A brief note to my irreplaceable reader,

First off, I would like to sincerely apologize for taking such a long, unplanned break from updating this work. Hopefully, you did not really care to begin with, but if that is not the case, my wish is that I will be able to earn your forgiveness through writing more content for you. I have no excuse to offer, other than my workplace and career has been too demanding over the last two months, and I was unable to write as much as I would have liked to; however, I am seeking to jump back onto the metaphorical mechanical bull. With the start of December, I now have more free time to devote back to you, and I hope to keep it that way permanently. Please stay tuned for more updates and content!

I would also like to make a brief announcement concerning social media. If you happen to follow my Facebook, Reddit and/or Tumblr pages, it is quite obvious the message above was copied and pasted (sorry…it was for efficiency and consistency, I promise!) Furthermore, I plan to continue updating those pages, with the exception of Tumblr. As you may already know, Tumblr is planning to begin censoring all content flagged as "adult", or "NSFW". I do not approve of this; therefore, I will be retiring my Tumblr page effective immediately after this chapter is uploaded. It will remain active, but I will stop updating the page. If you have any suggestions for similar websites for alternatives to Tumblr, please feel free to let me know using any of my contact information available (Facebook, Reddit, Private Messages, ETC) and as always: any feedback, concerns, criticisms or conversation is welcome at any time! Please do not hesitate to contact me, even if you would just like to say hi, or let me know what a huge disappointment I am!

This work, and all my work, is always dedicated to you. Thanks for putting up with me!

~AltF5

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Act I : XVII

SSV Normandy

Commander Zoey Shepard anxiously worked on writing her mission report, documenting the events that had transpired on the asteroid. She occasionally looked up from her omnitool to catch a quick glimpse of Slade's unconscious body in the medical cot beside her, alert for any signs of movement. Doctor Chakwas had assured her that Slade would make a full, steady recovery; however, he had lost a considerable amount of blood and the wound he sustained would need time to heal. Zoey could not help but scan her eyes over Slade's half naked body, marvelling at how much he had changed in the weeks he had been aboard the Normandy. On Eden Prime, he had been thin - not malnourished, but definitely in need of a few solid meals - and very humble in appearance. Now, with the constant supply of proper nutrition and exercise, Slade had grown into a proper marine physique. He was still noticeably more lean and less bulky than an average Alliance soldier, but it was very clear he was in great physical condition; in fact, Zoey could barely remember what he looked like before. Slade's arms and legs no longer resembled rubber noodles, and his torso and abdomen had also increased in both weight and muscle mass. It would only be a matter of time before he rivalled Kaidan's physique. Zoey blushed and forced her gaze back down to her omnitool.

I shouldn't compare him to Kaidan, that just wouldn't be fair. Kaidan hasn't lived a perfect life, but he is definitely in better condition than Slade. Although…I definitely wouldn't complain if they decided to fight each other while naked…

Slade began to stir and Zoey snapped out of her daydream and looked over to him. His eyes lazily opened and he groaned while trying to sit upright, Zoey reached out with her hand to stop him from moving too much.

"Slade, try not to move", she ordered. "You're okay. We're back on the Normandy." Slade did not answer right away; moreover, he looked immensely troubled and his eyes darted frantically around the room, almost as if he was desperately trying to find a place to hide.

"Slade?" Zoey repeated. "Are you okay? You don't look too good…" Again, Slade did not answer, which caused Zoey to become instantly worried.

"Doctor Chakwas!" Zoey shouted. Karin ran out of her office and rushed to Slade's side.

"Slade?!" Karin implored. "Slade, are you alright?" Slade looked up to meet Karin's eyes, but registered no response and blankly stared at her. Karin placed her hands on his cheeks and began inspecting his eyes closely, then opened her omnitool in order to take a few scans, while Zoey anxiously waited for a report.

"His brain activity is quite erratic", Karin reported. "I do not see any permanent or serious problems, but he is registering abnormal brain waves. It is almost as if…" Karin turned her gaze to Zoey before continuing. "You had similar brain activity after your exposure to the prothean beacon, Commander. What exactly-

Karin was interrupted by Slade as he tore her hands off his face and threw himself off the medical cot, stumbling to his feet and activating his omniblade. Karin retreated a few steps away from him and Zoey rushed forward to throw herself between the Doctor and Slade.

"Slade!" Karin shouted.

"Where am I?" Slade demanded, causing Zoey and Karin to frown in confusion.

"Slade", Karin said gently. "You are back on the Normandy. You are safe. Everything is okay." Slade's shoulders relaxed slightly, but he kept his omniblade raised and darted his eyes around the room. He took a few quick breaths, then deactivated his blade and fell to his knees, clutching his wounded side in pain. Zoey and Karin swiftly knelt down beside him and began guiding him back to his cot.

"You wanna tell me what that was all about?" Zoey asked.

"Bad dream", Slade replied. "REALLY bad dream." Zoey helped lift him onto the cot while Karin took a few more medical scans before she relaxed. Slade looked very shaken, but noticeably better than when he first regained consciousness. "What happened with Balak?"

"You're lucky I caught up to you", Zoey said abrasively. "I got to you just in time to stop Balak from gutting you. I threw him off you and we arrested him along with anyone else who was willing to surrender. They're all locked up in an Alliance brig somewhere."

"You mean", Slade spat. "You didn't kill him?!"

Oh, you asked for it now!

"Karin", Zoey ordered. "Please give Slade and his Commander a few moments alone." Karin opened her mouth to object, but immediately understood that Zoey was very upset and obediently walked out of the medbay without looking back. As soon as Zoey heard the door close and the magnetic lock seal, she lashed out with her arm and slapped Slade across the face, perhaps a little harder than she planned to. Slade's head snapped backwards, and he turned forwards to face Zoey again with blood trickling down his bottom lip.

I didn't mean to do that, but you deserve worse right now.

"No", Zoey barked. "Balak is not dead. I didn't kill him, but you managed to cause the death of three innocent people! Why didn't you just listen to me?!" Slade rubbed the blood off his lips with his arm without answering, he simply just stared down at his forearm. Zoey began to regret slapping him, but also wanted to drive her point home.

"It doesn't matter whether you think I'm right, or wrong!" Zoey shouted. "What matters is: I'm your commander, and I gave you an order, which you deliberately disobeyed! This isn't a minor disagreement, Slade! People - innocent civilians - died because you chose not to follow orders! Are you proud of that?!" Again, Slade said nothing and kept his gaze downwards; in fact, he wore a completely blank expression as if he was not listening to Zoey whatsoever.

"Well?!" Zoey demanded. "Are you going to say something? This problem isn't going away anytime soon, Slade. People died. Ignoring me isn't helping anyone. You need to understand why you made a terrible mistake, or it'll happen again! Do you understand?!" Silence. Slade did not even blink.

God, I might as well find a wall to talk to! I'd probably get more of a response!

"Fine", Zoey conceded. "Just sit there and ignore me, Slade. Until you decide to have a conversation with me, I'm not taking you on missions with me, and you're confined to this medbay until Karin says otherwise. Have fun." Once again, Slade remained as still as a statue, causing Zoey to groan in frustration and storm out of the medbay without turning back. She found Karin patiently standing near the door and met her eyes.

"Slade is confined to the medbay until you say otherwise", Zoey proclaimed. Karin gave her a silent stare of apprehension, but chose to say nothing and simply nodded. She then turned around and walked to the crew quarters, causing Zoey to jump in confusion and follow her.

"Doctor?" Zoey called out, while catching up to her. Karin led the way into the bunk area and stopped in front of Slade's bunk, before kneeling down and opening his footlocker. She pulled out his backpack and turned around to leave without even looking at Zoey.

Did everyone have a meeting without me and decide to ignore me together?! Why is everyone ignoring me?!

Zoey followed Karin to the medbay door, but stopped and watched her approach Slade's cot from the hallway.

"Here", Karin said very softly. "I thought you might want this, at least for the duration you will be here." Slade gratefully grasped his backpack and looked up to meet Karin's eyes.

"Thank you", he whispered.

"Your lip was not bleeding when I left", Karin observed. "Why is your lip bleeding? Are you alright?" Slade made a quick glance over to Zoey in the hallway, and she immediately looked down to the floor in embarrassment.

Okay, yeah I regret that. Sorry, Slade.

"I bit my lip", Slade lied. "I'm okay, but it does hurt a little bit."

"Is that so?" Karin questioned. She cast a furious look at Zoey before she opened her omnitool and sealed the medbay doors remotely, catching Zoey off guard.

She is DEFINITELY going to yell at me later…

/

"Slade", Karin began. "Please tell me how you managed to hurt your lip."

Slade Jordan was lying down on his back and trying to relax in his cot while Doctor Chakwas inspected his physical condition, diverting most of her attention to his new injury. He did not savour lying to Karin, but he could not bring himself to admit the Commander had struck him. It was almost his way of denying it happened at all, Slade did not want to believe Shepard had actually hit him, it was far too painful to fathom: in more ways than one.

"I bit my lip, like I said before", Slade said, trying his best to sound convincing; alas, Karin was far too perceptive to be easily deceived by an obvious lie.

"My apologies, Slade." Karin sighed. "Please tell me how the Commander hurt your lip." Slade felt his ears turn red and he struggled to force his cheeks not to do the same.

"I don't know what you're-

"Slade", Karin interrupted. "Please do not insult my intelligence. There is obvious swelling, both on your lip and the area around your cheek. So, unless you are confident that you managed to hurt your entire face by 'biting your lip', please tell me what the Commander did."

Yeah, I guess there's no way I could convince an experienced doctor I bit my lip…

Slade was silent for a few moments before he attempted to answer, but Karin began speaking again first.

"Did the colonists on Eden Prime ever hit you, or physically assault you?" Karin inquired.

"Sometimes", Slade admitted. "But only the dock workers, or people I had to work around. Anyone else was happy with simply avoiding me."

"Did your parents hit you, or abuse you in any way?" Karin pressed on.

"No", Slade said truthfully. "Like I've said before, my mother was a saint, and my father didn't stay around long enough." Karin silently thought to herself for a while before she continued speaking.

"Why is it that you can willingly answer to those questions", Karin started. "But when I ask if the Commander has assaulted you, somehow you feel it is necessary to lie? Why is that? Are you defending her? Or is this something else?" Slade immediately brought himself into an upright position, then turned his gaze to the private office door and silently stared into the darkened room.

"I never trusted anyone on Eden Prime", Slade commented. "I expected them to hit me, or hurt me in some way. But the Commander…I dunno…I guess I never expected her to hurt me like that. It's…different."

"Do you trust the Commander?" Karin continued. Slade had to think about his answer before responding.

"Yes", Slade concluded. He looked back at Karin as she gave him a small smile.

"Well", Karin sighed. "I have known the Commander long enough to know that the next time she sees you, she will pull you into an unwanted, embarrassingly long hug and apologize profusely. I can assure you she already regrets her decision." Slade turned his eyes back to the darkened office.

"I don't need an apology from her", Slade announced. "It was my fault. I made her WANT to hit me. I think I owe her an apology." Karin immediately ended her nurturing, motherly aura and became instantly stern.

"Slade Jordan", she scowled. "It is NEVER your fault if someone hits you. NEVER. Are we clear? The Commander does owe you an apology, and she WILL give you one, or she will have me to answer to…" Karin began inspecting Slade's side and took a few scans. "How does it feel?"

"Am I on painkillers?" Slade inquired. "I can't feel that part of my body at all."

"Yes", Karin answered. "You are on painkillers. I just wanted to ensure they were working. Not to worry Slade, I was able to minimize the scarring and you should be back to normal in no time at all; however, you will need to remain here until you are well enough to walk without medication." Slade nodded in silence and continued to keep his gaze unfocused. "Slade? Is something else bothering you?" Slade continued to sit in silence and Karin decided to sit down next to his cot and wait patiently for an answer.

"Do you think I'm a victim?" Slade asked very softly. Karin raised her eyebrows and silently thought about her answer before she replied.

"Would you be able to give me more context, Slade?" Karin pressed. "It is quite a vague question." Slade thought to himself in silence for a few moments before continuing.

"Back on Eden Prime", Slade started. "All those years I was mistreated by everyone, but I never did anything about it. I could have done something - maybe fought back, or at the very least attempt to stand up for myself - but I just let everyone bully me. I never tried to stop them. Do you think it was because I allowed myself to become a victim? Do you think I enjoyed being a victim? I dunno…Did I use it as an excuse to just let everyone abuse me and do nothing? Do you think I am a victim?" Karin stared intently into Slade's eyes in silence without blinking for what felt like hours before she finally opened her mouth.

"No, Slade", she whispered. "I believe you were VICTIMIZED by your entire colony - by no fault of your own I might add - but you did not allow yourself to become a victim. It might be easy to stand up for yourself when your opposition is a few people who dislike you, but an entire colony mistreating you is not a typical scenario." Karin put a gentle hand on Slade's shoulder and flashed a warm, reassuring smile. "Slade, you are one of the bravest young men I have ever had the pleasure to know. Regardless of how difficult things became - your father leaving, your mother passing away, or your acute depression - you never gave up. Quite frankly, it would have been very easy for you to take your own life, especially after witnessing your own mother do so at such a young age: but you did not. You persevered, and although you suffered years of torment, here you are now: right where you need to be. You are stronger and far braver than you give yourself credit for, Slade Jordan. Sure, you could have always done more to improve your situation; however, is that not true for any situation? Regardless of how little or how much is done, more can always be achieved. In your case, you should be very proud you made it this far, Slade. I know I am proud of you, and your mother would be too. Right now, I just want you to continue improving, so if you want to push yourself to do something, start with that. Is that fair to ask of you?"

I had no idea how much I needed to hear that. I don't deserve her.

Slade could not help but bring forward a smile.

"Alright", Slade beamed. "I can do that. I think I really do need to start doing more, but I'll start here before I get ahead of myself." Karin beamed back at him.

"Oh?" Karin chuckled. "Already have a plan do we?"

"Yes", Slade proclaimed. "Hey, thank you, Karin. I really-

"No!" Karin interjected. "No appreciation necessary. Deep down, you know very well that I did not tell you anything you did not already know. Simply, I did nothing other than point you in the right direction. The rest is up to you, Slade, but I will always be here to help you, along with everyone else aboard this ship." Slade suddenly remembered his disagreement with the Commander and became anxiously uneasy.

"May I ask for another small favour?" Slade inquired, to which Karin nodded encouragingly. "Would I be able to leave the medbay just this once to talk to the Commander? I promise we won't get into trouble." Karin's smile immediately became a frown of disapproval, before she sighed and shrugged.

"I certainly doubt that, but I will allow it just this once." Karin sighed.