Halfway into a coat of lipstick, Anne realized she'd already applied it 5 minutes ago. She snapped the tube shut and sat back in the chair at her vanity. She stared at herself in the old, speckled mirror and shakily exhaled.
She found herself unexpectedly nervous for her date with Gil tonight. After her time with him this morning and her talk with her friends this afternoon, she had never felt so light and carefree. Her world had seemed perfect. And then, the evening began rolling in. Gil had sent her a text, letting her know he was home and expecting her soon, and Anne felt her stomach turn on a dime.
She had rushed up the stairs, locked herself in her room and tore her sweater off. She looked hideous—the sweater made her look bony and her jeans made her legs look lumpy.
"Dear God," Anne whispered to herself, as she rummaged through her chest of drawers. "He saw me like this earlier! What was I thinking?"
She rushed across her room and rifled through the clothes hanging neatly in her closet.
"Why do I own so much pink?" Anne thought, nearly hyperventilating. "Who let me buy so much pink? Have they seen my hair?"
Anne whipped around and scrambled to her vanity.
Her hair was so painfully red. Her features were so sharp and unforgiving. And she still had those blasted 7 freckles. Anne frantically powdered her pale face, smoothed lipstick over her chapped lips and attempted to tamp down her frizzing hair.
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no," Anne muttered, her eyes welling with tears.
Anne sighed and held her face in her shaking hands. She hadn't felt so insecure in ages, but make no mistake, Anne had always been frustrated by her looks. Certainly, the awkwardness of her youth had passed, but Anne never could reconcile her disappointment over her appearance. And of course, living with Phil made things difficult. Phil's smooth chestnut hair, lovely eyes and wonderfully crooked smile unintentionally stifled any blooming confidence Anne felt. Anne could recall too many instances when she emerged from her room, primped for a party and feeling absolutely assured in herself. Then, she would run into the stunning Phil in the hall and mentally revert to her gangly childhood self.
And now, she had the absolute audacity to imagine she could be in Gil's league! Gil had been widely hailed as the best-looking young man in all Avonlea. And as Rachel Lynde contended, the entire Island! And once she and Gil arrived at Redmond, Anne realized Gil was possibly the most attractive man she would ever meet. And she realized the other girls clearly noticed, as well. Oh, how Anne had hated both realizations: that Gil was entirely too handsome and that she wasn't the only one to know.
When Gil escorted her to events in their early college years, Anne always overheard the gossipy buzz they attracted.
"Oh, Lord, her hair so…red."
"I suppose correction fluid is a viable alternative for foundation."
"It's so sweet for Gil to stick with her!"
Anne felt like such an idiot then, and now, she felt even worse. Anne wiped the fledgling tears from her eyes, carefully avoiding smearing her mascara. She needed to snap out of this funk. She applied her second, thoughtless coat of lipstick and sat back in her chair. She inhaled and exhaled until her breath became regular and comforting.
"Beauty isn't everything, Anne Shirley," Marilla's stern voice echoed in her head. "You best get that silly notion out of your head before you let it ruin your life."
Strengthened by her adoptive mother's advice, Anne pulled her sweater back on. She didn't look bony in it—she looked slim. And her jeans made her legs look long, not lumpy.
Pointedly avoiding her mirror, Anne grabbed her coat and purse and unlocked her door. She was seeing Gil tonight and that was all that mattered.
Anne approached Gil's apartment building with a lingering sense of nervousness. Seeing Gil had always been a nerve-wracking experience, anyways. And now, she was finally with him—for all that entailed.
Her shaky finger pressed the buzzer, and in a flash, the door mechanism unlatched. After hiking the stairs and crossing the brown-toned hallway, Anne reached his door. She knocked, and as expected, the door opened in half a moment. Gil smiled warmly at her, his hazel eyes full of decade's worth of love. And, at the sight of his perfect face shining with love for her, Anne promptly burst into tears.