Let me know when you're having a bad day and I'll send you a Starbucks card.
How could she have known what his day was going to turn into?
Doug gripped the handle of his paintbrush tightly, watching his knuckles turn ivory. Painting helped, it really did, but sometimes…sometimes it just wasn't enough. Nothing was going right, and he felt too crowded to concentrate. Frustrated, he hurled the brush across the room, not even caring when it left a black smudge on the wall and clattered to the floor.
A figure looked at it disapprovingly, tutting at him, and he turned away. Hands shaking, he tugged his phone out of his pocket, unsure if what he was doing was wise, but too desperate to think about it.
Me 11:12pm
Chell, are you still awake?
He got up and paced, tapping the phone against the palm of his left hand, and tried hard to remember his breathing exercises.
It isn't real.
Chell 11:13pm
Just about. What's up?
Me 11:13pm
I got held up at work, ended up taking my meds late, now I can't think
My head's too noisy, there are shadows everywhere
I don't feel like I have the strength to wait it out
A cold strand of clarity pierced the haze, and he was momentarily horrified.
You've ruined it now. She's going to see that you're crazy and you'll never hear from her again.
But then there she was, proving him wrong in the best possible way.
Chell 11:14pm
Ok. What can I do?
He could have cried.
Me 11:14pm
Talk to me
Chell 11:14pm
What about?
Me 11:15pm
Anything
How was your day?
Chell 11:15pm
Pretty boring, not sure it would help you. How about questions?
He considered, anxious, his phone cradled in both hands.
Me 11:15pm
Questions?
Chell 11:16pm
Yeah, we can take turns. And you can always pass if you don't want to answer
Me 11:16pm
Sure
Chell 11:17pm
What's your favourite colour?
Me 11:17pm
Blue. It's calming
You?
Chell 11:17pm
Probably yellow. I like warm, sunny things!
How about favourite book NOT written by a pre-20th century poet
Me 11:18pm
That's too hard
Favourite movie?
Chell 11:18pm
The Mummy
Me 11:18pm
Which one?
Chell 11:19pm
Not the crappy new one. Brendan Fraser
You?
Me 11:19pm
Probably When Harry Met Sally
Chell 11:20pm
For real?
He laughed at her tone of surprise, admiring the way it came through so clearly. Some of the tension drained out of him, and his pacing slowed to a steady walk.
Me 11:20pm
What, you think a straight guy can't like rom coms?
Chell 11:20pm
Fair enough
How are you doing now?
Me 11:21pm
A little better, thanks. Your questions are a good idea
Chell 11:22pm
Then I'd better think of more
Can you wire a plug?
Me 11:22pm
Of course. Can you?
Chell 11:22pm
If I had instructions to follow…
Me 11:23pm
Hmm I suppose I can count that
Can you change a lightbulb?
Chell 11:23pm
Don't insult me :P
Favourite band?
Me 11:24pm
Too many to name
Chell 11:24pm
At the moment, then
Me 11:24pm
I like Amarante
Chell 11:25pm
Haven't heard of them. I'll check them out :)
For the next forty minutes, they traded light, unimportant questions while Doug's heartrate decreased and his head cleared. He knew it was the medication, but he had to give credit to Chell's company too. She kept him grounded in reality when it would be all too easy to slip into the fog of voices and noise.
He wasn't quite ready to end the conversation, but neither did he want to keep her up. She probably had to work the next day, as he did.
Me 12:09am
Chell, I can't thank you enough for this
I'm sorry I haven't talked about this before. There didn't seem to be an opportunity
Chell 12:11am
Hey, I get it. We weren't exactly covering heavy topics up until now, and we haven't asked for details of each other's lives either
If there's stuff you don't want to tell me, I completely understand, but I'm concerned about you
And kinda curious, if I'm being honest. But again, I get it if you don't want to say. Just tell me I'm being nosy and I'll shut up with no hard feelings :)
Me 12:12am
No, it's okay
I trust you
And he did. Somehow, he trusted her completely, this young woman who was both an intimate friend and a perfect stranger. Things had already gone far enough. He needed to be completely honest about what she was getting herself into.
Me 12:13am
I have schizophrenia, and all the paranoia and anxiety that comes with it
It's usually well controlled, but as I said, I took my meds late. I'm under a lot of stress too. That doesn't help
He leaned back against the couch cushions and waited. He wouldn't be surprised if she disappeared forever now. Schizophrenia carried such a stigma, it had become a scary word. He knew that all too well.
Chell 12:14am
Do you feel more in control now?
He blinked at the unexpected question.
Me 12:14am
Yes, thank you
I'm sorry I've kept you up so late
Chell 12:15am
It's fine, but maybe you could owe ME a coffee now
Me 12:15am
You're not freaked out?
The question needed asking, however much he dreaded the answer.
Chell 12:17am
No, I don't think so. I'm more worried about you
Don't get me wrong, I didn't really expect you to say all of this. Your texts are so… I don't want to say 'normal', that sounds like you're not somehow, and that's not what I mean at all
I just can't think of the right word
Me 12:17am
I get it
Chell 12:18am
It doesn't bother me, that's the main thing I need to say
I might need to get used to it, but that's all
I'm just glad I could help
Doug shook his head slightly, swallowing a lump that had developed in his throat. How had he gotten so lucky as to find a friend like her?
Me 12:19am
I don't deserve you
Chell 12:19am
I'm just being nice :)
Me 12:20am
Then I should be nice too and let you get to sleep
Chell 12:20am
Sure you'll be ok now?
Me 12:20am
I promise
Chell 12:21am
Ok, but I'm going to check in with you in the morning
Me 12:21am
Okay
Good night, Chell
Chell 12:21am
Good night :)
He felt alone knowing that she wouldn't be replying again any time soon, but it didn't feel lonely. The warmth her words inspired in him still lingered, like a security blanket, reminding him that she cared. He'd had bad episodes before, and had either weathered them alone or turned to family. Never before had he turned to someone he knew as little as her.
She'd wanted to help. She worried about him. She cared.
It still seemed hard to believe, yet he knew it was real. Chell had expressed herself so plainly – and the texts were evidence – that he knew he could never doubt her. Not even his paranoid thoughts could do that.
It was such a comforting thought that he fell asleep quite easily, worn out by the late hour and the exhausting fallout of his anxious evening. And in the morning, there was a bright message waiting for him.
Chell 7:00am
Rise and shine! How are you doing?
A/N: The temptation to have Doug name The National as his favourite band was sooo strong! But in the end I decided to go in a less obvious direction. Amarante have a song called The Manic that gives me all the Doug feels, so it seemed appropriate.