Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.

Okay, I'm really trying to get better at this. I used to be really good at it, right? I even wrote this while trying to move, so I get a little credit for that, don't I?

Meh, yeah, okay, no credit for me.

I hope you're all still here and it's totally okay if you're not and I'm talking to crickets right now. I love you guys anyway!

Thanks to my Shae, who continues to put up with me after all these years.

Enjoy, my loves!

I know I had asked Rose to set me up with someone for New Year's when I found out that Edward wouldn't be joining us at the supposed "exclusive" and ridiculously expensive party at the bowling alley, but I had been counting the way in which I could throw beer bottles at her head without getting caught for about an hour now.

Emmett would no doubt block them, as he was the sober one, and then he'd more than likely find a way to kill me so my plan would backfire spectacularly.

Like the rest of my life had already done.

James' greasy blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and his eyes had yet to leave my chest. Granted, I had taken some actual care and time to get myself ready for the night so it was a semi-compliment. Eye contact, however, was also a nice thing every once in a while and I couldn't even tell anyone what his eye color actually was.

His version of dressing up consisted of a red plaid flannel shirt, a leather jacket that seemed to be sewn onto him since he hadn't bothered to even try taking it off despite the heat of the bar and a pair of ripped jeans that more than likely hadn't started out as ripped. He was attractive enough, I'll give him that, but Christ, I didn't care about four wheelers or monster trucks or NASCAR or whatever else he seemed to think I was interested in, too.

He'd have to actually look up to gauge a reaction and after an hour and a half of it, that clearly wasn't happening.

"Bella!"

I quickly turned when I heard my name, wanting to shed tears of joy as I saw Alice and Jasper walk in. They both looked like they'd walked out of a 1920's movie – she was wearing a short and sparkly gold flapper dress and Jasper looked very debonair in his suit, matching top hat and shiny Oxford shoes.

"You guys look great!"

I stood up and hugged them tightly, whispering a "save me" into Alice's ear before I stepped away from them. Her eyes flicked over to my date before she raised an eyebrow at me.

"This is James, a friend of Rose's," I said, motioning toward him. He was still staring at my boobs and only snapped out of it when I kicked the toe of his shoe. "He's my date for the night."

He grinned and stood up, holding out a hand to Jasper.

"We're gonna go to the bathroom," I stated, latching into Alice's arm and dragging her away before anyone could say anything.

"Is it really that bad?" she whispered, curling her hand around the one I had gripping her arm.

"I don't know what color his eyes are. He hasn't looked up at my face once tonight."

"Well, you do have a nice rack and it is on display in that dress."

I rolled my eyes and pushed my way into the bathroom, immediately walking over to grab a paper towel and dunk it under some water.

"I need him to go," I finally muttered, placing the towel on the back of my neck. "I'd rather be alone at midnight than have to fend him off."

"Why would—"

We both looked up when someone entered the bathroom and I glared at Rose who smiled sheepishly and wiggled her fingers in a wave at me, gripping a beer bottle in her other hand.

"What. Even," I managed.

"We've known him for a bit and he seemed like a nice guy…"

"We have nothing in common!"

"Give him a chance!"

I stalked over to her and grabbed her beer bottle, still glaring at her as I finished it off in one go.

"You come back to that table," I growled, slamming the bottle and the paper towel on the sink.

She and Emmett had abandoned me about fifteen minutes after introducing us and had taken up residence at the bar with Edward's replacement for the night, a barely turned 21-year old named Roger who couldn't mix a drink for the life of him.

I missed Edward, and I hated myself for it. We'd spent one night together since Christmas because of our schedules and then generally being too tired to do much of anything but lift our phones to text and make sure the other was still alive.

He'd refused to join us for New Year's because Tanya had mentioned something about being there for the night and naturally, we could no longer be seen in the same room together. Cue eye roll. So, I'd gotten frustrated and asked Rose for this torture in a sad attempt to remind myself that I could actually go out with someone else and have a good time.

She had done a horrible job of proving that to me with this James character and it only made me long for the comfort I felt when I was near Edward. Things may be a little screwed up and weird right now, but it didn't negate the fact that I felt more at ease when I was around him.

"Yeah, okay," she nodded frantically, smiling and laughing nervously. "We can do that."

"Thank you."

"Can we go now?" Alice whined, touching up her make up in the mirror. "We all look amazing and we should be having fun. Midnight is in two hours and we should be halfway to being drunk right now."

"I am!" Rose exclaimed, raising her hand.

"Well then we need to catch up." Alice hooked her arm around mine once more and grinned. "Let's go, sugar bear!"

I huffed out a deep breath, smoothed my sequined navy dress down and nodded, pasting a smile on my face as I allowed her to drag me out behind Rose and back into the bar.

Here goes nothing.

Half an hour until the New Year was finally there and I was neither drunk, nor buzzed enough to enjoy watching all my friends drunkenly dance around on the mini stage. Most of the drinks Roger had made ended up outside on the smoking porch while everyone else opted for the safer option of beer.

Mike had shown up alone, letting us know that they'd finally convinced Jessica to get some help and she was currently in a rehab center in Seattle. It was bittersweet as Mike had pointed out before he'd ordered too many shots that we hadn't been able to warn him about.

He drank them anyway and promptly demanded to change the music to something we could all dance to.

James had moved on to flirting with one of the regular ladies that showed up for Tuesday night leagues and I couldn't even say that I was insulted by it. No, I was beyond thankful and had spent an immeasurable amount of time from my seat at the bar checking my phone in hopes that I'd hear from Edward.

I denied it to myself at first, making mental excuses about checking social media to see what old classmates were up to.

I gave in about ten minutes ago when everyone else ran up to the stage to join Mike to dance their drunken hearts out. I laughed at them, glad that they were enjoying themselves and having a good time. I was, too, for the most part.

I just wished that we weren't missing a vital part of our group. Tanya hadn't even shown up but I was too stubborn to text him and tell him that. If he didn't want to see me, I didn't want to push him.

I looked up in time to see James coming toward me, his eyes glassy, a dopey grin on his face and looking like he was just learning how to walk. I inwardly sighed and took a sip from my beer bottle.

"Hey there, gorgeous," he slurred, slumping down into the stool next to me.

"Linda go home?" I asked, smirking at him.

"Nah. You're hotter."

"Ah. High standards you have, there."

He giggled, slapping his hand against the bar and leaning heavily against it. I rolled my eyes, smirking despite myself because in all honestly, this was pretty funny. I could probably tell him that I had eight toes on one foot and he'd not only believe me, but be convinced even when I showed him I was lying.

"Let's say we get outta here," he slurred, rising up and getting close enough to my face that I could smell the alcohol leaking from his pores. "You live close, right?"

"I think I'm gonna stay here with my friends." I gently pushed on his shoulder, satisfied when he fell dramatically back onto the stool. "Thanks, though."

"Nah, I think you want to leave with me."

He grabbed my wrist and I pulled back, turning so that my back was to the bar and I had a perfect escape route should I need it.

"I think you're drunk and you need to take no for what it is," I said calmly, reaching back to grab my beer bottle.

I probably should've moved right then or sought out the always-sober Emmett, but there was a very big stubborn part of me that absolutely refused to let this jackass intimidate and scare me away. I could handle myself just fine and there were enough people around that he wouldn't dare cause a scene.

Right?

"You wear a dress like that and expect me to think of anything else?"

His breath was on my neck and his hand was on my exposed thigh before I knew it and I was quick to stand up, forcefully pushing him away.

"I said no."

"You're my date." He stood up, swaying from side to side as he leered at me. "You owe me this."

I laughed out of sheer disbelief and shook my head, taking one more step away from him. I found it hard to believe that people still thought that way.

"I owe you nothing. You need to go."

He reached for me again, his fingertips barely swiping my waist before he fell over. I stared down at him for a few seconds, nudging him with my shoe before I side-stepped and looked up to see Emmett standing in front of me. His eyes were narrowed and there were worry lines around his mouth, usually only present when Rose got too drunk and out of hand.

"Perfect timing, big guy. Can you call him a cab?"

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I told Rose this was a bad idea, but she wouldn't listen."

I smiled softly at him and patted his shoulder, nodding.

"It's okay, Em."

"I would've been here sooner, but I was in the bathroom…"

I laughed and hugged him with my free arm, turning around to flag down Roger and order another beer.

"I got this, Emmett. But seriously, call him a cab? I need some time alone."

He nodded and squeezed me around the waist as he grabbed his phone from his pocket. I tipped my refreshed beer at Roger, grabbed my phone and with one look back at Emmett, told him to add it to Rose's tab. Emmett nodded his agreement, already on the phone with a cab company.

I patted his shoulder once more as I walked by, making my way out to the smoking porch. It was surprisingly empty and I was thankful. I shivered as I walked to the edge of the railing, resting my beer bottle in the modest amount of snow still lingering on it and wrapped my arms around my waist, facing the hotel and only realizing then that I was shaking. It wasn't from the cold, although I probably should've grabbed my coat, but that meant finding it beneath the mountain of coats on the rack by the fireplace, and who wanted to do that?

I sighed heavily and looked down at my phone, the screen still blank of notifications. I unlocked the screen and went into my text messages, my thumb hovering over Edward's name. Our last message was from yesterday, confirming that he wouldn't be here tonight. I had been pretty upset and disappointed that he wouldn't be there with the rest of us, but I did my best not to let him know about it. Friends with benefits didn't get pissy over holiday plans. No, friends with benefits were just that and nothing more. Emotions were too messy and that was what we both said we were trying to avoid.

Friends were, however, supposed to be able to text or call their friends when something like someone trying to force themselves on you happened. I wouldn't have hesitated before and now? Now I was scared to bother him.

There were now only ten minutes until midnight and while I didn't expect to have a New Year's kiss this year, I also didn't expect to spend it sober and alone. I knew that I wasn't technically alone – most of my close friends were right through a sliding glass door – but standing outside with just the muffled music from the jukebox to remind me that I was at some kind of event, it definitely felt that way.

I reached out for my beer, still staring down at my screen as I raised the bottle to my lips. I didn't bother to turn and look when I heard the door slide open, finally clicking the screen closed and looking over my shoulder to where the parking lot was. I noticed a cab already sitting at the stairs to the entrance and hummed quietly, impressed that it took much less time than I thought it would on a night like this.

"You've got to be cold."

I froze, slowly turning on my heel to see Edward standing behind me, my coat held open in his hands.

My heart fluttered and I drank in the sight of him, not knowing how much I'd actually been craving it before now. He was wearing a button down white shirt under his signature leather jacket, the first few buttons undone to let his tattoo creep out a little more than normal. He had his ever-present jeans and biker boots on and everything inside of me seemed to relax.

"What are you doing here?"

"I heard your date was a schmuck."

He shrugged and shook my coat a little, silently encouraging me to put it on.

My heart fell a little when I realized that Emmett must have called him. He didn't come because he wanted to see me; he came because Emmett asked him to.

"You didn't have to come, you know. I can handle myself."

"I know. That's what I told myself." He sighed heavily and finally walked over to me, placing it around my shoulders before he shoved his hands in his pockets and stepped back from me. "I just wanted to be sure…"

I don't know what came over me, but my knees damn near gave out as I ran to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest, my breath shuddering out of my lungs as I gripped him.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, his arms tight around me and his nose buried in my hair. "It's okay, it's okay now."

I didn't say anything, just kept holding onto him as if he were my lifeline, listening to the reassurance that I was okay, that I was safe and that he wasn't going to let anything else happen to me. His hands moved between smoothing my hair to rubbing my back, keeping my barely held jacket onto my shoulders.

"I should've been here," he whispered, pressing a small kiss against my temple. "I should've gotten over myself and been here with you guys."

"You're here now," I choked out, finally looking up at him through slightly blurry eyes. "I'm okay, I just…"

"It's okay to fall apart."

"I'm okay," I said again, more to convince myself than him. "It's okay."

"It is okay, Bella." He grabbed my face in his hands, his thumbs running over my cheeks. "Everything is gonna be fine, now."

I nodded, relaxing completely as I buried my face back into his chest. I heard the doors slide open again and heels rushing out onto the deck.

"Bella! Oh my God, Bella."

I felt the impact of Rose as she barreled into us, her arms tight around both of us as she talked a mile a minute.

"Rose… Rose, come on, I can't breathe," Edward wheezed.

I laughed despite myself and finally disentangled myself from Edward, wiping my face with my hands before Rose rushed me again.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think he was like that. I didn't know!"

She continued babbling into my ear and I met Edward's eyes over her shoulder. He reached out and I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly before he walked back towards the door. He jumped out of the way as Alice rushed out, adding one more layer to our Bella sandwich.

I heard the countdown start from inside where the door had been left open and Rose and Alice finally stepped away.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry," Rose said again, reaching up to gently tug on the ends of my hair.

"It's okay." I snorted a little, shaking my head. If I said that too many more times, it was going to be meaningless. "You didn't know."

I looked over her shoulder to see both Emmett and Jasper standing just inside the door, watching us like hawks.

"Go," I said softly, nodding towards the guys.

"No way," Alice laughed, shaking her head and snaking her arm around my waist.

"Agreed." Rose wrapped her arm around my waist as well. "Fireworks are about to start and I wanna watch them with my girls."

I heard heavy footsteps behind us and watched as Emmett and Jasper sidled up beside the girls. I jumped when I felt hands on my shoulders and looked behind me to find Edward. He smirked at me, gently massaging my shoulders as he pressed himself against my back.

We heard the noisemakers and the screams and shouts of "Happy New Year!" and when Auld Lang Syne started, Rose and Alice moved from me, curling themselves into their significant others and leaving me with Edward pressed up against my back, his hands still gently kneading my shoulders.

"Happy New Year," he whispered into my ear, gently pressing his lips against my neck.

I reached up and grabbed one of his hands, squeezing it as the fireworks started.

After the fireworks had ended, we all went back inside and joined Mike back on the stage. He'd been dancing by himself at that point, as most of the party goers had called it a night and went home not long after the champagne toast at midnight. But he was the one to finally let loose this holiday, completely hammered as his body moved in ways I'm 100% sure his mind didn't want it to in front of other people.

I'd had two more beers with everyone before Emmett decided to call it a night, yawning hugely. Rose had stopped drinking and I knew the guilt was getting to her no matter how many times I said it wasn't her fault – and it wasn't – so I promised that we'd go to Barnes and Noble for hours where she could complain and I could happily read every book and magazine for as long as they were open. Once they left, everyone else started to trickle out and Jasper volunteered to take the damn near unconscious Mike home.

Before long, Edward and I were the only two left in the bar aside from Roger, who was practicing spinning empty bottles in the palm of his hand and failing miserably.

I snapped out of it when Edward slid his beer bottle over to me, smirking at me as I caught it.

"Do you want to go?"

"If you want to."

"Are you… do you work tomorrow?"

I cleared my throat, grabbing the neck of the beer bottle and starting to peel off the label.

"No. Do you?"

"No."

I looked up at him, flicking a piece of the label onto the table. "Do you… are you…"

Why couldn't I spit it out? Do you want to spend the night with me? Are you going to spend the night with me? There. It was easy. I'd said it before, why couldn't I say it now?

"I'm not letting you out of my sight tonight, Bella," he said softly, leaning forward and stretching his hand out on the table, palm down. "I don't think I could even if you wanted me to."

"Would you sit out in my driveway again?"

"You're damn right, I would."

I smirked at him, my smirk fading when I saw the serious look on his face.

"Oh."

"Do you want me to?"

"No."

His face fell and I raised an eyebrow, tilting my head at him as I flicked more of the label onto the table.

"You don't want me to spend the night?"

"Not in my driveway."

He relaxed and smiled at me, standing up. I followed suit, smoothing out my dress as I walked to the closet Tyler had let us borrow to store our belongings in for the night to grab my purse. I grabbed my phone from the table as I walked back and slipped it into my purse, replacing my keys with it.

"Have I told you that you look gorgeous tonight, Bella?"

I looked up at him from shrugging into my jacket and felt my face heat up, shaking my head.

"You don't have to say that," I chuckled out. "You're already getting laid tonight, so…"

I trailed off and looked up at him again as I slung my bag over my shoulder. He looked from me to Roger, who was too busy spinning more bottles that he'd undoubtedly drop and break. He had quite the broken glass collection on the floor as it was.

Before I could blink, Edward was in front of me, gently grabbing my waist and pushing me back towards the sliding doors, just out of full sight of the bar. He tangled his hands in my hair at the base of my neck and fused his lips to mine, his thumbs rubbing the column of my throat as he dragged his tongue along my bottom lip.

I melted into him, my arms immediately circling his waist and my hips automatically pressing against his. It was like coming home after being away for years, his touch igniting small fires as he trailed his fingertips along my neck and across my jaw. I opened my mouth to his, gasping quietly as our tongues met and tangled together.

"I don't care if I'm getting laid or not," he whispered, pulling away to rest his forehead against mine. "I just want to make sure you're safe."

"Of course I'm safe," I breathed, placing my hands flat on his chest.

"I didn't say you look gorgeous just to get laid. You are gorgeous." He kissed my forehead before stepping back from me. "Let's go."

I nodded and let him walk a few paces in front of me, following soon after. He waved to Roger, giving him a fair warning about the broken glass littering the floor around his feet and shouting for everyone to have a happy new year before we walked out and into the frigid night air.

"Together or separate?" I asked, jingling my keys.

"Together," Edward said quickly, nodding as we headed towards my truck.

"You know I'm actually fine, right?"

"This is me not leaving your side, Swan." He winked at me as he pulled open the passenger side door. "Deal with it."

How did a stupid wink set my heart into overdrive the way it did when he winked at me.

Pathetic, Bella. Absolutely pathetic.

Ten minutes later, we arrived at my apartment and I led him up the stairs, flicking on lights as we walked in. I shrugged out of my coat and threw my purse and keys on the floor as usual, watching as Edward hung his coat up on the chair and added his wallet and keys to the pile I'd already made.

"So," I dragged out, rocking back and forth on my heels.

"I can sleep on the couch if you want me to," he said quietly, holding his hands up. "Whatever you're comfortable with."

I twisted my lips to the side, toeing off my shoes and kicking them towards the couch.

"Are you hungry?"

He tilted his head at me, slowly shaking his head. "No, not really."

"Thirsty? Do you want something more to drink? I managed to go shopping, so I actually have more than water and wine."

I was babbling. I don't know why I was babbling to him like an idiot, but it was happening. All I should want to do was climb into my bed with this gorgeous Adonis and all I could actually do was babble about finally having actual groceries in my apartment.

"If you want to talk, we can talk," he said softly, walking close to me and reaching out to loosely grab my hand. "We don't have to do anything else but talk tonight if that's what you want, Bella."

I squeezed his fingers, my gaze trailing down to our hands as I rubbed my thumb over his.

"Or we don't even have to talk. We can just… go to sleep."

I stepped into him, pressing my chest against his and looking up at him. Shaking my hand free from his, I placed both of mine on his cheeks, bringing his face to mine.

"Be still for a minute, okay?" I whispered.

He nodded, placing his hands on my waist.

I gently pressed my lips to his, backing away to look up at him again. His eyes were closed and his lips still semi-pursed. I brushed my thumbs against his cheeks and across his chin, tracing his lips and gently playing with his lip ring.

"Bella," he whispered, his fingers digging slightly into my waist.

"Shh," I whispered back, dragging my hands back and into his hair. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

I kissed him again, backing away when he tried to open his mouth.

"Shh," I whispered again, gently scratching the back of his head.

He sighed and I felt his body relax against mine as he tilted his head back just a little. I leaned into him again, brushing my lips up his throat and planting small kisses under his chin. He hummed and I dragged my lips back down, moving my hands from his hair to start unbuttoning his shirt. I followed the exposed skin with my lips, stopping at his belly button and making my way back up.

He shrugged out of his shirt and reached for me again, his thumbs making slow circles on my hips as I trailed my fingertips over his chest. I splayed my fingers out on his chest, leaning in to press my lips against his skin once more. I could spend the rest of eternity discovering everything his body had to offer and not ever get tired of it.

He hummed quietly and I trailed my hands up, dragging my nails over his tattoo and stepping up to kiss him softly. He didn't try to rush this time, his lips moving soft and slow against mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist and splayed his hands out on my back. His fingertips brushed against my exposed skin, electricity tingling against me and shooting straight through me. I finally opened my mouth to his, touching my tongue to the center of his top lip. He groaned softly and I felt the fabric at my back start to fall away as he dragged the zipper of my dress down.

"Come," I whispered, backing away from him and starting towards my bedroom.

"I may need a little more than a command, sweetheart."

He grinned at me and I smirked, rolling my eyes. I turned my back on him, pushing the straps off my shoulders and letting my dress pool on the floor as I walked out of it. I looked over my shoulder at him, his eyes roving over my exposed skin; I could swear I felt his gaze like I could feel his hands.

"Really?" I teased before I disappeared into my bedroom.

I listened to his heavy footsteps as he quickly followed me, briefly hearing two thumps as I assumed his shoes went flying across the room. I kept my back to the door, sucking in a deep breath and closing my eyes when his arms were suddenly around my waist. His lips were on my shoulder, pressing gentle, barely-there kisses against my skin as his fingers tapped against my stomach. I hummed, reaching up to cup the back of his head with one of my hands, placing the other on his.

"Tell me what you want, Bella," he whispered, his mouth on my ear. "I'll do whatever you want."

I slowly pushed one of his hands down my stomach, leading his fingers to my center. I gasped when his fingertip brushed my clit, my hand still guiding him as he touched me. I rolled my head against his chest, biting my bottom lip as I moaned softly. I scratched my nails down the back of his head, arching my back against him as I guided him faster.

I'd never felt like this with anyone else before. I felt bold and wanted and strong for the first time in what felt like forever.

"Please, Bella," he whispered, his teeth nipping at my earlobe. "Oh, God, please."

I turned in his arms, making quick work of his zipper and waiting for him to step out of his jeans. He did so quickly, his darkened eyes on me like I were the only other person in the world. And right at that moment, that's exactly how I felt. It was a heady feeling and I didn't think I'd ever get enough of it.

"On the bed," I commanded softly, nodding behind him.

He followed my instructions, laying flat on his back, his eyes never leaving mine. I walked to him, slowly climbing onto him and leaning in to kiss him. His hands immediately found my thighs, gripping me tightly and dragging his hips against mine. My breath hitched, but I shook my head and slid back from him.

"Slow," I whispered, sliding my hands up his arms.

"I don't know if I can do slow," he breathed, his hands running up my sides.

"You can do slow."

I smirked at him, almost daring him to disagree with me. He pouted a little and I took that opportunity to nip at his lip ring before kissing him again. His hands continued their trail up my sides, finally rounding to my breasts and kneading them. I slid back up again, hovering over him and very satisfied when he grunted. I slid down onto him, inch by agonizing inch and couldn't stop the moan that ripped from my throat.

He felt so good. Kissing him had felt like coming home, having him inside me felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be for the rest of my damn life. It felt like home and purpose and everything I'd always been missing.

"Oh, God," he moaned, his hands gripping my hips once more. "Bella."

Hearing my name on a moan from him was like the sunrise on a beautiful fall day; perfect, serene and crisp in the most comforting way.

"Make love to me, Edward," I whispered, trailing my lips along his jaw line.

He stilled and I snapped out of it, swallowing hard.

Smooth, Bella.

I waited, not knowing what to say, how to move, or what to do. I dropped my head to his shoulder, getting it through my head that I may have just ruined everything. That's not what we were about – that's not what we agreed to. We agreed to benefits without a label, sex without strings and for a whole week, I'd almost believed that I was making it through unscathed.

Nope. All lies. So many lies.

I shrieked as he leaned up, wrapped his arms around my waist and flipped us over. His lips were on mine before I could blink, moving softly, languidly and tenderly above mine. He started moving slowly against me and I moved with him, wrapping my hands around his neck. I felt one of his hands grab my thigh, hitching it around his hip and we both moaned.

He pressed a small kiss against my lips before he buried his face in my chest, his breathing ragged as he continued to slowly move against me. Words failed to mean anything or make sense as we moved together, lips and limbs tangled together to the point where it almost felt like we were one person.

This, as absolutely wonderful and amazing as it was, was terrifying. Knowing that one man could drive me crazy and make me feel like I was standing on the top of the world and knowing that he didn't want anything more from me than this, knowing that no matter how good we were together, this was all he was willing to give me, knowing I was the one that agreed to it…

Well, I never claimed to be smart.