call center hell.
"Angels…of course. I think I met Cas's boss. Douche named Zachariah, wiped our minds dropped us in some Corporate America nightmare…I drank a kale smoothie." Dean shuddered at the memory of the taste.
"Can we just…can we get the hell out of here?" River asked. They quickly changed out the clothes they had woke up in and hit the road. The hunters traveled to a case two states away, typical haunting, pipes rattling, people reporting phantom voices and sounds all culminating in a woman being pushed down a flight of stairs by unseen hands. "So who are we today?" River asked straightening her skirt as she climbed out of the Impala. They were parked in front of a brick apartment building, shops and restaurants lined the rest of the street.
"FBI, investigating the assault on Mrs. Feldman. After you, Agent Armstrong," Dean held open the door to the apartments lobby for River. She checked her hair in the glass door and noticed something in the reflection.
"How about I go interview the neighbors and you two go chat with Mrs. Feldman?" she patted Dean's chest, smiling up at him.
"Yeah, sure, " he grumbled as River walked away. She veered into a glass front store a few doors down from the apartment building. A little bell rang as River stepped into the shop and she sighed happily. She was surrounded by racks and racks of plastic sleeved comics, limited edition toys and twelve sided dice. She stepped up to the counter where a shorter man with thick glasses and a t-shirt that read "Trust me I'm the Doctor" was ringing up a customer.
"Yeah, so pretty sure Mrs. Feldman just tripped on her cat and this building is ancient, ," Dean asserted. "Where the hell did River go?" He looked at the stores on either side of the apartment building.
"I'm gonna guess 'Sword and Shield Comic Collective'," Sam pointed at the shop. Dean rolled his eyes and muttered "Of course" as they strode into the shop. "Agent Armstrong?" Sam called out. Rivers hand shot up from between one of the crowded aisles and she waived them over.
"Everyone always says how sad it was when Rose and Ten were separated in that parallel universe thing but then she got her own human Ten that she could have and hold and make love to and have cute little Whovian babies with," River was in deep conversation with the short clerk, she was holding a stack of comics against her hip, "But then Donna…come on she was just learning to love herself and realizing that she was important and worthwhile and then boom- it's all gone. That is tragic, right?" The man nodded his head, hanging on her every nerdy word. Dean and Sam stood behind her and Dean let out a deep sigh. River glanced up at them, "Oh right, shit. I forgot. Sorry, Lou, I'm on the clock, these are my partners Agents Plant and Paige. Agents, this is Lou he owns this amazing shop. We're investigating the assault next door. Have you noticed anything strange? Like flickering lights? Cold spots?" River turned and handed Dean the pile of comics she had gathered.
"Huh?" Lou answered, "Wait…I know whats going on here! You guys are LARPing!"
"Come again?," Dean said eyebrows raised.
"Live action role playing?" River answered.
"Yeah you guys are supposed to be those brothers right? They travel around in a muscle car, killing monsters, having sex with beautiful women," Lou turned and walked down another aisle, "And you're the snarky girlfriend with a shady past…I only read a couple of those books but I think I still got some in the bargain bin."
River and the boys followed him to the back of his shop, "Wait? What?" He stopped in front of a box of marked down books and picked one from the pile, "Supernatural: Sin City by Carver Edlund". The cover was a trio of poorly painted figures, two tall angular, muscled males and a woman with ample cleavage sitting on the hood of a shiny black car. "What the shit?" River read the synopsis on the back, her eyes growing wide. "Brothers Sam and Dean continue with their fearless battle against the forces of Darkness. Dean has only months to live before his debt is due and is focused on living the good life. Until they are drawn to an unassuming small town in Ohio that has taken a demonic turn at the behest of fellow hunter, River ... What the shit is"
Sam picked up a few more of the books, "We need all of these, every copy you have."
They made a quick stop at a liquor store, grabbing a couple six packs and a cheap moscato for River. They booked a couple rooms in a local motel, each picked a book in the series and began reading. Dean was flopped on one of the beds, Sam sat at the table with his long legs propped up and River was curled in an armchair, a plastic cup of wine in one hand and a paperback in the other.
"This is everything, man. Racist truck, cursed bugs, me having sex. I'm full frontal in here," Dean turned over and looked at the other two. River remained quiet, biting her lip, eyes tracing back and forth over the pages. She was reading a book called "Bloody Mary" and she set it down after a moment, closing her eyes.
"You alright there, Princess?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, I'm just having trouble picturing the physicality of this part…"
"The fight scenes are written kind of rough, this guys obviously never been in a brawl before," Dean answered.
"Sam can I see your hand," River set the book down and walked to Sam. He held his hand out to her and she placed hers on top. He could easily fit one and a half of her small hands in his own. "You are a very large man, aren't you?" she said as if noticing for the first time exactly how big he was. "Like way above average…oh. Oh my god, Sam!" she laughed and blushed, "Oh wow, wow. Really?" She reread the passage in her book. Sam grabbed the book out of her hand and began reading. He blushed and tossed the book across the room. "Yeah. You know what I shouldn't read that…I'm gonna read this one instead." She picked out "Sin City" and went back to her chair.
"He knows about mom and dad and Bobby. How the hell is this possible?" Dean muttered a while later. He set another book down and rubbed his eyes tiredly.
"It's not just you two. My whole trash fire of a life has been condensed to a dozen pages of exposition…the werewolf, psychotherapy, my Aunt Sue OD'ing on Xanies and Oxy when I was 17…my ass in explicit detail. I can't even right now-" River took another sip of wine out of her plastic cup.
Sam had turned on his laptop and was quietly scanning through a webpage, " So apparently there is also a thriving online community of fans for this series."
River lowered her book and looked at Sam, "What type of online community?"
"Umm, fan fiction, role playing, message boards…."
River grabbed her own laptop and tapped her fingers on the table impatiently waiting for it to turn on. Once it did she quickly started typing, her eyes darting back and forth, her face going through a litany of emotions. "There's so much smut…" she whispered after a moment.
"I know!" Sam replied, "These fans are incredibly horny."
"What kind of smut?" Dean asked intrigued.
River let out a deep breath, "All kinds, Dean. All kinds. You and me, me and Sam, the three of us, me and John which is just ewww…the fuck is A-B-O ? Is that like blood type porn?" She muttered to herself.
"Theres umm even me and you, Dean." Sam said curling his lip in disgust.
"What? They know we're brothers right?"
"They don't seem to care."
"FYI A-B-O has nothing to do with blood type…that is so kinky," River added under her breath.
"Theres a big debate as to whether you're a Mary Sue," Sam said laughing.
River huffed, "I am not a Mary fucking Sue. Are you kidding me? I spend half the time getting my ass kicked and the other half being a bitch." She sat closer to her laptop screen, "I'm covered in scars, fucking asshats and I don't know jiu-jitsu… Of course I've got stretch marks. I don't even brush my hair most days, you know? Some of these people are legit crazy, look at this one right here 'I actually cheered out loud when that bitch River finally died; Dear Carver we all hate River.' Thats just not nice."
"Have you read any of the alternate universe stuff yet?" Sam asked looking up from his laptop, "In this one I'm a veterinarian. And Dean is a cafe owner."
Dean made a "Hmm" noise and opened another beer, "We are so far down the rabbit hole right now."
"Why would anyone write about this? Why even-" River began.
"What are you like a carnie or something?" Dean laughed and Sam shook his head.
"They're writing about…Zeppelin and Bowie," She said quietly. Dean sat forward on the bed, watching her as she read something on her laptop. "Growing up, going to school. Becoming fucking hunters…what gives them the right? This is our lives. I'm gonna throat punch that fuck Carver Edlund."