[A/N: Sorry I posted the last one without a note, I was just keen to get it up. Super stocked that are some of you still around and reading, and that i'm still picking up new favs and followers. Reviews make my day of course, nothing's changed there!]

Asha tilted her head in the pale dawn light, staring at Tony. He was grey and slack and nothing but corpse angles and bulges, not something that had been a living thing. He'd taken the bullet under his chin and through the back of his skull. He looked surprised, but she supposed that was to be expected in the circumstances.

They'd planted a knife through a skull where needed the night before, and were currently dragging the bodies a short distance from the car so that Carl didn't have to revisit the previous night's brutality immediately upon emerging from the back seat. Tony was the last. She heard footsteps and Michonne appeared in the corner of her eye. They stood in silence for a minute, staring at the deceased man.

'He was your friend?'

'Once. I knew him before.'

Asha knew she'd once sat with Tony in Carla's sunlight backyard, grinning at him across a table full of beer. She knew she'd once enjoyed the feel of his hands on her skin. But the memory had faded behind reality of the last few days. It might as well have been a movie she'd seen once. Those two people were strangers to her.

But she used to like both those strangers.

'Can't say I'm sorry about it,' Michonne said.

Asha glanced up surprised. 'Don't be. I guess I'm sorry his path ended like this, but i'm not sure I can even blame him for being on that path, given how things are now.'

Her brow furrowed as she tried to sort out exactly what it was that she was feeling.

'Part of me feels shit for not living up to his ideal of who I used to be,' she continued. 'A bigger part of me is kind of pissed that he held me to a standard he couldn't meet himself.'

Michonne narrowed her eyes. 'Fuck what he thought. Who do you think you should be.'

'I…' Asha paused. She'd been so busy measuring who she was by who she had been that she'd never specifically thought about who she should be. 'I should be the person who survives,' she said, stating the immediate and obvious.

Michonne's lip quirked.

'And the person who keeps her friends and family surviving as long as possible too,' Asha added - smiling just a little at how easy it sounded to sum that sentiment up compared to the reality of making it happen. She'd failed more than she'd succeeded - Ren and Nash and Merle and a dozen others were proof of that.

But Michonne had smiled, and she lifted her hands in an inclusive gesture. 'Do you know what a fucking miracle it was to see you and Daryl walk out of the darkness?'

Asha's smile would have widened if it didn't hurt so bloody much - her cheekbone had to be fractured. 'Do you know what a fucking miracle it was to see your faces in the firelight?'

Michonne grinned at her, and Asha risked a half smile in return which quickly turned into a wince.

Then there was a soft sound from the car behind them, and Michonne glanced to where Carl was curled unmoving on the back seat.

'Go,' Asha said. 'Daryl and I will move this one.' She gestured with her head to where Daryl was emerging from the trees, two water bottles full of slightly brownish water in his hands.

Her friend nodded and climbed into the car, pulling Carl's head on to her lap and murmuring quietly to him.

Daryl was silent as they moved the body, but as Asha turned back to the car he spoke.

'Ain't care who you used to be,' he said gruffly. 'I see you now.' He glanced at her and his eyes were full of fire behind the dark hair across his face. 'Ya worth seeing now.'

Wide eyed, Asha struggled to swallow the lump in her throat, but before she could find any words Daryl passed her, heading back to the car. Asha glanced a final time at Tony, wondering if she should be concerned that all she felt was an echo of sadness, before turning and following Daryl.

Rick was slumped near catatonic against the front wheel of the vehicle and she and Daryl settled on either side of him. He was red coated from head to waist, the dry blood crusting from his beard as he gave them the barest of glances as they sat down.

Daryl poured some of the water on the red bandana from his back pocket and held it out to Rick.

Rick stared at it for a moment, before slowly lifting a hand to wave it away.

'We should save the water,' he mumbled.

Daryl continued to hold the cloth out. 'You can't see ya self,' then he nodded towards Carl in the car. 'He can.'

Rick blinked a couple of times before taking it and wiping slowly at his face.

The three of them sat in silence, for a moment, Asha with her head tipped back against the car, wondering if the ringing in her ears was ever going to fade.

'We didn't know what they could do,' Daryl said quietly, voice coloured with guilt. 'I mean I knew they were bad, but they had a code. Simple, stupid really. But it was somethin'.' His head hung. 'I thought it might be enough.'

'They said they were following someone, a man with a beard,' Asha said. 'We had to see if it was you. Last night they said they saw you. We were hanging back, going to slip away if it wasn't you. But it was.'

'It's not on you,' Rick said. 'What they were gonna do.'

Daryl looked unconvinced.

'It's not on you,' Rick insisted. 'You two being here, back with us now, it's everything.'

Daryl kept his eyes on the ground.

'Hey,' Rick said. 'We're family.'

He waited until Daryl looked up at him before looking back over his shoulder at Asha. She gave him a wan smile. They were family. She felt the truth of that statement.

For a moment they sat quietly, breathing the fresh morning air as Rick continued to wipe the blood off his face. After a moment Daryl spoke.

'What you did last night, anyone would have done that.'

'No,' Rick said a little uncomfortably. 'Not that.'

Asha looked across Rick at Daryl. His eyes had narrowed, but he didn't argue. Daryl would have just killed him and been done with it.

Asha looked at the bleak lines on Rick's face.

'Maybe not anyone,' she said. 'But I would have done it.'

Disbelief was obvious on his face. She glanced upwards to check the windows were closed on the car where Michonne sat with Carl - he didn't need to hear this. 'I have done it. Something similar anyway.'

Very quietly she filled Rick in on what she'd done when she and Nash had caught up with the people who had taken Ren. Part way through her story Rick glanced at Daryl, no doubt assuming from his calm expression that he already knew her story.

'I would have done what you did,' she said again quietly at the end.

'This thing that's in me,' Rick said heavily, lip twisting slightly. 'It's part of the reason we're alive.'

Asha nodded. Couldn't run from that. 'Yes it is.'

'That's why I'm here now, why Carl's here now. I want to keep him safe. That's all that matters.'

'Trying to pretend it's not part of you is pointless,' Asha said, swiping her hands down past her mouth. 'Or at least it was for me. But accepting you're capable of something doesn't necessarily mean you have to like it.'

Daryl, who had been staring back out at the trees, looked back at them. 'And it ain't gotta be everything.'

Asha's chest flooded with warmth, and when she met Daryl's eyes across Rick's knees there was an acceptance and support in them that took her breath away.

'It ain't everything,' she said after a moment, tearing her gaze away from Daryl with some difficulty. 'You just gotta choose what you do with it. And so far you've been choosing to use it to keep us alive.' She fixed her eyes on Rick. 'Use it. Use it for all of us when you can. Keep us all alive.'

Rick nodded and closed his eyes for a long moment, but then his face hardened as he looked back at Asha.

'I need to know what you know about Terminus.'

Asha nodded, stomach tightening into a knot. 'Yeah, we saw some of the signs.'

'They were up before?'

She frowned. 'Some. I don't know exactly where we are, but I wouldn't have thought we had any out this way. We only had a few signs on the main track. We didn't really have to look for people early on, they just found us.'

Rick nodded to himself. 'New signs. There must be people still there, and maybe some of our people have seen these other signs. They might be there.'

'It's as good a guess as any I suppose.'

Rick's brow furrowed. 'You know, I would have thought you'd be happy at the prospect of seeing some of your people?'

She thought she would have been too, and she struggled for a moment trying to put words to the unease that filled her at the thought of going back. When she thought of Terminus, all she saw was the inside of a rail car.

'So many of us died there Rick,' she said, voice leaden. 'And our leaders, those most likely to put up a fight, were the first to go. I don't even know who's left. Even the people I saw before Nash and I left after Ren, who's to say they're still there.' She swiped both her hands down the side of her face and shuddered. 'God, how can they have stayed there?'

'What actually happened there Asha? We need to know what we're getting into.'

Asha took a deep breath, noticing she'd started rhythmically clenching and flexing her hands. For once she didn't try to stop them, instead focusing on the movement so that she didn't need to look either Rick or Daryl in the eye.

'They locked us in rail cars,' she whispered. 'In groups to start with. I was separated from Nash and Ren. They'd take us out, one by one, beat us…' She swallowed the rank taste in her mouth and forced the words out. 'Use us, however they wanted. It was entertainment for them. Sometimes the people they took didn't come back, but the women, women almost always came back.' Her lips twisted. 'It would have cut into their fun too much to kill us easily. They had a collection of the younger, prettier girls that they were keeping somewhere else, Ren was in that group. Most of them didn't survive.' She had clenched both hands into fists. 'But that didn't mean the rest of us were left alone.'

She remembered the rattle of the car door, the instinctive dread as they drew back, huddled together animal like - desperate with hope that you wouldn't be the one hauled out, flooded with relief and guilt when it wasn't, and worse when it was.

Her hands had started moving again. 'Sometimes...,' her voice was haunted, barely a whisper. Some deep part of her mind screamed in shock that she was even saying the words. 'If you were bad, if you fought back, they locked you in a rail car on your own.'

That was the worst. When you heard the rattle of the car door then, there was no doubt who they were coming for.

She sucked in a couple of shuddering breaths, shaking all over. She wouldn't go back to that. Never again.

Daryl suddenly snarled, shoving to his feet and striding away from car, back rigid.

Asha watched him disappear into the trees, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

'I don't think he can listen to you talk about that,' Rick said quietly.

Asha nodded, tears starting to leak from her eyes.

'How did you get out?' Rick asked after a moment.

She dragged her eyes from the spot Daryl had disappeared and rubbed her cheeks. 'They got lazy, after a while' – God, how long had they been locked in there? Weeks at least. 'They drank, they fought among themselves, they got careless and they stopped coming to the carriages in groups.' She looked at Rick and the corner of her mouth quirked sadly. 'And desperation can make a weapon of just about anything.'

Rick's lips ghosted in a smile in response before he rubbed tiredly at his forehead. 'Out of those who were still alive when you got out, anyone we do – or don't – want to see in charge when we get there?'

Asha frowned, grateful for the slight change in focus as she thought about it. 'I don't know Rick. Like I said, they took out our leaders to start with. Travis would be good,' she said eventually. 'He's a big black guy, never really put himself forward when there were other leaders around, but I went on the odd run with him and he's more than competent. Marcus is smart enough, always calm, unbelievable marksman, but I don't think he's got the people skills to be honest.'

'That's it?' Rick asked after she was quiet for a moment.

She shrugged. 'I'd be surprised if anyone else stepped up. If they did, they'd be a different person to the one I knew.'

'Ok, who don't we want to see?'

'Gorman.' Her voice was flat.

'Who's he?'

She idly scratched her throat in the same place she'd cut Gorman's. 'Someone holding a grudge.'

Asha limped as she walked, and kept a hand pressed to her rib as much as she could. She ached all over and her head was pounding, cheekbone throbbing, but still, she couldn't help the small smile that crept across her face.

A half dozen or so paces in front of her were Rick, Michonne and Carl - loaded up with the packs and equipment they'd scavenged off Joe and his companions, since Asha and Daryl both had enough to manage carrying their own weight that morning.

Michonne was between Rick and Carl, and as she watched Michonne nudged Carl gently with her shoulder and the boy looked up at her, smiling tiredly from under the brim of his sheriff's hat, before looking back at the tracks they followed. Michonne and Rick traded a glance, and Asha could see the concern on his face before Michonne squeezed his arm gently.

The previous night was bound to leave scars, but the more Asha drank in the sight of her friends, the more her smile grew. She couldn't believe that against all odds they'd found them. It gave her hope for the rest of their group, for Beth even. She knew that was dangerous, but she today, she couldn't bring herself to care.

She smiled too, for the obvious closeness between Rick, Michonne and Carl. There was a familiarity in the way they moved together, like they were their own little family within their larger family.

Asha started slightly at a crunch in the gravel behind her as Daryl – moving with a slight limp of his own that meant his normally silent step had betrayed him - stepped on to the rail track.

'Anything?' she asked.

He'd been scouting the adjacent brush for signs of water.

He grunted, shaking his head. His face - bruised and scabbed - was hard to read, but there was a deep furrow between his brows as he fell in beside her. Her smile slipped a little as she matched her pace to his, letting the gap grow between them and the others.

For once, his eyes weren't on tracking constantly across the treeline. He stared fixedly at the ground as he chewed his bottom lip.

'What?' she asked eventually, faint tremor in her voice betraying the tightness building in her chest.

Daryl chewed his lip another moment before speaking. 'When we hid in the car boot, the way you reacted, that's because of Terminus?'

Asha stiffened, the flesh on her back crawling at the recollection, before forcing a nod. 'I don't like small spaces,' she said. 'Especially ones that smell like metal.'

They walked in silence, Asha wondering if he was going to say anything else about what she'd said. She had never wanted to share that story.

It was easier to leave it behind when other people didn't know.

Daryl made no attempt to close the gap with the others and Asha kept pace with him, sure he'd get around to voicing what was on his mind eventually.

'They all dead?' he asked eventually.

'Yes.' There was bitter satisfaction in her voice.

He nodded shortly, shooting her a glance, the fierceness in his eyes warming her. The corners of her mouth lifted and she reached out to link her arm through his, but he pulled away from her touch.

Her brow furrowed, the sudden spike of hurt at his rejection so strong her breath seized. She stopped mid step, Daryl stopping a half pace after.

'How…' He raked a hand through his hair, turning his face out to the trees. 'How can ya stand me touchin' ya?' His voice was quiet, but thick with self loathing. Asha's stomach flipped at the sound and she caught his arm, pulling him about to face her.

'Daryl, you are nothing like those men.' Her voice was harsh with emotion and she gripped the front of his shirt and shook him slightly. 'Nothing. And what we do together is nothing like that. I wasn't lying when I said I hadn't been laid since before the turn.'

Compartmentalising helped. 'What happened in that railcar…' She tasted bile in the back of her throat and fought it down. 'Happened. It sucks.'

Wasn't that an understatement? 'But that's the world we live in now.'

'Ain't gotta be.'

'No. But it's not new either.'

Daryl flinched as he looked at her

'I don't mean me personally,' she said quickly. 'I just mean that it only took a couple of months for everything to revert back to the dark ages. Humanity has been here before. Doesn't make it right, but what happened in that railcar is no different to what has happened to women for thousands of years.' She rubbed tiredly at her forehead. It didn't make much sense, but it somehow helped her to think about it that way. 'Either you chose to get up and go on…or you don't.'

She refused to be a victim the remainder of her life, and the faint echo of the countless millions of women who had picked themselves up through the course of history helped her do that. It wasn't everything – and she didn't want to dwell on it.

'Besides,' she said, forcing a wry smile as they started walking again. 'That's not all I know. I've got a bunch of good memories to draw on too.'

Daryl snorted softly, but he was close enough beside her to brush against her arm. She watched him from the corner of her eye, taking in the dirt smeared but muscled arms and the shaggy hair hiding his eyes for the moment. The safest she'd felt since she'd fled Miami had been when she had those arms wrapped around her.

'How could you even ask me that?' she said softly. 'It's not a question of just standing what we do together Daryl, I went after you remember? I want it. I want it because it's you, and I wouldn't want it with anyone else.'

Daryl twitched visibly and near stumbled, a sudden defensiveness marking his face.

Asha cursed herself for forgetting, in her own vulnerability, the extent of Daryl's issues with intimacy.

'Hey.' Rick's voice, low and urgent suddenly called from up ahead. Daryl trailed her by half a step as she hurried forwards.

Fuck it. He'll just have to deal with it.

Rick had paused by another Terminus sign.

'We're getting close' Carl said.

Rick nodded, face bleak. 'We are. Now we head through the woods. We don't know who they are.'

The uneasy feeling settled back in Asha's stomach as they turned silently into the trees.

[A/N: On to Terminus. I've planned on finishing this story up there for a while now - and i refuse to leave this bad boy hanging unfinished over my head. Into the home stretch.]