Birthday party

Kathryn sat in her hovercar. Her feet stretched out, driving by autopilot and a gift on the passenger seat, she enjoyed the landscape. She started early to arrive before noon and noticed, pleased, that she was still in time, even if she had stopped more than once for coffee and cookies.

The view outside her window didn't change much. Farmland changed to woods and pastures and back to farmland and woods. Hills, some lower some higher, appeared and disappeared. This was the land where she had grown up and the reason why she took the hovercar rather than just beaming over. She wanted to see it, be a part of it.

Smiling, she felt excitement bubbling within her. She had looked forward to this day since she'd received the invitation, and she was glad that it had finally come. She would talk to Chakotay, see where he lived, meet his family and friends, and after the party she would ask him to re-establish their weekly dinner. That was the part of the day she looked forward to the most, to start rebuilding their friendship.

The screen showed her that she was only four miles away from her destination and she sat up and deactivated the autopilot. Coming to a crossroad, she had to turn right through a line of trees and, after a wide turn, she emerged from the trees and a hilly landscape appeared in front of her. She crossed a small river and embedded in fields and pastures, fifty, maybe some more, houses stood.

Impressed, she slowed down to take a closer look. On the fields, corn and grain grew, and on the pastures, cows, horses and sheep grazed leisurely. On the other side of the village was a small lake glistering in the bright sunlight. It was surrounded on two sides by a narrow wood and Kathryn could see a grassy shoreline on the other, a perfect bathing spot, completed by a wooden dock.

Some of the horses raised their heads when she drove along her pasture, and she began to understand why Chakotay had moved here. It was simply beautiful.

Closing in on the first houses, she decided to walk the remaining way. She parked her hovercar, grabbed her belongings and got out. Stretching her body, she inhaled the fresh air and a gentle breeze caressed her skin and lifted her hair. She sighed, pleased, and started to walk.

The whole atmosphere in the village was peaceful, and the people she passed on her way gave her a friendly greeting. She now knew why it was so different for Maya in San Francisco and on Voyager. Even if people were nice and friendly, too, most of them hurried along their way and stayed in their own thoughts. Here, it was different, more familiar, and Kathryn could easily imagine Chakotay among those people. He had the same calmness about him, a fact she always thought was vital for the well-being of the crew throughout their journey. And her own, not to forget. He had been her rock, a steady, calm presence beside her, sometimes even her conscience, and she didn't know what she would have done without him.

Unnoticed, she walked faster and thanks to Sekaya's specific explanation, Kathryn found the house of Sekaya and her family easily. It was a wonderful, two floored log cabin with a large porch in front, and Kathryn stopped for a moment to admire it. On the porch stood a small table next to a bench, and the house was surrounded by a well tended garden. Flowers and shrubs in full bloom exuded a scent that smelled of summer and Kathryn smiled. Sekaya's work, she thought.

Just when she was about to walk on, she heard a shriek and saw Maya running towards her.

"Katie!" Maya yelled and hugged Kathryn's leg.

"Hello Maya," Kathryn laughed and put her things to the ground to hug the girl properly. "Happy Birthday."

Maya smiled brightly at Kathryn until her gaze wandered to the wrapped package and she bit her lip, not daring to ask for the gift.

Kathryn saw her gaze and smiled. "This…" She tapped her fingers on the top of the large box. "…is for you. Let's walk to the house so you can unwrap it."

Beaming, Maya nodded and walked ahead. "Mommy! Katie is here!" she called out excitedly.

Chuckling, Kathryn picked up her things and followed her.

Instead of Sekaya, Chakotay came out of the door and Maya bounced up and down in front of him.

"Katie is here," she told him with a singing voice.

"I see her," he replied with a smirk, but it seemed forced to Kathryn. "Hi."

"Hello Chakotay," she smiled and he caught her off-guard when he leaned forward and gave her a hug.

He pulled away and she smiled awkwardly while he turned to his niece, unimpressed, like he touched her every day.

"I got another gift! It's from Katie."

Kathryn shook herself out of her reverie and handed Maya the gift. "I hope you'll like it," she winked.

Sitting down on the floor, Maya began to unwrap her gift at warp speed and Kathryn chuckled at her enthusiasm. She looked at Chakotay, but his expression was neutral and he kept his eyes on his niece. Before Kathryn could begin to worry, Sekaya stepped out of the house.

"Admiral! It's nice to see you."

"Likewise," Kathryn smiled at Sekaya and they shook hands. "But please call me Kathryn. I left the admiral at home."

Nodding, Sekaya returned her smile.

"You have a wonderful home," Kathryn observed.

"Thank you."

"Mommy!" Maya interrupted them excitedly. "This is Voyager!"

She raised the toy Voyager up in the air and Kathryn was happy that her gift was obviously appreciated.

"What do you say now?" Sekaya said.

"Thank you, Katie!" Maya said politely.

"You're welcome."

"Please don't call her 'Katie', Maya," Sekaya corrected her.

"Oh, that's okay. We agreed on that, didn't we?" Kathryn winked to the little girl.

"Yes, we did!"

"You know that this Voyager can fly?" Kathryn took the remote control out of the box and Maya's eyes widened. "Come on, I'll show you."

The stepped on the lawn and Kathryn showed Maya how to fly Voyager.

"Just watch out when Tom arrives," Kathryn said playfully when she gave the remote control to Maya. "If he gets his hands on this thing, you'll never get it back."

#

Kathryn helped Sekaya set large tables in the backyard. The two women had engaged into an easy conversation quickly while doing the last minute preparations and Kathryn was happy to get to know Sekaya better. They had met after Voyager's homecoming and Kathryn had instantly liked Chakotay's sister.

She wasn't surprised about that. Sekaya was very much like her brother, friendly, easy to talk to, sensitive, but with a wicked sense of humor. They laughed heartily more than once and when Sekaya went into the house to prepare the cake, Kathryn enjoyed the momentary silence and took in the sight of the beautiful garden.

Sekaya certainly had a hand for everything that grew. The backyard was a sea of colors and scents. Large fruit trees, apples, cherries and pears grew, and shrubs with various kinds of berries stood at the far end of the garden. The fruits and berries needed a couple more months to be fully ripe, but Kathryn could imagine how good they tasted. Her grandparents' garden was full of fruit trees, too, and she had loved to eat the ripe, fresh and juicy fruits as a child.

The sun stood high and it was getting warmer, but the tables and chairs stood between the trees, inviting the guests to settle in the cool shadows the leaves were forming.

Maya was picking flowers and Kathryn smiled when she saw her running towards her, the skirt of her dress flowing in the air.

"I have another," Maya called out excitedly.

"Beautiful," Kathryn said and put the flowers in a vase and placed it on the table. "One more and we're done."

Maya nodded and ran to the spot where the most beautiful flowers grew.

While Kathryn was happy to get to know Sekaya better and to meet her husband and Maya's father Phil, Chakotay was somewhat absent. No one seemed to mind, and Kathryn hadn't had the courage to ask where he was. She told herself to be patient, there would be plenty of time to talk to him that afternoon, but it wasn't easy. His strange behavior confused her, and she would like to talk to him sooner rather than later but he still hadn't shown up when the first guests arrived.

The garden filled with people and soon it seemed to Kathryn that the whole village was there. Maya received one gift after the other and Phil and Sekaya bustled around, offering their guests coffee and other beverages.

Kathryn stood at a secluded spot at the side, watching the scenery and looking out for Chakotay, but she still hadn't seen him. Her eyes fell on someone else, though, someone she also hadn't seen in a while.

"Admiral!" B'Elanna called out, surprised.

Kathryn smiled at her former chief engineer and her eyes got bright when she saw Miral standing on her own wobbly legs next to her mother, her tiny hand firmly in B'Elanna's. Tom appeared at his wife's side and waved at Kathryn. She waved back and the small family slowly made their way through the crowd.

"It's great to see you here," B'Elanna said when they came closer.

"It's great to see you, too," Kathryn smiled and they shared a friendly hug. "But please call me Kathryn. That's long overdue, don't you think?"

B'Elanna nodded and stepped aside so Tom could take Kathryn into a bear hug. "We missed you," he told her.

"I missed you, too," she said and he released her. "All of you," she added.

Miral looked with big brown eyes at Kathryn and pressed her body into her mother's leg.

"You don't even know me anymore, do you," Kathryn said, feeling a pang of remorse, and squatted down. "You've grown so much since the last time we saw each other."

"That's Kathryn," Tom said, kneeling down. "Do you remember Kathryn? She was Mommy's and Daddy's captain on Voyager."

Miral looked at her Daddy and shook her head.

"That's all right, Sweetie," Kathryn assured her. "We'll get to know each other. I promise."

Miral smiled a small smile, not in the slightest understanding what the adults were talking about.

"We would like to see you more often," B'Elanna said.

"We will," Kathryn promised and rose from the ground. "I'm sorry I wasn't around."

"It's all right. We all needed time to settle."

Settle, Kathryn thought and remembered that shortly after their arrival on Earth she decided to give Chakotay and everyone else of their crew a call when she had settled. But that never happened because, even though she had a new apartment, a new rank and a new job, the feeling of being home still eluded her.

Miral tugged at B'Elanna's hand when she saw the other children. "Go play?" she asked with a small voice.

"Yeah come, Sweetie, we'll go play," Tom picked her up. "See you later, Kathryn."

"We'll do."

"I must say that I didn't expect you to be here," B'Elanna said when Tom and Miral had left them alone.

"Maya invited me."

"You know her?"

"She and Chakotay visited me two weeks ago."

"In San Francisco?" B'Elanna asked, visibly surprised.

"Yes."

"He didn't tell me." She shook her head. "He's behaving strangely since he moved here."

Kathryn looked at B'Elanna from the side. "You noticed it, too?"

"Of course. He is…"

"Quiet."

"I wanted to say hiding."

"Hiding?"

"Since he moved here, he is isolating himself."

"He has contact with you and Tom…"

A fire entered B'Elanna's eyes. "Because I push him, I force him to. He would never do it on his own."

Kathryn frowned. "That is indeed odd. Is he in contact with anyone else from Voyager's crew?"

"Not that I know of. That's why I was surprised when you said he visited you."

"To tell the truth, I think it was Maya's idea. I doubt he would have shown up if it weren't for her."

"Well, no matter what brought you here, I'm glad."

"Yes, me too," Kathryn smiled.

"Oh no, what did he do now?" B'Elanna exclaimed when she saw Miral crying and Tom looking suspiciously innocent.

"I have to go," she said and rushed to her husband and daughter.

Chuckling, Kathryn watched B'Elanna scolding Tom and soothing Miral. She was unbelievably proud of what they'd become and looked forward to take their relationship on a new level. Friendship.

Thinking of friendship, she began looking for Chakotay once more. While doing so, her eyes fell on a woman who gave Maya another gift. Maya smiled brightly and to Kathryn's surprise, Chakotay stepped out of nowhere beside the woman and tugged at her arm. She smiled affectionately at him and he pointed in Kathryn's direction. Before Kathryn could react, the awfully good looking woman looked her in the eyes and smiled at her. Taken aback, Kathryn returned her smile. As the two made their way over she ran her hands down her waist and was suddenly nervous and felt old and unattractive.

"Kathryn, this is Sonora," Chakotay introduced her. "Sonora this is Kathryn. She was my captain on Voyager."

"Hello, nice to meet you," Sonora reached out her hand and Kathryn shook it automatically.

"Nice to meet you," she said in return.

While Kathryn had one of the most strained and unpleasant conversations of her life, B'Elanna had brought order into chaos at the other side of the garden. Miral started to play with some of the other children and Tom inspected the gift table.

"Oh, a miniature Voyager!" he exclaimed enthusiastically when he found Maya's gift from Kathryn. "Can it can fly?"

"Yes, but Katie says you're not allowed to play with it," Maya said.

"Katie doesn't have to know."

"She said if you play with it you won't give it back to me."

Tom bended down. "Katie was teasing you. I would never take your gift. If you let me fly it, I could teach you some tricks though."

"Uh-huh." Maya nodded, excited. "But if you don't give it back afterwards, I'll tell Uncle Chakotay," she warned him, just to be sure.

"I don't want to get into trouble with your Uncle Chakotay," Tom said, trying to hide his amusement. "But I would give it back to you no matter what."

Convinced, Maya handed him the remote control. "Show me!"

In no time, Tom had Voyager up in the air and did daring maneuvers to the children's, and obviously his own, delight.

#

In the evening, the party guests sat under the trees, chatting with each other and eating Sekaya's wonderful food.

Kathryn stood at the buffet table, impressed by the variety of dishes and had trouble deciding what to take.

Phil joined her and chuckled, "Problems?"

"You could say so," she laughed. "Everything looks so delicious, I don't know what to take."

"Take a bit of everything," he suggested and filled his plate.

She thought it was a good idea and started with small portions of three different salads.

When their plates were filled, they walked to a table and sat down.

"It's great you had time to come today. Chakotay told us a lot about you."

Surprised, Kathryn looked at Phil. The way Chakotay acted around her, she didn't think he would talk about her at all. "He did?"

"Yes," Phil nodded.

"Did he also tell you about our time in the Delta Quadrant?" she asked, curious.

"Sometimes. But not often. If you ask me, I think he's still trying to get over it, to work it out."

Kathryn knew that feeling all too well. She, too, still tried hard to come to terms with their journey.

"He tells Maya stories about it, though," Phil went on.

"About Voyager?"

"Yes. Bedtime stories about the heroic Captain Janeway and her intrepid starship."

Kathryn smiled, touched. "That's why she was so intimidated."

"She was intimidated?" Phil asked surprised.

"Very."

"She was bouncing when Chakotay agreed to ask you to join them."

"So it was really her idea?"

"It was." He looked at her. "I don't know what Chakotay is telling her about you but she adores you."

"She is adorable."

"She is," he agreed and smiled proudly like only a father could.

Kathryn smiled absently but it vanished when she saw Chakotay sitting with his back to her and she was reminded that they hadn't shared two words that day. "You're in Starfleet, aren't you?" she asked to distract herself and started to eat.

"I am. I'm working at Communications."

"How did you meet Sekaya?"

"I was a commander aboard a science vessel when the attack on Dorvan happened. We escorted inhabitants and families that were on Earth back to the planet."

"Sekaya was among them?"

"Yes. She was here, visiting relatives, when the Cardassians attacked. I instantly liked her, but it wasn't the right time and we lost each other when she left the ship. I never forgot her, though, and when I heard that Voyager was lost in the Delta Quadrant and that her brother was aboard, I tried to find her. It didn't take long. She had settled here. We had a few dates and I knew I never wanted to be apart from her again. And when Maya happened..." He smiled. "…I wanted to stay planetside to be with my family. Luckily I got an assignment at Headquarters quickly."

"You still commute to San Francisco every day?"

"I do. Many people work somewhere else."

Kathryn got quiet. If so many people worked elsewhere, why had Chakotay resigned from Starfleet right after the debriefings? He could have lived here while working in San Francisco.

She would love to ask Phil what Chakotay did nowadays but was ashamed that she didn't know.

"Did Chakotay tell you that he is helping in the construction of our new transporter station?" Phil said as if he could read her mind.

"No, he didn't."

"It's going to be in our new public house."

"Are you going to build it all on your own?"

"We are."

"Impressive."

"On Dorvan the people needed to care for themselves. They didn't stop when they moved here."

"I noticed that you have a strong community."

Phil glanced around. "That's right. The survivors of Dorvan V share a very close bond."

Kathryn nodded thoughtfully. "I can imagine."

"What about you? Are you happy with your new job?"

"To be honest, it's quite a change from being a captain, being out there, to sit behind a desk and do paperwork all day."

"You're bored," Phil pointed out playfully.

"Yes," she chuckled but there was a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Thought about doing something else?"

"Not really," Kathryn poked her food with her fork.

"Perhaps you just need time to adjust."

"Yeah, could be," she said quietly. "It's hard to come back after seven years in the Delta Quadrant."

"Yes," he said but paused. "I mean I have no idea," he corrected himself. "My longest mission was 20 months to the Lambatta cluster. I don't think anyone in Starfleet can comprehend what it means for you to come home after everything you've been through."

Kathryn nodded. She was surprised that she could talk to him about things she hadn't formulated in months. "I don't know how to work it out and Starfleet's counselors aren't a big help either."

"I'm sure you'll find a way," he said and something in his voice made her believe him.

She nodded, grateful, and smiled at him. "I will. Thank you."

He returned her smile and got back to his food.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay's back. She would love to share her experience of the last one and a half years with him, and listen to his. She was sure they would be able to help each other if only they could spend some time alone to talk and re-establish their friendship.

She shook her head at herself. There was no point in dwelling on it right now because he obviously didn't want to talk to her today. She just had to find another opportunity. And she would, because she would never give up on him again.

=/\=

The party guests were long gone and Kathryn sat alone on a tree trunk in Sekaya's backyard. The stars twinkled above her still form and the growing moon shone brightly through the leaves.

Sekaya had gone inside earlier, bringing Maya to bed and Kathryn began to feel like she had been forgotten. Maybe the little girl was too excited to sleep, she told herself and shifted on her seat.

As happy as the day should've been, she couldn't help but feeling sad. The rift between her and Chakotay was larger than she had expected and if she didn't know him better, she would say he was avoiding her.

Hiding, she thought and frowned, B'Elanna said he was hiding. But she couldn't say whether he did it intentionally. There was something wrong with him, Kathryn felt it. He appeared cold… no, she shook her head. Cold wasn't the precise word. He seemed… formal, distant, like she was someone he only knew fleetingly.

She didn't know why he acted the way he did, though. Never since she had met him all those years ago had he behaved like he was now. It confused and worried her equally and she had a bad feeling in her gut about it.

Aside from Chakotay's strange behavior, there was something else she had noticed. She had found a place where she could calm down and order her thoughts. This village was like a safe harbor in a fast-living world and if Chakotay wasn't being so… formal, she would've asked him if she could spend her leave of absence here. But his behavior towards her, or lack thereof, held her back.

She sighed, her shoulders hung and she took a look at the half moon and saw the lights of the colonies blinking on the dark side.

There had been a time when she wanted nothing more than to travel through the stars, exploring the universe, but now she wanted nothing more than to feel at home again.

Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned her head. A broad figure approached her in the darkness and she shuffled her feet. It seemed that he hadn't forgotten her, after all.

"Sekaya told me you're still here," Chakotay said quietly.

She looked up into his face. "I am."

"I guess you don't want to drive home tonight?"

"I don't know…"

"Do you want to beam back?"

"No."

"Do you want to sleep out here?"

"No," she chuckled but it had a sad ring to it. "And before you ask more, I don't know what I want."

She looked down at her feet and felt his gaze on her. "Kathryn?" he asked questioningly.

She sighed deeply. "It's nothing," she said and waved dismissively with her hand.

"Tell me," he said softly and squatted next to her.

She looked into his eyes and for the first time she saw the gentle man she knew for many years. She took it as a good sign and threw caution to the wind. "I have three months of leave and didn't know what to do with it… until now."

"Oh?"

"I would like to spend it here," she admitted sheepishly.

"Of course you can spend your leave here."

She smiled relieved. "Thank you, Chakotay. But I don't want to sit around and do nothing. Phil told me you're working on a new public house with a transporter station."

"We are."

"I would like to help."

"We could use someone with your expertise."

She started to beam but his face became, to her disappointment, unreadable again and he rose. "I'll talk to Sekaya. You can sleep in her spare room."

Kathryn nodded, taken aback by his response. She had hoped she would stay closer to him, perhaps even at his house. "Thank you, Chakotay," she forced herself to say.

"It's nothing," he shrugged and left.

Dissatisfied, she huffed and looked after him. His demeanor was hard to take but she had the next three months to find out what was wrong with him. If Starfleet granted her leave. But she had no doubt they would.