Nobody's Perfect

A crash pulled me out of my sleep. I sat up with a jolt, heart pounding and then the crying started. That I understood and stumbled out of bed trying to get my bearings. "What was . . . ."

"Maudie," Doralice broke in. "I'll see to her you go see what's going on in the kitchen."

It took me a few seconds, but as she ran past me my brain finally started working again and I rushed into the kitchen to see what had happened. I slid to a stop as I entered the room and found Jack standing by the table, broken glass all around him. He looked up as I entered, his eyes wide.

"What happened?" My tone was sharp and I knew it, but I was still trying to get over my rude awakening. My heart was only now starting to settle back into a normal rhythm and I wasn't in the mood to be cheery.

"Ummm, I . . . it broke."

"Spontaneously I suppose," I muttered as I walked around the table. The flowers strewn about told me the glass was from the vase Doralice normally kept on the table. I sighed. "What are you doing up anyway?"

Jack opened his mouth and shut it again quickly. He looked at me for a long moment before he finally answered. "It's daytime."

"I know it's daytime but weren't you . . . never mind. What happened?"

"It was an accident."

I nodded irritably. "But what happened?"

"I just wanted somethin' to drink."

"Fine, Jack, would you just tell me what happened?" Once again the words came out far more gruffly than they should have and if I hadn't realized that myself the look on Jack's face would have told me.

"I didn't mean to," he said softly.

I sighed again and told myself to be a little more gentle. It wasn't that big a deal the vase was broken, I just wanted to know why it was broken. "It's fine, just, please, tell me how it happened."

"I wanted a drink. Doralice told me where the glasses were but I couldn't reach them."

"And?"

"I climbed on the cabinet to get one."

I looked at the table and back to the glass. "But how did the vase break?"

Jack bit his lip. "I knocked it over. I didn't mean to."

"How did you knock it over?"

"When I climbed up on the hutch."

"The vase sits on the table, Jack."

"It wasn't."

I rubbed my eyes. Between Dandy's surprise, Maudie's colic, and Winters' news this morning, I'd just about reached the limit of my patience. "The vase wasn't that important, Jack, but I'd rather you not lie about it."

Jack's eyes flashed. "I'm not lyin'."

"If you were on the hutch how did you knock over the vase that was on the table?"

"It wasn't on the table."

"Alright, it wasn't on the table." That vase had sat on the table for almost as long as Doralice and I had been married, but I wasn't going to get sucked into a back and forth exchange with a six-year-old. "You can ask for help if you can't reach something."

"You were asleep," Jack protested an edge creeping into his voice as he shot me a less than friendly look.

"It's fine," I said. "We just . . . ." Before I could finish my thought, Jack took a step back and I heard glass crunch underneath his foot. "Watch it," I cried grabbing his arm and pulling him back towards me, and away from the broken glass.

Jack yanked his arm out of my grasp and jumped back. Not wanting him to get back in the middle of the glass I reached for him again only to stop short when I saw wide brown eyes staring up at me in fear. Guilt sliced through me as I jerked my hand back, horrified that I'd done something to scare him. "I don't want you getting hurt on the glass," I explained making every effort to soften my tone and sound as non-threatening as possible.

Jack bit his lip and finally nodded, but he still moved a few steps away from me. Thankfully it was away from the glass as well. "We need to clean it up," he said quietly.

I nodded. "Yes, we do. Can you get the broom? It's in the corner over there."

"That's what I was trying to get before," Jack said.

"Well, why don't you come around the table this way. I don't want you gettin' cut." Jack went to get the broom and I felt another little stab of guilt when I noticed he seemed to keep a close eye on me as he walked passed.

I was just starting to sweep up the glass when Doralice came in with one of the girls. "What happened in here?"

"I broke the vase," Jack said softly stepping over to Doralice's side. "I'm sorry, it was an accident."

"I'm sure it was," she replied. "Are you hurt?"

Jack silently shook his head.

"How did it happen?" she asked next.

I stopped sweeping and listened, eager to see what he told Doralice about the incident.

"I wanted a drink and was trying to get a cup. I knocked it over."

I waited for Doralice to ask the same question I had, only she didn't. She glanced at the table and then at the cabinet before she smiled at Jack. "It's nothing that can't be replaced."

I was surprised she hadn't pushed harder to find out the truth. I'd seen her looking back and forth between the table and hutch, she must have noticed something about his story wasn't adding up too, but if she was willing to accept what he said I wasn't going to kick up a fuss. I started sweeping again.

"He's mad at me," Jack stated flatly glancing over at me.

I paused again. "I'm not mad. I told you it wasn't anything special."

"He thinks I'm lying about what happened." Jack's tone was so pitiful that guilty feeling started to creep back in. A quick look at my wife only made that feeling intensify.

"I just said that I didn't understand how a vase that was on the table got broke if you were on the cabinet."

Jack gave Doralice a triumphant look as though I had just proven everything he claimed.

"The vase wasn't on the table, Bart," Doralice said softly. "I didn't put it back after breakfast this morning." She turned back to Jack. "I'm sure Bart didn't realize the vase wasn't where it belonged."

"Jack did mention that," I mumbled choosing not to push the issue any further.

"He grabbed me too," Jack added.

That I really did feel bad about. I hadn't meant to frighten him and I didn't want him thinking he needed to be afraid of me. "I'm sorry if I scared you, Jack. You stepped in the glass; I didn't want you to hurt yourself."

Doralice brushed his hair back. "Bart, wouldn't hurt you, sweetie." Jack didn't respond, but he did stop glaring at me in that accusatory way. "Did you ever get something to drink?" she asked.

Jack's reply was a shake of his head so Doralice poured him a cup of milk and sent him back to his room. Once we were alone she looked over to me. "You were a little hard on him, don't you think?"

I sighed. "I didn't mean to snap at him."

"I know you didn't, but I'm not sure Jack knows."

"He could have asked for help."

Doralice gave me a look. "You would have preferred for him to come in the room and wake you up. I don't believe that. And he doesn't have to ask for permission to have a drink."

"I didn't say that he did."

Doralice sighed. "I know." She gave me a weak smile. "I suppose we're both a little tense. I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "I suppose we are."

"Here," she said handing me my daughter. "You take her, and I'll finish cleaning this up."

I took my little girl, who was still fussing a bit and was surprised to see it was Isabelle. "Belle?"

Doralice smiled. "Can you believe Maudie actually slept through all that?"

I wearily sank into a chair and bounced Belle trying to get her to quiet down. It worked at first, but she soon started squirming and whining again. I lifted her up to my shoulder. "Come on, Belle, honey. What's wrong?" Naturally, she didn't answer and I was left to try and guess what she wanted.

I sat rocking and crooning to her and couldn't help but wonder if I was really cut out to be a father. I loved my girls more than I could say, but I was starting to think I was completely inept when it came to caring for infants. Having gotten some experience with Jack now, it seemed I wasn't much better at taking care of children. Did this ever get any easier? Maybe some people just aren't any good with kids.

"What was that?"

I jerked my head up, startled by Doralice's question. "What?"

Doralice was finishing up with the sweeping. "Did you say something?"

I wondered if my thoughts had come out audibly. I hoped not; I didn't want to get into all my doubts about fatherhood with Doralice right now. "Nothin'," I mumbled. "Just talkin' with Belle."

Doralice finished picking up the glass and put away the broom. She walked over behind me and slipped her arms around me. "Are you sure that's all you're doing?"

"Sure. What else would I be doing?"

Doralice straightened. She moved to sit beside me but kept her hand on my arm. "Bart, I know Jack is . . . unexpected but I don't think it's going to be an unbearable situation."

"I didn't say it was."

"No, but you've been very on edge since he came."

"I'm not on edge. I'm tired and I wasn't expecting to wake up to . . . ."

"I know, I know and I'm not fussing, Bart. I just want you to consider that this is just as new and unfamiliar to Jack as it is to us. I'm sure there will be some difficult times over the next few days, but it seems like his mother did a fine job of raising him. There's no reason we can't make this a pleasant time. After all, it's just temporary."

I looked at my wife and tried to match her smile. Temporary. We could only hope that was the case. Doralice might have some doubts concerning Dandy, but I knew overall she still thought him to be a charming rogue. As of yet, she didn't really believe there was a chance Jim wouldn't return for his son, and at the moment I couldn't bring myself to say any differently. "Sure."

Doralice leaned over and kissed me and Belle started crying in earnest again. "Why don't you let me have Belle and you go try to get some more sleep," Doralice said reaching for our daughter.

"What about your sleep?" I asked passing her over. As good as sleep sounded I felt like a heel leaving Doralice to take care of everything while I slept.

"Well, I've decided to take some of Maude's advice and sleep when they sleep. No matter when that is. And as good a daddy as you are, there are some things daddies just can't take care of. I think Belle's immediate need happens to be one of those."

"I'm sorry I can't help," I told her as she unbuttoned her top.

"I doubt you're too broken hearted about not helping with this," she replied with a smirk as she lifted Belle to her breast.

I was finally able to smile genuinely. "You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. But there's nothing you can do now, so why don't you go back to bed?"

"Join me later?" It was probably wishful thinking but a man can dream.

She nodded. "If I can."

I kissed her then kissed the top of Belle's head before heading back to the bedroom. I paused at Jack's door and started to knock, but pulled my hand back at the last second. Instead, I leaned my ear against the door and tried to hear what was going on inside the room. I didn't hear a sound and wondered if Jack was sleeping or maybe reading again. I finally decided not to disturb him. Everything was quiet so why not leave it that way? Blowing out a breath I went back to my own room and hoped my wife would be along shortly.

It was almost fifteen minutes later that Doralice did join me and I was still awake. "Can you stay?" I asked.

She smiled as she laid down beside me. "For now. Maudie is still sleeping like a rock and Belle has joined her again."

"Why can't she sleep like a rock at night?"

"Too much like her daddy I suppose."

"If I ever screamed like that, Pappy never told me about it."

"It's temporary."

There was that word again. I hoped and prayed Doralice was right about Jack and colic. And speaking of Jack, I needed some advice from my wife. Ever since I came back to bed, my thoughts had been filled with the boy. The look of fear that had been on his face when I grabbed him, him telling Doralice I thought he'd lied to me, Doralice saying I'd been too hard on him. I was afraid she was right and I had been too hard on him; I hadn't meant to be, but I couldn't forget the look he'd given me when I'd grabbed him. Had he really thought I would hurt him?

"Doralice," I said sighing heavily. "I want to ask you something."

"What?" she asked moving up against me.

"Was I really too hard on Jack?"

Doralice seemed to think about her words before she spoke. "I think you were too sharp with him. I didn't hear everything that was said, but I did hear your tone. I know it was just surprise, and you were frustrated, but yes, I think you could have handled it better."

"I can't do anything right with him. In my office yesterday he spoke to me one time like a normal kid, all the rest of the time he just stares and looks at me like I'm about to attack him. When I grabbed him, it didn't enter my mind to hurt him."

"Bart." Doralice rolled over so she was facing me. "You don't have to explain that to me. I know you would never hurt a child like that."

"And I didn't call him a liar," I told her feeling the sudden need to defend myself. "Well, not really."

"What was that about?"

"Something stupid," I huffed. "I just wanted him to tell me how the vase got broken if it was on the table. I didn't . . . ."

"You didn't think he was being honest about where the vase was?" Doralice was sort of giving me a look, and I'll admit, she was doing a good job of making me feel bad about what had happened.

"Okay, maybe I didn't think he was being honest."

"Did he give you a reason to make you think he was lying?"

"He just stares at me; if he would just give me a straight answer about something . . . ." I groaned and dropped my head on Doralice's shoulder. I'd messed up and I knew it. "Alright," I said lifting my head back up. "I was a jackass. I'm sorry."

Doralice stroked my cheek with her finger. "I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that, but I think he's the one you need to apologize to."

I nodded. "I know."

"I told you, Bart, I don't want you to feel like I'm fussing at you because I'm not, but just try to remember that the last couple of weeks have probably been as strange and hard for him as they have for us. He's just a little boy, and I'm sure he's scared."

"And I'm not helping to make him any less afraid."

"I didn't say that," Doralice said giving me a quick kiss. "You're a good man, and a good father, but you do make mistakes like any other person. Just apologize to Jack later, and I think it'll help a lot."

I nodded again and pulled her in close to me. "I just want to do this right," I told her although I wasn't sure if I meant Jack or just dealing with children in general. At the moment I didn't feel like I was capable of either one.

Doralice snuggled into me. "You're doing just fine."

I wrapped my arms around my wife as I closed my eyes. So many times I'd thought this woman was far more than I deserved, and I couldn't help but feel that again. The last few weeks had been hard on her I knew, but even on those days she'd almost had all she could take, she was still such an amazing mother to our girls, and now she seemed to handle Jack with an ease that was so far beyond me I didn't even know how to begin trying to reach the boy. When it came to being a parent, I just prayed that one day I could do half as well as Doralice. Until then, I'd take one day at a time and hope it was enough.