The meal was passed in silence, as was the way among their people. And yet, whether logical or not, Kov had a sense that this was a deeper communion than any he had ever shared with another at such a time.

He didn't precisely understand it, but it might have something to do with the current he had felt when Tavin's fingers contacted his own. It seemed that something had passed between them, as it had between he and Koss. However, this thread was stronger, more flexible, and lacked the enticing nature of the other.

Kov wondered if this was a thing Tavin could explain. But he didn't know if he wished to ask, or to learn, or if he simply wished to experience what Tavin would choose to share with him and leave the rest to be discovered at a future time.

He was still debating this when they had both consumed all they required and risen together in silence to clear the meal. Kov stood back, still silently, watching as Tavin fed the sehlat.

"Young Kov, do you wish to begin your learning tonight, or in the morning, after you have rested?" Tavin tipped his head again, and again focused that direct regard upon Kov. What did it mean that he was becoming accustomed to it?

"I would begin now, Tavin. There is little chance I will rest well, with the events of the last hours so new to my mind. Meditation has been unattainable since Koss first revealed his interest in exploring the attraction between us." Perhaps it was discourteous to speak these private matters to Tavin, but there was a settling feeling in doing so. And Koss had not allowed the opportunity to ask him whether he would find such a revelation, made in such a context, troubling.

Kaiidth. What is, is.

"It is unlikely that meditation would be accessible to anyone, after such a series of events, Kov. The souldwounding makes finding the necessary calm – a challenge, if indeed it's possible at all. However, the session we will undertake will help you to regain your equilibrium. If we repeat it several times over the next week, or perhaps two, you may find that you gradually become more able to assume the proper state of consciousness in which meditation can be practiced. You may also find the sharing beneficial and pleasurable in and of itself. However, if you do not, or you discover you are instead troubled by any of the arts we practice together, you must not hesitate to inform me immediately."

Tavin's voice took on a deeper quality with the last pronouncement, so that he sounded more typically Vulcan than he had since Kov first encountered him. It suggested things he didn't understand.

"Why must I?"

"Because there are consequences to forcing such types of sharing, Kov – or in sharing so when one partner is resistant. There must never be coercion in such proceedings." He stopped and sipped his tea, but his regard remained fixed upon Kov. "I would have no harm come to you as the result of this activity, Kov. You have given new purpose to my existence and offered an alternative to my solitude and grief. I wish only to assist you in your Awakening, and prepare you for the living to come. So, if there is discomfort, or if, at any point in our exploration, you simply wish to cease – speak to it at once. Do not delay; do not fear causing offense."

"I will heed your warnings, Tavin, and alert you at once to any distress I might feel." Kov was still uncomfortable at the direct regard, but he returned it. If this was a matter of importance to Tavin, he would honor it to the best of his abilities.

"Then we will begin once our tea has been finished." Tavin settled as inscrutably as Sivet, although with much more …. Kov searched for a word and could only find "openness." He was uncertain that it was the proper expression for the moment, but he could do no better in this moment.

He sipped his tea and attempted to prepare himself for whatever would come to pass between them.

In moments that seemed to stretch into hours in a different, less altering way than Koss' presence had, last night, they had both set aside their drinking bowls. "Let us begin, then," Kov said. There had been far too much of waiting in these last days, and far too little that was easily understood. It made for a rather unsettling reality he wished now to shift.

"As you wish. Come, I have a chamber that will meet all of our needs."

Kov rose, and followed his host to a small room, hung with draperies in soothing reds. "This was the place my husband and I conducted our sharings and our meditation, when we practiced together. You are sensitive, Kov, and you may well perceive – resonances – of those sharings, and my memories. If you do, and they become troubling, there are other spaces we may employ."

"This one is most comforting to you, isn't it?" Kov needed no answer from Tavin. "You are providing me with a service I might be able to receive from no other. I would have you do so in comfort. If you might also remember the times you shared here with your cherished, it seems an additional benefit to your healing, and will perhaps also assist me, for I am certain now that I have been far too isolated in my living, and too devoid of those connections which might have precluded my Awakening to one who desires me not – or who will not accept his desire for me, which might be a far less pleasant circumstance."

"You are wiser than many who have lived so few years, Kov. Come, then. There is a brief ritual – we will light the candles, together, each beginning at one end of the room, and moving nearer. We will light them together, in synchrony, and when we meet at the table in the chamber's center, that candle we will light at the same time, as one, to begin the moving-together of minds necessary for this sharing."

Kov only nodded; there seemed no need to speak. He could feel the presence of Tavin's husband in this space, and the deeply affectionate connection the two men had shared. It was akin to what he had hoped to build with Koss, before Koss had withdrawn from him as though, in doing so, he had ended any emotions he felt for Kov.

There was reassurance in the resonances of this room, and of two men who had found their way to one another and created a life for themselves here. It was deeply moving to light the candles Tavin's husband had once lit, to move with Tavin as his husband once had, to pace himself and feel the drawing-closer Tavin had mentioned. He could feel his breath and awareness shifting, becoming something more in tune with his companion's.

They reached the center of the room, and the low table with its single thick pillar waiting there to provide a focal point for the activities to come.

"How do we proceed?"

Tavin moved to the far side of the table. "Perhaps, eventually, there will be no need for a barrier between us, Kov. But, as we begin, I wish you to be comforted, and gently brought into your Awareness of these forms of sharing. So I will kneel here, and you there, and the table will serve as the boundary."

Together, they knelt. Together, they moved their igniting devices to the single thick wick at the candle's center, and, at a slight nod from Tavin, lit it.

Tavin's face was softened by candlelight, making it seem younger and less troubled than it had been. The corners of his mouth curved upward, and there was something in that simple shifting of muscle that seemed to invite Kov into something he didn't yet understand, but would, if he but accepted the offer.

"Young Kov, you are most beautiful in firelight. Almost, you make me regret that I am not young as you are, and newly come to my understanding of who I am and whom I desire. Were it different, for us both, I could take great pleasure in mating with you, if it was a thing you desired, as well." He drew a long breath, held it, and released. "Forgive an old and grieving man his illogic, Kov."

"I would mate with you, if you desire it, Tavin." The words came in a rush, and Kov felt his blood diffuse across his skin. It was a pleasurable sensation. "As I have nothing with which to compare it, I would find pleasure, and offer you the solace of something that holds much meaning to you."

Tavin's breath sharpened. "You offer more than you know, young one. And it is difficult to refuse such an offer, from one who makes it so willingly."

"Then do not, Tavin."

"No, Kov. Not yet. Perhaps not at all."

"Why not?" Kov's emotions surged; he wanted the encounter more than he had suspected. To have it taken from him before he had the chance to explore it – "I don't simply offer because you are soulwounded, Tavin. I – desire – this experience. I desire you. I am drawn to you."

"But not in the way you are to your mysterious Intended, young Kov. And because of that, I must refuse you, though I share your desires."

"I see no reason that one has any bearing upon the other. I have told you – Koss wishes to erase what was forged between us. He doesn't wish to be Awakened to me, or for me to be Awakened to him. He has not said so, but I believe he will still marry his Promised, T'Pol."

"The infant who dared to touch the flame? She who is sisterkin to Soval?"

"The same. You have heard of her?"

"I was operating the aircar which carried her to the hospital to be treated for her wounds. She was a most determined child; she gave the impression that, had there been another flame within her reach, she would have found the means to complete whatever experiment she had been thwarted in. In no way did she wish to be treated for her injuries. I advised against the hospital, but her determination seems to be honestly acquired through her maternal line. T'Les would not be dissuaded." Tavin paused, then added, "She seems a poor choice of wife for one who would initiate such an experiment as your Intended performed, and then attempt to hide from the results."

"Do you believe that's what Koss is doing?"

"It seems most likely. But perhaps he is simply seeking to avoid grave difficulties. There are families who choose not to accept that some children grow to adulthood in ways that make them wholly unsuitable to be mates to their Promised. Ours is not a perfect system, though it functions well enough for most of our people. But there are those who, however illogically, would choose to believe that it is without flaws."

"If Koss' family is one of those, he could perhaps do nothing other." Kov was unsure whether he found solace in that thought, or agitation. Perhaps some of both, even though such a paradox seemed most illogical.

"There are always possibilities. It would be a mistake to assume there are none, in this case. There is always the Challenge. Often, those such as us, be they male or female, will speak to their Promised and ask that they choose a champion they could develop an affection for. Once the Challenge is called, the challenged simply declines, and both are free to choose as they will. Although some family members will assume there is shame in it, I hold that there is far less than what is created when there is nothing of attraction between those who were Promised in childhood. But we are not here to speak on such things. Let us leave Koss and T'Pol outside this chamber. There is much for you to learn, young Kov, and much we can share without mating. When you have learned all I have to share with you, and had time to consider, and perhaps to speak again to your Koss, if you wish, you will have the ability to make your choices in the fulness of knowledge."

Kov still wished that Tavin would lift all requirements, so they could explore this new reality together. But it wasn't a new reality to the older man; he was grieving the loss of his husband.

Tavin was grieving.

That alone was enough to allow him to set his own desires aside. One so newly alone, without his lifemate – Kov would not choose to make the transition any more difficult than it already was. He wished to be a comfort to Tavin, and perhaps a companion until he was well enough to know what he would choose next. Against that, this sudden attraction was a small thing, easily put aside to be considered at a later time – or perhaps, not at all.

"It will be my honor to learn from you, Tavin. It's my hope that there will also be healing in it for your pain."

"There will, young Kov. That much is certain; there already has been a great deal. Now, we have lit the candle, and we have spoken to the things that distracted. We begin with a simple breathing technique…."

The time flowed strangely, after that. Later, in a chamber Tavin had given him for his own, Kov tried and failed to remember the precise sequence of events. It was indistinct and unfocused, but it had not felt so at the time. They had begun with the candles, and then there was conversation – but he couldn't remember precisely what had been discussed between them. Then there had been breathing, and some form of touching and a sharing of the minds. These were blended together, becoming more than it seemed there had been time for. Kov was uncertain precisely what had occurred; only that something within him was beginning to change.

What the nature of the changes were, and how they would affect him in the rest of his living, Kov could not ascertain. Perhaps he wasn't intended to. It might be that the effects weren't easily quantified. It was equally possible that he would only understand the changes when they had accumulated. Tavin had said that they would have further sessions after they had both rested, and eaten, if he wished them.

He sat cross-legged upon the floor cushion in this comfortable space, staring into the candle Tavin had suggested that he bring from the chamber they had shared. "Keep it in good faith. Meditate if you are able or make the attempt if you wish. Or simply use it as you will."

He was not precisely meditating, but he was closer than he had come to that state since he had scented Koss' arousal scent upon the air, and his life's course had been altered. Only now did he realize to what extent that was true. Yesterday, he had thought himself on an exploration to learn only why this man's scent had affected him so, when T'Sia's had evoked sensations of illness.

He had not intended to Awaken to anyone.

He had not known it was possible for him to Awaken to another male.

He had fully intended to marry T'Sia in the next cycle of Eridani 40, as had been arranged at their Promising.

Everything had changed. There could be no returning to what had come before.