A memento brings clarity

Kathryn paused, wiped the sweat off her forehead and took a look at their day's-work. The foundation for the new kitchen was set and staples of logs waited for them nearby to start building the walls.

Before they began with the extension, they had successfully repaired the roof and Kathryn was proud that they got the work done so quickly. Especially because Chakotay still worked at the public house a few hours each day. That gave her some free-time to spend to her liking, and the mixture of hard work and relaxing was exactly what she needed.

Chakotay was still quieter than usual and she didn't know the reason for his strange behavior yet, but she didn't care. All that mattered was that he began to open up to her and that he seemed more settled each day.

The man in question came into view and put his tools on the work bench.

"Ugh, every muscle in my body hurts," she groaned and rolled her shoulders.

"You offered your help," he pointed out and she noticed again that his voice had lost its hard edge and had become much softer.

"I know, I know," she said, stretching her arms. "I just wish I had bathtub. I could use a nice, relaxing bath."

"Sekaya has a bathtub."

"Yeah…," she said and it was obvious that she wasn't satisfied with that.

He looked at her and considered something. She could see it in his eyes.

"Come with me," he said finally.

She frowned, confused, but followed him to Phil's old, shabby workshop without arguing.

She hadn't been there before; whenever Chakotay borrowed something from Phil, he went alone to get it, and now she was curious what was inside.

The doors opened with a squeak and a musty smell came into her nose while her eyes adjusted to the darkness. When they had, she saw a mess. On a large workbench dozens of tools lay around and hanging at a board above. The rest of the space was filled with a lawnmower, some garden tools, and shelves with things Kathryn couldn't identify. She didn't know how anyone could find something in here and she certainly didn't know what Chakotay wanted here.

Knowing his way around, he made his way through the dusty stuff. "Here it is."

She followed him in and he pulled a sheet from a pile of wooden boards.

"Wha…," her question died in her throat. She couldn't believe her own eyes. It couldn't be true. "This is…"

"Your bathtub," he said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

She put her hand over her mouth and tears sprang into her eyes. "I thought it stayed on New Earth," she said with a lump in her throat.

"I had Tuvok beam it aboard. I took it apart and stored it in the cargo bay," he told her matter-of-factly and turned away to search for something.

She was overwhelmed. Tears rolled down her face. She couldn't believe it. The bathtub he built for her. Here on Earth. In an old, dark and dusty workshop.

To her disappointment Chakotay didn't seem aware of how deeply it touched her. "What are you looking for?" she sniffed.

"Somewhere here… Ah, here it is." He took a PADD from a shelf. "I took notes when I took it apart to be able to put it back together."

He saw her tearful face and averted his gaze. "We should carry the boards to the place where you want me to put it back together. When your leave is over you can take it with you."

She nodded, although she wasn't listening to what he said. "Thank you, Chakotay."

"It's nothing," he shrugged. "It was yours. I only kept it. I should have given it to you months ago."

He took a board and wanted to head outside but she stopped him by touching his arm. "No," she said and locked her eyes with his. "This is very important. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said with a ghost of a smile and left as quickly as he could.

She looked after him, not being able to move. Tears streamed down her face, out of happy- and sadness and she slowly wiped them away.

Her world had just irreversibly changed. It was as if there was a secret lake within her that was frozen over and seeing the, her, bathtub had opened a crack in the ice and all the hidden emotions, the love for Chakotay resurfaced.

She hadn't been aware of those feelings for a very long time, she didn't even know they existed anymore. Now they were out in the open and she knew she couldn't deny them any longer.

It was equally overwhelming as it was surprising. How could she not notice her own feelings? How could she forget the natural attraction she had with Chakotay?

They had been, from the very beginning, like binary stars, circling each other, captured in each other's gravitation, gaining strength from each other.

Now the whole system had collapsed and didn't work anymore.

She wanted that feeling back. She wanted… him.

More tears began to stream down her face and she sat on a small bench and cried openly. She didn't recall the last time she had done that, but she felt that it lifted a shadow off her shoulders.

She sniffed and made hiccup sounds, but she didn't care. She cried for making the decision that stranded Voyager and its crew in the Delta Quadrant, for the many crew she lost, for putting her needs last for the sake of getting Voyager home, and, after all, for having to push Chakotay away from her.

The tears washed the guilt away and eventually she calmed and her breathing became normal. She wiped her face and smiled at the pieces of her bathtub. Never had she expected that something could cause such an emotional response, but she was glad it had because she felt freer, lighter now.

She rose and touched the smooth surface of the wooden boards affectionately, wondering why Chakotay hadn't told her that he kept the bathtub. He must've had a hidden agenda, she thought with a smile and hoped that it was because he still loved her.

She couldn't know for sure and immediately told herself not to speculate. It wouldn't lead her anywhere.

Grabbing a board, she left the workshop and walked back to his house. He was waiting for her and she couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. She didn't want to startle him with a sudden revelation of her feelings, though, and decided to keep her mouth shut as long as he wasn't himself. That way she could also come to terms with the knowledge that she was still in love with him and decide what to do before jumping into action.

With firm steps she approached him and together they looked for a place for the bathtub.

Behind his house was a nice spot under the trees that was surrounded by shrubs, similar to the spot it stood on New Earth. She liked it as soon as she saw it and he agreed on putting it there. Wanting to take her first bath today, she begged him to reassemble it immediately. He was fine with it and while he trimmed the shrubs and mowed the lawn, she fetched the boards and brought them to his backyard.

They needed the whole afternoon and in the evening, when she slid into the warm water, she felt like she was travelling back in time.

The wood, the green land, the peaceful quietness, everything reminded her of New Earth. She could even talk herself into thinking that she and Chakotay were the only two people on the planet because nobody else was close by.

She heard Chakotay bustling in the house and smiled involuntarily. How many times had they had exactly this situation? She taking a bath, he inside their shelter, preparing dinner or going after his hobbies?

Countless times.

She missed those easy days. Perhaps that was why she liked being here so much. It was a simple life, a mixture of New Earth and childhood memories; undoubtedly the most carefree times in her life.

What made it even better now was that she had no responsibilities. She had brought her ship and crew home safely, had no one to take care of, could visit her family whenever she wanted, and, most importantly, she was with the man she loved.

That thought was still new and it sent a flutter through her belly. The man she loved. She expected that the realization would knock her off balance but the opposite was the case. She felt strangely centered and was glad that that her leave was still long. Because that gave her plenty of time to think about her future.