Longing
"Watch out!" Chakotay yelped right before the wooden panel hit the wall.
Kathryn stopped short, preventing the collision. She ignored the pain in her arms, raised her end higher and moved it into a better angle.
"That's it. Now forward," he instructed and they carefully carried the panel through the front door.
In the new kitchen, they put it down and she groaned and relaxed her arms. They were hurting from the physical work but when she looked around she was quite satisfied by what she saw. The extension was almost finished. It had become a large, sunlit room with several windows and she and Chakotay were already working at the floor.
He shoved the panel against a wall and straightened. "Why don't we call it a day?"
"You read my mind," she said, massaging her left shoulder.
"Want to go for a swim?" he suggested with a smile.
"I'd love to. I just have to grab my swim gear."
He nodded. "I'll wait for you."
If only he had, she thought but scolded herself. She shouldn't be too ungrateful, in the last few weeks he had let down his guard more and more and they successfully re-established their friendship.
It was like it had been on Voyager, they joked and laughed, talked about their lives, about the things they wanted to do and see, about their wishes for the future.
What they never talked about was love and romantic relationships. Kathryn didn't know how to break the topic and Chakotay didn't seem to be interested in talking about it at all.
It made it difficult for her. Since her feelings for him came to life again, friendship wasn't enough for her anymore and she blamed herself for not telling him the truth right away. The longer she waited the harder it got and she was afraid of his reaction and feared that he would reject her.
That he spent almost his entire time with her gave her hope, however, and she was happy that they had begun to do more together than merely working at the house. Whenever he had the time, he joined her on her walks, sometimes they watched Maya together, but what made her the happiest was that they started to have dinner again. That was something she missed the most, just the two of them sitting over a nice meal, talking about whatever was on their minds.
They had never gone swimming together before and excited that he suggested it, she walked to Sekaya's to change. When she came back she wore her swim gear beneath a light summer dress and carried a towel under her arm.
He sat on the steps of his back porch, waiting for her. "Ready to go?"
"Yes."
He grabbed his towel and she wanted to take the shortest way to the bathing spot but he directed her on a small footpath through the trees at his house.
"Where are we going?" she asked, confused.
"You'll see," he said mysteriously.
She glanced at him from the side and her heart skipped a beat. There definitively was a twinkle in his eyes.
The tree line wasn't broad and they emerged on the other side quickly. What she then saw took her breath away. There was a small shoreline with sandy grass, tucked into reeds.
"Your private bathing spot?" she asked, playfully raising an eyebrow.
"You could say so," he chuckled.
"It's beautiful," she said and took a couple more steps towards the lake. The water was calm and glistening in the sunlight and there was no sound in the air except for a light breeze that rustled through the reed. "Do you come here often?" she asked in awe.
"I do. Sometimes I just sit here and think."
She nodded. "I can see why. It's perfect."
"And nobody else knows about it."
"You're very lucky."
He didn't respond and placed his towel on the grass before pulling his shirt over his head.
She turned to him and her eyes widened in slow motion. The sight of his bare chest made her mouth water and she couldn't help but stare. His broad shoulders, his chest, his stomach, everything was well-muscled from the hard work.
She licked her lips unconsciously and became aware that she stared openly at him. Clearing her throat, she raised her eyes and blushed to a deep red when she noticed that he had seen her gaze.
Feeling awfully exposed, she cringed inwardly. That she wasn't undressed yet didn't make it easier, especially because she knew all too well what she was wearing underneath. There was no turning back, though, and so she pushed the straps of her dress over her shoulders and climbed out of it.
She might as well have been naked, it wouldn't make a difference and she wondered why she thought it was a good idea to wear a bikini that didn't leave much to imagination. Usually, she wore a bathing suit that didn't reveal much skin, a custom she had inherited from Voyager, but she had wanted to tease him with her outfit and see his reaction.
She wasn't disappointed. He swallowed hard as he took in the sight of her and for a blink of an eye she saw the same longing and desire in his eyes she felt for him. Her body began to tingle with anticipation but he averted his gaze quickly and the longing and desire was replaced by regret.
She was feeling both happy and sad about his reaction but before she had the chance to do or say something he stepped out of his shorts, revealing his green swim trunks.
"The water shouldn't be too cold," he said and walked into the lake.
Following him, she carefully dipped a toe in the water. It was warm from the summer heat and she walked faster, causing the water to splash around her legs.
A few steps ahead, he dove in head-first and made a few strokes under the surface before coming up for air.
Standing upright, he wiped the dripping hair out of his face and she couldn't stop thinking about how delicious he looked. With rapt attention she watched the water running down his torso and it took everything she got not to jump at him and show him how much she loved him.
He seemed oblivious to her state of mind, sank into the water and began to swim further away from the shoreline.
It took her a moment to shake herself out of her dream-like state and follow him. The water was refreshing and it cleared her head and cooled her body.
He swam at a leisurely pace and she reached him without effort. They swam side by side until suddenly a wicked gleam entered her eyes and she turned around without warning, splashing water at him as she did so.
"Who can make it back first?" she called out exuberantly.
"What?" he spluttered, surprised.
She was already three long strokes away when she heard him coming nearer. She gave all she got but he had his height to his advantage and passed her before she could stand upright.
When she felt ground beneath her feet, she leaped forward and grabbed his arm.
"You're cheating!" he protested, trying to wriggle out of her grasp.
"I'm not!" she laughed between pants but held on to him.
With childish glee, they ran towards the shoreline and shortly before they reached it she let go of him and ran as fast as she could.
"I won!" she exclaimed, raising her arms in the air.
"You cheated," he panted and stopped next to her.
"I… did… not," she laughed, trying to catch her breath and let her body fall to the ground.
He dropped on the grass beside her, laughing a deep belly laugh. Her heart swelled at the sound and she rolled on her side, facing him.
He did the same and they got quiet in an instant. Their faces were only inches apart and as his gaze wandered over her face and down her body, she saw an emotion flicker in his eyes. Devotion.
Her breath caught in her throat and without conscious thought, she drew closer to him. Feeling his breath on her lips, she closed her eyes and before she could think about it, she kissed him.
It was the sweetest sensation she'd ever had. His hand tangled in her hair and she reached around him, pressing her body against his. The feeling of his naked, wet skin against hers sent a shiver down her spine and she pulled him even closer.
Parting for a split second, they shifted angles to deepen the kiss and his hand wandered from her hair down her side, leaving her skin quivering under his touch.
When the need for air was too big they broke reluctantly. He smiled at her and she touched the corners of his mouth softly, feeling blissfully intoxicated.
"You're beautiful," he whispered and she smiled in response.
Suddenly, without warning, his face fell and he put some space between them.
"I'm sorry," he rambled and rose from the ground in haste. "I shouldn't have…"
She sat up, alarmed. "It's okay."
"No, it's not," he said and grabbed his towel and clothes.
"Chakotay," she tried to stop him but he vanished into the trees without another word.
She sat there, lost and alone, and didn't know if she should cry or be angry.