[A/N: This chapter is one of my favourites, so I would love some feed back on it - either what you like, or what you don't like. Cheers!]

The late afternoon sun was slanting across the prison as the group watched Rick, Michonne and Carl pull into the courtyard. The car pulled to a stop as Daryl chained the courtyard gate closed behind it. Rick got out, looking more relaxed then Asha had seen him. He clapped Daryl on the shoulder and grinned.

'You're gonna want to see this,' he said, moving to the back of the car and popping the boot.

Two heavy black duffle bags were dropped to the concrete, barrels of automatic weapons protruding from either end and bulging with the rectangular shapes of ammunition boxes. An orange backpack, hung with camping pots, hit the ground next to them. For a moment, Asha's eyes fixed on the dark bloody smear across the bright orange canvas.

When she looked up, Daryl was holding out a new crossbow, his eyes practically glowing. He sighted along the shaft to check it was straight, then hefted it in one hand to feel for the weight. Rick was smiling, so was Michonne as she pulled yet another bag of guns onto her shoulder. Glenn and Maggie were rummaging through the two duffle bags on the ground, delighted grins across both their faces.

The relief was palpable.

'Good run then?' Hershel asked, clicking forward on his crutches.

'Yeah. You could say that,' Rick said. He wrapped an arm around Carl and started towards the cell block.

He stopped when his eyes fell on Asha, leaning on the rail at the bottom of the stairs to the block. His smile faded and his eyes hardened.

Asha straightened up, crossing her arms across her chest.

'You're still here,' Rick said.

'Didn't want to leave without seeing your pretty face once more.'

Shut up Asha, you idiot.

Rick was not amused. 'So you are leaving then?'

Asha was silent, eyes locked with Rick.

'Well?'

'Haven't decided.'

'Yeah, well I haven't decided about you either.' Rick rubbed a hand across the stubble on his jaw. 'Letting you stay means trusting you, even just a bit.' His flinty eyes had started burning. 'So I've got a few questions for you.'

Asha's eyes narrowed. She schooled her voice and face to stay calm. 'Shoot.'

'What did you do before the turn?'

Really? 'Lawyer. Intellectual Property. Bunch of useless skills now.'

'Thought you were a bartender.'

Asha's lips flattened into a thin line. Of course Michonne and Maggie had filled him in. 'Had to pay bills whilst I was at law school.'

'Where were you headed with your brother?'

'Just following the river. Maybe down to West Point Lake. See if we could find a cabin or somethin' for the winter.'

'How did you lose him.'

'Herd. I swam across the river. As far as I can tell he was forced away from it in the other direction.' She swallowed. 'He'll come back to it though. It's the only place we have to find each other.'

'Tell me what happened to the group you were with at the start.

A muscle twitched in Asha's throat. Shit. 'Good people. We had a camp, a strong one. It was in an old industrial warehouse complex. Kept a lot of walkers out.' Asha wiped both hands down her face. 'It was more secure than anywhere else Nash and I had seen whilst we'd been on the road... It was back when all this started and morality still meant something. They were good people, they helped each other… Helped strangers.' Her eyes rolled around the group and settled on Hershel. 'They tried to build something.'

We thought we were safe.

'What happened?'

Asha stared at Rick for a long moment. She thought about blaming it on a herd, but in the end she figured, what was the the point of lying about it? Her nails dug into her arms where they were crossed in front of her. 'They trusted the wrong people. They let the wrong people in, and those people opened the doors for worst type of people...The ones who think this world is made for the taking.'

It was Rick's turn to stare at Asha.

'It's dangerous to trust,' she admitted. Please please don't press for details. 'Nash and I didn't look for more people after that.'

Glen cut in sharply, 'but you approached Daryl and MERLE?'

Rick flashed an angry glare at Glenn for the interruption, but nodded to Asha to answer.

She forced a smile, directing her answer to Glenn. 'I saw them help a family being swarmed by deadheads on a bridge near the river.' She figured Merle could do with the positive press, so she left out the details. 'Didn't seem likely they were gonna hurt me after that...and I wasn't having much luck finding Nash on my own.'

'How many walkers have you killed?' Rick asked quietly.

Asha shrugged. 'A lot. Whatever it took to stay alive.' She thought about it for second. 'I must have killed, what, a dozen or so on the day I met these two.' She gestured with her head towards Daryl and Merle. 'That wasn't unusual.'

'How many people have you killed.'

Her throat constricted. 'Eight.'

'What about your brother?'

'Two,' she choked out. 'That I know of'.

'Why?'

Rick's question hung in the air.

Asha's whole body was shaking. She drew a deep breath trying to steady herself. 'Two, when our first group's camp was raided.' Her eyes flashed fiercely at Rick, 'and I only wish i'd gotten more. One, who tried to jump me on the river after I lost Nash.' Suddenly she couldn't breathe. The faces of the last five swam in her vision—their faces relaxed and glowing around the campfire when she'd finally caught up to them, and their faces when she had been done with them. 'Five,' she choked. 'Five, for what they did to my sister.'

She was bent over, braced on her knees, though she had no memory of moving. She lifted her head to spit venom at Rick, to ask if he was satisfied. He was a blur behind a veil of tears. She opened her mouth, but the only thing that came out was a long keening wail as her sister's pain bubbled up inside her. She choked it off as she sank to her knees on the ground.

Rick crouched down in front of her, and pulled her chin up to look him in the eye. She bared her teeth, blinking desperately to clear her tears. She tried to twist away, but he held her firmly.

'What happened to your sister Asha?'

She snarled. Hell no. She was not parading her sister's pain for him to see.

'Those men deserved what they got,' she hissed. 'In the same circumstances, I would do it again.'

Rick held her gaze for a long moment. 'So you will fight to protect your own,' he said quietly. His eyes were still hard, but they were the simple hardness of a man who had seen too much, rather than the half crazed burning Asha had come to associate with Rick. 'I am sorry for you, but I had to know.'

'Fuck you Rick,' she murmured quietly. She meant to spit it, and hated how broken her own voice sounded.

Rick just nodded silently and pushed himself to his feet. When he spoke, it was loud enough for everyone to hear. 'It's your call Asha. If you want to stay, I won't stop you. But if you do, then you need to really be with us. I expect you to treat this group like your family, like your brother. You do anything, anything, to endanger the safety of this group and I will kill you myself.'

He started past her into the cell block.

Treat this group like her family... like Nash?

'Does that work both ways Rick,' she called after him, glad anger was burning in her voice again. 'Do you start putting my safety on par with everyone else in the group? Or do I stay a second class citizen?' She twisted around to look at him over her shoulder.

Rick fixed her with a cold eyed stare.

'What the hell are ya talking about?' Daryl snapped.

Asha could feel Merle standing a few paces behind her, frozen partway on his way towards her, but her attention was all on Rick. 'That first night, did you throw me in that cell with Merle as bait?'

Daryl's face twitched and his hands clenched, and Asha could feel the tension radiating from Merle. A ripple of surprise ran through the rest of the group.

Rick's eyes never left hers. He was quiet for a long moment, and when he spoke his voice was calm. 'If he couldn't control himself then yes, I wanted to know about it sooner rather than later.'

'You have got to be fucking kidding me,' Daryl muttered.

'And better me then one of your own right?' Asha said, still focused on Rick.

'Better an outsider than one of us. Always.' Rick responded.

Daryl scrubbed a hand through his hair and walked towards the cell block, muttering to himself. From the corner of her eye, Asha saw Merle give her a long look, before stalking after his brother.

Rick held her gaze a minute longer. 'But you earn your place, show you're really one of us, and yeah, you get the same protection as everyone else.'

Asha dropped her eyes and twisted around so her back was to Rick. She heard him move away, and the rest of the group started to follow. Carol squeezed her shoulder as she went past. Maggie paused next to her, arm wrapped around Glenn, his eyes sympathetic. 'You gonna come in?'

Asha gave her a small smile. 'In a minute or two.'

Maggie nodded and they walked on.

Asha waited until everyone's footsteps had faded away. She took a deep breath, relishing the solitude. She flipped over on her back, stretched out on the concrete, and looked up at the sky, peppered with stars and the light smears of galaxies. It was the same sky she'd seen on many camping trips before the turn, from places way out in the wilderness, places free from light pollution.

She traced her eyes across the familiar constellations, noting with half a mind their different location in the sky since she was further south than where she'd grown up. She found the north star easily. She could almost hear her father's calm, patient voice and see his flannel clad arm pointing skyward.

Asha had been about ten and they were camping. They lay on a picnic rug which Nash had spread out away from the glowing embers of their campfire. It was a still, clear night—perfect stargazing weather as her dad said. Asha lay on her back between Nash and her dad, their heads all close together, looking up into the the night sky. Asha was wearing her warmest gear and wrapped up in a sleeping bag as well, but it was still cold and Asha shivered.

'Ya alright kiddo?' Her dad asked softly, his breath frosting slightly in the air. He tipped his head to look at her with his warm brown eyes. She nodded quickly. No way she wanted to be sent back into the tent whilst Nash got to have all the fun.

'Ok,' he said quietly. 'What's that one over there, just above the tree line?' He pointed out to the left.

Asha's brow furrowed.

'Leo,' Nash leapt in. 'See, you can just make out the hook from its tail.'

Asha pouted. Nash was four years older than her and thought he was so smart. She knew Leo, with its tail like a backwards question mark. She would have remembered the name if she'd had a minute longer.

'Nice work, Nash,' her father approved. 'Alright Asha, what's that one?' He pointed a little higher in the sky.

'Dad, that's too easy,' she complained. 'That's the saucepan. Any baby knows that.'

He smiled. 'What are its other names.'

'Big Dipper, and, ah... Ursula...' She trailed off.

'Ursula!' Nash sniggered. 'Think ya mean Ursa Major silly.'

Asha stuck her tongue out at him.

'What ya gonna do about it Ash?' He poked her, eyes sparkling in the dim light. 'You're all cocooned like a caterpillar.' He poked her again. 'Totally helpless.'

'Stop it, Nash,' she squirmed. 'Dad!'

'Cut it out, Nash.'

Nash gave her a final poke and stopped.

'Alright than kiddo. Where's the north star?'

That was more like it. Asha pursed her lips and traced the outline of the saucepan, finding the side of the saucepan and then extending the line into the sky until she found it. 'There!' she said, wriggling until she had an arm free from the sleeping bag and pointing.

'Good girl Asha,' Her father's voice glowed with pride. He smiled at her and held her eyes. 'You remember these constellations kiddo, and you'll never be lost out here.' His strong calloused hand wrapped around her cold small one and squeezed gently. 'The stars will always help you find your way.' He gave her hand a final squeeze and then tucked it back into her sleeping bag.

'Righto Nash, show me Orion.'

Asha remembered drifting off to sleep that night, lulled by the quiet voices of her father and brother debating Orion's accuracy in identifying true west.

She blinked her eyes rapidly, focusing on the north star hanging in the sky above the prison. If only it was that easy. Her lips trembled.

I am so lost dad.

God how she missed them, both of them. Her father had been gone for nearly a decade, but the grief although dulled, was never gone, and Nash's absence simply pulled it to the surface.

Fighting the tightness in her chest, she tore her eyes away from the north star and scanned the rest of the sky. The lines of the constellations were unchanged from when she'd learnt them as a child, unchanged from when she and Nash had taught them to their sister after their father was gone.

I've failed everyone dad, I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

She drew a shuddering breath, swollen throat aching. Her silent tears leaked down either side of her face and ran into her hair above her ears, but she kept her eyes open and fixed on the night sky.

She heard footsteps. Heavy, a man's footsteps. Merle she guessed, an instant before he appeared in her field of view, towering to a disproportionate height from her perspective laying on the ground. She blinked a couple of times to try to clear the tears from her vision as he sat down beside her, drawing his knees towards his chest and crossing his arms loosely on top of them.

'Here girly, reckon ya could do with finding that off switch in ya brain again tonight.' He held out an untidily rolled joint and lighter in his hand.

Asha gave a tiny smile. 'Ah Merle, you are a good man,' she said softly, reaching out gratefully.

He shifted uncomfortably. 'Dunno 'bout that.' Then his teeth gleamed at her in the darkness. 'Booze and drugs just happen to be my specialty. Ya know how damn hard it was to roll that thing with one hand?'

'I would have done it for you,' Asha said.

Merle grunted.

She lit the joint, pulling the sweet smelling smoke into her lungs, and then breathing smoky trails out into the night sky.

'Ya wanna talk about it?' Merle asked quietly.

'Nope.'

He nodded, and then lay back so that he was stretched out next to her on the ground. 'Pass that this way then.'

They lay in companionable silence, staring at the stars, as the smoke cast a glaze that took the edge off her pain. Eventually, Merle exhaled the last of the smoke and ground out the stub of the joint on the ground. He bent his arm and put his hand behind his head.

'Got a proposition for you, girly.'

Asha tilted her head towards him. They lay close together, and she could clearly see his rough hewn features in profile next to her. 'Really Merle? Again?'

He snorted, and then coughed a bit. 'Not that proposition woman. Ya got a damn one track mind.'

Asha grinned. 'Go on then.'

He was quiet for a minute, clenching his hand behind his head and gnawing the inside of his cheek as he kept his eyes on the sky. 'Stay,' he said finally.

She looked at him, mouth open in surprise. He rolled his head towards her and his eyes met hers. In the dim light, they were washed of all colour, but they gleamed faintly. 'Stay. Help sort this shit with the Governor, and i'll go out with ya and help looking for ya brother.'

Asha's heart started pounding. She pushed up on her elbow to look down at him. 'I know weed is technically a hallucinogenic, but I don't reckon we've smoked that much.' She swallowed hard. 'Did you really just say what I think you did?'

'Fuck woman, ya ain't gonna make me ask again.'

'Why? Why would you do that?'

Merle rubbed his hand tiredly across his face. 'I dunno how else this works,' he admitted. 'I ain't abandoning my brother, but living here, all cosy like with these people... I don't see how that's gonna work either.' He grimaced. 'They ain't bad people, hell, that might be the problem, the judgmental... Only matter of time till one of them pisses me off and I do something I shouldn't... Best thing is if i'm not here much. Enough to keep an eye on my brother, but not enough to…' He gestured vaguely with an arm.

For a minute Asha couldn't speak. Her stomach fluttered and her blood raced. She tried to sound calm. 'Makes sense I guess. Shit Merle, are you serious?'

'Ya said you were thinking about using this as a base right? I am a hell of a tracker. Taught Darylina everything he knows.'.

'You don't have to sell it to me, Merle.' She took a deep breath. 'I wouldn't be out there on my own...You've been there, you know what that means.' Her mind raced, and her heart threatened to beat its way out of her chest. Not on her own. Someone to watch her back. 'You reckon Daryl's gonna be ok with that?'

'He ain't my fucking keeper.'

Nah, apparently that's my job.

'Hell, man likes to hunt.' Merle added. 'He'll probably come out on occasion with us.'

There was silence for a minute.

'Just survive the governor right?' Asha asked.

'Ain't abandoning my brother.'

She nodded. 'Wouldn't ask you to.' Her veins felt like they were vibrating and there was the makings of a grin on her face. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad being Merle's keeper...

'And least this way ya won't fuckin' starve.'

'Shut up Merle.'

'But I'll be making the decisions for us girly.'

'Like hell you will,' Asha said, rolling back on to her back and putting both of her hands to the sides of her mouth. 'But look at it this way big guy, between the two of us, it'll be the blind leading the fuckin' blind.'

Merle snorted.

Suddenly the night sky seemed to positively sparkle. Asha reached over and squeezed Merle's arm. 'Thank you,' she murmured.

Maybe they could keep each other.

[So, thoughts?]