Helping a friend (sometimes means helping yourself)

Purposefully, Kathryn walked through the streets. She was a woman on a mission. Her mission was to crack through the wall Chakotay had built around himself and to bring him to talk to her. She knew it would need time, but she had a plan.

Well, it wasn't really a plan but an opener. She wanted to see his home, she had been waiting for an invitation since her arrival, and now she decided to ask him outright. What happened then she would see. But one thing was clear, she wouldn't back down.

Knowing that Chakotay's team worked on the weekend, she approached the building site with large steps. It was bustling and rustling with people but Kathryn immediately saw Chakotay.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hi," he greeted her, confused, and stopped what he was doing. "What are you doing here? I thought you didn't work over the weekend."

"We don't. I'm here to see you."

"Why?" he frowned.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm sorry," he looked around to his co-workers who were busy. "I don't have time. We need all the hands we can get today."

"That's okay. I just wanted to say that I would like to see your home."

"I can show it to you," he said simply, with a shrug.

His easy agreement surprised her. She had prepared for more of a fight but was glad that she didn't have to push him. "Great."

"We should be done at about seventeen hundred hours."

"I'll be here."

Satisfied, she left him to his work. That had gone much better than she had expected and at exactly seventeen hundred hours she stood at the public house, waiting for him.

She didn't have to wait long. He emerged a couple of minutes later with a group of other volunteers and walked straight to her.

"Punctual as always."

"Starfleet training," she said lightly.

"Kathryn…," he looked down and shuffled his feet in the sand. "I'm sorry I haven't invited you yet. I wanted to but my home isn't special."

His apology touched her and for a short moment he appeared sad and vulnerable.

Her heart went out to him. "It's okay," she said, laying her hand on his arm. "I'm sure you have a wonderful home."

"It isn't. It's… sufficient."

"I doubt that. But why don't you let me see for myself?"

He looked at her and nodded. "Let's go."

They fell into an easy step side by side and she recognized the side street he guided her to. She had walked through it on her walks once but it led to a dead end and she had to turn around and walk back.

The houses on both sides were smaller than Sekaya's but just as pretty. Most of them were log cabins, and she didn't know why Chakotay thought his home wasn't special. She could imagine him in any of them.

They came to the dead end and a small grassy footpath led to the last house in the street. To call it a house seemed too much, Kathryn thought while they walked towards it. It was a small, a very small, wooden cabin that appeared ready to fall apart any minute.

"Here we are," Chakotay said and opened the front door.

They walked in and Kathryn's eyebrows rose. On the inside the house seemed even tinier and she didn't know how anyone could live in here. The kitchen was one long room, barely wide enough to walk through alone, passing someone was out of the question. At its end was a backdoor that led out on a porch behind the house.

A wall divided the kitchen from the living room to the left. It was filled with high shelves full of books, and in one corner stood an old armchair and in another was a spiral staircase. The room was very dark, and Kathryn noticed that there wasn't one window on the first floor. The only light came from the two doors.

Despite the small space, everything was neat and tidy, except for piles of books that lay sprawled around the living room.

"Nice home," she said politely.

"You don't have to say that," he said with a shake of his head. "Want a cup of coffee?"

"Yes, please."

He let her go first and she walked through the kitchen and out of the door. The view that extended before her eyes knocked the air out of her lungs. There was a large meadow behind the house with wild flowers and little shrubs. Bees, butterflies and other insects flew from bloom to bloom and no house, no road or person was in the view. It was pure nature.

To her right, the wood began and somewhere behind, Kathryn knew, must be the lake.

"It's beautiful," she breathed as Chakotay joined her.

"It is," he said and handed her a cup of coffee.

They sat on the steps, drank the coffee and enjoyed the view.

"Did you ever think of extending the house?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"I have thought about it, yes."

"And?"

He sighed and she got the feeling that it wasn't his favorite topic. "I would have to repair it first."

"Why don't you do it? You could build a larger kitchen… and include windows."

"I could…," he said, vague.

"The house has potential."

"I know," he agreed, but his voice was lacking any enthusiasm.

"Then why didn't you start yet?"

He glanced over the meadow. "I never got around to."

No effort, Kathryn thought, he put no effort in things. "Why not?" she pressed on.

"I had a lot to do in the community. They needed my help."

It was a lame excuse, and she knew that he knew it. "I could help you," she offered, sitting up.

He looked at her, surprised. "With what?"

"Repairing the house, extending it," she said with a gesture at the house. "We could do it together."

Something flickered in his eyes, something she couldn't pinpoint, but there was definitively an emotional response.

He hid it as quickly as it had appeared and shifted. "You don't have to."

"I want to."

"I'm capable of doing it on my own," he said harshly.

"I know. I'm just offering to help." She looked at him from the side. "I miss us working together," she admitted.

His eyes met hers. He seemed surprised that she said that but she didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.

"What would you change first?" she asked with enthusiasm.

He sighed and she couldn't help but smile. He seemed to have forgotten how persistent she could be. "It's not that simple. If you start at one thing, there are a whole lot of other things we had to do."

"For example?"

"If we want to put windows in the walls on the first floor we should extend it first. But there's also the roof..."

"Do have a plan how you want it to look like one day?"

"A larger kitchen would be nice."

"What about a study? I saw your bookshelves. You could have an own room for your books."

"It's okay this way."

She rolled her eyes. "But you could have both. A living room and a study."

"I don't need both."

"Why not?"

"One room is sufficient."

"Sufficient is not good enough. You could have it the way you want."

"I don't need more living space," he snapped, his attitude suddenly cold and he rose.

He wasn't making it easy for her, she thought, but she wouldn't be Kathryn Janeway if she gave up so fast.

"Want another cup of coffee?" he asked briskly.

She hadn't finished her first cup but decided that it was a good sign that he offered her another. "Yes, please."

He vanished into the house and she decided to give him the space he needed and stayed quiet. He would make up his mind eventually.

To her surprise, his head suddenly appeared in the doorway and he looked at her. "You really want to help?"

"I do," she said firmly.

He nodded. "Okay then… we could extend the first floor."

She began to beam. "When do we start?"

He shook his head playfully at her enthusiasm and her heart swelled. "When you're done with the transporter."

She nodded her agreement and he went back into the house.

Smiling happily, she couldn't wait for them to start. Luckily, she and her team were almost done with the transporter, two or three more days should do it and then she and Chakotay could begin working on the house. She was glad he had accepted her offer so quickly; she hadn't planned on it but when she had seen his house she knew she wanted to help him making it nicer and homier.

Thinking about it, it was perfect. She would have something to do after they were finished with the transporter and at the same time she would help Chakotay and be close to him.

With delight she realized that her leave finally turned in the direction she wanted to. Be with Chakotay and re-establish their friendship. For the first time since she arrived at the village, it seemed within reach. And that made her very happy.

=/\=

Being realistic and not wanting to be disappointed again, Kathryn was prepared to have to push Chakotay in case he withdrew from her once more. But her concern wasn't justified. When she, Haley and Hank were doing last tests with the transporter, he came to the transporter station, a PADD in his hands.

"I heard you're almost done," he said.

"Not almost," Kathryn corrected him. She stood behind the console and her finger flew over the controls as if she was playing an instrument. "We're…" She pushed one last control with a wide movement of her hand. "… done. The transporter is now fully operational," she smiled and rounded the console. "The staff can move in."

"I'll tell them," Haley said. "It was great working with you."

"Likewise," Kathryn smiled affectionately. "And if you need help with the Academy tests, call me."

Haley nodded and left.

"I'll leave, too," Hank said. "Thanks for your help, Kathryn." He leaned into her and kissed her cheek.

Her mouth opened in surprise but her lips curled into a grin quickly. "Don't let your wife know what you just did," she teased him and slapped his shoulder playfully.

He grinned at her. "Chakotay," he said, passing him, and exited the room.

"I've made some plans for the house," Chakotay said and handed her the PADD.

She took a look at the data. He would have a much bigger kitchen, more living space and the option of extending the second floor.

"Looks great."

"Thanks. If you have any more ideas, let me know."

She nodded. "I'll do that."

She took her lunch basket and they left the transporter station together.

"I have to go back to work." He pointed at the other side of the public house. "But what do you say, dinner at 1900 hours? We could discuss our project then."

Her face brightened like the sun. "I'll be there."

He nodded and she couldn't help but notice the satisfied look on his face. "See you later."

"Looking forward to it."

On her way back to Sekaya's, Kathryn couldn't stop smiling. It seemed that she had broken through the wall Chakotay had built around himself by nothing more than offering her help.

Back at the house, she told Sekaya about their plans. Sekaya was more than a little surprised and almost didn't believe Kathryn. Since Chakotay had moved into the house he hadn't done anything to repair it, not to mention making it homier. She couldn't hide that she doubted that they would really do it, but Kathryn was sure they would.

That evening she and Chakotay sat on his back porch, eating a delicious dinner, drinking a glass of wine and discussing their plans. To be with him like that felt like being at one of their countless dinners on Voyager. She felt as comfortable as she had back then and when they were pleased with their plans she stayed a little longer and drank another glass of wine with him.

The next day, Chakotay ordered everything they needed and thanks to the transporter technology the materials were delivered quickly. He called her and she came over, ready to make her hands dirty.

When she walked around the house, her mouth dropped. The lawn was full of materials. "Do we really need all this?" she asked, half joking.

"Apparently so." Chakotay stood between high boxes, looking around. "We should check the delivery. See if anything's missing."

"Not that it looks like there's anything missing," she said, walking to him.

The corners of his mouth twitched into a small grin. "No."

He grabbed the PADD with his order and they began checking the delivery. While doing so, they brought order into chaos and set up a construction site. His experience from the public house was helpful, he knew exactly what they needed first and what could be stored away for later.

Working together was like Kathryn remembered it. They worked hand in hand naturally and didn't need many words. He seemed to be at ease and she pondered if she should ask him a question she wanted to ask him for a long time.

When they were carrying tools to a made-up work bench, Kathryn stole a glance at him. "Why did you resign from Starfleet?" she asked, trying to sound casually.

Instantly, she saw his shoulders tensing and his guard coming up. "Why do you want to know?" he asked back and she heard the rejection in his voice.

She didn't want to pressure him, but her curiosity took over. "I just wondered," she said nonchalantly with a shrug.

"I don't know…," he said, busying himself with sorting the tools on the work bench. "It didn't feel right to me anymore."

"Because of your time in the Maquis?"

"No." He shook his head and looked at her. "Because of our time in the Delta Quadrant."

She frowned in confusion.

He sighed deeply but obviously decided to tell her the truth. "Out there we had to take care of ourselves," he explained. "We didn't have to report to anyone, we had to make our own decisions. As difficult as it was, it made it unbearable to go back into Starfleet's system."

She nodded her head. "I know what you mean."

"I just didn't want to follow some admiral's orders…"

"Well… thanks."

"I didn't mean you. I mean…" He breathed deeply, put the tools down and straightened. "They offered me a captaincy," he admitted.

"I didn't know that!"

"I didn't tell anyone."

"Did they offer you Voyager?"

"No," he shook his head. "And even if they had, I wouldn't have taken her."

"You didn't want to be a captain?"

"That's right."

"Why not?"

"I felt empty after the debriefings, I needed time for myself. And, to be honest, it felt hollow to even think about staying in Starfleet."

"You didn't want to follow some admiral's orders…," she mused and he nodded. "I know that feeling. That's why I took the promotion." She saw the surprise on his face. "I thought being an admiral meant that I could change things; that I would be in charge. But I can't and I'm not. The system is like a corset, it doesn't give much space."

"You hate your new job?"

"Hate is such a strong word. I… dislike it."

"Did you ever think of doing something else?"

"Phil asked me the same question."

"What did you answer?"

"That I hadn't given it much thought because I don't know what I want to do." She got quiet and looked at him from the side. "What about you? What do you want to do?"

He heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't know either."

"What about teaching? You always wanted to teach."

"That's true."

"Did Starfleet offer you a teaching post at the Academy?"

"No."

"If they had, would you have taken it?"

"I don't know."

"Starfleet Academy isn't the only place where you could teach. My mother taught at various universities in her career."

"I thought about it, but since we're back…"

"You go aimlessly from day to day."

He looked at her, surprised. "Yes. How do you know?"

She shrugged. "Even though I have a job, I did pretty much the same. Until I came here."

He looked down and she could swear she had seen a smile emerging on his face.

"It's nice that you're here," he said.

Her heart skipped a beat. "I'm happy to be here. I missed our talks."

He raised his head, his face schooled again. "Yes. Me too."

She smiled and after a moment, she laid a hand on his arm. "Well, I know you don't want to take orders from an admiral, but I suggest we go back to work."

"I'll make an excuse this time," he said dryly and she laughed as they returned to their work.