Chapter Fourteen:

Stranger than Fiction

I need a summer but the summer's come and gone
I need a summer but it's winter in my heart
It's all the same fucked up game you play with me
I need to hold you but you're never coming back
Winter In My Heart - VAST

The castle buzzed with activity as students and teachers alike made their way down towards the Quidditch Pitch. Hogwarts was divided; a sea of red and gold eddied around large tidepools of blue and bronze as even the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins proudly displayed support for their chosen team. The rivalry of colors was strongest amongst the students, but even a few Professors had donned a token scarf or ribbon in solidarity.

Clarke, however, stood resolutely in green as the vibrant ocean broke around her like water finding its way past stone. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to go to the match. She didn't want to sit in the Ravenclaw section and heckle those flying in red or with the Gryffindors and endure the heated glares from her teammates. So instead she found her feet taking her towards the Great Lake sure that she would be able to hear Murphy's piss-poor commentary just fine from the shore.

Clarke pulled her robes tighter around her emerald sweater and watched as the steady stream of students leaving the castle became a trickle and then tapered off until the field was empty save the odd seventh year who had obviously overslept. She lay back against the stiff grass and watched her breath condense the cool breeze into wispy puffs of vapor. The liquid smoke rose above her head in clouds which swirled slowly before disappearing into the ether.

Clarke finally closed her eyes as the sound of Murphy's amplified voice filled the air and listened as he entertained the crowd with forced, half-hearted jokes before the opening whistle. Every so often, Murphy would break from the scripted repertoire he had clearly been provided and add something overtly sexual and completely him. Probably just to piss off Headmaster Jaha. Clarke's face split into a grin as she imagined the stern 'John' that was sure to follow each saucy remark.

Her eyes shot open as the relative peace of the lakeshore was trampled. Voices disturbed the air, much closer and more real than the booming echo of Murphy's from the stadium. A quick look over her shoulder revealed two students — one in red and one in blue — hurrying back towards the castle.

"Look, you can go back if you want, but I'm searching his office with or without you," the boy in blue snapped at his friend.

"What if his office is warded, Gabe?"

"We'll know when we get there. They're not doing anything! They haven't even looked for him. And they didn't take our complaint seriously. It's like they don't even give a shit that he's missing!"

"I'm just as upset as you are, but—"

"No. No 'but.' Atom is my best friend and Professor Pike was the last person to see him. You know that. You were there! Pike asked him to stay after class and then he never came back to the common room."

"That doesn't mean—"

"I know, but that's why we're going to search his office. Are you with me or not?" The boy in blue - Gabe - turned on his friend. The Gryffindor finally nodded and the pair disappeared into the castle and from Clarke's view.

"Fuck," Clarke muttered, pushing herself up. She hadn't wanted to go to the game. She still didn't. But Abby would be there. All the teachers would. And those kids were going to get themselves hurt, snooping around a professor's office.

As Clarke forced her feet in the direction of the pitch, she wasn't sure of her own intentions. Whether she was going just to keep an eye on Pike and make sure he didn't leave the game or whether she was going to tell her mother what she'd overheard. Not that she owed Abby anything. She might as well go straight to Headmaster Jaha if she was going to say anything at all. Clarke hissed as she drew closer and Murphy's voice became almost painfully loud. The old Clarke, the one who always followed the rules, was in a mental headlock with the new one, the one who understood keenly what it was like to not have answers. Her hand came up to rest lightly on the pendant around her neck. As Clarke made her way past the locker rooms and into the restless stadium she still was not sure which side of herself would win.

On the other side of the wooden barrier, Octavia was keeping her distance from both her Captain and her brother. Well, as much as she could in the small space designated for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Octavia fixed her gaze on her fingers as they fidgeted with the leather straps of her uniform, only half listening to the pep talk coming from across the team's circle. The confidence was thick and tangible, coating the walls of the locker room like plaster; everyone had been flying exceptionally well in practice and each player seemed antsy to prove themselves.

Except Octavia. She felt… off. The usual tug of excitement that swept through her veins before a match was only a dull thud which was probably just the beating of her own heart. Lincoln had invited her to Hogsmeade that weekend. Their first real date. She'd been invited plenty of times before, but had never been able to go. Something - or rather someone - always seemed to change her date's mind and they would cancel last minute. But Hell would freeze over before anything got in Octavia's way this time. She was determined as only a Blake could be. Still, Octavia couldn't squash the sick feeling in her stomach that accompanied her excitement. Because as soon as her and Lincoln walked out together, then the Hufflepuff would be an open target for Bellamy.

The Blakes hadn't so much as talked since their argument in the library. It had been an agonizing week of silence and the tension between them seemed to occupy a fifty foot radius that sent everyone else skittering away. If the confidence in the locker room hadn't been so high, the team might have focused on the icy glare Bellamy had leveled on her rather than the reassuring words from their Captain. So between Lincoln and her brother and the match, Octavia's mind was distracted, half here and half in the weekend, waiting for the inevitable fallout.

She pointedly avoided her brother's hand when they huddled for one last warm up and pretended she didn't hear his angry huff behind her as the team headed out onto the field. Bending down, Octavia gave one last aggressive tug to the laces of her boots, then straightened, checking that all the straps and buckles of her uniform were tight. She only turned around when her ears caught the muttered argument filling what she assumed had been an empty locker room.

Octavia's arms crossed over her leather-bound chest as she took in the two people intruding on her moment of privacy. Bellamy's face hardened and Lexa fell silent at his transformed expression before turning to glare at the younger Blake. The Seeker watched her Captain's eyes dart back and forth between the two of siblings, then noted the irritation which followed at their stoic silence and finally the half-snarl.

"Stop it," Lexa growled at them. "Whatever bullshit this is, cut it out. Can you do that? Can you pull the stick out of your ass for the duration of this game so your petty squabble doesn't affect the entire fucking field?"

Bellamy's face remained impassive. His hard gaze held Octavia's for a long beat before he turned and walked out onto the pitch without a word. Lexa rounded on Octavia the moment they were alone, but the younger Gryffindor only held her Captain's stare for a few seconds before bending to recheck all her buckles. Of course, Octavia knew they were all tightly fastened. She'd checked only a minute ago. But she also knew that turning her back would piss off Lexa the most. It was an easy choice.

"What the fuck did you say to him, Octavia?"

"Hmm?" she hummed turning around, still bent over, and giving Lexa a curious look. The rage that swept over the older girl's face was swift and glorious and the disgusted noise that Lexa made was one with which Octavia was intimately familiar. It seemed only fitting that she would use it now.

"You're such a child."

Octavia whipped around and barked out a laugh, "Oh yes, this argument again. You really are predictable, Lexa."

"Don't change the subject."

"Don't butt your head in where it doesn't belong," Octavia sneered and prowled forward with precise steps, only stopping when she drew so close that Lexa's green eyes flared slightly. "You've made it perfectly clear that you don't give a shit about me. So stay where you belong, in Bellamy's corner whispering all your pathetic reassurances to him, and maybe think before you try to meddle in our relationship again. Because the next time you do, you won't be my brother's best friend or the girl we grew up with. You'll be nothing and I will treat you that way."

"Big words for such a small girl," Lexa snarled back, her eyes hard and hot on Octavia's skin. Octavia's breath caught, her own eyes blazing in response, ready for the fight, for the heat. But, like always, Lexa didn't let her fire rise to Octavia's challenge. Like always, she maintained perfect control over herself. Octavia watched the deep breath fill Lexa's lungs. She watched as the older girl's eyes cleared to their normal impenetrable surface. If Octavia hadn't been so disappointed, she might have been able to admit it was a thing of beauty. Instead she stepped away as Lexa continued more calmly, "I never said I didn't car—"

"I don't give a shit what you think you said," Octavia snapped, feeling herself grow hotter without anyone or anything to temper her. She ran a hand through her hair, then cursed when it stuck in her half-braid.

"Fine," Lexa's voice was calm as ever. No trace of her earlier irritation and the stability in it only seemed to cast the crackling electricity inside Octavia into further contrast. "But whatever you said to Bellamy was harsh enough that he won't talk to me about it. He's hurting. And you did that." Octavia's shoulders stiffened, bracing. She listened as another deep breath rattled from behind her. "When are you going to realize that it's time to take responsibility for your actions? You can't just keep steamrolling everything that bothers you, Octavia. Don't you see that? You destroy everything you touch."

Fire coursed through her stomach, her lungs, her throat. Octavia tried to swallow the burning sensation that scorched her mouth, but it just grew hotter in her chest. Breath came fast and sharp then. She tried to tighten her muscles to keep her body from shaking. She wouldn't shake. Couldn't shake. Couldn't show weakness. Fuck that. Fuck Lexa. Fuck everything. If she was going to burn, they would all burn with her.

"What gives you the right to judge me? Huh?" Octavia spat over her shoulder, turning. "Maybe if you didn't spend so much time worrying about mine and Bellamy's relationship, your own wouldn't be failing."

Lexa's impassive mask cracked as confusion furrowed her brows, "What?"

Something like regret tinged the heat inside her lungs, but it was too small to name and Octavia was still burning. That crackling chaotic feeling inside of her was growing steadily; it was entropy, disorder, the tell-tale sign that she was swiftly losing control. It was the tipping point where the sheer enormity of her own emotions began to even frighten her. She needed to leave the locker room, leave this cramped space before she exploded, before she said one more thing which she would later regret. Octavia grabbed her broom from where it leaned against the bench and made a beeline for the exit. But Lexa was faster and grabbed her sharply by the elbow.

"What did you mean by that?" Lexa's voice was a low hiss.

"Let go of my arm, Lexa."

"Not until you answer my question."

"Why don't you ask your girlfriend?"

"Wha— Octavia!"

Lexa felt it like a punch to her gut as the younger Blake spun away and stalked out of the locker room. She didn't know how things always got so out of hand with the two of them. They were like skin and sandpaper. No. They were like a tank of gasoline and C4 with the shortest fucking fuse in the world. Or maybe that was just Octavia. Lexa didn't know anymore. Her mind was too full of all the different ways they had insulted each other to work properly. Their conversation echoed in her head like a looped track as she made her way out onto the pitch. She barely looked at the Ravenclaw Captain as she shook his hand and then took her place at the head of the Gryffindor team. The first whistle blew. She shot into the air, finally slamming back into the present as the second and final trill of the whistle signaled the start of the game.

The pitch exploded into a mess of players and Lexa spun the bat in her hand, eyes scanning the pitch. When she aimed her first bludger at the opposing team, a groan of satisfaction slipped through her lips. The tension she had firmly locked inside finally felt some release, however small.

Her eyes made a cursory sweep of the field. Her team seemed to be on track, but… Fuck, she was distracted. Lexa hated going into a game with anything less than precision and focus. This was the exact opposite. The dry commentary from the stands became a dull, nasal buzzing in Lexa's ears, only split by the intermittent cracks of her bat against a bludger. Bellamy kept his distance, brooding around the field like a dark storm cloud. The two of them usually flew as a unit, but for now, this was enough. If Lexa kept him in her prefery and swung her bat every couple of minutes, she could almost distract herself from the weight at the back of her mind. She could almost ignore whatever veiled accusation Octavia had been trying to make before the game began. She definitely didn't look towards the stands. She didn't check to see if Anya was there. She didn't note the Slytherin's absence. No, she didn't do any of that. Lexa couldn't deal with that information now. If she thought about it, she would spiral. Her focus would slip even more than it already had.

Instead, she counted the bludgers hit, each circuit of the pitch, every goal. The numbers circled in her head. She could focus on the numbers. Focus on the grip of her broom. The feeling of it underneath her.

An hour and a half into game, Gryffindor was still flying well. The score was 50:30 and the three goals they had forfeited were well earned. 50:30. 50:30. 75 bludgers. 108 circuits. 50:30. 75. 108. Lexa felt her right hand tremble and needles shoot through her fingers as she released her death grip on the bat. She switched hands and kept flying. Drowning everything else out. 50:30. 75. 108. Fuck.

Her head snapped up as the crowd roared. The wrong crowd. The sea of blue and bronze students rippled as people stood and shouted, pointing toward the sky. Lexa's gaze snapped to the cerulean streak that was Raven Reyes in pursuit of the snitch… with no tail. Where the fuck was Octavia?

The young Blake was thirty feet up, her eyes caught on something beyond the stands, completely oblivious to the game.

"Octavia!" Lexa roared at her Seeker and felt righteous at the small amount of guilt that shone in the girl's eyes before she darted off after the Ravenclaw. What the fuck had she been doing?

Lexa's brows furrowed in frustration as she rose higher and for the first time in the game, consciously let her eyes wander. A feeling, foreign and heavy, settled in her stomach. And for a brief moment, she almost convinced herself to turn her attention back to the game. Almost. But instead she counted again as her eyes searched. 50:30. 76—

There. Down there. Beyond the bleachers. Two figures. One blonde. One with brown hair that faded lighter. Lexa knew that hair. It was Anya's. Was that Clarke with her? The wheat blonde was the right color. What were they doing? What the fuck were they doing?

Dull throbbing heat filled Lexa's stomach as she watched Anya toss her head, hair sweeping to one side. A familiar gesture. The Slytherin only ever did that when she was trying to be flirty. When she wanted to convince Lexa to do something that the Gryffindor didn't like. Why would she… Lexa didn't want to look anymore, the heat in her stomach turning into a hollow emptiness. But she couldn't seem to tear her gaze away. The roar of the crowd and the woosh of players just a faded echo behind her.

Why don't you ask your girlfriend? That was what Octavia had sneered earlier. Lexa shook her head, disbelieving. But as she watched Anya put a hand on Clarke's shoulder only to have the other girl shrug it off, Lexa knew. She knew it in the defensive stance with which Clarke faced Anya. She knew it in the way her own stomach twisted into knots. She knew it in all the memories of Anya pulling away. Her interrupted confession the other day. I have to tell you something, but I don't know how. It's about me and… Clarke. Anya and Clarke. Godric, why had Lexa interrupted her? Why hadn't she let the stupid Slytherin finish her fucking sentence before she bared her soul. Before she said 'I love you.'

The pain was dull, slow, but the rage was swift and deep and it consumed Lexa in one breath. She gasped out, trying to regain control. Everything would be fine if she was in control. If she didn't let the rage, the darkness take her. 50:30. 75. No, 76. Or was it 75? No. 76—

"LEXA!" The bellow from across the field cracked against her ears. Her heart stopped. Then started. Then stopped. She saw the field for one brief flash before all the air was knocked out of her lungs and pain exploded across her stomach, her diaphragm, her ribs. The pain was the last thing her mind registered before it shut down. The pain and the rushing of wind. She was falling.

Bellamy watched the last few seconds stretch out like taffy, slow and elastic. And as strongly as he willed it, he could not force his body to function at the same speed as his brain. Almost everyone, even those in uniform, watched with bated breath, gazing up at the two Seekers who made ribbons of red and blue in their pursuit of the Snitch. But not Bellamy. His eyes were leveled on the field, apathetic. Which was how he saw the bludger hurtling toward his best friend.

In the first second, he assured himself she would see it. Lexa had a sixth sense about these things. In the following second, he realized her back was turned. How could she see it? In the third second, he shouted her name, his deep voice cracked and desperate. In the fourth second, his best friend turned and her green eyes found him. Not the bludger. And in the fifth second, everything shattered into motion.

The bludger hit Lexa in the middle of her stomach, dragging the Gryffindor Captain off her broom with its sheer force. The crowd gasped, attention pulled, and jumped to their feet even as Bellamy leaned forward in a last-ditch effort to reach Lexa. As if he wasn't across the field. As if she wasn't already falling from fifty feet in the air. But he wasn't the only one diving towards the streak of red leather and honey brown curls.

Bellamy's eyes were blown so wide that he caught the flash of gold that flew maybe three feet above Lexa's head mere moments after her fall. If he had blinked, Bellamy might have missed the split second when there were two players pursuing the Golden Snitch and then when there was only one. He was still only a quarter of the way across the field when Octavia peeled off and dove after the tumbling figure of their Captain. And as Bellamy watched the two people he cared about most plummet towards the earth, he wasn't sure whether he was breathing or if the air was simply being forced down his lungs with how fast he flew. He knew he would never reach Lexa before she smashed into the ground, but Octavia just might.

His fingers dug splinters from his broom handle as he leaned forward. He was still thirty feet away. Octavia was maybe five. Her hand reached out, fingers spread wide. A lump formed in his throat as he realized she wasn't going to make it. They were both going to break against the ground. He wasn't fast enough. Never fast enough. This wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening. Not again.

Octavia's outstretched fingers grasped Lexa's shirt. Then her arm wrapped around Lexa's waist. And then the two were spinning as the Seeker used her broom to slow their momentum. But there wasn't enough space and Bellamy bit down on his cheek as the two hit the ground with a loud thud and rolled a few feet before coming to stop in a heap of limbs and sticks and grass.

Bellamy touched down seconds later and forced his feet to function though they threatened to buckle as he ran towards the pair. The tightness in his chest eased fractionally as he saw Octavia push herself up, but it pinched twice as hard when she bent over Lexa, shaking the older girl's shoulders.

"Lexa? Hey! Lexa!" his sister murmured harshly, her voice breathless from the fall. Bellamy dropped to his knees beside the pair and called his best friend's name, his voice hoarse and no less frantic.

A moan of pain escaped the Gryffindor Captain before her eyes cracked open, glossy. Both Blakes let out sighs of relief and shared a brief look.

"What… you doing? Did we… win?" The words slipped out of Lexa's mouth, slightly garbled. Obviously disoriented. Did she remember falling? They'd have to check her head.

The stadium roared and Bellamy saw Octavia's face stiffen as she realized what it meant. Raven had caught the snitch. The match was over and Gryffindor had lost. Bellamy couldn't give a fuck right now, but the two women next to him didn't share his outlook. Lexa sighed heavily, whether from pain or disappointment Bellamy was unsure. Octavia, however, seemed certain. Her brows furrowed at Lexa's noise of discontent and then her mouth twisted into a grimace.

"Fuck," his sister slammed her fist in the ground, spraying dirt. He opened his mouth to reassure her that it wasn't her fault. It didn't matter. They were all okay. It would be okay. But he had only managed to utter her name when she pushed herself roughly from the ground. Octavia's narrowed eyes and clenched jaw were the last he saw of her before she stalked off with a rigid set to her shoulders.

The field flooded with students and professors; Abigail Griffin lead the lot as she raced towards where Bellamy huddled over his best friend. He couldn't help the resentment that boiled up as he watched half of the crowd rush by to wherever the Ravenclaw team had landed. But he felt equally frustrated by the mess of nosy first years that just wanted a peek at the mighty Trikru conquered by a fucking Bludger. He growled at them, but his defensive gesture was irrelevant as Professor Griffin ordered the students to stay back.

"Miss Trikru, can you hear me?"

Lexa nodded shallowly, her eyes having fallen closed again. The professor ran a wand over the supine Gryffindor Captain and a galaxy of shimmering, diagnostic spheres appeared above Lexa's body. Bellamy felt his anxiety spike, but soft fingers found his against the grass as Lexa squeezed his hand. She was reassuring him. That was supposed to be his job. He choked softly, trying not to lose it on a field in front of the first years. Of course, she would find the strength to do that even after she fell fifty feet to the ground. Fucking Lexa.

"I think it's best we move you magically to the Hospital Wing, Miss Trikru. Please don't try to move yourself. You have a few cracked ribs and bruising on some internal organs. Nothing a few potions can't fix, but it's best you remain perfectly still." Professor Griffin's voice was calm, soothing, even as she nodded pointedly, "Mr. Blake, I'm assuming you will be coming with us?"

Bellamy jerked his head in a clipped nod; he didn't think his voice would work right now. He felt utterly helpless as he watched the professor materialize a stretcher and levitate his best friend off the field.

Thirty feet away, Raven let out a triumphant laugh as the crowd hoisted her off of the field. Her fist punched the clear sky, Snitch clutched tightly between her long fingers. Her view unobstructed for the first time since she landed, Raven's eyes caught on a group of people moving swiftly away. Someone was being carried off the field. Were they injured? When had that happened? Her focus on the snitch had been singular. Now her forehead wrinkled in confusion. But before she could give the situation too much thought, her whole body jolted forward as the crowd began to carry her towards the locker room. She let out another loud laugh at the strange sensation of many hands on her body. A rather bold third-year boy found a purchase he particularly liked, but before he could get too handsy with her ass, she reached down and poked his face roughly, chuckling at his disgruntled expression.

The crowd righted her beside the locker room and she hissed as her weight settled onto her feet again. Her left knee was less than happy with the rough landing she had made. Raven performed a clumsy bow towards the hoards who had carried her before limping into the slightly less crowded interior. Her grin was wide despite the shooting pain up her leg, her success dulling the complaint of her body. Still, Raven let out a sigh of relief when she settled onto a bench and stretched the leg out before her.

"Good catch, Reyes. Seriously awesome!" Her Captain clapped her on the shoulder as he strode into the room. "I know you would have caught it either way. Don't let those whiny Gryffindors tell you any differently."

"Tha— What?" Raven looked up from rolling her pants higher, gritting her teeth at the added pressure on her knee.

"Because of Trikru and Blake— You know? Because Blake pulled out of the chase."

"What?"

"Trikru fell. Blake dove after her. Didn't you see?"

"I was a little busy, Reggie."

"Right. Well, good job anyways."

"Thanks," Raven muttered, her success tasting sour now. She glared after her Captain. He was such a prick. He would probably forget his meager praise by their next practice and make the whole team read more Quidditch theory as if they hadn't won this match.

The rest of her teammates shuffled in, happy but irritated. No Ravenclaw liked winning on a technicality. They each gave her a rough clap on the back and said pretty much the same thing. Wasn't her fault. Gryffindor was just sloppy. Figures.

By the time the Ravenclaw team had cleared out, most of her triumph had been sucked away by their discussion of the game. Her knee was definitely busted and the pain only seemed to be getting worse. She'd tried to stand once, but the sharp heat had sent her quickly back onto the bench. She didn't want to add yet another thing to the list of what went wrong with the match so Raven waited until everyone left before trying to stand again. She had barely raised her butt an inch off the bench when Monty, Harper, and Jasper burst through the door in a flurry. She sat back down with a grimace and tried to recreate her earlier wide grin while she listened to their enthusiastic praise.

"Awesome!"

"So cool!"

"How did you land so smoothly? I would have crashed into the ground catching it that close!"

"I basically crashed," Raven tried to interject, but was quickly quieted.

"No, no, you practically walked off your broom into the Snitch. It was epic."

"Sure…"

"I'm serious!"

"Monty's right!"

"Totally epic!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm awesome," Raven drawled trying to bring an end to their barrage of enthusiasm.

"Then why aren't you happy about it?" Harper demanded, looking peeved.

"I'd rather win outright then on the technicality of being the only one chasing the Snitch."

Jasper and Monty made noises of affirmation, but Harper simply rolled her eyes at the three, hands bracing against her hips. "Whatever. You still caught the snitch, which is hard. Won the game, also pretty hard. So, all in all, I'm only hearing reasons to celebrate."

"Hooch?" Monty looked at Jasper conspiratorially.

"Hooch," the lanky boy affirmed.

This started up a chant of 'hooch' from the three in front of her like a rallying cry. Raven couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright, alright," she shook her head at them. "I'll meet you guys in the common room. I just have to... clean up a bit first."

"Okay!"

Raven gave her knee a gentle rub as the three musketeers headed out, waiting till she heard the slam of the wooden door for confirmation before she tried to stand for the third time.

"Fuckity fuck fuck fuck," she hissed, gritting her teeth against the hot pain as she pulled herself up using the side of Reggie's locker. It was the closest afterall. She cursed again as she knocked out his expensive blue glass potion bottle which probably contained something pretentious like hair smoothing oil. She watched it roll to a stop a few feet away and for a second considered leaving it on the floor, but her conscience got the better of her. With one deep breath to brace herself, Raven began to lean over, putting most of her weight on her good leg. The pain was still excruciating.

"Shit. Fuck. Damn it. Mother—"

"Hey, hey, hey!"

Raven whirled around and cried out, falling on her ass with a loud smack and a grunt.

"Watch yourself, Reyes." Jasper gave her a patronizing look before returning Reggie's potion to his locker.

Raven glared up at him from the floor, her eyes as sharp as daggers.

"Jasper."

"You're probably wondering why I stayed behind."

"Yep."

"And you're probably feeling grateful I did. Now that it is obvious you can't walk."

"Nope."

"Well, no matter. I could tell you were lying," Jasper grinned down at her, offering her a hand. "Seriously, Reyes. You gotta work on that."

Raven swatted his hand away and reached back to use the bench to pull herself up again. His hands gripped her under the armpits, adding leverage, but she batted them away again.

"I don't need your help!"

"Raven."

"Jaaaasper," she repeated, elongating the word and mocking the serious tone he had taken.

"Fine."

She grunted and pulled herself closer to the bench. She stared back at it, but the only way she could figure out how to pull herself up was if she turned over onto her knees, which was certain to be even more painful than this awkward position. Fuck.

"Fine," she huffed out, repeating the word back to him.

"You're going to let me help?"

"Reluctantly."

She looked up in time to catch Jasper rolling his eyes to which she stuck out her tongue. With their combined effort it didn't take long to right herself, but it was still just as painful to put weight on her left leg.

"You'regonnahavetocarryme," she ground out, eyes straight ahead.

"What was that?" Jasper prompted even though Raven was ninety-five percent sure that he had heard her.

"You're going to have to carry me."

"I could just levitate you."

"Don't you dare," she pulled away from him slightly. "I know exactly how many inkpots you've broken, Jasper Jordan, and I don't intend to have a fractured leg as well as a busted knee."

"Okay, okay," he raised his hands sheepishly. "Alright, so how do we do this?"

"I don't know! You're the one that's supposed to be helping me."

"No need to get so testy."

"Ugh," Raven pinched the bridge of her nose. When she looked back at Jasper he had his arms stretched wide, looking at her expectantly. "What do you want me to do? Jump into them? If I could jump, you wouldn't be carrying me."

He gave her a withering look and after some awkward maneuvering, he had picked her up, one arm behind her back and the other cradling her knees as gently as possible. They made it through the door with some difficulty. Raven opened it with her closer hand and they squeezed through. She tried to protest as he began walking away, leaving the door completely ajar.

"Raven, I've only got so much strength. I'm beelining for the Hospital Wing. No stops."

She snorted but fell silent. He was doing a much better job than she had expected with his scrawny arms. Still, she couldn't help but poke fun. "Don't drop me, Jordan."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Reyes."

"Seriously. I'll kill you."

He grinned down at her, "From the ground? I don't think so."

A shout rang out from behind them and Raven felt Jasper stiffen. The shout sounded again and this time it was clear that someone was calling her name. Jasper turned slowly, his grip shaking a bit, but he didn't let go.

Roan jogged up to the pair, his shoulder-length hair a little crumpled and sweaty from the game. "Are you okay?" His eyes raked over her and she felt her cheeks flush slightly at the awkwardness of the situation.

"Um, yeah. Just busted my knee. Jasper's helping me to the Hospital Wing."

"I can take you," Roan offered, his arms opening slightly.

"It's fine. I've got her." Jasper's voice sounded quickly above her and Raven watched as Roan's eyes finally turned on the boy whose arms she was in. His jaw clenched slightly and Raven remembered how he had thought Jasper was 'into her.' Like interested in her.

She snorted, "It's fine, Roan. Really." His blue gaze settled back on her, questioning. So she added, "I could use some food. Maybe you could grab me some?"

"Sure… I'll just run to the kitchen and then meet you in the Hospital Wing. Okay?"

"Sounds good."

He gave them a curt nod before continuing his quick pace towards the castle. She felt Jasper's breath brush against the top of her head as he let out a snort.

"Does he jog everywhere?"

"I don't know," Raven sighed. "Do you want me to call him back and ask?"

"No."

The rest of the way to the Hospital Wing was silent. Raven tried to ignore the few tremors in Jasper's arms at the obvious strain of carrying her. She wasn't sure whether his silence was from focus or mood. Maybe both. But when he deposited her on a bed in the infirmary and immediately turned away, rubbing his sore arms, she was pretty sure it was the latter.

"Thanks, Jay," Raven muttered to his back, but his response was cut off by the appearance of Professor Griffin. The older woman sighed, cast a few more diagnostic spells before leaving to find the proper potions for a torn muscle and busted kneecap. They were quiet for the few minutes it took the professor to return with an assortment of small tinctures. Once Raven had swallowed all four, she was ordered to stay in bed until the evening meal to let the medicine take effect.

"And you wonder why I don't play Quidditch," Jasper huffed when the professor had departed. "Deadly sport. You should have seen Lexa and Octavia hit the ground."

Raven only nodded. She never expected him to understand why she played. He was cautious in a way she could never be.

"You don't have to stay, you know," she reminded him as he sat on the bed next to hers. He shrugged, resting his chin on his knuckles and watching her. He stared at her long enough that it became unnerving and Raven raised her eyebrows to break the tension.

He took the bait. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"About you and Roan?"

Raven groaned, "Jasper, not this again—"

"No, no judgment," he raised his hands.

"Fine."

"Okay. Okay." He seemed to think for a moment, like he needed to find the right way to ask the question. Raven tried to keep the tension from her face when he finally spoke. "Are you two serious? I mean, do you like him?"

She wasn't really sure what she had been expecting him to ask. Not that. Raven opened her mouth, but no words came out. She sighed, "I don't know, Jasper. Serious? Not really. Do I like him? Maybe… But I... I honestly haven't thought too much about it."

Jasper nodded like he was digesting her words, weighing each one. Finally, he repeated back what he had heard, "So you're not sure?"

"I guess," Raven shrugged. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well," he let out a loud sigh and ran a hand through his messy hair, making it stand up even more than it already did. Raven smiled at the gesture. His hands were large for how slim he was. She'd never noticed that before. "If you're not sure about him… I mean, I guess I just want you to know that there are more options. You know? You have options."

"Okay," Raven said slowly. "I know you don't like him—"

"No," Jasper shook his head again. "No, Raven. It's not about him."

"Then what is it about?'

Jasper stared at her, mouth opening and closing. He finally threw his hands between them. "It's about you—"

"Me?"

"—and me."

"What?" Raven was sure she hadn't heard him right. It didn't make sense.

He cleared his throat, cheeks flushing slightly. "Like I said, you have options."

"Wait, what?"

"I like you, Raven!" The words burst from him like water through a dam, like he had been holding onto them for too long and didn't quite know how to let go. He seemed to realize how loudly he'd shouted because his eyes pinched shut, and then he said again softly, "I like you."

Raven stared at him, trying to make sense of all the words he was saying that just didn't make sense. It was Jasper. Jasper. One of her best friends. Who she'd teased and prodded and made fun of as much as he'd done the same to her over the years. They made sex jokes and fart jokes and talked about the size of their shits sometimes. Her eyes felt like they were too big for her head, her brain buzzing. It must be a side effect of the potion. She was simply hallucinating. That was it. That made sense.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Raven laughed sharply and cleared her throat, waiting for a more logical response.

Jasper's face shuttered off immediately at the sound of her laugh. "I'm not joking, Raven."

"I—" Raven's throat closed off as a lump rose. Oh sweet Rowena. He wasn't joking. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't the potion. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Look, I know you're probably shocked," Jasper rushed forward, rambling in a way that he only did when he was nervous. "I was shocked when I realized. I mean we've known each other for years, but—but I like you, Raven. You were with Finn for so long that I guess I just wrote you off. Didn't think about it. But then you guys broke up—"

"Jasper."

"—and I guess I just started to realize how awesome you are. I mean, not that I didn't already know you were awesome," he laughed. "Because obviously I did, but just like in a different way. You know? A different kind of awesome—"

"Jasper."

"—and then I was pretty upset about Roan and I had a long think about that and realized I was jealous. Me! Jealous! Super weird. Totally didn't know what that felt like… which is why it took me so long to figure it out - sorry about that by the way - anyways that's when I realized that I like you. Like like like you—"

"JASPER! DON'T!"

He inhaled sharply as his amber eyes finally found hers. "What?"

Raven worked her jaw trying to find the words, but she had none. She just knew that she needed him to stop. It was too much. She shook her head, "I can't— I don't. I don't."

"You don't?"

"I don't," Raven stared back at him and felt like she was going to throw up. "Not like that."

"Okay."

"Jasper—"

"No, it's fine." He stood, his eyes sliding from her even as he splayed his hands in surrender. "It's fine. Really," he repeated giving her a falsely cheery look. "I hope you feel better. I'll see you—"

Raven tried not to. She really did. But her body wouldn't listen and when Jasper reached over to pat her shoulder, she flinched. It was a small movement. Tiny. Infinitesimal. But he noticed and the breathless apology that followed his recoiled hand struck her in the gut.

The look he gave her broke Raven's heart. Like he wished he could take back the last ten minutes and would cut off his arm to do it. And to be honest, she wanted that even more than he did. But all that regret couldn't hide the hurt behind his eyes. She heard the barely intelligible 'fuck,' that he whispered under his breath as he turned around and walked away from her. Raven stared at his retreating figure, trying to figure out something to say, something to fix this.

"Jasper, wait," she called after him. But they both knew it was half-hearted. Spoken too quietly. Too late. So he didn't turn back and she didn't call him again. And Raven felt as if she had somehow lost something without ever really having it to begin with. She just hoped that there would be enough of their friendship to pick up the pieces. There had to be. There just had to be.

A/N: Hey guys. I know it has been forever since I updated this story and I am really sorry for that. I've lost a lot of my inspiration and have been hoping it will turn up again, but with some personal stuff going on in my life, writing has just not been a priority.

I'm sad to say this, but I am going to have to put this story on an (official) hiatus for now. I'm not giving up. I'll eventually finish it, but the updates will be even more sporadic than they have been and I really don't want anyone holding their breath. Honestly, I will most likely be taking a break from writing fanfic in general; it has, at times, been so much fun and at others a huge source of anxiety. And I really don't need any more reasons to be anxious at the moment.