I'm going to try to be better about updating this story regularly. Especially for Johanna-002 who has been with me while I've been working on another story "Disintegration", which I really love writing. That one is pretty heavy though and it was honestly depressing us both lately lol. So, I decided to take a break and focus on these happy beginnings instead. Writing this made me smile. Hope you enjoy.
Nicky spotted her as soon as she stepped out of the building. Her vivid hair catching the sunlight was easily noticeable even from a distance. Feeling a surge of annoyance at the sight, Nicky crossed her arms and began to stomp across the courtyard in her black work boots. Focused on her destination, Nicky hurried through the huddles of inmates without pausing to give them a second glance. There was only one person she wanted to-needed to talk to right now. Slightly breathless, she approached the garden and reached her hands out to hold onto the wire fence while she waited to be noticed.
There were usually several of the older ladies puttering around, but for now it seemed like Red was on her own. Kneeling in the ground, her gloved hands worked at tilling the soil for seedlings. She hadn't looked up from her task, but Nicky knew that Red knew she was there. Her entire shadow had casted over the older woman, her hands rattled at the fence imploringly. Nicky grunted incredulously and then stepping back from the fence, walked around to enter the garden.
"Are you planning to ignore me forever?" Nicky asked angrily, lightly kicking the bottom of Red's shoe as she stood behind her. "I've been waiting-"
"Waiting for what? Me?" Red asked dryly. She scoffed. Running her plastic, self-made hand rake through the soil slowly, Nicky watched as she made another row for planting impatiently. At long last, Red finally decided to pause long enough to lean back on her heels and look up at Nicky's face.
"Do you want to talk?" Red asked impassively, which Nicky was convinced she was doing just to annoy her. She was positive that Red's appearing ignorant to her anxiety was a passive-aggressive way to punish her.
"Uh, yeah," Nicky blinked, crossing her arms across her chest. "You told me to stay in the dorm and wait, and then you never came back! The f**k?"
"I was busy cleaning up your mess," Red said thickly. "And once I got that settled I decided it was a beautiful day and I may as well go ahead with what I had originally intended for this afternoon."
"Well, so long as my mess didn't interfere with your gardening plans, I guess all is well then, huh?" Nicky rolled her eyes. "I should have known you'd be out here."
"Oh?" Red said coyly.
"Well, now that Gloria took over the kitchen this seems to be where you spend most of your time," Nicky said triumphantly, knowing the jibe about the kitchen would irritate her. She smirked in satisfaction when she saw Red's posture stiffen, her hands clenching more tightly against her gardening tool. She heard her suck in her breath.
"You could have at least come back to tell me things were okay," Nicky complained, walking over to the fence and leaning her arm against the post.
"You were stowing drugs away in prison, Nicky," Red said with a touch of bitterness in her tone. She looked over at the girl, bringing her free hand up to shield her eyes from the sunlight. "How would that ever be okay?"
"I didn't come here to debate with you the moral details about what went on," Nicky retorted raspily. "I didn't bring the drugs in, I didn't use the drugs, Alright? I stole them to hurt Vee-the only way a psychopath like that can be hurt."
"Not because you wanted the drugs for yourself?" Red asked bluntly, as she looked up at Nicky from her spot on the ground. Her eyes squinted as she gazed into Nicky's eyes with need of answers.
"No!" Nicky exclaimed. "I mean…. obviously, I shouldn't be in any sort of proximity to that stuff but I didn't do it...I came to you before that happened."
"At least you did something right," Red said shortly, shaking her head in contempt. "I just thought you were smarter than all of this. Of all the stupid-"
"Spare the lecture," Nicky interrupted pleadingly. "Come on, you know you're not telling me anything I don't already know. And I'm sorry for dragging you into this, alright? I'll do a better job of handling my sh*t on my own from now on."
"Are you sorry?" Red asked seriously, her hand still shielding her face with its dirty glove. "Do you realize how close you came to f**king everything up? You would have gone to max, had your sentence extended, you put me at risk by helping you-"
"I know!" Nicky exclaimed. She sighed, and her lip quivered as she gave Red a pleading look. "I'm sorry...I just need to know what's going on. I need you to stop f**king ignoring me and tell me what you did. Luschek is gone and I've been a nervous wreck all morning."
"He's gone because I made him take it out," Red said simply, eyeing Nicky reprovingly.
"Yeah?" Nicky verified, as relief coursed through her veins. Removing her arm from the fence post, Nicky let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and slowly lowered herself down until she was sitting in the soil, her arms wrapping around her bent legs.
"I wasn't about to let him leave it in his desk or somewhere else for it to be discovered and blow up in all of our faces," Red said, flashing Nicky a look of incredulity. She scoffed. "Honestly…"
Nicky blinked rapidly as she felt the knot her stomach had been twisted into for weeks begin to unravel. She'd been in over her head so deep. Her addiction had felt like it had been closing in on her and she knew she had been in danger. Touching the stuff, even thinking about it, put her in peril of surrendering to the hold drugs would always have on her. If she hadn't gone to Red when she had, she probably would have fallen off the wagon of sobriety. But she hadn't used, she'd asked for help, and now everything was going to be okay.
"Thank you," Nicky said quietly, as her brown eyes shone with emotion. She looked directly into Red's eyes, a clear blue that Nicky had believed held all the answers since the day she had met the woman. Nicky trusted her to have her back, she'd trusted Red to love her in a way nobody else ever had, and somehow or another they'd ending up drifting apart this last little while anyway. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been alone with the woman, like they currently were, or the last time they had shared a genuine conversation that always left Nicky feeling like her soul had been rejuvenated. She yearned for their closeness right now, but she was terrified it was too late. Red had saved her today, but she might still be out. How many more f**k ups could Red withstand from her?
"You're welcome," Red said thickly, her lips compressing as she regarded Nicky was perilous uncertainty. "Was there something else?" she asked.
"No," Nicky shook her head, uttering a sound somewhere between a hiccup and a chuckle. "No-I'll get out of your hair," she said darkly, lowering her hand so that she could brace herself up. "Let you get back to your gardening."
"I didn't mean you had to leave," Red told her, raising her eyebrows in astonishment at the seeming insecurity of the girl she regarded as her most beloved daughter, and had since the day they'd met. Nicky settled back down in her spot on the ground, though her eyes darted side to side with uncertainty as she considered what to make of things. Her hand crawled up the front of her shirt and reached beneath it to clench around the pendant she always wore. It was her St. Joseph medal, she'd had it forever, and it had always made her feel safe.
"You-you want me to stay?" Nicky asked hesitantly, and there was no trace of her usual confidence or sway. Red had a way of knocking her walls down and revealing all of the vulnerabilities she tried to bury. When she was watching, Nicky couldn't get anything past her. Red just hadn't been paying too much attention lately and even with the best of intentions, when left on her own, Nicky always seemed to missile towards self-destruction.
"Frieda and the others are doing their scheduled craft circle," Red told her, the roll of her eyes implying she found the whole thing ridiculous. "I could use a hand. Go fill up that watering can by the door."
"You got it," Nicky said, displaying the smallest of smiles. She got up and went to fetch the can Red had specified. Holding it in one hand she reached for the hose with the other and sprayed. The water that burst out was of strong pressure that bounced unexpectedly off the edge of the container and splashed her. Fortunately, it was a hot day.
"So, you don't fancy joining a craft circle?" Nicky jested, as she began slowly moving through the garden, taking care to ensure that no blossoming plant was missed. "You could crochet...I saw them teaching Chapman."
"I don't crochet," Red informed her dryly. Kneeling back against the garden bed she had tilled, she began to implant seedlings into the earth.
"I know," Nicky replied, coming up around the other side of the garden to where Red was working. "But It would be handy, you know? I could use another blanket before the fall-they don't heat the dorms enough.
"If you want a crocheted blanket so bad then why don't you trade something from commissary so that somebody will make you one?" Red asked. "I'm not going to be one of those stereotypical ladies who just because I'm old, sits around knitting and going to bingos," she wrinkled her nose.
"What's wrong with Bingo?" Nicky laughed. "You can make money doing that….and you like cards."
"Cards is different," Red argued, using her gloved hand to bury her seeds with a layer of soil. "There's a strategy there."
"Bingo can have strategy," Nicky argued, just for amusement. She finished watering the last plant and then set the jug down on the ground by her feet. "At least if all those creepy troll dolls and the cigarette lighters people bring along have anything to say about it."
"If you want a blanket made then ask Sister Ingalls," Red told her, "she seems to have a knack for that sort of thing."
"Meh, I don't need a blanket," Nicky shrugged. "I was just saying that because I like the love that gets put into them. They're like art, you know?"
"My art is in the cooking," Red told her, the corners of her mouth tugging in a yearn to smile. "When we get out of here in a couple of years I promise I'll make you a meal from the freshest ingredients of the best quality and you will see the love in there. My heart is in the kitchen... "her growing smile swiftly transitioned into a frown. "Or at least it was until she started stomping around like she owned the place."
"You can't blame Gloria," Nicky reminded her, leaning back against the post as she watched Red continue to brush at the earth as though she were mad at it. "She's just doing the job that was assigned to her."
"She's rubbing it in my face!" Red exclaimed. Her lip curled as she gazed across the field to the asphalt where the Latino group was seated together at a picnic table. "Just look at that, Nicky," Red said dramatically. Abandoning her task, she stood up and walked over to the fence with her finger pointed.
Giving Red a look of exasperation, Nicky cracked her neck and then slowly turned around to see what was causing her so much angst. "Yeah, so what?" Nicky asked, blinking at the harmless sight of a group of inmates seated outside on a nice day.
"She's out there playing dominos," Red growled, her eyes narrowing, as she lowered her hand to grip the fencing.
"Dominos not strategic enough for you?" Nicky yawned. "I don't see the problem."
"Lunch is being served soon," Red informed her. "When I ran the kitchen, I would never hang around outside when there was work to be done. I gave my everything-"
"Gloria probably just finished early," Nicky said unhelpfully, "I think you need to chill out, Mom." She wasn't sure why she was even bothering to pacify Red. She should just let her have her delusions. She seemed to thrive in them, and since she had taken Gloria's acceptance of the kitchen as a personal insult, the woman could do nothing right in Red's mind. She looked for any minor detail she could find to complain about and when the meals were delicious, Red had a problem with Gloria's arrogance. Usually they just stayed out of one another's way.
Although she had opened her mouth to list another issue she had with Gloria, Red's lips turned into a smile. "You haven't called me 'Mom' in a long time," she pointed out nonchalantly, though she looked obviously pleased.
Nicky's cheeks blossomed with the faintest of blushes. "Yeah," she said, as she ran a hand through her wild hair. "I dunno...things have been nuts for so long. It's like we've had no time for each other...and after me screwing up again," Nicky leaned her head back and closed her eyes with a sigh. "I didn't know if you'd still want me to...it's been so long since you said I could."
"I like hearing it," Red told her honestly. "That won't ever change." She smiled as a picture of Nicky on their first night together flashed into her memory. How sick she had been and scared. Red had automatically gone to her. She'd helped and comforted, and through it all she had loved her. There was an immediacy to it, and Nicky was suddenly hers.
Nicky's breathing halted in her chest as a warmth engulfed her making her heart swell with joy. In an instant, she had sprung forward and encased Red in a hug. Relief poured through her when Red reciprocated. Her arms wrapping tightly around Nicky, she held her close just as she had over two years ago when she'd first arrived at Litchfield in the full throttles of withdrawal. She'd promised that night that things would be okay, that she would be there, that Nicky could come to her for anything. Today she had proven that truth.
"And I'm going to do better from now on," Red promised, gently caressing Nicky's cheek momentarily before she released her from their embrace. "So that we can be better. That's how we survive in here."
"Is this just in here?" Nicky asked cautiously, rubbing her hands up and down her arms as she reverted to hugging herself now that they had parted.
"What do you mean?" Red frowned. Looking confused she pulled off one glove to reveal the clean hand with its immaculately maintained red polished fingernails underneath. Red brought her index finger to her mouth, stroking her bottom lip as she waited for an answer.
"I mean...you've got like two years left, I've got a little more than that," Nicky said, looking downward, she crossed her feet at the ankle. "What happens after that? How do I survive out there?"
"Nicky!" Red exclaimed softly, her hand dropping limply down at her side. "You worry about that?"
"Sometimes," Nicky shrugged. "When you promise me things and I don't know if it means forever, or just while we're in here...until you get back to your real family."
"Nicky," Red shook her head. "You are my real family...you're as real as any one of my boys….in fact you may be all I have left. I haven't even spoken to them since I petitioned for divorce so who knows what they're all thinking?"
"They're thinking you finally came to your senses and realized you could do a hell of a lot better than their Dad," Nicky laughed. "I mean let's be real...they know him-Ow!"
She yelped as Red reached over and tugged on her ear. "See this is why you need a mother," Red teased, as Nicky flicked her fingers away. "Because that big mouth of yours will land you into all sorts of trouble."
"You were just waiting to do that, weren't you?" Nicky complained, massaging her earlobe between her thumb and index finger.
"That's nothing," Red scoffed, "Yuri still hasn't forgotten the smack upside the head I gave him when I caught him with cigarettes…."
"I still miss the cigarettes," Nicky sighed wistfully. "God, why did you bring those up? You know Yuri probably kept smoking just behind your back right? It would take more than a smack to deter someone."
"Maybe my son isn't as stubborn as you are," Red retorted, as she knelt back down on the ground to resume her work. "If anything-he had two younger brothers that would tattle on him in an instant."
"Yeah, it was probably the snitching siblings then," Nicky told her with a grin. "Because he's your son-I've never even spoken to the guy, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume that he's stubborn."
Laughing at her own wit, Nicky looked back behind her and her eyes widened at the sight of Mr. Healy walking their way. He nodded at her politely when he caught her eye, but then swiftly switched his gaze back to Red who hadn't yet noticed him. "Beautiful day to be down on your hands and knees!" he exclaimed loudly in greeting.
Nicky immediately broke out in a laugh. "Every day is a good day to be down on your hands and knees," she said loudly. "Especially if you're feeling particularly giving."
"Nicky," Red gently reproached her. From her place on the ground, she glanced up at Healy with an incredulous look on her face.
"In the soil, I meant," Healy stammered, rocking onto the balls of his feet. "It's a nice day to be outside is what I meant to say."
"That's what I meant too," Nicky chuckled, "I don't have a dirty mind." She winked at Red who had stood back up and was shaking her head disapprovingly at Nicky's jokes. Clearly this was not the time or the place. 'Right, see ya at lunch!" Nicky told her, as she turned to leave.
"How are you, Sam?" Red asked pleasantly. She had a suspicion about why he had come to see her. After what had occurred after she had informed him of her choice to divorce her husband, or rather after what Healy had exploded with, she knew he would seek her out to try and make amends.
"I wanted to apologize about what happened in my office the other day," Healy told her quietly. "Things got a little personal."
"It's fine," Red waved her hand dismissively at his concerns.
"I just don't want things to be awkward," Healy told her. Leaning his hands over the fencing, he watched mesmerizingly as she pulled the gardening gloves slowly off of her hands to reveal her creamy skin. Her hands were lined with age and ridges, but they were beautiful. He'd always thought that.
"If you don't want things to be awkward then maybe you shouldn't draw extra attention to it," Red smirked, as she clapped the gloved together to shake off the excessive dirt. When she was satisfied, she folded them up together and eyes him carefully. "You must know that nothing you revealed to me the other day was exactly unexpected though," she told him, referencing his outburst about the miserable state of his marriage. "Was I to believe you two had a romance like in the storybooks?"
"I suppose not," Healy admitted, giving her an embarrassed smile. "I suppose your choice just hit a nerve for me about my own wife."
"Why, because we're both Russian?" Red asked him boredly. "We're not all alike…"
"Oh, I know," Healy breathed. "There's nobody like you...I just was always impressed that you and your husband managed to keep going after all these years apart. I thought things were alright between you two."
"Whatever gave you that impression?" Red blinked. "Because he visits? I never even kissed him goodbye during visitation unless he sprung one on me first...and who even knows what he's been getting up to all these years without me? If he can lie about the business that I poured my heart and soul into...then he could be lying to me about anything."
"I understand your concerns, Galina," Healy said softly. "But you're divorcing him based on emotions you're feeling right now, and assumptions that he always lied. You can't know that. You're making drastic decisions in the heat of the moment and not thinking about the consequences they might have in a few years when you get to go home."
"I don't have a home," Red said bitterly. Compressing her lips, she crossed her arms defiantly in front of her. "Dmitri has our home and store for sale. They'll be gone before I get back and could undo the damages of everything he's done."
"I'm sorry, Galina," Healy said sincerely, reaching over to lay his hand supportively on her shoulder. Red kept her arms firmly crossed, but her head turned to regard his hand on her. She did not pull away.
"I'm sorry for you too," she said, looking back up at him. "For your marriage. I wish things could be different for you. You deserve better."
"I think the language barrier is still an issue," Healy said promptly. Removing his hand from her shoulder, he folded his together. "That's actually what I came out here to ask you about."
"Healy!" Red sighed. "I can't be your marriage counsellor."
"Translator," Healy corrected. "Just for an hour after dinner."
Oh, no, I think I have plans," Red said softly. She'd say anything to get herself out of this situation. She'd translated between him and his mail-order bride, Katya, several times in the past but she was growing tired of it. It had been a fun game for awhile. She'd enjoyed the insight and admittedly, the drama. But she was sick of marriage and tired of watching Healy pathetically try to save something that could not be salvaged. She wanted out.
"I cleared your schedule," Red heard him saying and, in a moment, she was agreeing. There wasn't much else she could do.
"Thanks, Red," Healy said with a smile. "It's very thoughtful of you."
"You basically gave me no choice," Red pointed out. Picking up the empty watering jug Nicky had left her, she turned to carry it over to the greenhouse doors along with her gloves. She put them away and then walked back out. Healy was still there.
"I still appreciate it," Healy told her, as they began walking side by side back towards the building. "I just want Katya sleeping in the same bed with me again."
"Having somebody next to you in bed is overrated," Red told him bluntly. "They snore, they steal the covers, they don't stay on their own side…. "She smiled as she listened to Healy chuckle. He always seemed to find her amusing.
"After my third son was born, I kicked my husband out of the bed because I told him his snoring was going to wake the baby," she continued speaking candidly. "But really I just wanted him gone. And now I've slept alone on a cot all these years and I haven't missed him."
"Maybe you just didn't want to give yourself the chance to miss him," Healy said, with the knowing of a counsellor. Red eyed him reprovingly.
"Or we just weren't compatible," Red retorted. "We were never right for each other, but we stayed married because it was safe, familiar, and we convinced ourselves that it was the right thing for the sake of our sons...but now I've finally found the nerve to do something about it. When I finally get out of here, I want to be free in every conceivable sense."
"I want those things for you," Healy said sincerely. "I want you to be happy."
They parted ways as they reached the doors. Walking inside by herself, Red noted with annoyance that Mendoza and her girls were only just heading in now. She'd never have allowed such a long break, and she most definitely wouldn't have allowed everyone to go at once. Lunchtime was approaching, and though it wasn't as big a meal as suppertime, Red had always taken great care to ensure everything was in pristine order before they prepared to serve. Her resentment at the injustice of being stripped of her rightful place rose up within her. She watched Gloria closely as she walked back inside. The younger woman's uniform left little to the imagination. Even once she donned her kitchen apron and covered her hair with a cap, her voluptuous figure was still very much noticeable. It was like she wanted Red to look, was intent on making herself impossible to ignore. Her lips pressed together in annoyance and she rolled her eyes dramatically in irritation. Her incredibly long day suddenly felt much longer.