Alright guys I'm gonna tell you all a short little story…it's really rather tragic. There once was a young woman on the night of her first ever locals night…which for those of you who have never been to Sisters, Oregon is kind of a big deal. It was a night full of country music, drinks, awesome company, and some really cute cowboys that were strictly eye candy (the young woman in fact had a fiancé). A few drinks in, this particular young woman decided that, as a celebration for rodeo, a turn or two on the mechanical bull was in order. With a fire in her veins (that may have been caused by either adrenalin, or alcohol) she hopped up into the saddle, nodded slightl1y to the cowboy at the controls, and she was off! She did quite well for herself, staying on for over 8 seconds, not just once, but twice. Alas her victory was tainted when she woke the next morning unable to move her wrist properly…okay so really that was just my long and drawn out way of saying I got really drunk during this Rodeo kickoff party that the whole town of Sisters does every year, and decided it would be a good idea to get on the mechanical bull that one of the bars had set up. Well I did do pretty well, won a T shirt, and managed to stay on the bull…but the bucking motion against my wrist somehow injured it. I'm pretty sure I pinched a tendon in there…I've done it before, but it makes it a little bit difficult to type, and it's just now starting to feel better after two and a half months. So I'm sorry if this chapter is full of mistakes the fingers in my left hand don't want to work too well because my wrist is so stiff.
Disclaimer: All original characters and storyline of 50 Shades of Grey belong to E.L. James.
"Dude I don't think I have ever seen you this keyed up." Kyanne exclaimed laughing from her bed. Doing homework that I am, currently neglecting. "Seriously what is it about this guy?"
I think about answering truthfully, but I just can't. I know Kyanne is trustworthy, but I haven't shared my secret with anyone, and I'm not quite ready to do it right now. Not right before our date at least.
"I promise I will tell you the whole story, but I am nervous enough without reliving our whole history before I see him again."
"Was it a messy breakup?" Ky asks with a gleam in her eyes. She feeds off of drama. I just nod and continue getting ready.
"You're no fun." Ky says, rolling her eyes, and turning back to her homework.
"Sorry my misery can't make for a better story." I say with a laugh.
"One day soon you're going to have to spill the beans." She mutters, just as there's a knock on the door.
The butterflies in my stomach which had barely been contained all night long, burst and go wild.
Kyanne gives me a salacious smile and wags her eyebrows at me as I go to answer the door.
Cavin is standing there in dark suit that makes his blue-green eyes pop. He is mouthwatering, and for the night he's all mine. The thought makes my heart thud unevenly.
"Good evening Miss Grey." He says, eyeing me up and down. Doing nothing to calm my heart down any.
"Hi." I say quietly. Smiling shyly at him, and then I remember that we aren't alone in the room. "Cavin this is my friend and roommate Kyanne. Ky this is Cavin."
"Nice to meet you." He says, offering his hand to her. She eyes it warily, but finally takes it, and shakes.
"Yeah you too." She says, and she sounds kind of angry, almost as if she's trying to intimidate him.
"These are for you." He says handing me a bouquet of lilies. I can't believe that he remembered they're my favorite.
"Thank you, they're beautiful! Give me just one second to get them in some water." I say taking the flowers from him.
I can feel the awkward silence in the room as I arrange them in a vase, and fill it with water. When I turn back to Kyanne and Cavin, she's glaring at him, and he's looking anywhere but her, and trying hard not to smile.
"Alright I'm ready." I say.
"Great! Have a good evening Kyanne, it was nice meeting you." Cavin says, and before she can come back with a snarky comment I grab Cavin's hand and pull him out the door, slamming it shut behind us.
It isn't until we're halfway down the hall that I realize I'm still holding his hand tightly in my own. I try to pull away, but he grips tighter, and doesn't let me go.
"Phoebe please, I know we have a lot to sort out tonight, and you have every reason to hate me right now, but please just let me enjoy the time I have with you. Don't pull away from me." His voice is pleading, and he almost sounds like he's in pain. So I give his hand a gentle squeeze letting him know that I won't let him go.
A dazzling smile crosses his face, and he brings the back of my hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss onto it. "Thank you." I just hear him whisper.
He leads me down to his car, and reluctantly lets go of my hand so that I can climb in, and as soon as he's situated in his own seat he reclaims it again.
"So how is school going?" He asks me.
"Good. I'm getting straight A's, and have joined in a creative writing club." I'm both pleased, and embarrassed to report. The truth is I'm only doing so well, and getting so involved in extracurricular activities because I don't have him as a distraction.
"That's wonderful Phebs." He says. We continue to make small talk throughout the drive. Neither of us bring up anything too serious, because we don't want to ruin the night before it even has a chance to start.
A few minutes later he's pulling into one of the nicest restaurants in the Portland area. Of course growing up in the family I did, I'm used to the lavishness of it all, but I can tell that Cavin is both excited and a bit overwhelmed as he hands his key to the valet.
He gives his last name to the hostess, who promptly leads us to a private dining area. "Your server will be right with you." She says, handing us our menus, and then exits closing the door behind her.
"Cavin this is absolutely amazing." I say with a huge smile on my face.
"I figured it would probably be best if we were a bit isolated to talk, but I wanted to treat you to a nice dinner also. I hope it's not too much. I was worried that you might think I was getting too far ahead of myself by requesting a private room, but…" He really is nervous.
"Cavin." I say cutting him off. "I know that you would never request a private dining room for us just so we could have sex. I agree we need to speak, and we will need privacy for the conversation we need to have."
He looks relieved that I seem to understand why he chose to isolate us from the rest of the diners. And I smile at him as the waiter comes in and takes our drink order. Then Cavin surprises me by ordering for us. I don't know why but there's something so sexy about him taking control.
We continue the small talk while we wait for our food, and it's getting harder and harder to ignore the elephant in the room. There was a reason we came out tonight, and it wasn't just for casual conversation. Cavin must sense my impatience because he clears his throat. I look up at him, and he's wearing an extremely nervous expression.
"I know that I invited you here tonight to discuss us, but now that I have you here I don't ever want you to leave, and I know that if we start to talk about the things that we need to there's a chance that you will walk out those doors and I'll never see you again." His voice is pained, and I wish I could do something to ease his mind, but the truth is he's right. There is a chance that it won't matter what he says tonight. Maybe it's just too little too late. Though there's also a part of me that knows I will cling to anything he says if there's a hope that it will allow us to be together again.
"Please just tell me Cavin. Tonight is going to be just as hard for me as it is for you. So let's just get it over with. I know how that sounds, but the truth is I need to know one way or another if there's any hope for us." I don't know why I'm so brave all of the sudden, but I can't take not knowing anymore.
"Phoebe you have to know that deciding to leave you was the hardest thing I've ever done. Of course I wanted to run to you and tell you that everything would be okay, but I knew that there was no way your parents would ever accept us, and I didn't want to have to make you choose between me or your family.
"I never wanted to hurt you Phoebe, and I know that leaving you through a text was the lowest I could possibly get. You have to understand though, I was doing what I thought was best, and that was giving you a life with your family, because there's nothing more important than that. I also knew that if I broke up with you in person there was a chance I would have begged you to choose me, to stay with me over your family if that's what it came down to, and I just couldn't do that.
"I tried for months and months to forget about you, and the way I felt about you because I knew that's not what was best for you. Eventually though it got too hard. I knew there was no way I would be able to forget about you and the way you made me feel. There's nothing that could ever make me forget about true love. So I decided that I had to see you, and the truth is I visited your college campus more than was strictly necessary in the hopes that I would bump into you, and finally I got lucky.
"When I saw you this morning it was like my world was finally whole again. You looked so beautiful that I couldn't help myself I had to convince you to come out with me so that I could explain myself." He pauses, trying to rein in the passion in his voice, and I'm struck speechless.
"The truth is I still love you Phoebe, more now than I ever have. All of my attempts to move on from you have failed horribly, and it got to the point where I was in pain on a daily basis without you in my life.
"I know nothing has changed for you family. They would still despise me if they knew how I was feeling and what I'm hoping for. What they don't realize, and what I hope you will realize by the end of tonight is that I have changed. I can't live without you Phoebe, and that means I have to fight for you. That means I am willing to face your whole family to be with you. You are mine Phoebe, always in my heart, and I'm so sorry it took me this long to realize what I needed to do."
"Please take me back." He begs when I don't respond to his speech.
"Cavin…I." I stutter, but the truth is I don't know what to say. I love this man so much, and my heart is soaring at the knowledge that he does feel the same way. But I also know that things have changed. He left me, he hurt me, he allowed me to believe that he didn't care about me anymore, all because he knew that my parents would never approve of the two of us being together.
"How can I know that one day you won't decide that you don't want to be with me anymore? That the strain it's put on my relationship with my parents is too much? I couldn't bear that again Cavin. It was too hard losing you the first time. If I say yes to you now, I couldn't handle it if you rejected me again."
"I know that it will take time to earn your trust back, but baby I will never leave you again. Unless you order me away, I will always be by your side."
Again I'm speechless. I don't know how to respond to any of this. Of course I want him back. That's all I've been able to think about since he broke up with me. I just don't know if I can handle loving him and getting my heart broken.
"You don't have to say yes or no right now Phoebe you can think about it. I just needed for you to know how I feel so that I know for myself that I didn't miss the best opportunity of my life."
And that's all it takes. His words break down all of my defenses and I launch myself into his lap. He's shocked at first, but as soon as my lips find his he wraps his arms around me, and kisses me back.
"I love you too Cavin, and of course I want to be with you." I finally say when I'm able to peel myself away from him.
"Oh thank god!" He whispers, and gives me a light peck on the lips before I return to my own chair.
And just like that it's like a weight has been lifted off of both our shoulders, and our night returns to how it was before we began the heavy talk. Only both of us are more buoyant. We finish our dinner bathed in the peace and love we've found with each other.