Resolution

The next morning, Kathryn went to Chakotay's house with a tight knot in her stomach. The events of the previous afternoon had changed everything. In a blink of an eye, her plan to wait and let him come to terms with himself had evaporated. She had overstepped the boundaries and he had pulled away. What she didn't understand was why, because he obviously wanted the same.

She had searched for him after their encounter at the lake because she finally came to the conclusion that they needed to talk. For real. But she hadn't found him anywhere and now she didn't know what to expect or if he would even be home.

Stopping in front of his house, she looked at it and painfully realized that, even though she had never lived here, she felt at home in that shabby, little house that wasn't so shabby and little anymore, like she only had on Voyager.

And she now knew why.

Chakotay.

Wherever he was, she felt at home and she wanted nothing more than to be with him and take their relationship finally to the stage it was always meant to be. In order to do that, she had to find out what was standing between them and what was holding him back. It wouldn't be easy since he was behaving so enigmatically, but she decided that there would be no more diversion and no more delaying. They had to come clean.

Bracing herself, she rounded the house with firm steps and, to her relief, he was there, standing at the workbench, sewing wooden boards for the floor.

When he saw her coming, he stopped the saw and looked at her.

"Morning."

"Morning," he echoed, his voice even, his face neutral.

"Chakotay…," she started. "We need to talk about what happened yesterday."

He turned away, busying himself with ordering tools that didn't need to be ordered. "There's nothing to talk about."

She laid a hand on his, stilling his movements. "I think there is."

He raised his head. "It was a lapse. It won't happen again."

Her head snapped back as she realized that the tables had turned. On Voyager, she was the one that was shutting him out, who couldn't let anything happen between them. He didn't have the excuse of being the captain, however, and she wanted to know his reason. "Why not?"

"It just can't."

She frowned. "That's no reason."

He sighed heavily but stayed silent.

"Tell me. Tell me the reason why it can't happen again," she said, trying to keep her voice calm.

Still, she got no response from him.

"It seemed to me as if we both wanted the same thing," she went on. "Didn't we?"

She looked at him expectantly and saw that he was struggling with himself.

"Come on, Chakotay, what is it? Why can't it happen again?"

"Because you're going to leave, okay!?" he blurted out loudly. "In a couple of weeks you're going to leave, you're going back to San Francisco, to Starfleet and I will stay here."

Stunned, she didn't know what to say. He was absolutely right. When her leave was over she would return to San Francisco, to Starfleet. There was no question about it. She would like to say that it was different, but she couldn't because it wasn't. It was exactly as he said.

Her silence must have spoken volumes because his face turned cold and he turned away. Her heart ached for him but she couldn't formulate any comforting words.

"I thought I could be just friends with you, but it seems that I can't."

The dismissive tone in his voice made her eyes widen and she feared what he about to say.

"Perhaps it would be better if I finish the rest alone."

His words were like a blow to her stomach and she felt nauseous. "No," she said, snapping into action and grabbed his arms. "Please don't send me away."

She was on the verge of crying but didn't care. All she cared about was that he didn't shut her out from his life. "I'm not sorry about what happened but please, please, don't send me away. I couldn't stand it if you weren't a part of my life."

He looked at her and must've seen her desperation because he relaxed his arms and didn't try to get away. "I don't know if there's a way…"

"There is," she said firmly. "We'll find a way; a way how we can be friends."

Slowly, he nodded, not convinced but willing to try.

Relieved, a strangled sob emerged her throat. "We wanted to prepare a last dinner in your old kitchen tonight before we take it apart. Can we still do it?" she asked, looking at him with watery eyes.

He waited a second before nodding again. "We can."

She smiled and a lone tear ran down her cheek. Letting go off his arms, she wiped it away.

"Why don't we get back to work?" he suggested, apparently wanting to restore some normality.

She nodded her head. "I'd like that."

He smiled a small smile at her and, quietly, they started to work.

Before they could take the old kitchen apart and tear down the wall, they still had some work on the floor to do. While they finished up that work, she mulled over their conversation and tried to think of what she could do to make him feel comfortable in her company.

She didn't come up with anything because anything she could do would betray her own feelings. To be just friends was simply not enough for her anymore, but she didn't want to force him into something either.

That put her in a tough position and she started to get a picture of how he must have felt when he was in love with her aboard Voyager. There was no doubt about how he felt for her, everyone could see it, but she refused to acknowledge it, not to mention talk about it.

Now it was the other way around and she hated it.

Working in the depressing atmosphere, made the day feel very long but it was only mid-afternoon when they decided to call it a day. She went to Sekaya's to shower and change and found him in the kitchen when she came back.

"What are we cooking?" she asked with feigned lightness.

"Mushroom soup."

"Ah, your favorite meal."

"It is."

She stood next to him, watching him chopping the mushrooms.

"Why do you like it so much?"

"My mother used to make it when I was sick."

"Mushroom soup when you are sick?" She wrinkled her nose. "What about chicken soup?"

"I always hated chicken soup."

"My mother used to cook the most delicious chicken soup when I was sick."

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "You liked that?"

"Very much," she nodded her head.

"I never liked it. And when I became a vegetarian it was out of the question."

"Why did you become a vegetarian?" she asked and stole a mushroom.

"When I was a teenager my father wanted me to join him on his hunting trips. The first time I saw him killing a poor animal made me sick to my stomach and very angry, though. I never wanted to kill an animal on my own and refused to join him on another trip after that."

She nodded in understanding. "So you decided to kill shuttle crafts instead?"

His jaw dropped. "Kathryn! I didn't kill shuttle crafts."

"You destroyed them," she shrugged nonchalantly. "It's the same to me."

He looked at her incredulously and both started to laugh.

Happy to have made him happy, she looked at him with bright eyes. "I want to help," she decided shortly and looked at the ingredients on the counter.

"Are you sure? We want to eat that." He pointed at the food.

"Yes," she said and rubbed her hands together. "What can I do?"

"Fine," he gave in. "You can chop the mushrooms."

He made room for her and took a pot out of the cabinet.

She started to chop the mushrooms with enthusiasm. "I think I could learn to cook. Can you teach me?"

"Don't you think that would be pointless? You're the worst cook I ever met."

"That's why I want to learn it," she refused. "Otherwise I might end up eating your mushroom soup for the rest of my life."

Her words knocked the air out of her lungs and their eyes met in surprise.

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. I don't know where that came from," she said quickly, her heart pounding in her chest. "I didn't mean to imply anything."

He didn't respond immediately and the seconds stretched until he gave her a forced smiled and nodded. "It's okay."

She wasn't sure if he meant it, and she could've kicked herself. Why did she have to destroy any comfortable atmosphere by saying something stupid?

She decided that it was better to keep her mouth shut and wordlessly they returned to preparing dinner.

Since it was an easy meal, they didn't need long and the uncomfortable silence still lingered when they sat at the table on the back porch and started to eat.

The evening was warm and beautiful, but they didn't have eyes for that. He kept looking at his meal while she stole a glance at him every now and then, thinking of something she could say.

Suddenly, without warning, she put her spoon down. "This is ridiculous," she exclaimed, forcefully.

Confused, he looked up. "What are you tal…"

"This… Us." She gestured wildly between them. "We both want the same thing and there's a rather simple solution. I'm staying." He sat back, resisting, but she went on, unimpressed. "I don't want to live somewhere else anymore. I want to live here. With you." She looked him straight in the eyes. "I will resign from Starfleet."

"No, you won't," he said, and she heard anger beneath his calm surface.

"Yes, I will."

"You can't do that."

"Why not? There's no reason I can't do that. And I've made my decision. I want to live here, in this house, with you. But I also want animals. Lots of animals. Dogs and cats and chicken and sheep. Especially sheep! I want a flock of sheep to take care of."

He shook his head and laid his spoon aside. "It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is. I feel better than I have in years. I thought it was this place, but it's you."

He looked at her, quietly begging that she wouldn't say what she was about to say.

"I love you."

He shook his head and pushed back his chair. "Don't say that."

"It's the truth. I realized it when you showed me my bathtub. You must've seen my reaction, my shock."

"I saw it."

"Then please believe me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

He looked down and suddenly Kathryn understood perfectly. His resignation from Starfleet, his isolation, his strange behavior, everything fell into place and started to make sense.

"Did I hurt you that much?" she asked with a trembling voice.

He exhaled and she knew she was right. Tears began to burn in her eyes and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.

"You did what you had to do," he said. "And it showed me that you and I don't belong together. We have to accept that."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"We're from two different worlds," he said, rose from his chair and walked to the railing. "I belong here, you to Starfleet. On Voyager we were forced to be together. Now we're free…"

"Exactly," she interrupted him and rose, too. "Now we're free. Free to do whatever we want. And I want to stay. With you."

"I can't imagine you in a place like this," he said, staring into the distance. "You don't fit in."

"Why not? I grew up around farmers. This place feels like childhood to me."

"You'll get bored eventually."

"I won't. I'll find something that fulfills me."

"A flock of sheep?" he mocked. "You belong on a starship, behind a console."

"I've had enough of that for a lifetime. And I am not on a starship anymore. I sit in an office, doing paperwork. It's boring and I hate it."

"You could find another job in Starfleet."

"I don't want to. Starfleet feels hollow to me since we got back. Hell, my life feels hollow to me since we got back! But when I'm here, it's different. Here, I feel complete. And even the thought of going back to San Francisco, to that cold and empty apartment I used to call home, makes me unbelievably sad.

"I feel that my place is here but I won't beg, and I won't force you, and if you think differently I'll go back when my leave is over and we'll stay friends. But if there's hope for us to be together, let's give it a try. Give us a try. I know I hurt you and I deeply regret it, but now I have the opportunity to make things right… if you'll let me."

He kept staring into the distance and it took all her strength not to grab his shirt and shake the words he was thinking out of him.

Her patience was rewarded and he turned his head, searching her face. "You're serious?"

"I am," she said, dead serious.

He was torn and she could see plainly on his face that he was debating with himself.

"I've tried to get over you since… since New Earth. Nothing I did helped. Now you're offering me what I always dreamed of but I can't stop thinking that as soon as I say yes, you're going to leave. I can't take any more blows from you, Kathryn. I have to protect myself."

"I'm not going to leave."

"How can I be sure?"

"Do you trust me?"

A ghost of a smile graced his lips. "With my life."

"Then trust me."

"This is different…"

"I know. But perhaps you can let me earn your trust; let me show you how sincere I am. I don't take this matter lightly, Chakotay, and you deserve everything from me, no less."

He paused, contemplating her words.

"Wouldn't you miss me if I went back to San Francisco?"

"Of course I'd miss you," he answered right away. "I would miss you terribly. And I know I couldn't stop thinking about you and if you'd met another man who makes you happy."

Something flickered in his eyes, as if his own words surprised him and her belly constricted.

"Sounds like you have experience."

"During the last year and a half you were constantly on my mind. What you were doing, who you were seeing."

"How was that feeling?"

"I hated it."

He breathed deeply and her heart began to pound in her chest as she realized that he had made up his mind.

"I want you in my life, Kathryn, but it'll need time. I will need time."

"That's okay. More than okay. I can wait. I love you, and I want to make you happy."

He looked at her and a genuine smile lit up his face that took her breath away. "I'll hold you to the end of your bargain," he told her and like a curtain had lifted, his eyes twinkled happily.

"You don't have to," she breathed. "You're stuck with me."

"That's nothing new," he shrugged nonchalantly and with each passing second he drew closer to her. "I've been stuck with you before."

Slowly, he raised his hand and touched her cheek softly. Trembling at the intimate gesture, she couldn't keep her eyes off his mouth and when he leaned into her, she beat him to it and kissed him first.

That he responded immediately and reached around her to hold her close, made her knees go weak and as she molded into his arms, she felt his inner walls breaking.

She wanted the kiss to last forever but eventually they parted and he leaned his forehead against hers. "I love you, Kathryn," he whispered. "I never stopped. That's why it was so hard for me to go on."

She took his face in her hands. "I'm here now. I'm staying. For good. Forever."

Her words were like a prayer and they kissed again.

She could easily deepen the kiss and go further but held back and let him set the pace. She was aware of the responsibility she just taken on and she never wanted to hurt him again, so she told herself to be attentive. He had enough hurt for one lifetime.

Breaking the kiss, they smiled at each other.

"Our dinner is getting cold," she pointed out, her voice husky.

He nodded absently, his gaze fixated on her face. "Let's go eat."

Reluctantly, she stepped out of his embrace and as they sat at the table, the uncomfortable silence was replaced by the tingling excitement of something new.

Their conversation ran smoothly now and was only interrupted when they caught each other staring. That heightened the awareness of each other and Kathryn was glad that she wasn't the only one who felt it. Chakotay did, too.

He was more talkative and addressed his thoughts and feelings openly, and she was happy to see the joy back in his face.

When there was no more mushroom soup, she sat back and exhaled loudly.

"Full?" he smirked.

"Yes," she groaned.

He took her hand. "Come with me."

They rose and he guided her on the other side of the porch to his lounger. Lying down, he pulled her with him and she snuggled into his side.

"This is nice," she said, contentedly, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"It is," he agreed and put an arm around her.

The sun had vanished behind the large trees, but it was still warm and birds were singing and crickets chirping.

"It feels like New Earth," she said, dreamily.

"New Earth, huh? I never heard you talk about New Earth before. It almost felt as if you had forgotten."

"Never. And how could I? I wouldn't know you so well if it weren't for those few weeks. We set the foundation for our deep and trusting relationship there. But it was also the possibility of something more that didn't let me forget it. That's why I couldn't talk about it. It hurt too much."

He moved his hand up and down her arm, comforting her.

"This is better than New Earth, though."

"Oh, yes?"

"Yes," she nodded. "We have our families nearby and we know that Voyager is home safe and sound."

"That's right," he said thoughtfully. "The uncertainty was hard to bear."

"We brought them home."

"You brought them home."

"I never could've done it alone."

"I'm glad I could help you. I know how hard it was."

"Sometimes, yes. But we also had many good times; and many good things happened on Voyager."

"Neelix's parties?" he joked.

"For example," she laughed. "But I meant the friendships that evolved, or the way our crew became a family. None of the other Starfleet crews have such a unique bond and I hope that it will sustain."

"It will," he said and there was no doubt in his voice.

"I hope so. Still, we should be checking in on our crew."

"I'd be happy to."

She smiled, glad that he agreed so easily to contact their crew together.

They got quiet and she shifted her head on his shoulder, enjoying the feeling of being close to him.

"Don't resign from Starfleet right now," he said suddenly to her surprise. "Think about it first. You could live here and commute."

"I don't want to go back," she said with a heavy sigh. "I don't want to sit in that office anymore."

"Then find something you care about."

She raised her head and looked at him, the love for him shining in her eyes. "I found it already."

His face broke into a soft and devoted smile and he shook his head slowly. "I can't believe it yet."

"You should. Because it's the truth."

He gazed at her in wonder and trailed her jawbone with his index finger. "I care about you, too. And I love you."

"I love you, too."

Reaching around her, he pulled her body to his and kissed her tenderly. "Why don't you stay tonight?"

She immediately put some space between them. "Only if you feel up to it," she said, serious. "I don't want to put you under pressure."

"You aren't," he assured her and closed the distance again. "I just want to hold you in my arms tonight."

"I'd like that," she smiled and snuggled into his body. "And I promise I'll behave."

"I don't know if I can," he whispered, his mouth close to hers.

Feeling his breath on her lips, her body began to tingle with anticipation. After the previous night's events, she hadn't expected that she would be here tonight, let alone spending the night in his bed. She couldn't be happier, though, and when he kissed her soundly, she matched his heat quickly.

They couldn't take their hands off each other and the kiss got more and more passionate.

Before they could get lost in the feeling, he breathlessly broke the kiss. "Why don't we get your things from Sekaya's place?" he suggested.

She nodded her head, her voice husky. "Let's go."

They rose and he put his hand in hers and linked their fingers. That he obviously didn't care about who saw them made her even happier and on their way she felt like she was floating above the ground, a feeling she hadn't had in a very long time.

Sekaya's and Phil's house came into view and after they knocked at the front door, Sekaya opened it.

"Hi," she said, surprised. "What are you…" Her words died in her throat when she saw their joined hands.

"I wanted to grab my clothes," Kathryn said.

Sekaya frowned, confused. "You're leaving?"

Kathryn nodded. "I am."

"She's going to stay at my place."

Stunned, Sekaya looked at her brother. "She's going to stay at your place?" she asked slowly, not in the slightest able to process what was just happening.

"Yes."

Sekaya didn't know what to say. Speechless, she stood there as suddenly Phil appeared behind her.

"What's going on here?" he asked, curious.

"Kathryn's going to stay at Chakotay's place."

Phil's face lit up. "It was about time! Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Kathryn said, flustered.

"Aren't you surprised?" his wife asked, disbelievingly.

"No, why should I be?"

"Because it is surprising news."

Phil shook his head. "Not to me."

"Don't tell me you've seen it coming."

"Don't tell me you haven't seen it coming."

"I did not," she said, shocked that she indeed hadn't seen it coming.

Phil chuckled and addressed Kathryn. "Go upstairs, get your things."

"Thanks."

Kathryn made her way to the spare room while Sekaya stared absently at the ground, thinking about how she should have noticed.

"I'm an idiot," she said with a slight shake of her head. "There were so many signs…"

"Don't worry. We all needed some time," Chakotay assured her.

She looked up and saw that he was grinning from ear to ear. "I've never seen you so happy," she said, amazed.

"I am very happy."

Her eyes began to shimmer with tears and she took him into a bear hug. "I'm happy for you, too."

"Thank you," Chakotay whispered into her hair and held her for a second before letting her go.

Kathryn came back and he took her bags.

"Thank you for letting me stay at your house," she said to Sekaya and Phil.

"Don't mention it. It was our pleasure," Sekaya smiled. "Do you want to have dinner with us tomorrow?"

"They have to have something else to do," Phil observed, causing both Kathryn and Chakotay to blush.

"Actually, we'd like to have dinner with you for as long as we need to finish our kitchen," Kathryn said.

"We want to take the old one apart tomorrow," Chakotay added.

"I still can't believe you're working on the house," Sekaya shook her head in disbelief.

"I told you."

"You always made excuses…"

Chakotay smiled devotedly at Kathryn and took her hand. "Not anymore."

Fresh tears sprang to Sekaya's eyes and Phil laid his arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple.

"See you tomorrow then?" she asked.

Kathryn nodded. "We'll be here."

Sekaya smiled, pleased, and rested her head on her husband's shoulder as they watched Kathryn and Chakotay leaving hand in hand.