[A/N: Thanks reviewers, new favourites and followers! Glad you guys are enjoying this. SorrowJunky and Leyshla Gisel, you are the best. I really love getting your feedback (hint, hint everyone else). SorrowJunky, the Carol situation will definitely not be a love triangle.]
Asha knelt near the wooden cross Daryl had pounded into the ground at the head of Merle's grave so many months ago. After leaving Daryl, she'd gone passed her cell and picked up a couple of items from her saddle bags before heading out through the darkness for the far corner of the yard.
Her fingers pressed into the dark earth at the base of the cross, packing it firmly around the base of the strawberry plant she'd uprooted from one of the suburban homes she'd passed on the last trip out with Michonne. She unscrewed her water bottle and then poured a generous amount over the wilted plant. It hadn't enjoyed its time on the back of the horse—and she'd never had much of a green thumb—but she really hoped the little plant pulled through.
If not, she'd find another one.
She crawled around to the end of the grave and settled there cross legged. She wiped her dirty hands on her jeans and then pulled the second item from her back pocket. She unscrewed the cap from the bottle and inhaled the scent of southern comfort, remembering the time that Merle had come across a cold prison cell bearing the same sweet scent. It was only a hip flask, and it was already more than half gone—she'd found it like that.
She took a deep swig and then poured out a libation at the end of Merle's grave—well away from the fragile little plant she just planted. Then she drained off the last of the southo in a couple of big gulps, grimacing for an instant as the liquid burnt the back of her throat before settling into a warm pleasant glow in her belly.
She sat there in the quiet for a long moment. There were walkers beyond the fence. She could hear them, but the air was still and they couldn't smell her, so they were quiet for the most part. There was no movement in the yard around her. She knew Maggie and Glenn could see her from the guard tower where they were on watch, but she also knew they weren't paying her much attention.
She always came to see Merle after she'd been out for a while.
Eventually she spoke, whispering her words into the warm still air.
'Hey big guy. Been a while since I visited, I know. Don't be mad. Been out with Michonne. Reckon you woulda liked her eventually...respected her anyway. She wouldn't have put up with any of your shit… Still looking for the Governor... Ain't seen any sign of him for a while,' her breath hitched, 'or Nash.' She swallowed hard and rubbed at her face. 'I'm getting so scared that he's gone. Really gone. That all that's left for me is never actually knowing what's happened to him.'
She took a couple of deep breaths, glancing back towards the prison. 'There's a lot more people here now. We keep finding more, bringing them in. Should be a good thing right?' She paused then snorted softly. 'Yeah, reckon you woulda been with me on that one. Not safe.'
The faces of some of the small children they had taken in since Woodbury fell flashed in her mind and she felt ashamed.
'Shit Merle, when did I turn into such a callous bitch. They aren't all bad...they can't be.'
She looked at the faint outline of the cross in the darkness, then swiped both hands down her face past either corner of her mouth.
'Hell Merle, I hope you're not actually here listening to me, but if you are...' Her voice was so faint on the last words that they were nearly lost in the night. '...I miss you.'
She pushed herself up to her feet, head spinning just a little, and took a couple of steps back towards the cell blocks. Then she stopped, stomach fluttering and breathing deeply, before she turned, took two steps back to Merle and sank to her knees, pressing the palms of her hands into the dark earth at the end of the grave.
'Also,' she whispered, 'I may have a thing for your brother.'
She shivered at saying it out loud, but then she cocked her head. She swore she could hear Merle laughing. The sound seemed to grow as she waited.
'It's not funny,' she muttered. 'I've got no idea if he's ever even thought about me like that. And even if he has, your brother's such an emotional cripple, he'll probably never do anything about it.'
Merle laughed harder. She could definitely hear him.
She grimaced and looked at the cross. 'Oh shut up. There's no talking to you when you're like this.
Daryl lay on his back on the bunk in his cell, one leg braced against the wall and the other resting across it, rolling the soft material of the black gloves between his thumb and forefinger.
He absentmindedly chewed his bottom lip. They picked up things for each other—and everyone else—on runs all the time. Why was this different?
Ya never asked her to bring this back.
She did this on her own. Think it counts as a gift. That's gotta mean something right?
He tried to think when he'd last received a gift. A bottle of southo on his birthday a couple of years back from Merle maybe?
She missed you.
He dropped the gloves on his chest and scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. God damn it, but he missed her too. He'd known this was going to happen the night he'd fallen asleep with her in his arms, scent of her hair in his nose, and her twitching gently as she dreamed.
When she'd crawled freezing under his blankets that night, she'd crawled under his skin too.
He'd stopped going out with her and Michonne because he couldn't stop watching her—that and they were never gonna find the Governor now the trail was cold. He had thought it would get her out of his head, but it was almost worse being away from her—definitely worse at times like the last few days when she was late back from a run. Whenever she wasn't right in front of him, he could still feel her there, wormed into the back of his mind. Image of her smile flashing into his mind—usually right when he didn't need the distraction.
Christ. If Merle could see him now he would kick his ass for obsessing about a girl...or he'd kick his ass for obsessing about this particular girl.
Either way he was getting his ass kicked.
He laced his fingers under his head, looking up at the unrelieved grey of the walls.
Screw Merle.
He'd brought her something back too. Did that mean something? He hadn't thought anything about it at the time. Just seen it, and thought it might be useful—but only because he'd been thinking about her at the time.
Again.
What if she thought it was stupid?
He grimaced. He had better things to do than to be worrying about whether Asha was going to like her—his mouth twisted—gift, he supposed it was a gift. It was useful, that was more important these days anyway.
Guess he'd find out what she thought tomorrow.
She was nearly back to the cell block when she noticed Hershel seated at one of the picnic tables in the courtyard, white hair gleaming in the moonlight.
'Asha,' he called, and she altered course to meet him at the picnic table. 'Sit down.'
She sat, eyes narrowing a little. Something in his demeanour suggested this wasn't an entirely casual conversation.
'What's up Hershel?'
'Just wanted to touch base about how you and Michonne have been doing out on the road?'
Asha shrugged. 'Fine. Haven't come across anything we couldn't handle.'
'Seen any sign of the Governor?'
'Not lately.'
'Your brother?'
Her throat constricted. 'No.'
Hershel nodded to himself.
'Doesn't mean we won't find them,' Asha said. She wasn't really in the mood for a lecture on her chances of finding her brother.
'No it doesn't, and we all want you to Asha really we do, but the fact is, you and Michonne would be better use here—to the group and yourself.'
Asha tried to laugh him off. 'What are you talking about? We bring back enough useful stuff to make it worthwhile even if we never find the Governor.' Or Nash. She couldn't say it out loud. 'What about that untouched drug store we found last month? That was a gold mine.'
'If you were here organising runs you'd be able to clear these places out properly, instead of just bringing back a backpack full.'
'Think of us as scouts, Hershel. Locate the spots and the Council can send out a run.'
'How long ya gonna keep doin' this?'
Her temper suddenly frayed.
'As long as it takes,' she hissed. She grit her teeth, forcing her voice to some semblance of calmness. 'I can't give up on him. Until I know, I can't. I won't do it. He's never given up on me.'
She took a deep shuddering breath. He hadn't. Even when she thought he had, he came back.
'I just don't want you to spend your whole life in this limbo,' Hershel said softly. 'Searching, but never really moving forward. You could make a real life with this group, but you won't give yourself that chance.'
'I can't,' she bit out. 'I need him.'
'You can,' Hershel said. 'He'd understand.'
'You don't know him, you can't say that,' she snapped. But the fact was, she knew that Nash would understand. He wouldn't want her to spend her life aimlessly wandering looking for him—and without a sign from him, she knew that was really what she was doing. For a moment, she tried to think what it would be like to let him go. Her chest constricted and she couldn't breathe. 'I need him,' she gasped.
'Why?'
'I don't trust myself without him.'
'You've been doing alright without him the last few months.'
Asha shook her head and swallowed hard. 'Because all I've done is look for him.'
She looked down at her hands, but she felt Hershel's eyes on her for a long minute.
'You might not ever find him Asha. One of these days you're gonna have to come to terms with that and let him go.'
Hershel reached out to squeeze her hand, but she snatched it away, keeping her eyes away from him. She heard him sigh before he walked away into the cell block, leaving her alone in the dark courtyard.
[A/n: Just a short one this time - but there is some quality Daryl and Asha alone time coming up next chapter, which will be up by the weekend.]