Hey everyone, I am so sorry for the length of time it has been between posting. I've been busy and was in a bit of a depression rut. I've had this chapter typed waiting to be edited and adjusted for probably a month now, and two other chapters after this one waiting to be typed, edited, and added to. Hopefully getting those two going online won't take anywhere near as long as this one has, and then its all about continuing to write from there.

I'm also working on my own original piece (not a fanfiction piece) at the same time as continuing to work on this piece. This by no sense of logic means I'm ending this piece, absolutely not. Still a lot I want to do with this story. Just means there may be more of me out there soon...

I have also gotten a lot of awesome reviews from people (especially from the last chapter with people wanting more so much faster than I have been able to produce it). Hopefully this chapter helps a little bit as a slightly shorter chapter. It is still rough to read, so please be careful. The next few chapters may not be any easier, but don't worry! No one is dying. Promise. ^-^ Enjoy! Love to hear from all of you, as always.

Chapter 15 – Admission and Guilt

I don't remember the ambulance pulling up, or their lights flashing. I don't even remember the paramedics fighting to pull Double D away from me. I only remember sitting there on the cold autumn ground holding him in my lap, sobbing the probably the grossest tears I've ever sobbed, his blood soaking into my sweater and khakis. My jersey lie torn on his limp body, the dark image forever burned into my mind. Real life horror that I could never in my wildest nightmares have come up with in my sleep. And that's what this was. A dream, right? Everything was a fog and nothing made sense.

The commotion must have drawn a bit of attention because while the paramedics were taking Edd, my Edd, away from me, my father came out of nowhere and pulled me close, examining every inch of my body.

"Son! Are you okay? What happened?"

I shook my head, still trapped in my waking nightmare, and tried to push him away. A haze clouded my mind as the emotional shock began closing in. Panic had completely paralyzed me. I vaguely recall my father calling my name and shaking me, but I could not bring myself to respond to him. All that I was, that I had left, was torn from my arms by men in dark navy uniforms and somber faces.

"Son, snap out of it! What happened?"

By this point we had made our way up to the front yard, the flashing lights from police and ambulance completely disorienting my already glazed vision. My father had the paramedics check me out while I remained in my panic induced numbness. One of the ambulances sped away quickly, sirens wailing, vanishing into the distance, into the darkness.

After the paramedics okay'ed me, they had my father sit me down on the curb in front of Edd's stark and lonely house. The house was always so quiet to begin with, now it was haunting. Ghosts of the unknown were mocking me in the shadows of that house. Only they knew what was going on, what had happened to my Dork. My father had to give me a nudge once the policeman came over to where we were seated.

"What happened here…?"

"Kevin." My father finished for the office. The officer nodded in response and looked back down to me.

"Can you tell me what happened here tonight, Kevin?" The officer held his notepad and pen, ready to take my statement but I couldn't speak. I sat there frozen, staring at the officer's boots. "Listen son, you need to talk to me here. I'm just trying to figure out what happened here tonight and you are our only witness. We need to get your statement so we can put all the pieces together." He paused for a moment and looked between my father and I. "Kevin, son, it doesn't look good if you don't talk to us." My father began to get red in the face but before he could say anything the police office raised his hand. "I mean no disrespect but he is covered in the victim's blood and if he refuses to speak to me here, I'll have to take him elsewhere to have this conversation and I'd rather not do that."

Before he could say anymore I managed to pull back my voice from the void the rest of my mind had drifted to. "I don't know what happened," I was finally able to manage. However, my voice trailed off in spite of the officer's eyes watching me closely. I sighed. "I was walking back from a friend's Halloween party tonight that Edd and I both went to after my football game." The officer nodded and kept writing, urging me onward.

"I looked over to his house and happened to see the front door open, since we live right across the street." I motioned over to our house. "I knocked on his door and called out to him, but I didn't get an answer so I walked in and tried to search for him. I made it to the kitchen where the sliding door to the back yard is and saw something strange in the yard." I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes as I retold the event from an hour ago. "That's when I found him on the ground bleeding and my jersey torn to shreds. What happened to him? Is he alright? He isn't dead, is he? I don't know what I would do if…" My vision began to blur as the tears flooded down. "I should have walked him home! He walked home alone and he lives alone. I knew I shouldn't have let him leave without me! What was I thinking?! This is all my fault!"

The officer and my father remained silent while I spoke and well after my outburst. I could feel the officer's gaze remain on me as if he was studying something. "We'll figure out what happened here. You said he was wearing your jersey? What is your relation to the victim?"

Victim? Why couldn't he use Edd's name instead? And why did my relation to him matter? Even my dad looked at the officer, confused.

"What does my son's relation to this boy matter? He wasn't involved in this violence. He would never hurt someone like that."

The officer simply shook his head. "Just trying to get a complete picture of what happened here tonight, sir." My father went silent, but his facial expression was clear about his feelings towards this line of questioning. "Now answer the question, son."

My eyes shot up to the officer in response to his patronizing tone. "We go to school together. Why are you wasting my time instead of finding out who did this to him?!"

All the officer did was nod, put his pen away and say that he may have more questions before walking away. My father and I looked at each other; the irritation on my dad's face was plain to see since his face matched the color of his goatee.

"I want to go see him, dad."

He nodded to me in response and pulled himself up off of the curb. "First you need some rest and to get cleaned up. I'll take you to the hospital tomorrow." I nodded in agreement, weakly.

We walked back into our house as the lights from all of the emergency vehicles faded away to the crisp autumn night. I was numb the rest of the evening. Dad walked me upstairs to the bathroom in the hall and turned to me. "Are you going to be alright cleaning up on your own?" I gave him a weak nod and he shut the door behind him. The florescent light from the bulbs above the mirror blinded me for a moment causing my eyes to adjust to the graphic image in front of me.

My once green sweater was deeply stained red, the argyle pattern in the middle almost impossible to discern. My face was splotchy and red and my cap was missing. Bright red rivers wove through my eyes to meet the green center that was mute of any shine except for the tears that had yet to shed. I threw the sweater off over my head, and in my haste, ripped a large hole in the sleeve. I whipped it into the trash and nearly vomited when I turned back into the mirror.

Edd's blood had soaked through the sweater and coated my skin. I tossed up the toilet seat and retched my entire evening down into the porcelain basin.

Once I was able to control myself, I turned on the shower and let the hot steam fill the enclosed space. I looked over to the door as I noticed movement under it. A shadow walked away from the bathroom door. It must have been my father and he must have heard me and thought better of checking up on me.

I took off my blood-stained khakis and tossed them into the trash with enough force as to send the bin crashing into the corner. Jumping into the shower, I closed the curtain around me and let the scalding water rain down over me.

"I shouldn't have let him go home alone. I shouldn't have let him leave alone. If only I stayed with him he would have been kept safe. I should have gone with him!" I collapsed on to the floor of the shower as water fell on all around me, so it was impossible to tell that the damn on my eyes broke again. I curled up in on myself and willed the water to wash away what happened tonight.

"What kind of man am I if I can't even protect the ones I love?" The last word made me stop short and look up to the falling water. I love that dork.

Finally fully admitting it again, the pain of tonight hit even harder.