This chapter was written by Johanna-002.
"She lives!"
Red jumped at the sound of Nicky's voice, and the book she'd only been pretending to read fell from her hands onto the floor. "Jesus, Nicky," she breathed, soothing a hand over her beating heart. "You scared me." She leaned over the side of her bunk to retrieve the book, and groaned as the muscles in her back instantly tightened up, protesting her movements.
"You can only scare the guilty," Nicky teased. Toeing off her boots, she kicked them carelessly under Red's bunk before plopping herself down at Red's feet. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better, though."
"What?" Red frowned at her as she distractedly marked the place in her book. "Who said I was feeling sick? I just needed to lie down," Red explained simply. She pulled the crochet blanket she was using up around her shoulders and sighed tiredly as she reclined into her pillow.
"You could have fooled me. You haven't been yourself for days. I came looking for you about two hours ago and you were completely dead to the world." Nicky crossed her legs and pulled Red's feet into her lap. "Is your back hurting?" she asked quietly. She moved her hands beneath the blanket to knead her slender fingers against the sensitive souls of Red's feet.
"No more than usual," Red lied.
Nicky pushed her thumb roughly against Red's foot, hitting the pressure point she knew to be beneath her big toe. "You've been sleeping a lot lately," she said quietly.
Red hissed as Nicky passed over the tight spot again. Her eyes closed and brows furrowed in pain, she chewed on her bottom lip. It wasn't often that she allowed herself to be taken care of, and any other time, while she would have sent Nicky away, today, she didn't have the heart to.
"I'm getting worried, Ma," Nicky said seriously, as she concentrated on working out the knot in Red's foot. "And so is Gloria."
At the mention of Gloria's name, Red felt her stomach twist in something akin to guilt or embarrassment-she hadn't decided which. She hated admitting when she felt weak and needed help, but Nicky was right-she did feel sick. Every ounce of her felt completely exhausted beyond repair. Her back had been hurting worse than ever, she didn't have much of an appetite, and her usual high energy drive had hit an all-time low. The throbbing headache she felt pulsating in her temples, didn't help much either.
"Maybe you're getting the summer flu," Nicky said thoughtfully. "I think Yoga was complaining of feeling sick too."
"Mm, maybe," Red said unconvincingly. Under the blanket, her hands were tightly clasped together and her nails were pressing into the skin of her tumb-a nervous, guilty habit that she'd thought she had kicked ages ago.
"Anyway, I did have a reason for visiting you," Nicky said coyly, a smirk tugging on the corner of her lips.
"More than just you checking in on me and giving me a foot massage?" Red asked with a chuckle. "Thank you by the way," she wiggled her foot in Nicky's hand.
"I knew you'd enjoy it. This is usually what I do to put Lorna in the mood," she wagged her eyebrows suggestively.
Red kicked at her in response, the ball of her foot connecting with the center of her sternum and knocking Nicky off balance as she almost toppled to the floor.
"Ma!" Nicky exclaimed in mock outrage. "There is no need to get hostile."
"There is no reason for you to be foul," Red reprimanded her.
"Oh, there is always a reason," Nicky argued confidently. Pulling back the crocheted blanket Red was nestled beneath, she jetted her head toward the concrete divide that seperated Red's bunk from Norma's and said, "Move over."
Doing as she asked, Red wriggled closer to the wall to make room for Nicky, and in a maternal display of love, she pulled up the blanket up and tucked it around Nicky so that they were both now cuddled underneath it.
"So, you know how they are expanding the prison population and doubling us up?" Nicky asked curiously as she squeezed her arm tightly around Red's waist.
"I've heard the rumours," Red replied dismissively as she stroked her hand through Nicky's tangled curls.
"Oh, they're not rumors," Nicky said excitedly. She moved her legs in between Red's and scratched the soul of her foot with her big toe.
"What are you talking about?" Red asked.
"Healy all but confirmed it to me just now. He said he's moving me in here when the bunk beds come in. We get to be roomates!"
Red compressed her lips at the mention of Healy's name. She felt her stomach churn with the guilt that had been nagging at her insistently for the last week, ever since they had kissed in his office. With no desire to try and put that night into words, Red had done her best to avoid him. It was akin to pretending nothing between them had happened, hardly the healthiest coping mechanism, she was aware, but there really was no other choice.
The intimate act between them confirmed to her more than one thing and she needed to put some distance between them for both of their sakes. For starters, she realized she wasn't sexually attracted to him. Emotionally, perhaps, she was. She was aware that she leaned on him too much for moral support, and while she hated herself for giving him the wrong idea about the nature of their relationship, Red felt a sense of security in knowing he wouldn't tell anyone about it. Her secret was as safe as she wanted it to be, because even if Healy had enjoyed it, as much as she suspected he did, it didn't change the fact that their kiss was technically illegal. Had she not initiated the embrace to begin with, she knew he never would have crossed those lines. He was much to honorable for that… which was what made her second realization that much worse.
In choosing to remain in denial of her feelings, Red had managed to screw herself out of exploring the possibilities of having a future with Gloria. A future that, until she'd kissed Healy, she had never sincerely considered. Now, the very thought was one she couldn't escape and it only made her feel worse. It was another reason she hadn't been able to muster up the strength to go to work.
"We're already crammed in here," Red complained. "And Gloria and I can barely feed the masses as it is. They don't even give us real ingredients. How are we supposed to accommodate more people?"
"I know and ever since Gloria found out she has been more short-tempered than usual. It doesn't help that you stopped turning up for shifts," Nicky replied, as she snuggled closer to Red beneath the covers. "I think she misses you."
"Really?" Red asked softly. She could feel Nicky watching her, but she couldn't stop the shy smile from pulling across her lips. It was truly remarkable that she had managed to deny her feelings from herself for as long as she had. Nicky, of course, had suspected what was going on from the beginning, and it was only now that Red regretted shutting her down so quickly. Perhaps if she'd been more open-minded, she would not have wound up in this predicament.
Having to work alongside Gloria everyday and look her in the eyes, wanting to tell her how she truly felt, and then having her kiss with Healy weighing on her mind-it wasn't fair. There was no way Red could rightfully express her interest and casually sneak in Healy's name and how what had transpired between them made her realize how she felt.
No one wanted to be made to feel like second best, and she feared that's how her confession would come across. As much Gloria had confided in her over the last few months, she couldn't risk hurting her. The entire beauty of their relationship revolved around the fact that they were equals, and tipping that scale, making Gloria feel less than, was something Red refused to do.
"I'm so tired," Red whispered, "But I really should show up for dinner tonight. Gloria's been picking up all the slack the last few days and that's not fair."
"If you need to rest another night, then rest. You know that woman would let you get away with anything, Ma."
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," Nicky argued. "She likes you."
"We've become good friends," Red agreed.
"Yea… but I mean more than friends," Nicky squeezed her arm tightly around Red's midsection. "She really likes you."
Red bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling and tugged playfully on Nicky's curls. "Why do you say that?"
"Because she told me."
"She told you?"
"Well… not in so many words, but yes," Nicky admitted. "I told her you liked her and she didn't deny liking you back."
"Nicky," Red sighed.
Nicky propped herself up on her elbow. "Look, you can be mad at me later, but I'm doing you both a favor. Why can't you both just talk to each other about this? I know you're scared of what everyone else will think, but screw them. You've never worried about other people's opinions before, so why do you care now?"
"It's not that simple, Nicky."
"I think it is," Nicky objected. You're the one who is making it harder than it has to be. I'm not saying marry her or anything, but… have some fun.. See where it goes. Go with her to the movie tonight
"I don't know," Red chewed on her bottom lip.
"Fine, live in denial," Nicky sighed. "Don't ever say I didn't try to help you. Most people would kill to have me as their wing man and you're just letting all of my talents go to waste."
Red rolled her eyes. "You know, honey, I'm starting to rethink this roommate situation."
"Why? I am a delight. I'll be a great roommate."
"Of that I have no doubt," Red chuckled, "But I have a feeling I am never going to have another moments peace."
"Probably not," Nicky agreed with a smile.
Shaking her head affectionately, Red squeezed Nicky to her tightly. There was still so much that she had to figure out. She didn't know if she'd ever have the courage to tell Gloria how she felt, or if she'd ever be able to do anything about it, but knowing that she had Nicky's unwavering support, no matter what she decided to do, was something that she was eternally grateful for.
XXX
"Hey,"
Red nearly flinched at the unexpected touch against her knee, but smiled when she saw Gloria crouching down in the aisle. "Hey," she whispered, looking around the crowded movie room. "What are you doing?"
"I wanted to see you," Gloria admitted, she squeezed her knee gently. "Are you feeling better?"
Smiling at her, Red nodded. "Yea… yea, I am. Do you want to sit? I'll make the girls move," she whispered, gesturing to Lorna and Nicky who were on her right side.
"No, I-"
"Shhh!"
Gloria turned her head to find Taystee glaring at her and she rolled her eyes. "You shh, or you wont get breakfast tomorrow morning." Taystee narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, but Gloria ignored her and returned her attention back to Red. "Actually I wanted to know if you wanted to go for a walk with me?"
"Now?" Red gestured to the movie that was playing.
Gloria nodded, "Yea… We've seen this movie a million times… you don't really want to see it again do you?"
Red looked up at the screen and then back to Gloria. "Okay," she whispered. "Yea.. I'll walk with you." She stood up and helped Gloria to her feet. She ignored the eyes she could feel on their back as they made their way back up the aisle toward the door.
They didn't speak as they walked shoulder to shoulder through the hall and it wasn't long until they found themselves outside. The moonlight beaming down illuminated their path to the picnic tables. Gloria climbed up to sit on the table top and Red took a seat on the bench next to her feet.
"It's nice out here tonight," Gloria said quietly as her eyes scanned over the clear fields. It was a rare treat to get any privacy.
"It is," Red agreed. "I'd probably enjoy it a lot more on the other side of the fence."
"You and me both, sister."
Red smiled at her sadly. "You've only got four years left, right? That's not so bad."
"Are you kidding me?" Gloria chuckled dryly.
"Just trying to stay positive." Red tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "That's all we can really do." She drummed the fingers of her right hand against the table and propped her chin up into her left.
"You're full of positivity tonight," Gloria smiled. She lightly bumped her foot against Red's leg. "That's not normally like you. You're more of a 'dark and gloomy, the world is on fire and we're all going to drown in hot lava' kind of person."
"Excuse me?" Red swatted Gloria's thigh. "I am not. If anything, you are the negative one. Everyone can feel your bad mood from a mile away."
"Hmm," Gloria said dismissively. Shrugging her shoulders, she reached into her breast pocket for the pack of sour skittles she had bought at the commissary before going into the movie. "Want some?"
"No," Red dropped her hand from the table to Gloria's foot. Her hand smoothed it's way up her boot to wrap around her right ankle and she squeezed it playfully. "How has it been in the kitchen the last few days without me?" She asked curiously.
"Hell," Gloria answered honestly. She dragged her left foot along the bench so that it was even with her right. The movement allowed her to trap Red's hand in place and she smiled as she felt the older woman squeeze her ankle once more. "I never thought I'd see the day when I'd actually miss you nagging at me."
Red shook her head and rolled her eyes in amusement. "I do not nag you," she protested. "I am merely helping you."
"Oh, helping? Is that what you're calling it when you start nit picking?" Gloria scoffed.
Chuckling in the back of her throat, Red licked her tongue across her bottom lip. "I'm not that bad," she promised.
"Denial," Gloria clicked her tongue. "Now you sound like my ex-husband," she chidded playfully. Shaking her head, she poured some skittles into her hand.
Arching her brow in curiosity, Red released the hold she had on Gloria's ankle and smoothed her hand down so that it was wrapped around her boot. "I didn't know you were married," she said softly.
Gloria threw a yellow skittle into the air and tipped her head back to catch it in her mouth. "Ugh," she shrugged, as she successfully caught the candy and tossed up another one. Shaking her head as the sour-powdered sugar saturated her taste buds, she licked her lips. "Yea, I was married almost seven years I guess."
"Oh," Red nodded. "Did you get divorced when you came here?" She asked curiously.
Shaking her head no, Gloria poured more skittles into her hand. "No, no, we divorced a long, long time ago. Probably almost twenty years now." She squinted, as if calculating the time backward in her mind and shrugged, "Something like that."
Red frowned. "Your sons are a lot younger than that," she said gently.
"Different dads," Gloria explained.
"You know," Red said thoughtfully as she folded her arms on the table top, "There's a lot I don't know about you." She tilted her head and watched Gloria closely. "I mean you pretty much know everything about me and about my family but I don't really know much about you."
Gloria chuckled deeply in the back of her throat. "What do you mean?" She asked. "You know about my family. You've heard enough of the drama going on between me Sophia. You've even seen my boys in the visitation room. Pretty sure you've seen my aunt before too."
"I know," Red nodded, '"I guess… I just want to know everything."
A small smile tugged at the corner of Gloria's lips and she wrapped up what was left of her skittles before tucking the bag into the pocket above her breast. "If I told you everything, Reznikov, what would we have to look forward to?" She asked curiously.
In that instant, it felt as if the universe were offering Red her entire future on a silver platter. The thought of spending the rest of her life, learning everything about Gloria that she possibly could, thrilled her to her core. So much of Gloria was a mystery, and every fiber in her being was reeling with the excitement of being the one Gloria chose to open up to.
"I think we'd have a lot to look forward too," Red said confidently.
Gloria moved from the table top down to bench, but instead of sitting on it properly, she was straddling the wood, leaving about eight inches between herself and Red. "You do?" She asked.
"I do."
"You know," Gloria said casually. "Nicky told me a secret about you… I was wondering how much truth there was to it."
Red bit the inside of her cheek and cocked her eyebrow. "Oh yea?"
"Mm-hmm," Gloria nodded.
Red inhaled a breath before slowly releasing it. "Well Nicky told me something about you, too."
Gloria chucked deeply in the back of her throat. "That girl of yours has a big mouth, Red." She moved toward her on the bench, her hand moving to lay on her thigh. "She seems to have it in her head that something should be going on between us."
Nervously, Red licked her tongue across her lower lip before pulling it between her teeth. "I know," she admitted.
"So… what does that make you think?" Gloria wanted to know where her head was at. She wanted to give her every opportunity to stop anything before it ever happened. She'd been well aware of the feelings that had been growing between them for some time, but she'd been too nervous before now, to do anything about it.
And before she crossed that line, before she changed the context of their relationship forever...she wanted to know how Red felt. She wanted to hear her say the words, because as sure as Nicky was about Red's feelings, it meant nothing to Gloria unless she heard it from her herself.
"I don't know," Red admittited.
"Is she wrong?" Gloria asked. "Or is there... Something between us?"
"Do you feel something between us?" Red asked. "Something deeper than friendship?"
"Would it scare you if I said yes?"
"A little… but only because I think I feel it too," Red answered honestly. "And it's… making me question everything I ever thought I knew about myself,"
"You know, feeling this way… it doesn't change anything," said Gloria reasonably. "It doesn't change the person you are. You're still the exact same person. This is new for me too, you know." She squeezed Red's hand tightly in her own.
"Then why are you so calm?" Red asked.
"Maybe I'm just not as dramatic as you are," Gloria lightly teased, and Red leaned back to look up at her.
Red smiled at her slightly. Her blue eyes were bright and passionate. To Gloria, she had never looked more beautiful, or more vulnerable.
"You don't need to do anything you don't want to do," Gloria told her, "and whatever you're feeling right now is okay."
Red moved her hand to tuck a stand of hair behind Gloria's ear. "How are you feeling right now?" she asked, her voice laced with uncertainty.
"How am I feeling?" Gloria asked as she placed her hand on top of Red's. She pulled it down to her lap and held them securely, passing her thumb slowly back and forth over Red's skin. "I'm feeling like… I should really kiss you."
At Gloria's words, Red couldn't hold back any longer. She leaned forward and pressed her crimson lips to Gloria's mouth. Gloria kissed her back with equal enthusiasm, caressing Red's cheek as she melted into the kiss. Red parted her lips and their tongues intertwined. It was a kiss unlike anything either of them had ever experienced before and neither of them wanted it to ever stop.
Their embrace seemed to awaken every part of Red and emotionally she felt completely at Gloria's mercy. She couldn't have pulled away for anything, every part of her was screaming for even more contact, more closeness. Red reached blindly for Gloria's waist, tugging, urging her to come even closer. She wasn't thinking, or fretting, she was just feeling. And it felt wonderful. She purred excitedly in the back of her throat as she held Gloria close, returning the kiss with as much eagerness as she could express.
As they surrendered into the kiss, it wasn't long before Gloria was all but almost sitting in Red's lap. The way that Gloria had been straddling the bench, made it easy for Red to hold her. The position also allowed her hand to travel and explore every inch of Gloria that she wanted.
"We have to go for count soon," Gloria whispered against her mouth.
"Soon, not right now," replied Red.
"Don't be difficult," Gloria playfully scolded her, but Red just chuckled and leaned down to kiss her lips again. She then pressed an equally sweet kiss to her cheek and neck before allowing her lips to travel to her collarbone.
"You're being bad," Gloria smiled. Her arm was wrapped tightly around Red's back and she brought it down slowly so that her hand could caress her cheek.
"We're both bad," Red retorted, pulling her hand down so that she could kiss her palm. "That's why we're in prison."
"Well some of us must be more rehabilitated that others," Gloria murmured and she leaned up to brush Red's lips again. She could have easily stayed in there with her all night, but count was approaching and she was getting nervous that someone would soon come looking for them.
"Just for the record… Nicky's right. I do like you," Red whispered against her ear, kissing the knot in Gloria's jaw.
"That's good," Gloria mouthed, smiling. She kissed her lips softly, and said, "Because I really like you too."