O•ni•sm

/əˈTHirēəl/

adjective

1. The frustration of being stuck in one body.

The store was wedged between a series of trees. It looked squeezed, as if the forest was closing in. The sign was old, some letters had become illegible in the peeling paint. But the window was clean and the artifacts on display were clearly antique. There was no theme to them or colour coordination and they were crammed together rather than artistically arranged. Bella pushed the door and a bell rang. It was far longer than it was wide, almost a corridor with shelving spanning both sides. It was pristine.

Bella immediately bounded deeper into the store, presumably to find whatever she had dragged me here for.

I glanced around the shelves and spotter a wooden crate further in a corner, a heat lamp was precariously perched on top, shooting warm beams of light into it. Curiosity got the better of me and I wandered over, glancing inside. I smiled softly as I spotted a group of rabbits snuggled into wood clippings, enjoying the heat lamps warmth. When a specific one caught my eye.

The rabbit cowered in the corner of his pen, unlike his sibling he had never gotten used to the petting or being out in the daylight. All he saw was predators coming with their forward looking eyes and nowhere to hide. Perhaps for him it's like being in a jail cell with some alien beast coming at him, making some noise it thinks is soothing; but he can't tell that it isn't calling its monster mates to join in the kill. I try to imagine that creature out of "Alien" asking for a hug and poking a chocolate bar at me. Sure it's good food, but I hardly think I'd have an appetite right then.

I lowered myself on the floor so I could be eye level with the tiny rabbit, trying to let it know I wasnt an enemy. It twitches its nose uncertaintly, watching me with hesitant black eyes.

I slowly reached a hand out forward, I made no noise. Just watching. With small movements, the rabbit moved over to my tan hand and sniffed, before snuggling up against it. Testing the waters.

I smiled.

"Wow," A voice spoke up from behind me. "I've never seen that little guy get close to anyone before. He's generally pretty careful."

Startled, I pulled my hand back and swiveled my head to look at the woman. She was casual, but smartly dressed in jeans, a hipster jacket and a neck scarf. Her face was made up, but not over done and her long black hair was pulled back into a pony-tail. She smiled kindly at me, brown eyes full of amusement.

I smiled as I turned back to the small brown rabbit. "Sometimes you just have to be empathetic." I said softly. "How much for him?"

A range if emotions flashed over the workers dark features. Before settling on content as they saw the rabbit interact with me, his black eyes seeming content.

"He's free."

My eyebrows shot up. "What?"

She smiled, her teeth stark against her dark skin. "You heard me, I own the store and I want this little guy to be happy, so he's yours."

"I couldn't possibly-" I began before being cut off.

"We'll take him!" Bella said loudly. Clasping a hand on my shoulder. I jumped, spooking the rabbit into running to the other side of his enclosure.

"Great!" the woman exclaimed. "I'll go get everything you'll need!" She said as she shuffled away.

I stood up from my crouch and turned to Bella. "You know I'm living out of my van, right? I don't have anywhere to put him!"

"It'll be fine." she said, absently waving her hand. "I can watch after him until you get everything figured out. But more importantly, what are you going to name him?"

I looked down at the small brown rabbit. "Remme." I said without hesitation. "He looks like a Remme." (pronounced Rem-eey).

Bella placed a finger on her chin, looking thoughtful. "I like it!"

"What did you end up getting?" I asked, changing the subject.

She brightened up and pushed a brown paper bag into my arms. I looked down at the bag and then back at her curiously. "Open it." she encouraged.

I peeked inside cautiously, only to smile when I saw the contents. It was a plastic hula girl, the kind you attach to your dashboard as you drive. "Thanks Bella." I said, amused.

She smiled and threw me a thumbs up. "Any car will feel more homey with one of these."

I nodded my head in agreement when suddenly the woman from earlier emerged from the shelves. In her dark arms she held a large box with various brushes and treats.

"Here you go!" he exclaimed, throwing the box into my arms. Bella snatched up the small rabbit upfrom the corner of the crate and threw it in the box with the rest of its necessities. "Bella!" I exclaimed. "Be more careful!"

"Okay, okay." she said bashfully.

Bella held the door open for me as we exited the store, I called back a thanks to the owner as I left. Smiling when she called back in a friendly manner.

Me and Bella walked back to her car in comfortable silence. I maneuvered the box so it'd fit in the hideous truck she owned.

I climbed in and strapped myself down for dear life.

She pulled onto the road and we drove in silence, both comfortably lost in thought.

"Charlie should be finished with your van by the time we get back." Bella said. "What's your plan?"

I looked at her out if my peripheral. It had been too easy to forget that I was some sort of weird rebound for her ex. "I'll probably just drive around for a little bit longer. Look at the sights." I answered honestly. "You're welcome to come with me." I offered.

"I had fun today...but, I need to take baby steps." she said, eyes trained on the road.

"Oh, yeah," I said, trying to sound understanding. "I totally get it, it's no problem."

She tilted her head to smile at me. "Tomorrow maybe?"

I smiled. "Tomorrow."

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

The road seemed to stretch infinitely before me. The green of the trees passed me by in one methodical blur. I turned a corner and smiled as the plastic hula girl on my dashboard wiggled.

I focused back on the road and realised that I had come back the way I came as I entered La Push again.

I pulled over on the side of the road and hopped out. Making my way to the back of my van, I opened It to find Remme buried amongst my blankets. I crawled in, mindful of Remme and shut the door behind me.

I stayed there for a while, watching Remme discover various parts of my van.

He stopped suddenly and began to paw at the plastic bag with his food in it.

"Awww. Are you hungry? Don't worry I'll get you some." I opened the bag, then paused.

I didn't particularly want to dump the rabbit food onto my blankets. "I probably have some sort of dish in here, right?" I muttered as I threw open the bug chest in the corner of my van and began digging through it.

I noticed something strange about the bottom of the chest. I sat back and looked at how deep it looked from the inside and how deep it actually was.

Their was at least 4 inches missing from the bottom.

I reached my hand in the trunk and felt around before my fingers brushed against a small groove, hardly noticeable but still there. I carefully wrapped my hand around the sides and yanked upwards.

It had a false bottom.

I gently set the wood to the side and glanced down at what had been previously hidden. The first thing that grabbed my attention was a knife.

The dagger lay cold in my hands. It was short at four inches but so sharp even the most gentle of touches to flesh would result in a free bleeding cut. It's handle was carved mahogany and looked old, it made me wonder if it had once belonged to an other knife.

I tilted it to the side slightly and stopped as I realised something was carved into the side of the handle.

"δεν θέτει ερ?τήσεις και δεν λέ? ψέματα." It read in bold, curvy writing. I sat and stared at the message for a moment, before looking down at what else was in the trunk.

Bound in red leather, cracked and dry with age, the thin volume smells faintly of pipe tobacco and dust. The pages within are brittle and what remains of the book's original stitching is barely holding it together.

I begin to reach for it, but pause. A sudden sense of doom had settled in my stomach.

I got the feeling that I wasn't ready to find whatever was in the book.

I put it back and grabbed another.

The book was old and heavy, the leather felt soft and delicate as I ran my fingers over the faded blue bindings. I fingered the gold lettering carefully before I opened the cover, paper rustled as I thumbed through the book to find what I was looking for. Words appeared and disappeared as my eyes flitted across the pages, quickly picking out anything of importance from the jumble of sentences that littered the world I had become immersed in.

The farther I read, the more uneasy I began to feel. At one point, a sharp spike of adrenaline spiked through me and I slammed the book shut. Remme started, bolting to the farthest corner of the van.

"Ah, I'm sorry Rem, I never got around to feeding you." I said, quickly shoving the books back inside the chest and situating the false bottom.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

I wandered into the forest, breathing in deeply through my lungs. I gently swayed Remme back and forth in my arms in time with wind, a relaxing sound to my ears. The roots cascade from the baked hard ground, jets of rough brown bark looping and turning until they join the tree that towers above - a crazy highway of water from deep down. I want to cast my eyes to the canopy, a myriad of greens, to see the sharp beams of sunlight poking through. From time to time I pause for a moment to do just that, but walking means looking at my feet or I'll soon be sprawled on the dirt with an opportunistic twig up my nose.

The path I had taken through the meadow was as visible as any trail in a fresh snowfall. The tall grasses, inflexible in their dryness were flattened from the far hedgerow to the canopy of woodland leaves where I now stood drinking in the shade. I marvelled at my path, so ragged and bent, not at all the straight line I had imagined myself walking. The wild flowers were a cacophony of colour on the fading green; purple thistles, blue cornflowers, red poppies and tall asters with their yellow centres. There was no coordination like the displays in town, just a free-for-all choreographed by the wind.

I smiled as I spotted those flowers. The flowers lay scattered on the grass like frozen flames, bringing their cool blaze to the late spring morning.

I walked over and set Rem down, letting him wander however he pleased.

I bent down to grasp at one of the flowers when I out of my peripheral there was a flash of brown, not the mahogany of the trees, but a reddish russet, unnatural for trees. I looked up and froze.

No more than ten feet away from me was a ginormous wolf.

She is a brown-silver, fur glossy and thick. Her paws kiss the earth with a lightness and there is a serenity in her gaze. I stay still, for if I move she will take flight into the trees. I breathe slow and let time slow down, taking photographs with only my eyes. Perhaps tonight I will dream of being as free as she is, out here with nature.

In the half-light it could have been a dog, but dogs don't move the way wolves do - in choreographed motions, one family of canine "dancers" flowing over the earth. There's an intelligence in her eyes, a shyness, a wariness of humans. For a moment my spirit is with her, up there in the dawn-forest, drinking in pine aromas the same as we love fresh flowers.

A light shot through my mind. An image of this same wolf, yet with...others. emerging from the trees around me, snarling. The image was gone as soon as it came, what was it of?

My mind snapped back when the wolf moved, ever so slightly. It crouched down onto its stomach, laying its head on its paws. Its light brown eyes disappeared out of sight as its eyelids slid closed. For a moment, I was incredulous. Here I was on the verge of a panic attack, yet this creature was comfortable enough to let its guard down around me!

Was it trying to seem...nonthreatening?

I stayed, frozen in place. One of her eyes opened and the wolf moved slightly closer to me, I took a step back and the wolf froze. I saw an emotion too human for an animal, I saw fear and hope.

The intelligence in its eyes was infectious, I wanted to be a part of that knowledge. I wanted to understand what the wolf was afraid of what it wanted of me. I reached a shaky hand out and the wolf perked up instantly. It crawled over to me on its stomach.

It looked ridiculous, an animal as large as a motorcycle dragging itself across the forest floor. I attempted to smother my giggles with my hand, but the wolf's superior hearing caught it.

The wolf looked up at me, amusement and satisfaction evident in its eyes. I stuck my tongue out at the creature, and almost cried laughing when it returned to favor.

My unease suddenly gone, I gently placed my hand on the wolf head. Testing the waters. "Um hello, my names Calypso." I said nervously.

The encounter reminded me of my introduction to Rem only hours earlier.

I gently sat myself back down on the floor once it was clear that the wolf wasn't going to attack.

Rem hesitantly made his way over, circling largely around the wolf to get to me. After a couple of minutes, Rem seemed to settle down and tolerate the wolf's presence.

The silence was comfortable as the wolf slowly made its way next to me. I leaned against it slightly, enjoying the warmth it produced.

"Do you want to hear a story? A sad story?" I asked the russet wolf. It lingered in the air, thick and heavy, like a blanket. Wherever I moved, that silence followed, always watching never fading. My own, personal shadow. I didn't feel the need to fill it, but I wanted to share some of myself with this intelligent creature.

It picked its head up off the ground and nodded, it was such a human response that I was stunned into silence.

One of the wolf's eyes opened at my silence.

So I began.

I spoke of events as If I were there, and I spoke of memories as if I wasn't. "I hate the moon," I began solemnly. "—I am afraid of it—for when it shines on certain scenes familiar and loved it sometimes makes them unfamiliar and hideous."

I seemed to catch the wolf's attention, its eyes flicked up to mine and stayed there. It rested its giant head on its paws and gazed up at me.

"It was in the spectral summer when the moon shone down on the old garden where I wandered; the spectral summer of narcotic flowers and humid seas of foliage that bring wild and many-coloured dreams. And as I walked by the shallow crystal stream I saw unwonted ripples tipped with yellow light, as if those placid waters were drawn on in resistless currents to strange oceans that are not in the world. Silent and sparkling, bright and baleful, those moon-cursed waters hurried I knew not whither; whilst from the embowered banks white lotos blossoms fluttered one by one in the opiate night-wind and dropped despairingly into the stream, swirling away horribly under the arched, carven bridge, and staring back with the sinister resignation of calm, dead faces."
I pulled Remme into my arms for comfort as the images flashed through my mind. So vivid it felt like my own memory.

"And as I ran along the shore, crushing sleeping flowers with heedless feet and maddened ever by the fear of unknown things and the lure of the dead faces, I saw that the garden had no end under that moon; for where by day the walls were, there stretched now only new vistas of trees and paths, flowers and shrubs, stone idols and pagodas, and bendings of the yellow-litten stream past grassy banks and under grotesque bridges of marble. And the lips of the dead lotos-faces whispered sadly, and bade me follow, nor did I cease my steps till the stream became a river, and joined amidst marshes of swaying reeds and beaches of gleaming sand the shore of a vast and nameless sea."

I could see it now, my bare feet squishing into the sand. But the skin color was too dark to be my own, this was not my memory.

"Upon that sea the hateful moon shone, and over its unvocal waves weird perfumes brooded. And as I saw therein the lotos-faces vanish, I longed for nets that I might capture them and learn from them the secrets which the moon had brought upon the night. But when the moon went over to the west and the still tide ebbed from the sullen shore, I saw in that light old spires that the waves almost uncovered, and white columns gay with festoons of green seaweed. And knowing that to this sunken place all the dead had come, I trembled and did not wish again to speak with the lotos-faces."

The wolf's eyes slid shut but I knew it was still listening from the way its ears twitched every so often.

"Yet when I saw afar out in the sea a black condor descend from the sky to seek rest on a vast reef, I would fain have questioned him, and asked him of those whom I had known when they were alive. This I would have asked him had he not been so far away, but he was very far, and could not be seen at all when he drew nigh that gigantic reef.
So I watched the tide go out under that sinking moon, and saw gleaming the spires, the towers, and the roofs of that dead, dripping city. And as I watched, my nostrils tried to close against the perfume-conquering stench of the world's dead; for truly, in this unplaced and forgotten spot had all the flesh of the churchyards gathered for puffy sea-worms to gnaw and glut upon."

"Over those horrors the evil moon now hung very low, but the puffy worms of the sea need no moon to feed by. And as I watched the ripples that told of the writhing of worms beneath, I felt a new chill from afar out whither the condor had flown, as if my flesh had caught a horror before my eyes had seen it.
Nor had my flesh trembling without cause, for when I raised my eyes I saw that the waters had ebbed very low, shewing much of the vast reef whose rim I had seen before. And when I saw that this reef was but the black basalt crown of a shocking eikon whose monstrous forehead now shone in the dim moonlight and whose vile hooves must paw the hellish ooze miles below, I shrieked and shrieked lest the hidden face rise above the waters, and lest the hidden eyes look at me after the slinking away of that leering and treacherous yellow moon.
And to escape this relentless thing I plunged gladly and unhesitatingly into the stinking shallows where amidst weedy walls and sunken streets fat sea-worms feast upon the world's dead."

My head is pounding, every cell in my body is screaming for oxygen. I keep fighting until I feel like my head is about to explode, I have to take a breath. So I do. For some reason it doesn't hurt like I thought it would, I'm not scared anymore, it's almost peaceful actually. I begin to fall. I fall further and further into the darkness until it threatens to swallow me whole. Hands too dark to be my own scratch at my neck desperately. Whispers of black hair swim on the edge of my vision. What was this a memory of?

I sat back on my hands, staring at the sky. "I'll let you take from it what you will."

The yellow ball of fire changed to hues of orange, and then almost tangerine. It merged with the sky, like juice-mix dissolving in a glass of water. The clouds were cotton-candy, as though they blushed at the warm touch of the sun. Silhouettes of birds flew home across a sky that was now magenta; and the sun was half into the water, but its reflection in the sea made it look complete. The mauve of the dusky sky intensified, and in just a while, the biggest star had set, giving way to a thousand others.

"So?" I asked the wolf. "Are you frightened beyond belief?"

The wolf let out a snort and I huffed. "I'll have you know that was one of my best stories." I said indignantly.

The truth was, I had no idea where that story had come from. Those words, those memories did not belong to me. Yet I spoke of them as if they were my own. The wolf just snorted again and laid its head on my lap, I absently stroked its ears as I pondered.

Suddenly, a loud howl sounded through the forest from the south. My wolf's head shot up, ears alert for an unseen danger.

It got to its feet and glanced to the south back at me.

I saw conflicting in its eyes and my heart told me to soothe its worries. "Go," I said, stroking its head one more time. "Our paths will cross again."

The wolf pushed its head into my hand, inhaling deeply, before turning and bounding the direction the howl came from.

I watched it go with sad eyes as I settled back into my spot.

I glanced down at the peacefully sleeping Remme laying unaware in my arms.

"Wanna hear a story?" I whispered.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Leah's POV

I had phased again.

It had been over two weeks since I'd seen my imprint and their was still no sign of her.

The forest passed me in a giant hue of green. I have always loved the flowers and the birds, loved the sunlight and the clouds that drift by. I have always loved the way the leaves move in a breeze and that soft whispering sound they make, like nature loves to chatter too. Yet the tiredness that begun a while ago remains like a veil over my skin, grey and cold. And as I watch the petals and the twigs that sway in the wind, there is only a creeping sorrow where there should be joy. It sits like November rain on my fur, enough to chill what was once warm inside. Now I just let it come, drop by drop and I feel like it is an ocean falling upon me instead of rain - that the grief I carefully suspended has all condensed right above my head into a cloud large enough to block the sun.

Darker undertones were sensed as I ran.

Running taught me about life, that every little thing is broken down into one step at a time. That's as easy and as hard as every task is. If you look ahead at how far the run is, maybe you'll never begin. If you just start running there's a great chance you'll finish. So don't over think it, love, just run.

The forest around me was dying, I knew that-we knew that. What were we going to do if the forest completely died out?

'I guess I'd have another dilemma to deal with."

My self-pitiful thoughts were interrupted as I felt Sam phase somewhere, checking to make sure I was in control. After I made It clear I was level-headed, Sam mentally relaxed.

'Don't be too long.' he said-thought.

'I won't, I just need to run for a bit.' I said. I could feel his pity rolling off of him in waves. I began to run slightly faster, as if I could outrun his emotions that he couldn't hide.

'Leah!' Embry said. 'Where'd you run off to?'

'I just needed some fresh air.' I replied, annoyed.

'Need any company?'

'Leave her be,' Sam replied. 'She needs some time alone'

'My brain is on five percent battery, so if you don't mind, I'm gonna take some time to rest and soak in the calm peace of nature.' This stuff, this caring, is vast yet finite, freely given yet at a cost to me... and I'm tired... so very, very, tired.

Embry mentally recoiled at my depressive thoughts and surrendered. 'Ok, just...be careful.'

'I will.'

Running isn't as appealing as it used to be. When I ran before, I was a wild beast uncaged.

I was a force of nature. I was running towards something. But without her, I was running away now, away from my pack and my feelings. Away from myself.

As pathetic as it sounds, I felt lonely.

The thudding of my feet calmed to a stop as a scent hit my sensitive nose. I froze, it couldn't be. My mind was playing a cruel trick on me.

The scene of earth and flowers hit my nose, more sweet than the forests natural scent. It was familiar.

I bent my head to the ground and followed like a bloodhound. This trail was recent, only a couple of minutes. As I descended deeper within the forest, I could only help but gasp for fresh air I longed for above the trees. The air thick with moisture. Sweat lingering in the air. The oaks closing in. The darkness was overwhelming. It felt suffocating.

She was close by.

I ran again, tongue rolling out of my mouth in a puppyish display of happiness as I bounded up a hill. With every step I took, the pain in my chest lessened, my muscles loosened, my body felt lighter.

A flash of red caught my eye and my heart melted.

There she was, she was bent over a small group of flowers. I sat, eyes wide. I'd spent almost two weeks imagining what I'd do when I found her, yet here she was and I froze like a tool.

The woman that I saw could have graced any billboard or magazine cover, but she was better than those two dimensional photoshopped models. Somehow her imperfections made her perfect. There was a shyness to her, hesitation in her body movements and a softness in her voice. Her cream dress had a tailored look that was bold against her tan skin, but I could already see her in jeans and a t-shirt, feet up on the couch and painting her nails. She was right there, only feet away, but in her understated glamour she might as well be on the television or a girl in a pop video.

Her eyes trailed up to my poorly hidden form and she froze. Her eyes were just as beautiful as I'd remembered. Her eyes were green but not the kind of shade that's easy to describe. It was almost like they were both green and yellow at the same time, with blue creeping in around the edges as if it were trying to take over. She blinked and the beauty was momentarily covered by the shield of her red eyelashes; naturally long and soft looking - feminine. By the time the girls eyes opened again, I had still not recovered from her intense stare.

I took an instinctive small step forward and she stumbled back.

Panic flared inside me as she moved away but I calmed when she froze again. We stayed like that, a silent stare down as we watched what the other would do. I lowered myself to the ground on my belly, eyeing her.

When she made no move I began to crawl forward.

A hand flew up to cover her mouth in an attempt to smother her giggles. Her giggle softened the mood, as if her gentle sound could make the trees greener and the sun burn warmer. Satisfaction and happiness flowed through me, completely washing away all my embarrassment of doing something so ridiculous. She stuck her tongue out at me and I returned it.

She laughed heartily at my show and shook her head. She gently settled herself back down on the forest floor, getting comfortable.

She reached a hand out to me and I pressed my head against it. "Um hello, my names Calypso." she said nervously.

It was a beautiful name.

Now that I was closer, I poked my head into her arm lightly where her previous wound had been, but she was completely healed. Not a scratch on her, I was relieved and worried. She didn't smell like vampire, but no human would have healed that fast. My racing mind was calmed as she began to pet my ears. I would let myself worry later, all that mattered now was that we were together.

I watched a brown rabbit circle around me and climb on Calypso's lap. She smiled and circled an arm around it, looking content.

We sat for a moment like that, both of us perfectly content in the moment. I knew I should change back. That I should show her who I really was, but… I just wanted to enjoy it for a little bit. The sun was so warm, the trees around us seemed greener, more alive, and I had my imprint.

"Would you like to hear a story? A sad story?" she asked me suddenly breaking the silence.

I nodded my head.

And she began.

She began to speak like an experienced storyteller. My mind slipped in and out of focus on the story as I was content just to watch her. Simply enjoying her presence.

Her lilting voice had me entranced, I settled down on the forest floor and laid my head in her lap. She absently stroked my ears and I felt more at peace then I even have in my life.

The story had me envisioning a sad scene. Of a terrified girl running from herself.

At particularly troubling parts, her hand would stop and I'd let out a soft whine. She would pick up again, her story never faltering for a moment.

I watched her as she looked off into the distance, and I knew I had fallen. I loved her like she was the last of my kind. It is as if when she spoke, it was the same language as I, yet no other is able. To be around her was like finally not being alone - as if all my life I've been isolated, in a windowless room, in a doorless room... and then suddenly she walked in as if strolling over a summer meadow. How is that she is so much more than sunshine? So, my love, know this - while I breathe I am hers in mind, body and soul.

I'll let you take from it what you will." she finished, sitting back on her hands as she stared at the sun in the distance.

"Well?" she asked me. "Are you frightened beyond belief?"

I let out a snort before I could stop myself and she pouted.

"I'll have you know that was one of my best stories!" she exclaimed.

I needed to change back. To show her that I was more than just a wolf. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and stay in this quiet field forever, just the two of us where we would never be bothered. Where no one would be able to bring us apart.

Suddenly, a howl in the distance sounded.

It was Embry. It was clear a clear warning: Danger. My ears rang at the sound, shaking me to my bones.

I instinctively got to my feet and turned towards the sound, when I froze. I turned to look back at my imprint, a sad look had overcome her face as she saw my panic. Her bright red hair framed her face, glowing brighter as the light hit it just so. She looked ethereal, like a forest spirit within her element.

"Go " she whispered. "Our paths will cross again."

I pressed my head into her hand for one last moment, just enjoying what time I had with her. I breathed in deeply as her natural, wild scent reached me yet again.

'Leah!' Paul screamed through the pack bond. 'We need you!'

I forced myself to turn away from her, and bolted into the trees.

The pain in my chest returned.